Missing Grace

by S. L. Scott

  Seeing his smile, so genuine, so sincere, she refused to take it away. Later, she’d tell him about Hunter later.

  They checked in to their room and promptly ordered room service. Having not eaten since lunch with Emily, she was starving. The warm spray of the shower soothed some of her tight muscles. As she showered, she felt so angry. She still couldn’t believe how the lies of one man disrupted the lives of so many people. For what? That’s what she couldn’t fathom.

  With views of the gorgeous Seattle skyline and lights of the city, she felt a buzz of excitement. It was interesting how Seattle had already been a place she’d wanted to go to, and now she understood why Hunter had been so annoyed by her desire to go.

  Tomorrow she would meet her family. She was so incredibly thankful for Ben at that moment. He gave up his life for me. No wonder I had loved this man.

  Ben had been watching the local news when the bathroom door opened and Grace switched off the light, leaving only the small wall lamp between the two beds and the TV to illuminate the room. She could feel the intimacy between them was deep and personal. Beneath their pajamas were bodies that longed to be more than roommates. Grace bit the inside of her cheek and thought it wise to keep some distance. If she didn’t do it now, she might regret it later.

  Glancing at him, Ben was unabashedly watching her. And she didn’t mind the way his eyes roamed down her body, his desire caressing her from behind. She let the robe slip from her shoulders and placed it at the bottom of her bed before climbing under the turned-down covers.

  “You used to wear the same thing to bed all the time. A tank top and cotton underwear. Just like you are now. There’s so much Grace that stayed with you.”

  It almost went against her instincts to turn away from him, and it burned that he couldn’t see her. Touch her. That’s what it was. Beneath all that she had become, he saw her for who she was. Lying down, she rested her head on the pillow and looked at him. The nightstand between them partially blocked her view and she inwardly cursed. “The curtains are still open. I don’t mind if you want to leave them open, but we might hate that come sunrise.”

  “Good point. I’ll close them.” Ben flipped his sheet and blanket off and stood up.

  She watched with rapt attention as he walked across the room in a pair of white boxers and nothing else. Grace had felt his body when he held her on his couch the night before. His body was incredible. As he reached up and pulled the curtains closed, she almost drooled watching every muscle in his arms and back flexing, working together to get the job done. When he turned around her gaze fell down to his stomach and chest, and she sighed.

  His chuckling broke her out of her daydream, but the look on his face, the you were so busted face, made her feel embarrassed.

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. This is so embarrassing.” Grace was mortified and threw the covers over her head to hide her flaming red cheeks. She couldn’t believe she just treated Ben like . . . like . . . like a fantasy come to life. Okay, she could admit he really was a fantasy come true, but to be caught ogling someone like that was just so humiliating.

  She heard the click of the lamp being turned off, but could still hear the TV playing lowly in the background. The bed dipped right next to her body. “Grace?” he asked. His voice was soft, bordering on raspy. “It’s okay.” He chuckled again. His fingers hooked under the covers and pulled them down until her eyes were revealed. She kept her hands tightly holding the sheet over her nose, still hiding her cheeks. “It’s okay, really. I might’ve just done the same to you, but I didn’t get caught.” He smirked at his accomplishment, and she relaxed into the bed a little.

  “I’m sorry—” she started.

  “You don’t have to be sorry.”

  “I was going to say I’m sorry I got caught. I’m not sorry for doing it.”

  19

  Grace Stevens

  Grace giggled, flipping the covers from her face because of the lightness and fun of the exchange. She loved seeing Ben laugh, and his smile was contagious. The laughter sparked into something unintentionally heavier, denser, thicker as they looked at each other. It wasn’t invited, but it wasn’t unwelcome either.

  Ben touched her arm, sliding his fingers over her exposed skin. “I’ve missed you so much, hearing your laugh, seeing you like this—” His eyes were focused on her. “You’re so beautiful, Grace.”

  Grace still swooned a little inside every time he called her by that name, her real name in his smooth-as-whiskey voice. It was a name she’d fought at first, but now wanted to own once again. It was beautiful, but also gave her a sense of peace. Like Faith and Hope, it was kindhearted, just like she hoped she was.

  Under his intense gaze, she looked down, the beat of her heart picking up. When she glanced back up, their eyes met, and there was no mistaking what either of them wanted. While she propped herself up on her elbows, bringing them even closer, Ben didn’t move. Grace closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his. A fire ignited between them as their mouths caressed and discovered. It took one little moan to slip from her chest and right into his mouth for him to reach around, weaving his fingers into her hair to hold her. The pressure increased and they opened their mouths automatically. When the kiss deepened, Ben’s body pushed down. Oh God. It feels so good.

  Grace moaned again in return and ran her hands over the hard dips and flexed muscles of his bare arms and shoulders, coming to rest on the back of his neck.

  When her body rubbed against his, Ben stopped. He looked her in the eyes, the lust he felt returned in hers. “I want more, Grace.”

  “I do too.” It wasn’t a whispered plea, but a definite call for more. She wanted his hands back on her.

  “I’ve missed you so much and dreamed of this for so long that I’m worried.”

  “What are you worried about?”

  “You. I worry about you.” His breath halted as he touched her cheek. “I worry you’ll disappear again.”

  She took his hand and held it between both of hers. “I’m right here with you.”

  “I worry if we do more that you’ll regret it in the morning. Hell, I worry you’ll regret it in five minutes when reality sets in.”

  “This is reality, Ben. Just like life. It’s messy and unruly, but exciting and carefree.”

  “Free to be who you are?”

  “Now and then.” She snuck a kiss in before he saw it coming. With a small smile playing on the left side of his mouth, she responded by kissing the other side. It rose to mimic its mate. Charming and knee weakening. She added, “I get to determine who I want to be, the best, or maybe the worst of two lives that feel more like one today.”

  Tilting his head forward, they were forehead to forehead, and he closed his eyes. With their noses side by side, his breath was jagged, but his touch gentle.

  Grace dragged her hands around to hold him by the face. She tipped her head back a little and he did the same, and through parted panting breaths they looked at each other. It was as if their souls reconnected in their gaze. She couldn’t look away, trapped under his love. “It was always like this between us, wasn’t it?”

  “Always.”

  She pulled him to her and gave him a lingering kiss. “You don’t have to worry about me, but your pain is palpable, Ben. I saw it the first night in the way you looked at me. I feel it now, as if I could somehow leave you by choice.” Her confession, like so many before, left a rawness in her belly, the heart in her chest pounding so loudly that she thought he might be able to hear it.

  Grace scooted to the other side of the bed, giving him the side she had warmed, and he climbed in under the covers. He grabbed the TV remote, turned it off, and then rolled toward her in the dark. With impressive blackout curtains, it was difficult to see him. But when she did, she felt an overwhelming need to be closer to him.

  “Roll over, Grace,” he said, his voice husky with sleep and possibly other desires.

  She did and he moved behind her until his arm was wrapped over h
er, but he was careful to keep his hips and legs at a distance. She wanted warmth, the feel of him, his body aligned and pressed against her fully. So she abruptly shifted her bottom backward seeking the feel of his body. Now she knew why he was keeping the lower part of his body away from her. Grace didn’t say anything, and she assumed he probably wouldn’t, either. She also liked that he had such a strong physical reaction to her. Even though he felt good, they both lay in the dark not acting on any more impulses. Her body felt desperate for him, but her heart knew it was fair to wait.

  Barely above a whisper, his breath glided over her skin when he said, “You’re not wearing your ring.”

  It wasn’t a question, but more of a statement as if almost to himself. Grace didn’t know if she should respond. She knew she should tell him about what she found, but after that kiss and while being held in his strong arms, she didn’t want to think about Hunter. She gripped his hand in hers a little tighter, pressing it against her chest. “In my heart, I’m no longer engaged.”

  “I’ll protect you.”

  “I know you will. I think you always were even when I wasn’t aware of it.”

  A kiss was placed to the back of her head, and it was enough. She closed her eyes and felt peace. Rightness. Joy, as she fell asleep in his arms.

  * * *

  When Grace woke up, she heard Ben’s muffled voice in the bathroom. He was talking on the phone but she couldn’t understand what he was saying. She sat up noticing the curtains were cracked open, letting just a sliver of light into the room. She listened, knowing she shouldn’t, but felt like he was talking about her. She only caught bits and pieces of the conversation.

  “. . . really is . . .”

  Pause.

  “. . . miracle . . .”

  Pause.

  “. . . beautiful . . .” Grace heard him sigh in a lovely way when he said this.

  Pause.

  “. . . Grace . . .”

  Pause.

  “. . . support her . . .”

  Pause.

  “. . . don’t scare . . .”

  Pause.

  “. . . noon . . .”

  Pause.

  “. . . bye.”

  The door opened suddenly, and Grace flopped backward and closed her eyes pretending to be asleep. Ben grabbed clothes out of his suitcase and tiptoed back into the bathroom. He was so sweet, trying not to disturb her. When the shower started, she sat up again.

  The parts of the conversation that she overheard made her nervous for some reason. She questioned what she was doing and if she was making the right decision. She left Hunter without so much as a goodbye and had grown considerably closer to Ben in such a short amount of time that she worried she was already falling for him. Sitting on an emotional seesaw, she was high on Ben and looking down at Hunter. But with that high, there were always lows and soon enough, they would come crashing down.

  Grace didn’t hear the bathroom door open or notice Ben walk into the room until he was already there, sitting down on the bed next to her. “Good morning, Grace.”

  “Good morning. You’re up early.”

  “We have a long drive and I thought we should try to be there by noon to make the most of the day. Your parents are expecting you. I called them this morning.”

  Pulling her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them for support. “How’d they take the news?”

  Ben looked down smiling. “I have to warn you. They are a bit excited.” When he looked back up at her she noticed that spark in his eyes had returned. He was happy and that made her smile.

  “I’m excited to see them too. I guess I should get ready, so we can leave soon.”

  * * *

  “Pull over, Ben. Here!” Grace’s grip on Ben’s arm tightened.

  “What is it?” He pulled onto the side of the fairly empty main road heading into Leavenworth. They hadn’t even passed the welcome road sign when she called out to stop.

  Grace opened her door and got out, leery at first, then walked with purpose back to a dirt road that if you didn’t know it was there, you would have missed it completely. But that’s just it. She hadn’t known it was there. She walked about twenty feet and stopped, just staring down as far as she could see, which wasn’t very far due to the spring foliage on both sides of the little road.

  Ben walked behind her but kept his distance. When Grace stopped, he stopped, shoving his hands in his pockets, and waited. She spoke a minute later without turning back to him. “I’ve been here before.” When he didn’t respond, she glanced over her shoulder and saw him squatting down with his hands over his face. “Ben?” She walked back to him, and as he stood up, she could tell her revelation was affecting him.

  He took her by the hand and they walked about twenty yards up the dirt road. By that point, she noticed the heavy plants give way to grass and trees with a large house in the distance.

  “This is where my parents live. You grew up coming here. There’s a lake on the other side of the house. Your parents’ house is also on this lake, and only about twenty acres separates the two homes.”

  Grace didn’t know how to feel, as overwhelmed felt like an understatement. She couldn’t speak, knowing she would start crying if she did. She just held tightly to Ben’s hand and silently let the emotions take over.

  They spent about ten minutes there before Grace felt ready to continue on to her parents’ home. They got back in the car and passed the Leavenworth sign and continued for a half mile down the winding road before they pulled onto a long dirt driveway that led to a large, wind-beaten home with royal-blue shutters. Grace smiled when she saw it even though she couldn’t recall it. It didn’t escape her that she remembered Ben’s home over her own. That said a lot to her. She had clearly been part of their family for a long time.

  Grace sat in the car for about five minutes checking out the home and the landscaping, the surrounding land and the lake in the distance before opening the door and getting out. Ben was there, walking quietly next to her toward the front door. The curtain fell in the living room as if she had been watched, and then butterflies invaded her stomach.

  “Are you going to stay with me?” she asked, not really sure if she wanted to do this on her own or with him there.

  “What would you prefer?”

  She stopped on the bottom step, thinking. “I think I need to do this on my own, but will you stay close by? I know that’s a lot to ask since you’re close to them.”

  “I’ll be out back by the lake, if you need me.”

  Stroking her cheek with the back of his hand, he whispered, “You got this.” And as she looked into his eyes, she saw joy. He was so obviously happy that he had brought home their long-lost daughter. He would step aside, though, while offering silent support.

  She watched him as he headed toward the side of the house. Turning to the front door, she took a deep breath, and then marched straight up the steps.

  20

  Grace Stevens

  Grace didn’t have a chance to knock on the door. It swung open and Pamela and John Stevens stood there, mouths gaping, tears filling their eyes, and frozen in shock. “John?” Pamela cried, reaching into the space next to her for her husband’s hand. “It’s—”

  She didn’t finish her sentence. She ran forward and grabbed her daughter, embracing her.

  Grace felt crushed as her father joined her mother, wrapping his arms around both of them and squeezing. Although it was really uncomfortable, these were her parents. She had finally found her family and in that realization, she broke down, sobbing in her parents’ arms.

  Ben was gone when she looked up. She started to wonder when he left and why he didn’t say anything, but she knew, just like she was getting to know him again. He was giving her what she needed—time with her family. She looked around one last time—to the car and then the front door. She could feel Ben’s presence still near. She could feel him taking up the space that had been vacant inside for so long. It felt good to feel
calm, to find peace.

  Just inside the door, the three of them hugged again. John finally released the two most important people in his life and stepped back to look at his daughter standing in front of him. “You’re really here. How are you here?”

  “Ben brought me back to life.” The words were dramatic but true. Her gratitude would be forever indebted to his heart’s fortitude.

  When Pamela let go of her daughter, she smiled. She brushed some hair that was stuck to Grace’s tear-soaked cheek off her face and said, “My baby is home. Grace. Grace. I can’t believe I have you back. I’ve missed you so much.”

  There was no doubt these were her parents. Her eyes matched her mother’s so distinctly, and she found a familiar smile on her father’s face. Her chest felt tight. This was real. They were real. Just as they questioned her, she felt the same about them. How were they here, standing before her?

  She said, “I was in an accident three years ago. I have amnesia and won’t remember much, but I’m hoping being here will help me. If it doesn’t, I’m still glad I’m here. I’m glad I’ve met you.”

  The word “met” took her parents by surprise, their expressions reflecting the grief they no doubt felt. John took Grace’s hand. “We’re your parents, honey. We can get the photos out if you need proof. We planned to show you those anyway.”

  Grace instantly shook her head and corrected the wrong impression she had given them, feeling like she was screwing this up. “No, I don’t mean to imply I don’t trust you. I know you’re my parents. Ben has shown me pictures. I’m sorry,” she said, dropping her head. “I really don’t know what I’m doing these days. My whole world . . . my whole world has changed in a matter of days—”

  “That’s all right,” Pamela said. “We’re trying to understand and help you the best we can. It’s a blessing we’ve been given this chance, that you were brought back into our lives. It means so much that you’re here. Please be patient with us.”