Flowers for the Gardener

by Sharon Maria Bidwell

  “You might be surprised.” Richard finished his first mug, poured more, and offered Ethan a top-up, which he took.

  “I meant what I said. You want to go, we can discuss why, and you can decide. But you’re not fired.”

  “You expect me to withstand the baleful glares?”

  “It’s not like you and my mother see each other. It’s not as if you talk. Trust me. You’re lucky. Last night she wouldn’t shut up.” Richard spun and duplicated Ethan’s stance, leaning against the countertop. “Odd thing…She’s more freaked out by the idea I won’t give her grandchildren than my being gay. She wants a fairy tale future for me and Saffie both. Big wedding. Children. All entombed in a monstrosity of a house.”

  “Not what you and Saff…phire want for yourselves?” Felt too odd to call the woman Saffie, the way Richard did.

  “Far from it.”

  “She does understand you can still have those things?”

  Richard spared him a glance. Hard to tell whether he was sad and tired, or also sceptical. “I don’t care whether she does. Saffie chimed in, of course. Stuck up for me. Screamed about wanting kids when, or if, she finds someone to love. Said how no one but her was organising her wedding any more than they were her life. Then she yelled some more over how none of it meant she must give up the notion of a career. My mother eventually stopped talking altogether. Turned to stone.”

  “Your mother is old-fashioned.”

  “She is. But in many ways so are we, her children. We like things ordered. To happen in a logical, and yes, what some would view as an old-fashioned way. It’s why Saffie listed finding someone, falling in love, marrying and having children in that order. I kind of love her for it.”

  Upbringing influenced a person’s decisions even if they fought against it, and Saffie wanted to do things the way her parents had, but to get it right. Not as the Gardeners’ marriage, and the family they raised was wrong, but they didn’t as much as border on perfect. Sapphire…from what he knew of her, she would want to give her children stability and he didn’t mean money.

  “Your parents struck me as happy enough.”

  “They were. They suited each other.” Richard’s gaze focused on the dark circle of coffee within the white china mug he held. What did Richard see? Something as simple as his reflection? A black hole. A deep well to fall into?

  “I take it you screwing the gardener pissed her off the most.”

  Richard’s gaze flicked without hesitation to Ethan’s, the truth making Richard’s eyes shine wide and bright. Ah…so he guessed right. His boss must have seen the moment Ethan accepted it.

  “Doesn’t matter what she thinks.”

  Not now it didn’t. Because now it was too late. She discovered the facts and Richard didn’t have a way out. A lie wouldn’t do him any good.

  The time arrived to let Richard off easy. “Give her time. You would have to deal with you being gay and her feelings on that score one day. She’s sure to forgive a fling, especially if I don’t get in the way. I appreciate the offer to keep me on but it’s not like I wasn’t going.”

  Richard jerked. Coffee sloshed. If he hadn’t drunk most of the second cup, Ethan would be fetching a cloth and moping it off the floor. Richard couldn’t be shocked.

  “You can’t leave because of her.” The man’s voice shot high, sounding…scared? When he spoke next, his tone entered a lower register as if he’d gathered his wits. “Or because of us. Not fair on you. Besides, I thought I made it clear the other day.”

  Made what clear? What other day? Ethan planted a frown on his face, saying nothing.

  “When we got the tree.”

  The tree? The sole other thing they did on the day was to view the house Richard planned to buy. Ethan ran the events through his mind but came away clueless.

  “There’s all the lawn. The trees. The—”

  “You took me along to offer me a job?”

  “Well…yes.”

  Ethan threw back his head and laughed. His eyes stung, though his tears might be as much on account of amusement as sadness. The joke was on him. To think…No, this was too much. Richard wanted to poach his mother’s gardener and for what? For a little on the side? Two birds dead with one projectile? Ethan Fields. Gardener and rent boy. Conveniently situated on the grounds.

  “Did you run it by your mother? Did you tell her you want to move out and take her staff? Are you planning on taking Rosie, too?”

  “No. I mean, I would, if the day came she didn’t want to stay with my mother, but no, I would not offer her a job unless she needed or wanted one.”

  “But you’d offer me one?”

  “I-I thought you might like the offer.”

  The man appeared confused, which added to Ethan’s merriment and growing anger.

  “You thought I might like to go with you?”

  “Well…yes. Maybe. It’s just an idea.”

  “One you didn’t put into words.”

  Richard coloured.

  “Were you going to hint to your mother you want her out of the big house? Were you going to make her guess, too? And why? Are you short of cash?”

  Richard’s colour deepened but a switch appeared to have been thrown. He stood straight, put his mug into the sink. His gaze hardened. “No, it’s not the reason. With my father gone, I don’t want her rattling around in a big place alone.”

  “But you don’t want to stay.”

  “No more than you do, or so you say. And she lives in an edifice. My mother needs to come to her senses. She needs someone to tell her it’s okay for her to leave. She doesn’t have to knock about in a house far too huge and impractical because she misses my father. The problem is, she won’t want to listen to what I want to say in those terms. Like every damn Gardener, she won’t want the truth.”

  Ethan nodded. “Like every damn Gardener, you say. How right you are.”

  This time Richard paled.

  “How many weeks you been back?”

  “A f-few all told.”

  All told was right though for much of the time Richard had come and gone, making arrangements. Even so…“Enough I’d say. You’ve been back long enough. How did you not discover my father had died? How did you not know he’d gone into a home and died thereafter? While you swanned around the world taking time out, some of us had to stay behind and do what they could to take care of those they loved. You didn’t manage to make it home before your father died, but I sat alone by my father’s bedside holding his hand as he took his last breath.” Ethan put his mug down on the countertop as he straightened. He took a step toward Richard, who shifted, as if he would have stepped back, were the cooker not in his way.

  “You sound resentful.”

  Ethan bit down on his laugh this time, afraid it would erupt as a mad-sounding cackle. “Maybe I am. Maybe I do resent you got to be so free while I remained trapped.”

  “It’s not my fault.”

  “Maybe not personally but it doesn’t help. Your family has done quite enough. I don’t want the job, Richard. I don’t want to work for you. I don’t want anything more to do with you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you didn’t know my father died. How could you be back all this time and not know?” Ethan shook his head. “You were right when you said we’re nothing alike. Besides, what does it matter if we go our separate ways when all we ever had was just sex?”

  Ethan pivoted on his heel and stalked out.

  * * * *

  “You look like hell.” Sapphire sounded amused by Rich’s shabby appearance. By the looks of her, one would never suspect she had joined in on the slanging match the previous night. Her cheeks were ruddy and she looked well, full of too much bounce. “You missed the great breakfast Rosie cooked. I went for the full works. You should have been around to see our mother’s face.”

  No need—he imagined. No doubt Sapphire had eaten well to annoy her. The Gardeners played too many games.

  “Don’t let her upset you.”
Sapphire moved across the room with a roll of her hips. She walked so light-footed, almost on air, she made it appear as though she were about to start skipping. In contrast, when she reached the desk, she slumped down as if she weighed a ton—he swore the furniture creaked—and stared across, one eyebrow raised. “If Mum didn’t know you were gay she needs a brain transplant. Or she ignored it. Now I bet she’ll pretend she didn’t notice what she saw.”

  “You…knew?” To think he’d been gearing up to apologise to his sister for not telling her.

  “Pleezzzzzzz.” Saffie rolled her eyes and moved from the desktop to the nearest chair. She flung her legs over one arm and sat at an angle. “Let’s neither of us pretend I’m stupid, brother bud.”

  “I’m not. I don’t see how, though. I’ve always been careful.”

  “That you have, but I’m observant.”

  About to ask her what he might have said or she may have seen to enlighten her, Rich changed his mind. Easier not to discuss. “She can’t ignore it.”

  “Did you forget her putting her hands over her ears?”

  “I won’t let her pay no attention. Not now.” He wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Though he hadn’t wanted either woman in his life to find out like this, he’d be loathed to crawl back into any type of closet now. Damned if he would.

  “So…” Saffie showed him her teeth. Not a grin. Not a smile. Not a grimace. Lips drawn back, teeth together, shit-eating.

  “What’s that on your face? The result of some ailment?”

  To his horror, Saffie leered, eyebrows going up and down. “So…you and the gardener.”

  “What about us?”

  “I want all the details.”

  “Fat chance and there’s nothing to tell.” A sharp stab to the heart took him by surprise. Shit, was he welling up behind the eyes? Rich studied some nondescript landscape his father had hung on the wall. “Nothing as of this morning. Ethan wants to leave, to move on.”

  “A common thread.”

  “Yes. Well. It’s not like I can do much about it.”

  “Do you want to?”

  Rich shuffled papers, began putting them away, ignoring Saffie as she rose out of her seat until she leaned over the desk and put both of her hands on his, stopping him. “What do you expect?” Even Rich could hear the irritability in his tone.

  “I asked if you want to. How do you feel about Ethan?”

  “I’m…not sure.”

  “Maybe that’s your real problem. I know you, brother bugger.”

  Rich snapped his head up, realising his reaction had been her intention as he met her gaze.

  “You’re not the one in tune with your feelings as much as you think you are. You want Mother to give in, to mourn. To allow herself to miss our father, but you’re more like her than you know.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “You forget I saw you. The moment you heard Ethan’s father had died you went after him. You looked like Freddy Kruger chased you. No one has a reaction such as that for someone they care nothing about.”

  “Doesn’t matter. Whatever we shared…it’s finished. He wouldn’t want to talk to me now.”

  “Maybe I’ll talk for you.”

  “Don’t you dare.”

  “What’s to stop me?”

  “You need my support to obtain what you want, remember? We never did quite finish that particular talk with our mother.”

  Sapphire narrowed her eyes and stared until Rich’s skin crawled with imaginary ants. To think he always thought his mother bad enough; in a way Sapphire was more unpredictable. If daggers were able to zoom from a gaze, she would pin him to the wall. The calculations passing through her brain were easy to read in her expression.

  “Fine. But you better make sure I do get my way.” The wink she aimed in his direction made him more uneasy than ever.

  * * * *

  The Gardeners sure had their way about them. Father, mother, the son…now the sister. Difficult enough Richard Gardener boiled Ethan’s blood in more ways than one, now Sapphire tormented him. She stood a short way off, doing he knew not what. Staring at him. Watching. Willing him to break first, no doubt. He’d be damned if he would. Resolved to ignore her, Ethan carried on working. Five minutes became ten, maybe more. Time dragged. He started chewing on the inside of one lip, made himself stop. He gave her a view of his back, in case she saw the scowl building up on his features. Made no difference. She didn’t leave.

  “You’re beating up the plant rather than tending to it.”

  The sound of her voice so close behind made Ethan jump. First time in a long while he got a close look at her. Despite the coloured hair, with the style swept back, some type of woollen tights on her legs, ankle boots and buttoned up coat, hands stuffed in her pockets, she looked like a teenager. Did she choose the outfit to ambush him? Odd he would think so, but…he doubted Saffie did anything without reason, including what she made of her appearance.

  “What went wrong between you?”

  Ethan ignored her. Maybe saying nothing would make her leave him alone.

  “I can follow you all afternoon.”

  “And I’ll be working.”

  “So I’ll watch you work.”

  Ethan straightened and took a breath before facing her. The woman’s clasped hands presented him with the illusion of a sweet and innocent girl, but Ethan knew an imp when he saw one.

  “My brother likes you. A lot.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “I’m not.” Her tone implied she never was.

  “There are some things…” Ethan shook his head and stared into the distance. How to discuss sex with this creature? “We were about one thing.”

  “You can use the S word. I’m old enough.”

  Ethan gave her a swift once up and down. She didn’t react. “I’m upset with him. Not once did he ask about my old man.”

  “He didn’t realise your father was dead. So what?”

  That took him aback. Either she was a good mind reader or she and Richard had a heartfelt talk. Ethan drew in more air and kept drawing it in until his lungs screamed in protest. All to stop himself from saying something regrettable. He clamped his jaw shut so hard his teeth ached.

  “Don’t tell me I don’t understand how it feels. I lost a father, too, and a hell of a lot more recently.”

  Okay, she had a point. He might not have liked the man much, and maybe Richard and Sapphire’s relationship with their parents was fraught, but they had still lost their dad.

  “I’m sorry.” God, was it possible to sound more sullen and insincere? “But it doesn’t forgive Richard being back for so long and not knowing.”

  “Really? As I understand, he’s been on the grounds full time only a couple of weeks and he’s had his head buried in the books when he’s not had his nose buried in your crotch. As for your father, did you tell him?”

  A few twitches pulled at his face. No way did Sapphire miss them.

  “There you go. Don’t take it to heart. I’m as guilty for assuming he knew. I never said anything. We’re good at not talking around here. Or talking without saying much. “

  “He never asked.” Ethan about growled the last word.

  “Why would he?

  “Why not? And surely…” Gaze twisting toward the house, Ethan’s grip tightened on the handle of the shovel. “He must have heard. If not from you, from someone…”

  “Who? Rosie? Rosie no doubt assumed the same as you. We all believed Rich knew. Which leaves you know who to blame. You have met my mother, have you not? Did you think your father would be the most important thing on her mind to discuss when Rich came home for his own father’s funeral?”

  Ethan almost said what was on his mind. If Richard hadn’t swanned off travelling he would have been present when Ethan needed him. When both fathers needed him. His thoughts and emotions were unfair, ridiculous, but he didn’t appear able to keep ahold of them the way he tightened his grasp of the gardening implemen
t. No one could predict the unpredictable. Richard had no reason to stay home, and couldn’t have foreseen William Fields dying. The man’s own son hadn’t known until his father could no longer hide the fact he felt unwell. Though aware his attitude, and grief, was part of the problem, Ethan struggled to let his animosity go. He could say none of that to Sapphire and was unsure it would matter.

  “Did you think it would occur to her at all? And if she assumed as everyone did…” Sapphire stared at the toe of her boot as she kicked at the ground. “I guess it makes us all stupid but not necessarily bad people.”

  If true…was it possible there were other things of which Richard and Sapphire were unaware?

  “Do you know what happened with my father?”

  “Happened?”

  A frown was incongruous on her face. Sapphire never frowned. Glared. Bared her teeth. Ranted. Shouted. Screamed. Threw things. Ethan blinked, surprised by how much he knew about Sapphire Gardener.

  “Your father’s health declined, he was told to stop working. Dad said he could stay in the house for as long as you worked on the estate. When he deteriorated, you moved him into a home. Why? Is there more?”

  “Did you never…?” Ethan stopped. How to phrase the question? Did he have the right to make the situation between the family worse?

  “What?”

  “Forget it. Doesn’t matter. If I talk to anyone, it should be Richard, and he’s not asked a thing.”

  “Why should he? If all you were about was the sex? If you wanted nothing more, nothing serious, what does it matter? If you didn’t want a relationship, why do you care?”

  “There’s keeping it simple and being bloody rude and thoughtless.” Ethan snatched up his tools and walked off, hoping she wouldn’t follow. No such luck, so he walked faster hoping to outpace her. To his shock, she kept up.

  “Did you talk to him about our dad? Did you let Richard talk about what he’s been going through?

  “Yes. No. A little. Sort of.”

  “Men! Straight or gay, you’re hopeless.”

  They came to the shed. Ethan stopped outside, not wanting to open the door. Sapphire would force her way in behind him and if he tried to stop her he too easily envisioned them wrestling.