Princess: Nuance Of Love Book 1

by Evida Suntoyo

  Of course Madam Soraya didn’t oppose to this, because she wasn’t at home or had been home for the last two weeks, she was in South Italy visiting friends, to forget about her stress and heartache caused by her daughter moving out to college. The only person that was by her side, supporting her and showing real sign of sadness and heartbreak of her departure was Noorhayati, her nanny, her second Mother.

  She couldn’t thank God enough that she was blessed with sensibility to listen to Noorhayati’s advice that day, and she allowed the driver to drive her up to the dorm. Otherwise, she couldn’t imagine dragging her bag around the complex to get to her room.

  She loved her room, it was bright with a lot of natural light coming from the big window. She also loved how they arranged it so her desk was in front of the window, giving it a nice view.

  She quickly put down her bag and began to unpack, that’s when she noticed all the clothes that Wendy bought for her were all men’s clothes decorated with flower print. She cringed a bit but decided to accept it. If her new life is to be a men’s clothes wearer, so be it. Everything is going to get better and better from now on.

  When she had finished it was time for dinner. She headed out for the dining hall, apparently the girl in the room across hers had the same idea. They smiled to each other and introduce themselves.

  “Hi, how do you do? My name is Laila.”

  “Hi Laila, I’m Paramita, this is my first day here, I’m a bit nervous.”

  “Me too!” The other girl exclaimed. She was about the same height as Paramita, she had long black here and honey colored skin. Paramita could tell right away from her physical appearance and her accent, Paramita could tell that she was from South Asia. “I’m come from Singapore, what about you?” Laila asked.

  Paramita was a bit stumped, apparently it’s not a good idea to judge people by their ethnicity here, and the world is becoming a smaller place. “Oh, I lived in London my whole life. But hey, coming from Singapore, do you speak Melayu?”

  “Oh, that’s why your English sounds great. I do speak Melayu, not fluently, but I do understand conversations in Melayu, but most of my family and circle of friend speak Tamil and English” Laila said kindly. “I’m Studying Economics, what are you studying?”

  “Me? Architecture…….”

  * * *

  On her first day of class was when she met Hafiz, he was also studying architecture.

  They were sitting next to each other that day, suddenly she felt him tapping her shoulder. “Hey, hi, how are you, can you please help me?” He said to her with confidence.

  “Sure, what do you need?” She replied

  “I can’t find my pen anywhere. Do you have one to share with me?” He said in half-broken English.

  She took out a spare from her bag and handed it over to him, “Here, you can keep it.”

  He thanked her with a charming smile. ”My name is Hafiz, I am from Jothar, and you?”

  “My name is Paramita, but you can call me Mita for short. I am from London, but my parents are from Jothar.”

  “Oh really? That’s interesting so tell me…”

  Suddenly they were interrupted by the lecturer displeased cough, “If you have something important to say, by all means, please come forward and share it with us…”

  Hafiz and Paramita looked at each other and smiled.

  They had an affinity from day one. To her he represented her origins, where at that time it was foreign and estranged. She spoke the language, because her Mother always spoke Melayu at home with her, and most of the household staff were from Jothar. But she never actually been there.

  She was eighteen at the time, and she never had any boyfriends or crushes. The sight of Hafiz always made her blush, and she would always try to find an excuse to be near him, or even to see him from afar.

  To her he was the most handsome guy in campus. He had wavy black hair and his skin was a light tanned color. His dark eyes were expressive and they laughed when he laughed. She liked the sound of his voice, and his accent when he spoke English. To the her at that time, he was perfect.

  He too seemed to like being around her, but not the same way she did. He always treated her as one of the guys, cool to hang out with, someone who speaks his native language, but who knows their way around town.

  But she didn’t care, just to speak to him and be near him, was enough to fill her days with hope.

  They hung out in a group of five. Hafiz, Laila, Rahmat who was also from Jothar who was studying economics apparently he and Hafiz were longtime friends, then there was Mike who was Indonesian and was also studying architecture, and of course herself. Naturally they had other friends too, from different faculties and different countries. But the 5 of them were close due to language and interests.

  All of them were kids from well-off families, she knew. But before she started college she was determined to not let anybody know about her family background, so she would play the pauper of the group. She would complain about being broke all the time, and let her friends pay for her meals when they were going out to town.

  Hafiz was the one who almost always picked up her tab. apparently he came from a very rich and powerful family in Jothar, the son of a minister and descendant of a noble family. And buying her food and drink almost all the time, made him think that he was entitled to treat her like a servant, running for his lunch, for drinks or for coffee. She didn’t mind though. For the sake of love, she told herself.

  After a year and with a busy academic life they gradually saw less of each other, but because Hafiz, Mike and she were in the same course and taking the same classes they would study together most of the time. Over time Hafiz became more and more shameless, and started making her do his homework, or would skip group work and rely on her to do his part. He would even skip class and make her take notes for him. The reason? Women of course. Being rich, handsome and coming from a noble family certainly had benefits for Hafiz. He would change girlfriends every three months or less.

  Paramita suffered in silence every time she saw him with someone else, but she was always optimistic that one day he would come to his senses and see her as a woman.

  She consoled herself by occupying her mind with other activities and actively participating with student’s social groups, organizing events and planning trips with the international student’s organization.

  One day out of the blue, when she was sitting at the dining hall with Laila and Hafiz, they broke the news to her.

  “Mita.” Said Laila in a happy tone. ”I want you to be first to know.”

  “What is it?” Paramita asked taken in by the mood.

  “Hafiz and I are officially dating each other.”

  Paramita’s face suddenly dropped, but she quickly controlled her feelings and put on a big smile, “Oh my, congratulations, I’m so happy for the both of you. When did it start?”

  “Two weeks ago,” said Hafiz, he held Laila’s hand and kissed it gently. “Hey, errand girl, why don’t you do me a favor and get me and my darling some coke, as always you can get one for yourself.”

  Paramita was tempted to yell at him and tell him to go stuff himself. But she took a deep breath smiled and went for the cokes. She on purposely only bought two, then she excused herself saying she had a headache.

  In her room she wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t flow. Instead, she sat in the dark thinking. She promised to herself that she was never going to let him use her again starting tomorrow. Never again will she let Hafiz pay for her stuff and let him boss her around.

  She kept avoiding him for the next few weeks, every time she was about to cross his path, she made sure that she took a different route. She still hung out with Laila, even though she felt her heart cracking like glass every time Laila would talk about Hafiz.

  The most difficult part for her was the group study, and since she kept avoiding Hafiz, he couldn’t copy her tasks or ask her to cover for him. That meant he had to help the group studies, and that meant s
he had to be in close proximity of him. She found it hard to stop herself from snapping at him, and most of the time she lost control.

  Paramita realized that she was being mean every time she counted the days, weeks and months that Hafiz and Laila dated each other hoping that he would grow tired of her friend and move to his next love interest. But the two of them seemed to be stuck together by super glue.

  * * *

  Needing a break from it all, she went home to her mother’s house during semester break. She hasn’t returned home for about two years, during that time she preferred to spend her breaks with others students who didn’t have the luxury to travel home, and serve as a tour guide to them.

  To her surprise Madam Soraya was kind and accommodating to her. Absence does Nurture love, thought Paramita. Her Mother was still cold and distant, but at least she’s not nagging her like she used to. This gave Paramita a chance to rest emotionally. It didn’t matter, she was only happy to see her Mak Noor whom she missed during her days in college.

  One morning after breakfast, Mak Noor suddenly held her tightly and cried, “I miss you so much. I pray every day and night that God will protect you and let you be happy.”

  “Mak,” Paramita replied while putting her head in Mak Noor’s embrace. “I miss you too. A lot has happened, but God has shown His greatness and has always been by my side. But I’m sad, Mak.”

  “Why are you sad, my beautiful child? Tell me what happened!”

  “It’s about the boy I wrote to you about, the one from Jothar, he never cared about me or pay attention to me. I’m suffering from unrequited love.”

  Noorhayati let out a sweet laugh, she caressed Paramita’s head, “If a man cannot see the beauty and virtue of a special young woman like you, he’s blind and stupid, trust me he’s not worth your tears.”

  These words and reaction actually made Paramita a bit better. Suddenly there was a loud Abang, they turned around to see Madam Soraya standing at the doorway, she stumbled into the room holding a glass of bourbon in her right hand. “Noorhayati, get out! I want to talk to my daughter! What’s this Mita? What man?”

  Noorhayati left the room with a sad look as Madam Soraya stomped over to her daughter and grabbed Paramita’s arm. “Are you crazy? I sent you to college to study, not to find men! I’ll hit you if you dared defile yourself.”

  “Mama!” Paramita shouted trying not to cry, “How can you say that? I’m a proper woman, I won’t do those things! But I have feelings too, I can fall in love….”

  “Love? Nonsense!” Madam Soraya said while squeezing and shaking her daughter’s arm.

  Paramita grinned in pain. “Mama, you’re hurting me.” She pleaded.

  Madam Soraya let go of her, and sat in the sofa next to her daughter, she softened her voice, “Listen, I have recently been talking to your father The Sultan, we have decided to arrange your marriage with a son of a prominent family as soon as you finish college next year, so you should forget about having boyfriends!”

  “Get married after I finish college? But I want to work!”

  “Why would you need to work? Your father has decided to formally acknowledge you as his daughter, he will bring you back to Jothar to live in the palace as soon as you graduate, and there you will get ready for your wedding.”

  “I refuse!” Paramita said.

  Suddenly Madame Soraya began to cry, “What kind of a daughter are you? You horrible child. I gave birth to you, putting in danger my life, and raised you all these years, I even gave up my career and future for you. And this is how you repay me? God will punish you! Your life will be miserable, you’ll never be happy. Remember, God will punish children who don’t obey their Mothers.”

  Paramita felt bad, “Mama…..Don’t say that. But please understand, I have my dreams, I want to become an architect, I want to design buildings and be someone respected by society.”

  “Respected by society? Do you think being a Princess of Jothar is not respectable?”

  “Of course, but what I mean is to be respected for my own merits, and not because of whose daughter I am. Besides, even if I do be officially acknowledged by my father, people will still talk behind my back about your relationship with him.”

  “Are you calling me a tramp?” Madam Soraya slurred. “Enough! You’ll do what I say, or you will be responsible if anything bad happens to me. Do you understand? Your father said that he will take away my shares and financial support if you don’t do what he says. What I earn from my business is not enough to support our lifestyle. Do you really want to see your mother on the streets?”

  “Mama, I didn’t think that my father was capable of doing that. What do you mean he can take away your shares? Why haven’t I heard about this before?”

  Madam Soraya toned down a bit, “I kept it a secret because it’s embarrassing, but now I’m telling you about it, so you should do what he orders, that way your poor mother will not end up as a beggar on the streets.”

  “Mama, can’t we consult a lawyer or something?”

  “Do you hate me? Do you want my past be exposed to public and have people judging me and pointing fingers? I left our country to find a new life to get away from all that.”

  “Of course not, Mama. I will do as you say. But please, no more drinks, okay?” Paramita bowed her head in defeat.

  “Good, remember that you should protect your purity, don’t put your parents through shame and dishonor! I didn’t raise you here in England to become a harlot! I want you to avoid friendship with men.”

  “I understand.”

  After that conversation, Paramita fell into a state of resignation, she thought that it was no use to rebel against her life. Yes, at the end of the day, she can’t escape from who she is and where she came from. Dreams and plans for the future were like a mirage to her.

  * * *

  She returned to college to the surprised reactions from her friends towards her new style and taste in clothing. There were even rumors circulating that she won a small fortune in the lottery and could afford good stylish clothes and cash in her pocket.

  The surprise was actually on her, when that night Laila came crying to her room. She was two weeks pregnant.

  “Is it Hafiz’s?” Paramita asked with a shaky voice.

  “Yes, yes it is.”

  “Have you told him? What did he say? He should take responsibility!”

  “Every time we mention about a serious relationship and children he would say that he wasn’t ready yet to be a father, and that his parents most likely wouldn’t agree for him to marry me,” Laila said while sobbing.

  “What do you mean his parents won’t agree?" Are you saying that he was dating you and sleeping with you without any intentions of marrying you?” Paramita can feel her face heating up.

  Without thinking twice, she went outside her dorm room and ran around the college to find Hafiz. After an hour of running around, she finally found him in the garden with Rahmat. “Hafiz!” She growled, without hesitation she threw a punch and hit him right on his face. Hafiz fell down on his back clasping his face.

  Paramita jumped forward to launch a kick, when Rahmat held her back.

  “What is wrong with you? You crazy bitch!” Hafiz shouted while wiping the blood from his nose. “Geez, I think you broke my nose, it bloody hurts!

  “You! You are the worst type of man! How could you? You’re shameless and irresponsible.” She shouted at the top of her lungs.

  “What are you talking about? It was you who suddenly came up and punched me without a reason, what type of woman are you? Are you even a real woman?”

  Suddenly Laila grabbed her arm from behind, “Mita, please, I haven’t told him anything yet, please, it’s not his fault, he doesn’t know….” She said between weeps.

  “What’s going on Laila? What’s wrong with this lunatic?” Said Hafiz while turning to Laila.

  “Hey guys, let’s calm down,” Rahmat intervened. “Come on, let’s sit down and talk about this. We shouldn�
�t make a spectacle in front the other students.”

  They all sat down in a circle. “Tell him Laila, stop crying and talk!” Paramita said impatiently.

  “Hafiz…..I’m…..I’m…..” Laila hesitated. “I’m pregnant”

  Hafiz’s face turned pale, “How can that be? We were always careful! You know that I can’t have children yet. And besides, I told you that a marriage for me is not that simple. My parents would kill me if they knew that I came here to study but returned with a wife and baby.”

  “What a sap, so you’re running away from your responsibility?” Paramita said with anger, she jumped up, lifted her hand ready to give him another punch.

  “Mita, let’s leave, we should really let them talk it out and not get ourselves involved in something that has nothing to do with us.” Said Rahmat calming her.

  “You’re right, Rahmat. I’m going back to my room. Laila, you know you can depend on me for anything.” She said while standing up. Then they both turned away.

  “Laila, take me to the clinic, I’m sure my nose is broken, we’ll talk about this after I see a medic.”

  Paramita cried in her room. She was heartbroken and disappointed. But she realized that she had to forget Hafiz. In her eyes now he was just like her father, the father that got involved with her mother with no intention of legal marriage, the father who chose to pretend that she never existed, and the father she never knew in person. Hafiz was not for her.

  Laila chose to have an abortion and end her relationship with Hafiz, a choice that Paramita supported and thought was the best decision. Why bring a child into this world to be neglected? It was Paramita who stayed by Laila’s side during the ordeal, taking care of her and being her support.

  They decided to avoid Hafiz for the remaining time they spent in Cambridge. He was a taboo subject between them. And as time went by, she eventually stopped thinking of him.