Tyranny of a Lover...Diary of the Wife of an Undercover informant

by Janet J. White

  Suzie's hand rested on Simon's shoulder as he shook his head. "The guy who fronted the coke won't wait for the money to trickle in a little at a time. Suzie's and my life won't be worth a plug nickel if we don't come back to West Palm Beach with the whole amount in a matter of days...in cash!"

  I had to erase the worry from my daughter's face.

  "Alright," I said. "I'll go to the bank tomorrow. Simon, you'll have the cash when you and Suzie return home."

  I turned to Melvin. "When you want coke, give me a call. It will be kept elsewhere so I'll need a few hours notice."

  Slightly taken aback, Melvin agreed. "Okay, Jen. Will do. Sorry about this mess. See you all later." He raised his eyebrows at Dick, said goodnight and left.

  "Melvin's a good skate, but he does get things mixed up sometimes," Dick said as the front door closed behind his gambling partner. "But hey, Simon, didn't I tell you we'd find a way?"

  My daughter and son-in-law looked relieved.

  I went to the bank in the morning, disgusted and angry that Dick's 'we'd find a way' meant that I'd have to withdraw the money from my hard-earned savings. But, like most mothers, I would do almost anything for my children. Later, in Suzie's presence, I handed an envelope to Simon containing $5,000 in cash. The next morning, they thanked me, gathered their belongings and left for home.

  Wanting the cocaine out of the house as quickly as possible, I decided to keep it in my safety deposit box at the bank. Access to the box was listed in my name only and meant that Dick couldn't get his hands on it should he hatch another plot. I planned to retrieve only as much coke as Melvin ordered, then depositing the money back into my savings account, bit by bit.

  I went to the office to get the coke, only to find Dick seated at the desk adding white powder to the small pile of cocaine.

  "What are you doing?" I asked angrily. "You heard what Melvin said. The coke's been cut too much already. If you cut it anymore, he won't be able to sell it or want any for himself."

  "Nobody has coke anywhere as pure as this stuff," Dick said in an exasperated tone. "Besides, what are you complaining about? There will be more to sell, which means you'll have more than five big ones to put back in your bank account."

  My face fell. "I didn't do this to make money. I did it to bail the kids out of a predicament that you got them in." I stepped in front of Dick, scooped the small pile of cocaine into a triple layer of plastic bags, then into a small pouch and hurried to the bank.

  Each week or two, Melvin called to order a small amount of coke and I'd rush to the bank. "Too bad Dick cut the stuff," Melvin sighed. "No one will buy it unless they're desperate."

  And then, Dick brewed even more trouble. Unknown to me, and before my daughter and son-in-law had returned to West Palm Beach weeks ago, he had pulled Simon aside and convinced him to compile the names of drug dealers in West Palm Beach that could be turned over to Sonny. Dick promised Simon that if anything went afoul he'd guarantee Simon's and Suzie's entrance into the witness protection program. Unfortunately, Dick neglected to inform my son-in-law that we, after more than a year, still did not enjoy those guarantees ourselves.

  Soon, Simon called Dick in a state of panic, claiming that certain drug dealers had discovered he had become an FBI informant. "This morning, after Suzie left for work, some guy showed up at our door, waved a gun and threatened to knock off me and Suzie."

  Without a second's hesitation, Dick told Simon, "You and Suzie pack a few things. I'll be flying over in a private plane to pick you both up and bring you back to Sarasota and out of danger."

  Dick called his pilot friend, Tom Luke, and told him to gas up the plane. "I need to fly to West Palm Beach on a rescue mission."

  Later that night, Dick opened our front door and in stepped the weary and frightened couple. My daughter's face looked tense and drawn, stark evidence of her ordeal. And Simon had noticeably aged in just a few weeks. Dick appeared calm and happy-go-lucky. He actually saw himself as a hero, a knight in shining armor, who had come to the rescue of his family. He was like a fire fighter who had put out the fire that he, himself, had started.

  Suzie and I tried to maintain some semblance of order and normalcy in the house and in our existence. But, all the while, we were still fooling ourselves that our husbands would change, thereby altering the negative pattern of our lives.

  Again, Dick took Simon under his wing. Each morning after breakfast, they left the house early and returned late. Both behaved like 'little boys with secrets', winking at one another when they thought that Suzie or I didn't see.

  Dick and Melvin Pome continued their weekly crooked card games. And now I couldn't insist that Dick keep his promise and quit, because Melvin sold the cocaine that I had been forced to buy a little at a time. Another 'Catch-22', because I didn't dare risk seeking out another person to sell the illicit drug. I could only hope to be rid of the illegal substance as soon as possible and climb out of the bag of tricks that Dick had put me into. In the end, only $3,500 went back into my savings account. Melvin couldn't sell all of it before our scene changed again.

  A few days later, I overheard Dick’s conversation with Simon. "Your drug dealer in West Palm, the one who fronted the coke, has to be the one who put the word out on you. You and Suzie aren't going to be safe until he's taken care of. He has to be scared...real bad."

  Against Suzie's and my strong objections, Dick suggested to Simon that "you and me go over to West Palm Beach and take care of the guy. I'll give him a good thump or two to keep his mouth shut and we'll both feel better."

  Suzie and I felt powerless as we watched them throw a few things in a bag and drive off in the middle of the night on their evil pursuit.

  Much later, my daughter and I came to realize that our sense of loyalty to our husbands had been grossly misplaced and misguided with fuzzy thinking.

  Two days later, late at night, the two men returned late in separate cars. Although Suzie and I felt relieved to see them unharmed, we were perplexed by the distance between them. They barely spoke to one another as they wolfed down sandwiches that Suzie and I quickly made. After the cold meal, we all said goodnight. Suzie and Simon retired to the spare bedroom next to ours and quietly closed the door.

  Alone in our room, Dick stormed around in a dark mood and flipped on the television set. I turned the volume up and sat down at the dressing table to remove my makeup. "So, why are you and Simon acting so strangely toward each other?"

  Dick snapped at me. "Simon's an absolute idiot. I can't work with him. I've got to get free of him, Suzie's husband or not. He's made a mess of the whole thing, and...oh hell, never mind." Dick got into bed and stared up at the ceiling.

  I put on a nightgown, turned down the television volume, climbed in bed and glanced at his scowling face. "Can you be more specific?"

  "Stop questioning me." He shut his eyes.

  As the days passed, the tension between the two men heightened. Neither would look at, nor speak, to the other. The air in the house grew thick with smoldering animosity. One day, Suzie took me aside. "Mom, Simon and I need to talk to you alone, without Dick. Something has happened. Can you leave the house for an hour or so?"

  Feeling anxious, I agreed. "Sure, Darling. What do you have in mind?"

  "Can you meet us in the parking lot of the church on Bahia Vista close to Interstate 75? We'll be waiting for you there."

  Finishing the chores, I poked my head in the office where Dick sat writing on a legal pad. "I have an errand to run. See you shortly.” He lifted his hand in acknowledgment.

  Twilight on a weekday left the church parking lot deserted, except for Suzie and Simon's car. I parked next to them. Suzie climbed into their back seat and motioned me to get in the passenger side next to Simon.

  Looking serious, Suzie leaned forward and put her hand on my shoulder. "Mom, we don't know how to tell you this, but we have to say something for your sake."

  Then Simon began to talk. "While Dick'
s been taking me around Sarasota, I've known he has a girlfriend. He actually took me to her apartment. Her name is Michelle and she lives three blocks away from you at the Alhambra Apartments."

  Oh God, I thought, remembering Michelle from the airport. The tacky looking girl with the flirty voice and tank tops with no visible means of support. Supposedly the pilot's girlfriend, the girl Dick continually put down.

  "He actually took me to her apartment a number of times," Simon said with his head lowered. "He didn’t even knock, just walked in through the sliding glass patio door like he lived there." I sat there stunned, trying to absorb his words. Simon waited a minute for the news to sink in before going on. "One day last week, he took me there again. When Michelle's young daughter Vicky--who calls Dick 'Daddy', by the way--went into the bedroom and closed the door, he went straight over to Michelle, pulled down her tank top, and asked me how I liked her 'tits’. I stood there dumbfounded and tried not to look at her, but Dick wasn’t finished.

  "He told me she was his woman and that she would fuck him for fifty bucks, and that she would fuck me for fifty bucks, too. Anytime. Jen, I just don't get it! He didn't seem to care that I'm your son-in-law, or be concerned that I'd tell Suzie, and once Suzie knew, you would know. I don't get Dick Lee at all."

  In her compassion, my darling daughter kept patting my shoulder. I sat in silence, immobilized. A new bitterness of pain became an extension of previous hurts. I felt that malignancy grow and begin to strangle me. A sound came from my throat that was almost a cry, but I couldn't speak.

  Simon turned and looked at Suzie in the back seat. She nodded for him to continue and kept her hand on my shoulder. Shaking my head, I turned around to see tears in her beautiful blue eyes. Simon swallowed hard. "There's more.…"

  "I'm ready Simon," I whispered. "Go on."

  "Suzie and I are pretty upset about having to tell you this. We're both sick to death of being jerked around by Dick. For weeks now, he’s been telling me that everything is all set with the FBI. That they'd provide protection for Suzie and me because of the list of drug dealers that he talked me into giving to him. I kept asking Dick to let me meet your FBI contact so that I could hear it for myself. After all, this isn't something that should be handled through a third party. Personal arrangements and agreements would need to be made directly with the FBI. So after hearing Dick tell me over and over again not to worry, I called Sonny Knight."

  "What happened?" I asked, feeling weak. Simon took a deep breath.

  "I asked Sonny to meet me. At first he didn't want to, then he finally agreed." Suzie sat back and folded her arms across her chest, as though trying to shield herself from the pain. "He said that as far as Suzie and I were concerned, there is no deal. We're on our own."

  I stared at him. "What? Are you sure? Oh, Lord! I know Dick's done some rotten things, but it's hard to imagine that he'd deliberately put you and Suzie in such danger!"

  "It's true, Jen. Sonny then told me that if I repeated this to anyone, he'd deny ever talking to me--said he'd call me a liar to my face."

  I hardly heard Suzie's quick, short intakes of breath as the door of my mind opened silently. Before now, my concern had been for Dick and myself. Now, my precious daughter and her husband were also standing in the line of fire.

  "There's something else, Jen," Simon said hesitantly.

  "Tell me, whatever it is."

  "Sonny told me that the FBI is planning on dropping Dick. They want to be rid of him once they get what they want."

  I looked at Simon as his words sank in. Yes, I thought, that makes perfect sense. As I had always suspected and warned Dick about again and again, the FBI had deliberately used us, then planned to cut us adrift to sink or swim on our own.

  I fought the nausea churning in my stomach. "Simon, are you absolutely certain you did not misunderstand anything that Sonny said?"

  "I'm positive," he assured me. "It won't do any good to test him on it. And if you decide to tell Dick, he probably won't believe it."

  Suzie leaned forward to again pat my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Mom."

  I thought, now all four of us are part of this madness.

  Trying to regain my composure, I looked at Simon. "I may as well hear everything. What happened on the trip to West Palm between you and Dick?"

  Simon frowned. "When he and I got there, he wanted to stop at a bar for a couple of drinks. He ordered Jack Daniels and by the time he threw down four or five good belts, he got all hyped up and started talking and laughing about the time he left you and ran away with some woman who worked at the same hotel he did."

  Suzie half climbed into the front seat and patted my hand. I placed my hand on hers as the last ray of daylight faded into darkness.

  Simon breathed deeply. "Dick said he only came back to you because he had no place else to go. He laughed and thought that was hysterical. Well anyway, back to our West Palm trip. Finally, before Dick got completely smashed, we left the bar and headed for the drug dealer's house. The guy invited us inside, and I could tell Dick had lost all his nerve about strong-arming anyone. Then, before I knew it, Dick spilled the beans. He actually told the drug dealer that he's an undercover narc for the FBI and so was I! The guy stood there with his mouth open. I didn't say a word. We left shortly after that."

  Simon's voice quivered. "I was so angry with that stupid idiot I couldn't speak. When I finally stopped shaking, I asked Dick what the hell he was doing. He said that if I was too dumb to see what was going on, maybe I should take myself down the road. That's when I asked him to drop me off at my place so I could pick up Suzie's car. I knew right then that we'd need our own wheels."

  I sat in a stupor, unable to think straight. "Why would Dick do such an insane thing?" None of us had the answer.

  Suzie spoke up softly. "Simon and I are heading back to West Palm tomorrow. We're going to pack our things, rent a U-Haul, say good-bye to Simon's folks and my Dad, and move to Texas. Come with us, Mom. Leave Dick."

  I stared out of the car window into the blackness, unable to look directly into Suzie's distraught face. "Thank you for inviting me to come with the two of you...but I can't. At least not right now. It's too late for me to back out of this horrible Fed business. The dye's been cast. And as for Dick, if we separate, I want to be legally free of him. All that takes time."

  Now I patted Suzie's arm, while letting my eyes feast on her. We both knew our time together was ending. "I'm so sorry, Suzie, about everything. I'm so sorry, Simon, for all of us."

  The two of them left the following morning, back to their apartment to pack. During the days that followed, I managed to keep my face blank in Dick's presence and say nothing of things I had learned. I mentally reviewed the pictures of Simon and Dick gleefully parading around the house winking at each other. Simon had known then of the affair with Michelle, and had been willing to keep Dick's secrets. Only when Simon discovered Dick's betrayal and lies about the FBI's guarantees, did he decide to disclose everything. Both mother and daughter had married men who were morally bankrupt.

  As for Michelle's daughter calling Dick 'daddy', that was the least of my problems. I had to think everything through very carefully. While I remained married to Dick, I was still alone. Even so, something inside me was loath to quit. I wanted to complete 'Operation Fuzzball', even though I held no illusions that the Feds would actually keep their promises, I remained hopeful that we still had a chance for success if Dick could be convinced to cease trying independently to outfox the foxes. And now that the second wash had taken place with bugged federal agents, we needed the FBI to preserve our lives. Somehow, I was still clinging to the fantasy of a Dick I wanted, not the Dick I had.

  Ten days later I met my daughter and son-in-law in the same church parking lot. They were ready to begin their journey into the unknown. Night had fallen and this would be good-bye. Like turtles with all their possessions on their back, Suzie and Simon sat in the cab of a large U-Haul with their car hooked
on the back. Suzie climbed down from the truck as I got out of my car and we raced toward one other. Simon waited in the truck, giving mother and daughter time to say good-bye. I felt pangs of grief rush through me, as we threw our arms around each other, hugging and kissing, neither of us wanting to let go. Our eyes filled with tears. We had grown so very close. Suzie was not only my daughter but also my best friend.

  Then Simon joined us and we all hugged. "Try not to worry too much, Jen. I'll take good care of her."

  "I know you will, Simon" I said, trying to prevent myself from breaking down and bawling like a baby. "Thank you. Take care of yourself and each other. You'll both be in my constant prayers."

  They stood side by side, as I pressed some money into Suzie's hand. One last hug and kiss and then good-bye. They climbed up into the truck and slowly drove away. Suzie and I blew kisses at each other until the rig turned the corner and we could no longer see one another. I could hold back my grief no longer. My daughter had been torn from my side. I stood there crying inconsolably as I watched their tail lights disappear into one of the darkest, dreariest nights of my life.

  I didn’t know then that four long years would pass before my daughter and I would again wrap our arms around each other.

  Exit Simon. Exit my darling daughter, Suzie.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Dick Makes a Move

  "Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it,

  and finds himself no wiser than before."

  -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

  Day after day, Dick droned on and on. "I'm so glad that Simon is out of my hair and out of my life."

  Grieving that my beloved daughter had been thrust into the fray and forced to flee more than a thousand miles away from me, I was sitting at the desk paying Dicks, when I could endure Dick's gloating no longer. I erupted, spewing out everything that I had learned on that faithful evening in the church parking lot.

  Dick's eyes narrowed. Through clenched teeth, he hissed like the snake he was. "Simon's a damned liar! And you're crazy to believe him. I feel like fixing your clock for good!"