Kung Fu High School
Page 3
This is how the family system works. There are six families at Kung Fu. Each family has a Pop, Mom, and a council of Aunts and Uncles. Everyone else is a kid. Four families are affiliated with Ridley but hate each other; those are: Runners, Whips, Fists, and Blades. The other two have no beef with Ridley but sure as hell aren't beholden to him. They just don't care (at least, not outwardly). Those are the Wolves and Waves. Nobody bothers them because generally the best fighters are Wolves or Waves. The families aren't something you can join or not join, like some club. My brother's a Wave, so I'm a Wave. That's how it works. Legacies don't get drafted, they're automatic pickups. In every instance, your family chooses you. You cannot choose your family. Each year after the freshman warm-up, the draft takes place. Each family has done its research on you, more than you know. They know if you can't punch high or feint left. They know if you struggle on footwork or suck at defense. They know everything. And since nothing at Kung Fu is fair, the draft order is determined by whoever won the school Grand Championships the previous year. Blades got sixth place? Sixth pick. Waves won last year? Number one. There is no bickering, that's how it goes. If your family struggles, they will eventually be cannibalized by another family. There used to be ten families. All sprouted up in the time since Ridley got here. The Wrecks, Goons, Muds, and Saws? All gone. Only six left.
Something else about families, no outward show of family affiliation is made. No colors, no similar clothes, haircuts, or sign language. The rule is to look the same as everyone else. Everybody knows whose side who is on. Word gets around. They see who you hang with when school is out. Mainly, the families make sure to blend so that Principal Dermoody can't identify us. Like we're all arms and legs of a big chameleon, changing at the same time. He would just love to isolate and scapegoat a family, blame them as responsible for everything going wrong at Kung Fu—everything from low test scores to creating an unsafe school zone. He'd hand them over to the cops who'd hand them over to the judges who'd hold them up to the media and that would be that. Lots of handshaking and congratulations and they'd say how Kung Fu was safe now, but really, nothing would change. It would get worse. It's been getting worse. Families have been disappearing for years, and each time it happens, Ridley gets stronger. Everybody wonders who is next to go down. His own families aren't even safe. That's the real scary thing, nobody ever knows. Only a matter of time though. We've learned to count on it.
Beyond all that, I can say Kung Fu's probably the most equal place in the whole world, real egalitarian. It don't matter what you look like or where you're from or what your religion is. It don't matter if you're a girl or a boy or if you like boys or girls or both. Nobody cares. Just don't shove it in anyone's face. Can you fight? Good, because that's all that matters. You might as well make it a conscious decision. Make it easy on yourself
Of course, ALWAYS travel with a family member wherever you go.
4. Learn How to Sew
Home economics is probably the most popular class at Kung Fu. No joke. No class saved more lives last year. Got a sturdy vest? Sew some Kevlar into it. Reinforce all daily-use clothing with padding and plating. The lighter the better, the stronger the better. Steel is stupid, too heavy. Aluminum is best because it's durable and light. Thick turtlenecks with molded throat protection are standard. Reinforce those earmuffs you got lying around. It's easy. Remove the outer layer and pull out all the cotton filling. Replace it with aluminum cut to fit. Voila! That's arts and crafts the Kung Fu way. Sweatshirts and vests lined with serious internal organ protection are prized. The people who are best with the needle are usually put to work making garments for the whole family. They're called sew masters. Everyone wears a cup, even a modified version for girls. The pubis breaks easily. Get used to it.
Of course, the armor can backfire. Ronny from the Blades was wearing a wool hat lined with aluminum when he got chopped in the skull and the metal sewn into the lining nearly took his ears off. It would have too, if he didn't luck into such a good surgeon.
5. Shut Up, Part 2
Don't ever talk to anyone outside your family. Forget about all that Romeo and Juliet, two lovers from opposing families bullshit. Don't ever approach a member of another family unless you got a problem or a challenge. I've seen some nasty circles get started out of nowhere and it's all because some boy thought some girl was giving him eyes and maybe they could hook up. Next thing he knows, she's tearing him up in the round. You want sex or love? Get it from inside your family. If not, wait 'til you leave Kung Fu, if you can.
FIGURE 1. HOW TO MALE THROAT PROTECTION
FIGURE 2. HOW TO MAKE THROAT PROTECTION HIDDEN
6. Pick a Fight Here, Start a Fight There, But Also Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses.
This is crucial. It's impossible to be invisible at Kung Fu. Ridley has everyone ranked. So you have to fight someone sometime and since you do, do your absolute best to pick your battles. Always go through your family Mom or Pop and have them set it up, never take someone on yourself and never fight someone you don't know. Know your opponent and know yourself. Got a weak chin? Fight someone who brings it to the body. Just be smart, simple, and unafraid. It takes real skill, intelligence, toughness, and courage to face up to someone a foot taller and forty pounds heavier than you and still crack them a solid one before you have to go to the hospital for a well-earned vacation. ALSO: don't be too good. Be just good enough. The closer you are to the middle of the pack, the less likely it is that anyone'll be shooting for you.
There's a seventh rule though, even if nobody ever really talks about it: Always Avoid Principal Dermoody and Cap'n Joe. You get called down to Dermoody's fortress for skipping class or vandalizing the girls' bathroom, DO NOT GO. Sure, you want to go, you want to trust him, but don't. Show the pass to the head of your family. They will take care of it for you. ALSO: if you see Dermoody's bodyguard, Cap'n Joe, walk the other way fast. Do not get within his reach for any reason. Be smart always.
FAMILY STATS
I guess it's real hard to know anything about the school unless you know something about the families. Most of this stuff is just my opinion and came from one of my old notebooks so don't get too excited. Of course, I'm gonna be biased as hell and I'm sure lots of people probably disagree with me. The numbers might be wrong as well. Too bad.
I rated everything out of eight, not ten. Don't know why really, it just seemed right. The stats part I took from a video game at that one arcade, Jerry's Cosmic Dungeon. It's on Winnick Avenue, just off the downtown loop if you wanna go see for yourself Couldn't think of any other way to do it really and that seemed good enough for this. Roll over it. Dress it up. Put a flag in it. Here goes:
Runners
Grand Championship Victories: 2 (Counting 1 as Muds)
Members: 402, I think
Favored Styles: Leg fighting
Top Fighter: Donnie K.
Power: 4
Stamina: 6
Courage: 4
Speed: 7
Chin/Body (Defense): 6
Cuts (Chance to be cut and open cuts on an opponent): 6
Special Moves: Hurricane Jump, Liquid Legs, Golden Griffin Kick
See, they got their name from running drugs for Ridley back when he first came to Kung Fu. They absorbed the Muds four years ago. Although they aren't very good fighters on the whole, they're pretty damn loyal to Ridley because he stopped the Wolves from cannibalizing them two years back. Stuff like that doesn't get forgotten at Kung Fu. Serious.
Whips
Grand Championship Victories: 1
Members: 363
Favored Styles: Varies, although they prefer elusive types of combat techniques
Top Fighter: Bruiser C.
Power: 3
Stamina: 7
Courage: 5
Speed: 7
Chin/Body (Defense): 5
Cuts (Chance to be cut and open cuts on an opponent): 5
Special Moves: Dragon Claw Tackle, Sizzling Sling, Shark Fin Suplex
Whips
run interference for Ridley. Always have, really. If he needs a disturbance caused across town to distract the cops' attention from an extra large shipment, he sends Whips. That's just how it is. No one questions it. They're a regular terror squadron: bombing out stores, tipping trucks over on the highway, doing whatever they got to do. Whips are probably the most dangerous of the families loyal to Ridley. Bruiser is a badass fighter.
Fists
Grand Championship Victories: 3
Members: 320
Favored Styles: Strong hand techniques only
Top Fighter: Maria R.
Power: 7
Stamina: 3
Courage: 7
Speed: 1
Chin/Body (Defense): 7
Cuts (Chance to be cut and open cuts on an opponent): 7
Special Moves: Frozen Palm, Metacarpal Bomb, Windwalker
Typical foot soldiers: not real smart, courageous though, and pretty damn strong. I've personally seen Maria knock out plenty of chumps with one punch. Other than that, there isn't a whole lot to say about the Fists. They're pretty boring fighters because they fight like mad buck gorillas and don't exhibit much of a style.
Blades
Grand Championship Victories: 2
Members: 463
Favored Styles: Ninpo, Ninjitsu
Top Fighter: Karl F-H.
Power: 2
Stamina: 6
Courage: 3
Speed: 6
Chin/Body (Defense): 4
Cuts (Chance to be cut and open cuts on an opponent): 8
Special Moves: Nail Gun Spin, Shadow Volcano, Nightfall, ??? (unknown attack)
Blades are one of the original families. That counts for something. They've pretty much remained unchanged through the years. Bandits, all of them. Still doing all the dirtiest work for Ridley. Nothing so glamorous as running the shipments or creating diversions, but more along the lines of cleaning up messes that inevitably happen in the drug trade. They know where the bodies are. They also know where the heads, arms, and legs to those bodies are, shit like that.
Wolves
Grand Championship Victories: 2 (l as Goons)
Members: 488
Favored Styles: Varies, although they prefer elusive combat techniques
Top Fighter: Melinda A.
Power: 3
Stamina: 7
Courage: 5
Speed: 7
Chin/Body (Defense): 5
Cuts (Chance to be cut and open cuts on an opponent): 5
Special Moves: Frostbite Cross Combination, Timber Claw Double Kick, Permafrost Punch
Wolves have always maintained their independent spirit, staying well clear of Ridley, even after combining with the Goons. Melinda is probably the smartest of the fighters at Kung Fu and is real good at picking her battles. The Wolves haven't won the Grand Championships in a few years and are a bit desperate to get another title.
Waves
Grand Championship Victories: 5 (1 as Wrecks, 2 as Saws)
Members: 601
Favored Styles: Primarily defensive, aikido and several lost kung fu styles
Top Fighter: Kyuzo B.
Power: 5
Stamina: 5
Courage: 8
Speed: 5
Chin/Body (Defense): 8
Cuts (Chance to be cut and open cuts on an opponent): 5 Special Moves: Tsunami Uppercut, Tidal Throw, Ocean Floor Earthquake Kick, plus two other attacks I'm not allowed to name
The Waves started when the Wrecks and Saws came together about six years ago and became the most dominant family around, mostly because of superior numbers but also because of superior fighters and consistently winning the Grand Championships. Waves pretty much operate on a don't ask/don't tell policy regarding Ridley's drug operation. Kyuzo is by far the best fighter at Kung Fu, and winner of two straight Grand Championships in the solo division. Beyond badass, for real. Maybe that's just me though. He is my brother, after all. He's blood.
FIGURE 3. HOW TO MAKE SHUNTS & STRIPARMOR
GETTING THERE
Takes me between twenty and thirty minutes to get dressed every morning. First I tie my hair back, that's if it's dry. If it isn't, I do it last, low and tight on my head. Then it's chonies, then leggings. I leave the sheath on my inner left calf empty today because I know Cue will be on high alert with Jimmy being new and all. I don't need to get overexcited and stab somebody on his watch, so it's best it isn't even there. I don't carry it much anyway, not anymore. The thing used to be my crutch back when I couldn't hold my own but things are different now. I'll be more than fine with fists, feet, and my big brother guarding my back. Khaks get put on next. I just got them back from our sew master, he put kneepad sleeves in so I can throw in light Kev padding for everyday use or aluminium pleated shunts for when I got a roll match. Shunts are the thin oval-shaped shields cut to fit in our clothing.
Nearly finished, I put on two T-shirts, both with reinforcement in the chest and shoulders and Cue always teases me because I always look way bigger than I am when everything's on. After that it's my hooded sweatshirt: straight kidney, rib, vital organ, and arm protection. On top of everything goes a flannel, for style. I got alum gloves and my boots have push-out quarter-inch nails in the toe if it gets real bad. The best part about them is that I pass the metal detector test every time because the
FIGURE 4. HOW TO CONCEAL SHUNTS & ARMOR
guard guys in yellow jackets just assume it's the rivets and not the nails in the soles underneath. That's innovation at work, baby. So yeah, we do have metal detectors, but it's just for axes or knives, you know, blatant shit like that. They laugh about shunts all the time, call 'em our "metal shop projects," but that's assuming they even get noticed.
I passed Cue in the hall on his way to the shower and the same thought traveled in the air between our eyes: fighting or not, we got to get Jimmy some gear. He nodded and shut the door behind him but it didn't stick. It's hollow and the latch is crooked. Basically, it just hides nudity and that's about it. You can hear everything going on inside.
I was carrying a glass of water down to Dad's room when we did our telepathy thing. The sun was still down and I had to wake Dad up to give him his meds so I was late putting our lunches together when I got yelled at.
"Yo, let's go." Cue was the director every morning before school. "Jen, grab them sandwitches, we don't need brown bags. We late! What the hell you thinkin'? We never use them. Damn, girl! Jimmy's ready. Let's gee-oh."
Always calling sandwiches sandwitches with a real hard "t" sound, Cue'd done it every day since we made up the story of the Sand Witch when we were in the Great Sand Dunes camping. That was when Mom was still alive. See, me and Cue didn't feel like hiking anywhere and the fact that these giant piles of sand were there wasn't too great either because we'd grown out of sandboxes and hadn't started our training back then. Wouldn't've mattered, you can't kick in the loose sand anyway. So we were just there, sat down, digging ourselves little holes into the clay underlayer to keep our feet cool and made up the story while we did it:
Once there was a Sand Witch that lived in a far-off temple and would fly around and pick up all the little boys that ever traveled the road alone. She would take them home and eat them. One day, a little girl with very short hair that looked like a little boy was walking along the path and the Sand Witch flew down and grabbed the little girl to take back to her corrupted temple. But when the Sand Witch found she was mistaken, that she had not grabbed a little boy, she didn't eat the little girl. Instead, the Sand Witch treated her like an apprentice and taught her all of her secrets, including how to fly. She said eating the little boys gave her the power of flight and, well, we didn't really have time to finish the story because Mom and Dad walked up and gave us ham-and-cheese sandwiches right after that.
That was the kicker. He and I got real excited and never called them anything else ever since. I'm still kind of working on a move called the Sand Witch but I haven't told Cue that yet because he'd laugh hi
s ass off and then expect me to show him something great. So far though, it's just a leg sweep. No combo. Not worthy of competition.
In my own defense, the reason I never used paper bags for lunches was because we just chucked the food in plastic bags and then in our backpacks and hoped our books didn't squash it. We never bought nice little lunch-sized paper bags in their nice little packaging because they were a waste of money and usually we just got some of the plastic ones from the produce department or bigger paper ones for free at the grocery store when they packed our stuff. So that's what I was doing when he wanted to leave. I was trying to find the little ice-cream-box-sized paper bags to put sandwitches in so Jimmy wouldn't think we were weird or too poor.
Cue had a point though. We were "late" (late to Cue meant we wouldn't be thirty minutes early and have time to plan for the day) and that was bad because we had to walk to school in packs and getting left behind was a bad idea. I don't know why he even stressed it. Not like anyone was ever gonna leave without him.
Alfredo and the Hunters were already in our front yard, kicking their heels into the dirt and making holes where they shouldn't've been making holes. Alfredo was an Uncle in the Waves. He also ran the Hunters, a subfamily within our family. All families have little groups inside 'em. Cue trusted him because Alfredo saved his life once, but I've never trusted Alfredo. He's got corneyes. You know, the kind of eyes that never really have whites around the irises, just slightly yellow. Except for Alfredo, it's serious yellow, like he fell down in a field of corn and got corneye instead of pinkeye. That's the joke anyway.
I tossed Cue his sandwitch and handed Jimmy his and we were out. And damn if it wasn't the second I walked through that door that Alfredo put his corneyes on my tits, even before he looked at Jimmy. Yeah, that's the second reason I don't like him. He keeps thinking we can get together but he's dead wrong.