Something Blue

by Sean Ashcroft

  “It’s okay,” Max said. “I want you to head back to the house and clean up. Take a few minutes to calm down. By the time you get back, I will have fixed everything. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Connor said. He had little choice but to trust Max, here.

  “Go on,” Max said, nudging Connor with his knee. “Everything’s gonna be all right.”

  Connor nodded, standing up and rolling his shoulders back. He kissed Max’s temple on the way past, just barely brushing his lips against Max’s skin, but it was enough. Enough to say thank you, for now.

  He crossed the wide field between the barn and the house, walking around the newly-planted saplings instead of through them, afraid he might disturb them if he got too close.

  It was just as well everyone else was hovering around the barn to help out, because he hated the thought that anyone else would see him like this.

  Except Max. He didn’t mind Max seeing him vulnerable.

  Max was holding Connor’s heart in the palm of his hand, and he didn’t even know it.

  Connor had decided to keep it that way. The last thing Max needed was him hovering around after all this was over, sad and desperate and needy.

  He had to move on. That was what he’d said he was going to do when all this started, and he intended to go through with that.

  Max was going to start a new life once this was over. He didn’t need Connor hanging around and holding him back. No matter how much Connor wanted to be around to see him blossom and grow like he deserved.

  Connor bounded his way up the stairs in Riley and Brent’s house, finding the bathroom and locking the door behind himself.

  He looked up at the mirror, seeing his eyes red and his cheeks stained with tears.

  Nothing a splash of water and a few minutes of taking a break couldn’t cure.

  He turned on the tap, leaning over the sink to splash his face, careful not to get his clothes wet. It was meant to be a casual wedding, but it wasn’t meant to be a wet t-shirt contest.

  Besides, Max would have won that. So easily that it wasn’t even worth Connor competing.

  He had no idea how pretty he was. That was one of the things Connor loved about him. He moved through the world with so much humility, so much innate kindness.

  Loving Max was like loving a puppy. It was practically impossible not to.

  Connor pushed that thought aside. Max had talked about how much fun he’d had and how grateful he was, but not about wanting whatever they had to be long term.

  He could take a hint.

  Connor pushed that thought aside, focusing on cleaning himself up. His eyes were still a little red, but that’d clear up within a few minutes. He could head down, grab himself a glass of water, and then go back.

  He trusted Max to have solved everything by the time he got back. Max was a man of his word.

  Everything was going to be fine.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Dearly beloved,” Riley began, smiling out at the crowd. He more than passed as a celebrant in his neatly-pressed suit, even if he normally looked like he’d just rolled out of bed.

  Max squeezed Connor’s hands, giving him a quick wink that no one but him would have the chance to notice. Connor smiled in response, his tight shoulders relaxing.

  He’d been wary when Max had told him the plan, but this was working out just fine. They didn’t need a licensed celebrant, and they’d never intended to actually file any paperwork. The timeline of the competition meant there was no way anyone would have time to check on anything like that.

  “We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two of Hope Springs’ most beloved sons, Max and Connor. We’ve all watched the two of them grow closer, and I think I speak for us all when I say it’s a delight to see both men living fuller, happier lives together than they did apart.”

  Max wasn’t sure that was exactly how this was supposed to go, but going a little off-book wasn’t a bad thing. This definitely made the whole deal seem more personal. They should have gotten a friend to do it in the first place.

  “Max and Connor have chosen to write their own vows,” Riley said.

  Max’s stomach dropped.

  They hadn’t. Not at all. It hadn’t even crossed his mind, although it probably should have if they were going for wedding of the year.

  Riley gave him a tiny, sheepish smile.

  He’d obviously forgotten what they were supposed to be.

  Max looked at Connor, who was staring at him wide-eyed, his hands trembling in Max’s. He hadn’t been expecting this, either.

  Max cleared his throat. They were here now, Kelsey was watching, there no point throwing in the towel at the last minute.

  “Well…” he began, scrambling for something intelligent to say. “First of all… I want to thank everyone who’s helped to bring us together to celebrate today. Weddings are more than weddings in Hope Springs. They’re a rite of passage, and one I was never sure I’d get to experience. And then I met Connor, and he changed my entire life pretty much instantly.”

  That sounded good. Max felt as though he was on the right track. “Just like marrying him is going to change my life,” he added. That was true, or at least he sincerely hoped it was.

  He didn’t want to lie his way through this. He wanted to tell Connor how he felt.

  “I’ll never stop being grateful to Connor for everything he’s given me, for everything he’s shown me, and for everything we’ve been through together.” He paused to squeeze Connor’s hands.

  “I want him in my life forever,” Max said, his voice breaking toward the end.

  This was it. Their arrangement was over after today, and there was so much more he wanted. So much more he wasn’t going to get, because he’d taken too long to realize it.

  He could feel his chance slipping through his fingers even as he spoke.

  “I love him,” Max added, shocked by how right the words sounded in his mouth.

  Was he in love with Connor?

  Now really wasn’t the time to ask himself that. He needed to get through the rest of the day without having a crisis.

  A soft aww rippled through the crowd, making Max blush.

  Connor was still staring at him, his eyes wide and soft.

  “Oh,” he said after a moment. “My turn, huh?”

  The aww turned into laughter, but it was a kind, warm sound that made Max’s heart swell.

  If this was the only wedding he ever had, that was okay. It’d been nice.

  “I knew Max was special from the moment I met him,” Connor began. “But I wouldn’t learn how special until I really got to know him. I feel as though every time I talk to him, he surprises me in some new way that makes me fall for him all over again. I’m so glad he’s letting me keep that feeling forever.”

  Connor looked up, meeting Max’s eyes instead of the knot of his tie. “I love you with all my heart,” he said softly.

  Max swallowed, his heart tightening in his chest. He knew Connor was faking, but it sounded so real.

  Or maybe Max just wanted it to sound real, because he desperately wanted to believe that Connor could love someone like him.

  Riley grinned at both of them. “I think that means you’re supposed to kiss,” he said.

  Max licked his lips, meeting Connor’s eyes again, then letting his own fall closed as he leaned in.

  His heart skipped as they made contact.

  He liked kissing Connor. Not just… not just men in general, though he was getting more comfortable with that idea.

  Connor, specifically.

  He liked this, and it was probably the last time he was ever going to do it.

  Max hadn’t realized how much that thought would hurt until now.

  He wished this was real.

  He would never have rushed into marrying someone like this, but… some part of him wanted this to be the real thing, for Connor to promise to stay, to be with him always, and mean it.

  To say he loved Max, and mean
it.

  Max’s head spun at the thought. It was too much to process right now, and he was way too late in figuring all this out.

  Besides, what if he was just caught up in the fantasy of getting married to someone he liked? What if he couldn’t tell the difference between that and real love?

  He’d never been in love before. He had no idea how it was meant to feel.

  Connor tugged on his hand, bringing him back to the present.

  “And uh… exchange rings?” Riley said, sounding unsure.

  Max suspected that was supposed to happen before the kiss.

  Riley pulled the two simple silver bands Connor had gotten for them out of his pocket, holding them out. Connor grabbed the one intended for Max immediately, holding his free hand out.

  Max moved his own hand, letting Connor take it gently. “You will always be a part of my life,” Connor promised softly. “Whatever happens.”

  Max swallowed. That sounded too much like goodbye for him, even as Connor settled the ring onto his finger.

  He took the other one, mimicking everything Connor had just done. “Ditto,” he said as he slid the ring into place.

  He’d been wearing his engagement ring so long now that he’d almost forgotten it wasn’t attached, but the new ring looked strange on Connor’s hand. He almost seemed like a different person.

  Max wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about all this, but he definitely felt something. He knew he shouldn’t have wanted to marry Connor for real, but a small part of him…

  Did. Want to marry Connor.

  For real.

  His head spun at the thought, but he forced himself to push it aside.

  It was just the whole wedding thing getting to him. He liked Connor. Maybe even loved Connor.

  But Connor was leaving. He’d always been leaving Hope Springs had been temporary for him since the moment he moved in.

  And that was that, no matter how Max felt.

  “So…?” Max looked to Connor, unsure what they were supposed to do next.

  “Paperwork,” Connor murmured, pulling Max over to the table where Riley was grinning at them both.

  Max followed, signing his name without having to think about it. They weren’t filing the papers. They didn’t have a marriage license to begin with. None of this was real.

  But right now, he wished it was.

  He shoved the thought aside again. Connor had given him more than enough. He didn’t need Max suddenly getting weird on him.

  They’d had fun. Connor had done so much for him.

  That needed to be enough.

  Kelsey appeared in front of Max, beaming at both of them, camera in hand. She raised it to get another shot, then lowered it and let it hang around her neck.

  “That was beautiful,” she said, nodding to the altar they’d set up. “You guys really sounded like you were speaking from the heart. No bullshit.”

  Max tried not to look surprised.

  He had been speaking from the heart, but he’d been choosing his words carefully.

  Obviously, they rang true anyway.

  “Thanks,” Connor said from beside him. “This has been everything I could wish for and more. I’m so happy,” he added, grabbing Max’s hand again.

  “Well, I just have a couple more pictures to take before I’m out of your hair.”

  Connor nodded. “Right, of course. We’ve actually arranged things so we’ll be cutting the cake and having our first dance in about ten minutes, so you can get away early. We didn’t want you trying to navigate the roads around here in the pitch black, it’s dangerous.”

  Kelsey’s face softened. “You know, I hope you guys win. You’ve been the sweetest couple the whole time.”

  “Thank you,” Max responded, a tiny spark of hope bouncing around his stomach. Maybe they really were in with a chance.

  “Your wedding is the last one and you just barely squeezed in under the deadline, which I guess is good, because you’ll know the results Wednesday night when the magazine ships out to stores. The results and all the pictures will be in Thursday’s issue.”

  Max nodded.

  Wednesday seemed too soon all of a sudden.

  It’d all be over in just a few days.

  “How’s Zoe?” Kelsey asked. “I don’t see her here.”

  “She doesn’t get out much. I promised to save her a cupcake,” Max said. “Which is why this’d mean so much to us. She deserves to be able to come and see things like this, but it would’ve been too much for her.”

  Max and his mom had debated the possibility of bringing Zoe along, but decided that they didn’t want to get her hopes up and put her through the exhaustion of having to leave the house and sit up for an extended period. She had enough trouble getting down the stairs for a glass of water, a wedding would have been way too much for her.

  She’d find out about this if they won, and it’d be a secret if they didn’t.

  “I’m so sorry,” Kelsey said, reaching out to squeeze Max’s arm. “I’m gonna get some shots of the guests, you two take a little time to bask in being newlyweds.”

  Max laughed softly. “Thank you. For everything. I was so afraid going into this, but you’ve been awesome.”

  “Anytime.” Kelsey winked, turning and walking away to take other pictures.

  “Declan brought the cake over,” Max said once Kelsey was out of earshot.

  “I was wondering,” Connor responded, moving to stand beside him and watch their guests laugh and talk. “I told you you’d make a good wedding planner. At this rate, you’ll put me out of a job.”

  “Nah,” Max said. “Improvising has always been one of my skills, but I couldn’t have done the rest of this. Not the way you did.”

  “I can’t wait to go home and sleep until Wednesday,” Connor said.

  Max chuckled. He was at least planning on sleeping through Sunday.

  “You’ve earned it,” he said. “Thank you. I know I keep saying that, but… thank you. For everything, regardless of how this turns out.”

  “It’s been fun,” Connor said, squeezing Max’s hand.

  “Yeah,” Max agreed. “It has.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Connor’s lungs burned as he ran toward the bowling alley, his heart pounding in his ears. His legs hurt, protesting at having to carry him all this way, but nothing could wipe the grin off his face.

  He almost crashed into the automatic doors, barely managing to stop himself in time.

  The smell of floor wax and popcorn hit him as soon as he was inside. There was a reason he’d met Max in the bookstore, and not here.

  But Max could quit this job now. He’d never said directly that he hated it, but he didn’t love it the way he loved working for Ash and Declan.

  Connor spotted Max behind the shoe counter, just as Max looked up at him. He looked surprised to see Connor, but offered a tiny wave and a shy smile.

  Connor strode over, taking his phone out of his pocket and unlocking it on the way. He handed it to Max without saying a word, letting him read silently.

  The way Max’s eyes lit up made Connor’s heart swell. He watched everything about him change as he read the email from the magazine, as though the weight of the world was finally lifting off his shoulders.

  “Really?” he asked, his voice tiny but full of awe, like a child on Christmas morning.

  “Really,” Connor said. “I called to double-check.”

  Max set the phone down, tears glistening in his eyes.

  Happy tears, though. Connor could tell the difference by now.

  He walked around the counter, lifting the board that allowed access behind it to get in and wrap his arms around Max, squeezing tight.

  Max squeezed back, his strong arms crushing Connor against him.

  “We won,” Connor murmured. “I promised you we would, right?”

  “You did,” Max said, sniffing. “I didn’t doubt you for a second.”

  Connor swallowed. That was a lot more faith
than he’d had in himself.

  The thought of what this meant for Max, how much his life would change, was overwhelming. He deserved this. He’d worked so hard, and never once complained, and now it was all over.

  “All they need is your bank details. I’ll forward you the email so you can send them on.”

  “Are you sure? Because you really deserve half,” Max said, finally easing his grip on Connor and giving him a chance to breathe.

  “I’m sure,” Connor looked up at him. “I’ve already got a big new client.”

  Max’s eyes widened. “Wow, already?”

  “Already.” Connor grinned. “I’m actually… about to get in the car and head for LA. I can’t tell you whose wedding yet, but… it’s not impossible that one of them won an Oscar.”

  “No shit?” Max asked, excitement written all over his face.

  “No shit,” Connor said. “So, yeah. Leaving tonight, not sure when I’ll be back.”

  “Oh,” Max said, his face falling a little before he recovered and grinned again. “Uh, that’s awesome. I guess you got what you wanted too, huh?”

  Connor licked his lips. He desperately wanted Max to ask him to stay.

  The client in LA was real, and it was the career revival he’d been hoping for when he started all this, but…

  Then he’d gotten to know Max.

  Fallen in love with him.

  And now their lives were splitting along different paths, and he had no excuse to stay. All he would have needed was the flimsiest reason, the softest please don’t go.

  But Max was happy for him.

  Of course he was. Max was a sweetheart.

  He just wasn’t in love with Connor, and that was okay. It wasn’t his fault, and Connor wasn’t about to hold it against him.

  “I guess I did,” Connor said, forcing himself to smile.

  His heart was breaking. He’d been imagining a big moment here, where they confessed their real feelings and he told Max how his client didn’t matter, his career didn’t matter as long as he had him, but…

  That was stupid. Max had just had his life handed back to him. He didn’t want someone else tying him down.

  He would never have come to resent Zoe, but if Connor guilted him into a relationship now, Max would eventually hate him.