Volatile Breath of Darkness

by Candice Stauffer

  what? To help Demetri find and kill her sister? Knowing she had caused her sister’s demise would have

  destroyed her. “He could have killed you tonight, Brianna.”

  “No. You’re wrong. You don’t understand. He came to me for help. He is desperate. He was

  protecting me from the worst of the pain. He explained everything to me. I swear he would never do

  anything to hurt her or me for that matter. He only wanted me to help him find her. She is trapped.”

  “He wanted you to lead him to your sister so he could kill her.” he explained.

  “No.” She shook her head. “Didn’t you hear me? I thought so too for a moment, but that is not what

  he wanted. He only wants to find her to save her. She is trapped in a catatonic state, but he does not know

  where.”

  “He lied to you. If he hasn’t already killed your sister it means that she has managed to do the

  impossible. She has remained hidden from him. He has chosen to give himself to Mary Tate. He cannot

  have her as a true mate until he kills your sister. That is why he wants to find your sister. That is why he

  used you to get to her.”

  “How can I lead him to her when I don’t know where she is?”

  “Why ask? You know the answer. Demetri explained it to you. You are her blood sister. As long as

  you are both alive you will have a connection to her.”

  “I don’t understand how it works. Can I follow the connection to find her?” she asked.

  “I seriously doubt it. You are human. You will never possess the power to do it.”

  “Could we do it together like Demetri and I did it?” Her suddenly hopeful expression irritated him.

  She should not have such unshakable faith in another male. Just hearing the bastards name come from her

  lips irritated the hell out of him.

  “No.” The truth was that Nikolas had tried to find Sara by way of Brianna’s blood bond to her many

  times, but he had never been successful.

  “Can we try?”

  “No.” Yes. They could. But he wasn’t going to do it. Hope nearly killed her. He refused to give her

  any reason to believe it was possible. .

  “Take me home.” He knew what she was not saying. She was desperate to get the hell away from

  him so she could get in touch with Demetri.

  “This is your home. Get used to it.”

  He was being cruel, launching an emotional attack on her. It was an act of revenge plain and simple.

  He was making a huge mistake, but he refused to take a softer line with her or simply walk away until he

  had a chance to calm down. What if Demetri had killed her? How would he have survived the loss? He

  ached to touch, to hold her, to comfort her…to soothe himself, but jealously, ferocious and all-

  consuming, smoldered in his soul. It was dark and ugly. When he had been so desperate to get to her, to

  protect her, she pushed him aside to merge her mind with another male.

  She lifted her head as if to meet his gaze. “You are not…Nikolas, you are blocking me. Why?” He

  felt her pain and her confusion as she stared up at him blindly. He saw it in her eyes. He heard it in her

  voice. He had hurt her by keeping his mind closed to her. It nearly brought him to his knees to beg for

  forgiveness. Straightening his shoulders, he shook his head. He would not apologize. He would not admit

  to any wrong doing. Clearly, he was the one who had been betrayed by her.

  “That’s right.” Realizing his hands were trembling with the effort it took to not touch her, he

  clenched his fists at his sides. “I am.” Like a stubborn little boy refusing to admit he had made a mistake

  because his feelings were hurt, he crossed his arms over his chest and he stared at her as he waited for her

  response.

  Sighing, she tilted her head to the side. “Because you are mad at me?”

  “No.” She was giving him another chance by trying to get him to talk, to open up to her and work it

  out, but that was not his way. It would never be. He was a male demon not a weak human male. He was

  not kind. He was not a push over. He sure as hell did not need to talk out his hurt feelings with her.

  “Because a master never shares his mind with his slave.”

  Eyes going wide, she opened her mouth as if she would respond, but then she closed it and turned

  her back to him. He had never intimately shared his mind with anyone as he did with her. Deeply.

  Completely. And how had she repaid him? She had rejected him. She had slapped him across the face.

  “Why do you look shocked? I promised you would know how it felt to be my slave if you survived, didn’t

  I?” She had broken his heart. She had scared the hell out of him.

  Though she could not see him she turned to face him again. “Do you hope to punish me so that I

  regret the fact that Demetri did not kill me?”

  “No,” he answered immediately. “Of course not.” He had gone too far. The revelation caused his

  heart to thunder, to pound painfully against the walls of his chest.

  “It has been a very long night. I am tired, Nikolas.” She turned her back to him again.

  He almost reached out to her, but he stopped. He had nothing to feel guilty about. She had been the

  one to reject him. He never would have pushed her aside to permit another woman to access to his mind.

  While walking toward the bed, she tripped over the blanket and stumbled. He moved quickly and

  caught her arm before she fell. “Do not touch me!” He heard tears in her voice as she yanked her arm out

  of his grip. “Don’t you dare touch me ever again!”

  Without thought he took her into his arms and bent his head to kiss her. Palms planted against his

  chest, she struggled to push him away. Obviously mad over the fact that she could not push him away,

  she bit his lip hard. He kept his arms around her, but he pulled back to look at her.

  Frowning up at him, fury burned in her beautiful blue eyes. “Let me go.”

  He tasted blood on his bottom lip. “You bit me.” And he enjoyed it. He laughed softly. Rather than

  respond, she stared up at him as if looking for something. Oh, damn. She could not see him. He

  immediately opened his mind to her. He was shocked when she did not enter it. “I never should have

  blocked you, little one.”

  “You might as well put a brick wall back around that septic tank you call your brain. Honestly, I

  prefer not mucking around in it.”

  He reached out and lightly caressed her cheek with the tips of his fingers. “You do not mean it. I lost

  my temper. It was wrong. I know I went too far. I am so sorry for the way I hurt you. Merge with me.”

  As if burned, she flinched at his touch. “Never again. I understand that I cannot stop you from

  entering my mind, but that doesn’t mean I cannot stay the hell out of yours. I cannot deal with your mood

  swings. I won’t to even try anymore. I am done with you, Nikolas.” No. Not burned. She had recoiled as

  if repulsed by his touch.

  “You cannot see unless you merge with me.”

  “Oh shoot. Really? I could not possible get by without seeing you. By all means I will sell my soul to

  the devil for the opportunity to look him in the eyes.” Clearly disgusted, she shook her head. “I would

  rather be blind than dependent on you for anything ever again. The cost has completely drained me dry.”

  “I was wrong.”

  “Agreed. Get over it. I have. Leave me alone. This poor fragile human is beyond exhausted.”

  “No.” He knew better than to walk away from her at
that moment. Even if he didn’t, he couldn’t.

  One way or another he had to make sure she understood why he had behaved in such a ruthless manner.

  “I won’t try to make excuses for my behavior. All I can do is beg you to forgive me though I know I don’t

  deserve it. I cannot change what I am. Not really. I can do my best to grow and learn to be more

  understanding. I can learn to be gentler with you. But you must understand that my greatest need will

  always be to protect you above all else including myself. I would not think twice before killing anyone

  who dared to become a threat to you. Today I lost it when I found myself in the unique position of

  realizing you were a threat to yourself.”

  “Wow. Talk about having a brilliant light bulb moment. This thing we…no. This insanity we have

  makes perfect sense now.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Oh I am sorry. I did not realize you were not monitoring my thoughts. Since the day we met I have

  been my biggest threat. That is why you’ve been trying to destroy me slowly by seducing me one minute

  and rejecting me the next. You in all your great almightiness are protecting me from me.”

  “I could make it easier for you. I could cause you to forget I exist. You do not need to know me for

  me to watch over you.” It was an empty threat. He was not sure it was true. Their connection was deep.

  She lifted her chin and gave him a fierce smile. “Do it.”

  “Don’t tempt me.”

  “Tempt you? Ha! I’m begging you to do it. I never meant to start this…this ridiculous battle with

  you. I cannot fight you. I cannot run away from you. I gave my heart to you in vain. Being an average

  everyday human I made the mistake of putting you so far up on pedestal, because I thought of you as a

  god. Your abilities are far beyond my understanding, but you are nothing like god. Not at all. You are too

  unsure of yourself.”

  “I have many flaws, but we are chained together whether you like it or not.”

  “I fell so deeply in love with you. It was easily discernible, but I refused to acknowledge the truth.

  Destiny brought us together, but we will always be better off staying as far away from each other as

  possible. I still believe we were meant to be together. Something happened. It changed you. It filled you

  with doubt. The idea of trusting yourself enough to be with me terrified you the night we met. Your fear

  of failing me, of hurting me eventually caused you to hate our attachment. It is okay, Nikolas. You can

  relax. I won’t give you a hard time anymore. I no longer possess any desire to deny the truth. I don’t need

  to convince you to reject it anymore. I recently realized that fate screwed up. You are not the right match

  for me. Until the night you cast me out of your bed, I cherished the idea of being bond to you. I despise it

  now. It hijacked my life. I gave you my heart, my soul.”

  Without her touch, without her in his life he could not exist. He could never continue a day without

  her. “I do not hate the idea of it. You do not feel contempt for it.”

  “Why are fighting me? I have finally come around to your way of thinking. Don’t worry. You have

  not lost ownership of your mate. I will never be free to fall in love with a man that wants to share his life

  with me. I will keep on loving you until I take my last breath. It’s not fair. I do not like you at all

  anymore. Not even a little. I am doomed to love you. I used to feel sorry for you, but my pity has

  shriveled up and died with my denial. I regret ever knowing you.”

  Each word that left her mouth caused a serrated blade to sink deeper into his heart. He wanted to stop

  her several times, but he resisted the impulse to spare himself any pain. He had earned it. He had hurt her

  over and over again. She had not deserved a single second of the agony he had forced her go through. She

  meant what she was saying. She was finished. It was his turn to start fighting. There had to be a way to

  make her want to want him again. “You have every right to give up. I have failed to give you any reason

  to want me. No excuse could ever undo the damage I have done to our relationship. An apology could

  never make amends for the heartache I have caused you. My behavior has been deplorable. I don’t expect

  you to like me. I do not deserve your forgiveness. Allow me to prove that I am sorry for hurting you. Give

  me an opportunity to earn your trust and respect.”

  “It is too late, Nikolas.”

  He saw indecision in her eyes, in her downturned lips. He felt it in her soul. Rather than rushing her

  to come to a conclusion, he waited. “I want to believe you, but it is too…oh, Nikolas. It scares me.”

  Opening his mind to her again, hoping she would merge with him, he took her hand. . And she did.

  Looking up at him, finally seeing him, she smiled at him. His heart melted. “Brianna…”

  “Wait. Let me finish. A few years ago when you saved me from the fire at the club, I knew we were

  connected in some big way. It was not long before I realized we were destined to be together as one. All

  this time, I have been waiting for you to accept me for who and what I am. I believed that on some level

  your doubt in me was preventing you from being with me, but I was wrong, just as wrong as you were

  today. I was not the threat to myself today. You were the threat.”

  “You took the necklace off. You merged your mind with Demetri.”

  “Why did you give it to me the night we met?” she asked.

  “For protection.”

  “Would it have been so important for me to wear it if you trusted yourself enough to truly be honest

  with me?”

  Of course it would not have been as essential, but there was no way in hell he was going to admit it.

  “Whether or not I trust myself has nothing to do with it.”

  “The necklace was for your peace of mind. It ensured my safety while allowing you to avoid truly

  giving yourself to me. It allowed you to remain a distance from me when being close became too much

  for you to handle.”

  “You have all of me.”

  “I don’t have any doubt in your love for me. You doubt yourself. You do not like yourself. Why are

  you so hard on yourself?”

  “I know what I am.”

  “Your inability to embrace what you are and trust yourself was the threat to me today.”

  “That is not true. You chose to believe another male over me.”

  “I did not pick Demetri over you. I only wanted to find my sister. I love her. You would be lying if

  you said that you would not do anything, go to any length to find Haden if he disappeared.”

  “Of course I would. But it is different. You cannot compare us. I would not be risking my life for

  him. You jeopardized your life.”

  “And you would not put your life on the line for him?”

  “It is not the same.”

  “Why?”

  “Look at you. You are perfectly beautiful from the inside out. Your life is precious. You are like a

  bright light shining in a sea of total utter darkness. You chase my shadows away with every time you look

  into my eyes. Now, look at me. I lost my temper with you today and gave you a small taste of the

  darkness in me. There is much more, too much. Sometimes I feel as though it is collapsing around me and

  will eventually swallow me up.”

  “I scared you. I hurt you. Fear and pain are powerful emotions. You are extremely powerful. Your

  emotions are just as strong.
I do not blame you for being upset and throwing a fit. I might have done the

  same thing.”

  “You are making excuses for me. It was not a little fit.”

  “A minute ago you said that you wanted a chance to prove to me that you were sorry, did you not?”

  “I did.”

  “Look beyond what you see as darkness in you to see the goodness in you as I do. If you do it you

  will no longer doubt yourself. You will never push me away again. Drive me insane with your male

  nuttiness? Absolutely. But you would never raise a hand against me or betray me. You would never use

  your power to destroy me.”

  “I want to believe it. I do. But I am so afraid. ” He looked down. At some point while talking she had

  unbuttoned his shirt. Holding his breath, he watched her hand move lovingly over his bare chest.

  “This is it, Nikolas.”

  At war with his sound understanding of the danger he represented to her and his all-consuming

  desire to make love with her, the only woman he would ever love, he took a deep breath and held it.

  “We will begin our forever right now, or we will never begin it.” Forcing his entire focus to narrow

  in on her delectable body, she released the blanket.

  He indulged himself by taking a moment to study the sight of her standing before him completely

  naked. He met her gaze for several seconds, but then he closed his eyes as she pushed his shirt over his

  shoulders and down his arms. As it fell to their feet he sensed she had taken a few steps back. “I need you.

  I cannot wait any longer. See yourself as I see you, Nikolas. Trust what I see and know. Give yourself to

  me completely now and forever or never.”

  When he opened his eyes he discovered she had moved to the edge of his bed. She had long ago

  given her heart and soul to him. Now, standing before him, offering her body to him for the second time,

  she held out her hand to him. “I will find a way to bump you off if you banish me from your bed after we

  make love again.”

  “I am immortal.”

  “I will find a way to do it.”

  “I would help you.” In an instant he moved across the room and took her in his arms. “Now.”

  Bringing her with him he sat down on the edge of the bed. Holding her hips, he supported her weight until