“I need for you to listen before you ask any questions, okay? Can you agree to that?”
“I can, but you don’t have to do this. We can take it slow.”
“No, I need to explain, and it has to be now.”
“Okay, I promise to only listen until I can speak,” he says, and I laugh at how he’s trying to lighten the mood. With a deep breath and long sigh, I’m ready for the rawest moment of my life.
“When I was eighteen I was diagnosed with a disease called Endometriosis. I’ve been battling it ever since, and there’s no cure or anything. It’s not something you can catch, but it effects my body in ways that you can’t see. Not to mention my fertility. Last night when you were tracing my stomach, I freaked because of the scar that I have. Every year or so I have to have a new surgery, which means the scar gets deeper and deeper. I didn’t want you to see it as it would cause you to question what it’s from. I wasn’t ready to bare that wound to you yet, but now, I need you to know that I wear it on my heart. It’s who I am… In a way, it defines me. I try to not allow it to, but it does.
“You asked about mine and Brody’s relationship; that’s where he comes in and leaves. I couldn’t give him my heart because I knew he wanted more, and I may not be able to give him or you that. I want children, hell I want like four, but my reality is that it may never happen.
“The doctor wants to remove my dead ovary soon, and that leaves me with one that’s half good. I don’t want you to think that I love you because of what you can offer me. Neil is a bonus to the feelings I have for you. But you have to understand that my friends and Brody have been there. They’ve been around when I can’t get up from the bed because the pain is too bad to face the day. They’ve been through the countless surgeries that I’ve had, and possibly will be there for the next one. See, I’m broken, and I don’t have much to offer other than my heart. I can’t promise you the world will always be good with me. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to run around with Neil and push him on the swing, but… I can promise that I’ll try. I’ll do what I can and give what I have until you can’t take it anymore. But you have to understand that my heart is in the right place. I love you, Evan, and I also love Brody, but in a different way. He’s been my protector for so long that he doesn’t know how to be anything else. That’s always been our hang up. He’s always treated me like I would break, and you don’t. I know now that I’m not as fragile as I thought I was, and I know that I deserve to be happy. You make me happy… You make me want to love and to try for the first time in my life for more than I thought was possible.”
I stop and take him in. Even in the night I can see the glistening water forming in his eyes. Evan doesn’t say anything. He quickly moves before me and kneels, taking my hands into his.
“Can I speak now?”
“Yes, but I might cry, so I’ll warn you now.”
“That’s okay, I’ll wash them away,” he says before taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “Frankie, I saw the scar, and I know that’s what caused you to jump. I knew in time you would tell me, but I need you to know that it doesn’t define you.” He reaches up, placing a hand over my heart before he continues. “This is what defines you. You are you because you love the way the world looks through your camera. You are you because of the way you love your friends and family. Not because some scar is on your body. That’s a part of your history and what helps form what you believe in, not what defines you.
“Can I say I want more kids—yes, one day I would like to give Neil a brother or sister, but if that doesn’t happen, then it’s not meant to be. Maybe my situation and us meeting each other was destiny. Neither of us know where this is going, but I can tell you that I will fight for us and what I think could be our future. Waking up in your arms this morning scared me. It wasn’t because of what happened, it was knowing that it might never happen again. I want to watch you sleep. I want to bring you tea when you’re sick. I want Neil and I to light up your darker days. So, what do you say? Want to stick around and see what trouble we can get into?”
“Yes, I do want that very much. I’m sorry for being a mushy girl and going a little cray cray.”
“It’s fine, I like a little crazy with my wine,” he says before kissing me deeply. We break apart when I hear my phone ringing. I look over and see Zara’s name on the screen. I quickly answer as it’s late, and she usually doesn’t call at this time of night.
“Hello.”
“It’s go time, bitch; this alien is about to pop out. You coming or not?”
“Oh my God, where are you? Where’s Hatcher?”
“Driving me to the hospital, see you there.”
I hang up and jump up as I search for my keys. “Shit,” I say out loud as I’ve had a few glasses of wine and panic as I need to get to the hospital.
“Give me just a second, let me call Sheila. She will come over and sit with Neil until my mother can get here.”
“Sheila!”
“Calm down, it’s a simple fix, and she’s watched him before.”
Jealousy overcomes me with the thought of Sheila being over here watching Neil, but this is an emergency. I race out the door and pace the driveway as I wait for Sheila to arrive. As soon as we see her, Evan explains that Neil is asleep and his mother will be here in about thirty minutes. I love the fact that he doesn’t rely on Sheila for the whole night as that might work my last nerve. She’d love to sink her paws into my man, and after what transpired tonight, I’m the one staking claim now.
Chapter 15
I swear Evan can’t drive fast enough. Internally I’m freaking out from the fear of missing the birth of my god-daughter. I promised Zara that I would be right by her side as she experienced this. I tried to protest this, but she and Hatcher want me there. I think this is her way of allowing me to experience it as close as I possibly can; for that I thank her. The exit for the hospital comes into view. I squeeze Evan’s hand a little tighter than I should. I can’t help it… I open my phone to double check that I don’t have a message from anyone then slide it back down to my lap before I give myself a panic attack.
“Seriously, can you drive a little faster, old man?”
“Driving as fast as I can. I’d rather not kill us both on such a special day. Pretty sure that wouldn’t go over very well with your friends, nor my son.”
“True, I’ll wait over here as Zara pushes without me.”
“Frankie, her water broke. She’s going to be fine. It could take hours before the baby even arrives.”
“Oh, you totally don’t know Zara… She’s like one of the jack in the boxes that jump out and scare the shit out of you but also gives you complete enjoyment up until that moment. She will pounce that child if it takes too long. Like really, Evan, she is not someone to mess with. That poor child has its work cut out for her when she enters this world.”
“I’ve seen her in action, and I’ll admit she’s possibly the only female that can cause my balls to curl up and hide when I’m around her.”
“That’s funny, and even though I don’t have balls, she does the same to me—just for the record,” I say as I sling the door open and race toward the entrance to the hospital. I turn around to find Evan and see he’s slowly entering through the sliding doors. I motion for him to hurry as I continue toward the elevator. Quickly inside, I stop the door from closing to allow him enough time to enter. Once he’s safely inside, I punch the third floor in on the keypad and wait. The ding from the doors opening alerts me to that we’re here, and I jump off the metal box with a new stride. I notice Morgan, Jayden, Natasha, Diesel, Brody, and Mary Beth all in the waiting room. Out of breath, I ask, “I haven’t missed it yet, have I?”
“No, they said for us to send you back when you got here,” Morgan states as she yells out the room number.
I’m halfway down the hallway before I realize I didn’t tell Evan bye. I quickly turn and head back over to where he’s sitting next to Jayden. I lean down and place a kiss on hi
s lips and yell, “Love you, later,” and I’m off just a quick as I came back. It doesn’t even dawn on me that I spoke louder than I intended; hell for that matter, I’m pretty sure I screamed it at him. The excitement from tonight is too much to calm me, and the need to shout from the roof that I’m in love and fixing to be a godmother is taking over. Straightening my composure, I knock on the door and wait.
“Thank God you are here. You need to calm her down before I let her deliver alone,” Hatcher practically screams at me.
“No worries, I got this,” I respond as I toss my purse over to the chair and head directly toward the bed where my friend is connected to all kinds of machines. I listen to the echoes of a heartbeat through the room, and I smile down at Zara.
“You ready for this?”
“Yes… No… I don’t know, I just want it out and out now.”
“You know, for the record, you totally cock-blocked me tonight. I think you owe me one.”
“I owe you one? You’re serious right now? I’m about to rip my shit apart, and you’re over here worrying about getting the big ‘D’.”
“Dead serious… I already had it once and know what I’m missing out on,” I explain as I lean down to her ear. “And for the record, that was before the L word was thrown out; now I know it’ll be even better.” I knew this statement would cause her to lose all focus on what was happening in down south.
Zara’s head turns so quick I almost get whiplash from it. “You had sex with Evan and didn’t tell me? And for that matter, you told him you loved him?”
“Alright, this is my cue to go out and check on everyone else. I’ll be back in a few,” Hatcher exclaims as he leaves us alone for a few minutes.
“I did to both, but it was an accident. He said it back, and we are really going to give this a try.”
“Well, I saw this coming.”
“Oh, really now, you did, huh?”
“I did… Your face changes when he’s in the room, and I’ve only been around you two a few times. That was enough to see through it all. Now, tell me how big?”
“Zara James, you little devil, I am not telling you how big he is.”
“Why? I’ll tell you about Hatcher; we can compare notes. It would be too weird if you’d tell me about Brody. That’s like finding out your brother has a big one…”
“Well, I can say it’s nice, and I’d be happy to have it for the rest of my life.”
“I’ll take that for now. Want to know how my water broke? Hatcher may never recover, but he thought it would be fun to have sex to see if I could go into labor. Guess it worked, but I might need a new bed before we go home.”
“Really, did you just tell me your water broke while having sex? You do realize that I will not be able to resist telling the girls this?”
“I know, pretty crazy, huh?”
“This is something that only happens to you.”
“I know. Hey, I have a question.” Zara says as she grabs my hand into hers. I pull the chair closer and take a seat.
“What’s that?”
“Did you tell him? Does he know about everything?”
“He does. I told him tonight as I wanted to be clear from the start. He seems okay with it, and I plan to take it one day at a time. That’s all I can do,” I say, shrugging.
“I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, but I have more… I joined on with Devon today. I’m going to work in a real studio, and I even have a showing coming up with him.”
“Ohhhh shit… Okay, that’s awesome,” Zara screams, and it takes me a moment to realize that she’s having a contraction.
“Are you still refusing drugs?”
“Yes, but right now I think I might change my mind.”
“No, remember I’m here to make sure you stick to the plan… No drugs, you can do this.”
“Would you like your vagina to rip in half and have a person come out of it without drugs?”
“Nope, I’d totally take the drugs, but that’s me and not you, so suck it up and deal.”
“Okay, remember that right now. I might need you to remind me again on the next one or two. Plus, I’m going to hold this against you for awhile, just so we’re clear.”
“Crystal clear, want me to get Hatcher?”
“He’ll be back when he thinks the coast is clear, but you might want to get the nurse. I feel like I need to you know…”
“No, what is you know?” I ask, even though I already know the answer and just want her to say it. It’s funny when she says poop. Zara is the bluntest person I know, but to her, that is the most embarrassing thing ever to talk about. Yes, I might be using her to entertain me currently, but she’d do and has done the same to me. I reach over and hit the red button on the clicker, explaining to the nurse that we need her for a moment. Just as soon as I go to stand to get Hatcher, he and the nurse enter to room. I offer a gentle smile to him as I know he’s panicking on the inside.
“Zara, I’m going to do a quick check and see where we are, okay,” the nurse says. I try to take her mind off everything, but I can tell she’s uncomfortable. “Looks like we are ready to have a baby. Let me page the doctor, and you just wait it out a little longer. I’ll be right back.”
I look up at Hatcher who is now pure white, and I laugh to myself as it’s a good thing I’m in here. Pretty sure we might lose him at any moment. Leaning down to Zara’s ear, I whisper soft enough for only her to hear. “You are going to be an amazing mother, and I know this because you’re the best friend any girl could have. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you guys, love you a million times infinity.”
“Love you, and thank you,” she says as she grabs both mine and Hatcher’s hands into hers. She’s wanted her daughter out for so long that she’s pushed the fact of being scared of becoming a mother to the back of her mind. Right now… For the first time ever, I’m witnessing fear on my best friend’s face. I know as soon as she hears her cry for the first time, it’ll be gone in a jiff.
“Alright, Zara, let’s have a baby,” her doctor says, entering the room. I watch as the nurses bring the equipment closer and adjust the bed for delivery. Now it’s me who’s scared when her legs get placed in the stirrups. The doctor explains what he needs for us to do and for Zara to do as he positions himself between her legs. I’m not sure how long we coach her along with pushing, but before I know it, the cries from a beautiful, healthy baby girl fill the room. I squeeze her hand, and glance over to the scale where they are checking her over. They get Zara cleaned up and positioned for the baby.
“Mrs. James, would you like to meet your daughter?” the nurse asks beside me, causing to me to move to the side, allowing her room to bring Zara and Hatcher their daughter. I lean down and offer a gentle kiss to the top of Zara’s head as I excuse myself.
“Frankie, stop… We want you to be here for this, and I want you to meet her before everyone else does.” I turn back and smile at my friend who’s giving me the greatest gift she could possibly give me. The emotions that are flowing through me are uncontrollable now, and I let the tears of joy flow like I’ve never allowed them.
Positioned close enough to witness, I watch as the nurse hands Zara the baby. Both of their faces light up with love, joy, and uncensored happiness. “Frankie, come closer and look at how perfect she is.”
I do as instructed and can’t help the fact that more tears start to flow as I take the three of them in.
“We have a question we want to ask you. Zara and I would like to name her Madison Francesca James. Is that okay with you?” Hatcher asks, taking my breath away. They’ve kept the final name from us all until this moment, and I’m speechless that they’ve chosen to use my name for her.
“I think it’s a beautiful name and would be honored for her to have it. Now, I need to go let all our friends and family know that I just had an amazing little girl named after me. Take some time to yourselves, and when I come back, be prepared to hand her over to me,” I say.
&
nbsp; I wasn’t prepared for this…
I wasn’t ready for this desire to have my own family like I have right now…
I want this… I want to give Evan this… I want to make a family with the man I love and give him what he missed out on.
I step out into the hall and lean against the wall. The room is spinning, and I can’t control my feelings. Before I know it, my legs give out, and I fall to the cold, dingy tile below me. I let out all the emotion that I’ve hidden for so many years as I cry as quietly as I can. I’m not sure how long I’m on the floor before I hear his voice.
“Frankie, look at me, baby… What’s wrong? Are they okay?”
I look up at Evan and smile before I respond. “They’re perfect, she’s perfect, and I want one. I want to try, and I know it’s early and things are confusing, but I don’t want to give up. You make me want to go for the gold.”
“So that’s what it takes, huh?” I hear the venom in Brody’s voice. When I look up at him, it sinks in what I just admitted out loud in front of all of our friends. I wasn’t thinking when I said it. I was just caught up in the moment and had to express myself. I quickly stand and run after Brody as he’s racing toward the elevator.
“Brody, stop—please,” I yell out for him. He stops mid-stride and turns toward me.
“I thought letting you go would be easy… I thought maybe giving you time to figure it out would make you come back. Now, I realize that it’s never going to happen. You’ll never look at me as you just did with him. I need time, Frankie.” He looks over at Mary Beth who’s holding back the tears from our outburst. When his eyes land back on mine, Brody just stares at me for a long time. The ding from the doors opening causes him to turn away. When he steps inside, he says, “Tell them congrats for me and that I’ll come up in the afternoon to see the baby. Mary Beth, you coming?”
I watch as she strides in next to him. Her eyes speak volumes of pain back at me, but they also show compassion for what’s happened. The way the dynamic of us has shifted in just a brief moment. Evan comes up and spins me around to his chest, allowing me time to get it out before we have to go back in and see our friends. Before I pull away, he leans in and says, “I want the world with you too, Frankie. Just tell me when.”
Heated Sweets (A Taste of Love Book 3) Page 13