Horrid Henry and the Mega-Mean Time Machine
Page 4
“Don’t you contradict me,” said Mrs. Battle-Axe.
The waiter reappeared, carrying six plates covered in silver domes.
“Voilà!” he said, whisking off the lids with a flourish. “Bon appétit!”
Everyone peered at their elegant plates.
“Ah,” said Mom, looking at her squid.
“Ah,” said Dad, looking at his stuffed tomatoes.
“Ah,” said Peter, looking at his beet mousse.
Horrid Henry stared at his food. It looked like—it couldn’t be—oh my gosh, it was…SNAILS! It really was snails! Squishy squashy squidgy slimy slithery slippery snails. Still in their shells. Drenched in butter, but unmistakably snails. Steve had tricked him.
Horrid Henry’s hand reached out to hurl the snails at Steve.
Stuck-Up Steve giggled.
Horrid Henry stopped and gritted his teeth. No way was he giving Steve the satisfaction of seeing him get into big trouble. He’d ordered snails and he’d eat snails. And when he threw up, he’d make sure it was all over Steve.
Horrid Henry grabbed his fork and plunged. Then he closed his eyes and popped the snail in his mouth.
Horrid Henry chewed.
Horrid Henry chewed some more.
“Hmmm,” said Horrid Henry.
He popped another snail in his mouth. And another.
“Yummy,” said Henry. “This is great.” Why hadn’t anyone told him that Le Posh served such thrillingly revolting food? Wait till he told Rude Ralph!
Stuck-Up Steve looked unhappy.
“How’s your maggot sauce, Steve?” said Henry cheerfully.
“It’s not maggot sauce,” said Steve.
“Maggot maggot maggot,” whispered Henry. “Watch them wriggle about.”
Steve put down his fork. So did Mom, Dad, and Peter.
“Go on everyone, eat up,” said Henry, chomping.
“I’m not that hungry,” said Mom.
“You said we had to eat everything on our plate,” said Henry.
“No I didn’t,” said Dad weakly.
“You did too!” said Henry. “So eat!”
“I don’t like beets,” moaned Perfect Peter.
“Hush, Peter,” snapped Mom.
“Peter, I never thought you were a fussy eater,” said Aunt Ruby.
“I’m not!” wailed Perfect Peter.
“Boudicca!” blasted Mrs. Battle-Axe’s shrill voice. “Pay attention when I’m speaking to you!”
“Yes, Mom,” said Miss Battle-Axe.
“Why can’t you be as good as that boy?” said Mrs. Battle-Axe, pointing to Horrid Henry. “Look at him sitting there, eating so beautifully.”
Miss Battle-Axe turned around and saw Henry. Her face went bright red, then
purple, then white. She gave him a sickly smile.
Horrid Henry gave her a little polite wave. Oh boy.
For the first time in his life was he ever looking forward to school.
And now for a sneak peek at one of the laugh-out-loud
stories in Horrid Henry’s Stinkbomb
HORRID HENRY’S STINKBOMB
“I hate you, Margaret!” shrieked Sour Susan. She stumbled out of the Secret Club tent.
“I hate you too!” shrieked Moody Margaret.
Sour Susan stuck out her tongue.
Moody Margaret stuck out hers back.
“I quit!” yelled Susan.
“You can’t quit. You’re fired!” yelled Margaret.
“You can’t fire me. I quit!” said Susan.
“I fired you first,” said Margaret. “And I’m changing the password!”
“Go ahead. See if I care. I don’t want to be in the Secret Club any more!” said Susan sourly.
“Good! Because we don’t want you.”
Moody Margaret flounced back inside the Secret Club tent. Sour Susan stalked off.
Free at last! Susan was sick and tired of her ex-best friend Bossyboots Margaret. Blaming her for the disastrous raid on the Purple Hand Fort when it was all Margaret’s fault was bad enough. But then to ask stupid Linda to join the Secret Club without even telling her! Susan hated Linda even more than she hated Margaret. Linda hadn’t invited Susan to her sleepover party. And she was a copycat. But Margaret didn’t care. Today she’d made Linda chief spy. Well, Susan had had enough. Margaret had been mean to her once too often.
Susan heard roars of laughter from inside the club tent. So they were laughing, were they? Laughing at her, no doubt? Well, she’d show them. She knew all about Margaret’s Top Secret Plans. And she knew someone who would be very interested in that information.
“Halt! Password!”
“Smelly toads,” said Perfect Peter. He waited outside Henry’s Purple Hand Fort.
“Wrong,” said Horrid Henry.
“What’s the new one then?” said Perfect Peter.
“I’m not telling you,” said Henry.
“You’re fired, remember?”
Perfect Peter did remember. He had hoped Henry had forgotten.
“Can’t I join again, Henry?” asked Peter.
“No way!” said Horrid Henry.
“Please?” said Perfect Peter.
“No,” said Horrid Henry. “Ralph’s taken over your duties.”
Rude Ralph poked his head through the branches of Henry’s lair.
“No babies allowed,” said Rude Ralph.
“We don’t want you here, Peter,” said Horrid Henry. “Get lost.”
Perfect Peter burst into tears.
“Crybaby!” jeered Horrid Henry.
“Crybaby!” jeered Rude Ralph.
That did it.
“Mom!” wailed Perfect Peter. He ran toward the house. “Henry won’t let me play and he called me a crybaby!”
“Stop being horrid, Henry!” shouted Mom.
Peter waited.
Mom didn’t say anything else.
Perfect Peter started to wail louder.
“Mooom! Henry’s being mean to me!”
“Leave Peter alone, Henry!” shouted Mom. She came out of the house. Her hands were covered in dough. “Henry, if you don’t stop—”
Mom looked around.
“Where’s Henry?”
“In his fort,” sniveled Peter.
“I thought you said he was being mean to you,” said Mom.
“He was!” wailed Peter.
“Just keep away from him,” said Mom. She went back into the house.
Perfect Peter was outraged. Was that it? Why hadn’t she punished Henry? Henry had been so horrid he deserved to go to prison for a year. Two years. And just get a crust of bread a week. And brussels sprouts. Ha! That would serve Henry right.
But until Henry went to prison, how could Peter pay him back?
And then Peter knew exactly what he could do.
He checked carefully to see that no one was watching. Then he sneaked over the garden wall and headed for the Secret Club Tent.
* * *
Will Peter tell Margaret all of Henry’s Purple Hand plans? Will Susan sabotage Margaret’s Secret Club attack on Henry? Find out whose fort is still standing at the end of the battle in Horrid Henry’s Stinkbomb.
HORRID HENRY
Henry is dragged to dancing class against his will; vies with Moody Margaret to make the yuckiest Glop; goes camping; and tries to be good like Perfect Peter—but not for long.
HORRID HENRY TRICKS THE TOOTH FAIRY
Horrid Henry tries to trick the Tooth Fairy into giving him more money; sends Moody Margaret packing; causes his teachers to run screaming from school; and single-handedly wrecks a wedding.
HORRID HENRY’S STINKBOMB
Horrid Henry uses a stinkbomb as a toxic weapon in his long-running war with Moody Margaret; uses all his tricks to win the school reading competition; goes for a sleepover and retreats in horror when he finds that other people’s houses aren’t always as nice as his own; and has the joy of seeing Miss Battle-Axe in hot water with the principle when he knows
it was all his fault.
HORRID HENRY AND THE MUMMY’S CURSE
Horrid Henry indulges his favorite hobby—collecting Gizmos; has a bad time with his spelling homework; starts a rumor that there’s a shark in the pool; and spooks Perfect Peter with the mummy’s curse.
HORRID HENRY AND THE SOCCER FIEND
Horrid Henry reads Perfect Peter’s diary and improves it; goes shopping with Mom and tries to make her buy him some really nice new sneakers; is horrified when his old enemy Bossy Bill turns up at school; and tries by any means, to win the class soccer match.
About the Author
Francesca Simon spent her childhood on the beach in California and then went to Yale and Oxford Universities to study medieval history and literature. She now lives in London with her family. She has written over forty-five books and won the Children’s Book of the Year in 2008 at the Galaxy British Book Awards for Horrid Henry and the Abominable Snowman.