by L. Grubb
Text copyright © 2015
L. Grubb
All rights reserved
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organisations, places and events are the products of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any other means without permission from the Author.
Cover copyright © 2015
The cover of this book is primarily the author’s, any illegal distribution will have legal action taken against them in a court of law.
Acknowledgements
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Epilogue
Excerpt of Pain by Ashley Wheels
About the Author
Crusaders MC Series
An Honest Mistake
The Last Betrayal
Champ & Lauren
Cobra & Alexis
Coming Soon
Holding Onto Hope
Firstly, I want to thank my amazing cover designer, Clarissa Wild - www.boomingcovers.blogspot.com - for designing my AMAZING cover. I love it. And because perfection is her middle name, she’s made it that way. Amazing talent and an amazing friend.
I want to thank Leigh Stone for formatting for me again, I really appreciate it.
https://www.facebook.com/FormattingByLeigh/
I want to thank my amazing friend, Sheila Kell. She’s been absolutely fantastic and has helped me so much. She’s a valued friend and much like family to me. Thank you! (FANTASTIC AUTHOR too!)
Kelly Hamley, you’ve supported me since I first started writing and without the encouragement you sent my way, I would never have even got passed the first book! (AMAZING AUTHOR too!)
My STREET TEAM, Bonnie Mancuso, Mary M. Sembera, Lisa Morgan, Emma Parrott, and everyone else, thank you so so much for all your support, even before reading my work you showed untimely support and I will be forever grateful.
Keren Hughes, by far my #1 fan! You’ve been nothing short of fantastic to me, making me swag, designing my bookmarks and telling me how much you love my book. Both of them seeing as you read this one as I wrote! I love ya to pieces,
remember you’re like a sister to me. Xx
To Bella Williams; girl you are amazing, and I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done from me. I love you chick! <3 xxx
My mum, Jacs Dugdale, for supporting me in my adventure into writing, who is reading this book now to give me criticism that only she can.
My auntie Liane, you’ve inspired me so much! When you wrote your first book, I knew I wanted to follow in your footsteps, and here I am! Thank you for always believing in me.
Lastly, My little princess. Sofia. I love you so much baby girl, you inspire me everyday to be a better person, to not slip off the deep end. I love you unconditionally and I love watching you grow into your own little person. You battle your severe eczema with so much pride, that I envy you for your not letting other kids pick on you because of you face, and how brave you through you asthma episodes. I love you so much, princess. <3 Here’s to our future! *raises can of coke*
“Push, baby!” Cobra shouts at me. Sweat pours down my face and trickles between my breasts as the excruciating pain radiates across my abdomen. Fucking shit, this hurts! I’m pretty sure I’ve broken Cobra’s hand but being the good sport that he is, hasn’t moaned about it at all, waving off my apologies after a contraction has ended with a dismissive hand.
“I can’t do it anymore!” I cry out, sagging back onto the bed after a push that felt never ending.
“You can, Alexis, I know you can,” Cobra soothes as he wipes the pooling sweat from my chest and brow with a cool, wet cloth.
“Okay, Alexis, I need you to pant. Your baby’s head is almost out.” The nurse tells me, smiling at me. “That’s it, well done. Your baby’s head is out, on the next contraction, I want you to bear down and push for me.”
I take some deep breaths as the searing pain between my legs eases slightly. My tummy tightens painfully and I push with everything I have. My legs, in the stirrups, are trembling and Cobra is encouraging me as he takes a peak between my legs.
“Ahhh!” I shout out as the ripping pain takes over my entire body. The sound of a screaming baby fills the room and I collapse back in exhaustion. My body aches, my vagina feels like it’s been ripped in two and my legs have gone numb.
“Happy birthday, little one.” The nurse, in her dark blue uniform, says, wrapping our baby in a blanket and putting a little woollen hat on its head. “Congratulations, mommy and daddy, you have a baby girl.”
She hands me our baby who’s gone to sleep and goes back to the end of the bed to clean me up.
“Hello, Amalie-Jane,” I coo as I stroke the silky smooth skin of our tiny baby. “You’re perfect.”
Cobra is leaning across and smiling wide, his pearly white teeth on display and eyes shimmering with happiness. “God, she’s beautiful. Just like her momma.” I tilt my head up to look at him and he leans down, kissing me softly on the lips. “Well done, sweetheart, you did it.”
“We did it,” I corrected him, letting my focus go back to baby Amalie-Jane. We decided on a name for either a boy or girl close to the beginning of my pregnancy. We also both agreed not to find out the sex to make the birth experience that much better.
“I love you, Alexis. You’ve made me a proud man. I need to go phone around, let everyone know. Lauren is already outside waiting impatiently. I’ll send her in.” Kissing me on the forehead and brushing back my hair, he smiles sweetly and turns his attention to Amalie. Leaning down, he brushes his lips over her cheeks, disturbing her peaceful sleep.
After the door closes behind him, I let my tears fall. This is an experience I’ll never forget, ever. Beautiful, perfect Amalie will be the centre of my world for the rest of my life and I can’t wait to share all this with Cobra. A life we both dreamed of having together.
This day couldn’t get any more perfect.
“Oh, babe, she’s gorgeous!” Lauren squeals excitedly, bounding into the room like she has a rocket up her ass. “She has your nose and Cobra’s mouth. Oh, she’s so cute!”
“Hello to you too, Lauren.” I laugh, shaking my head at her.
“Sorry, Alexis, but she’s so adorable I couldn’t help blurting it out. How are you feeling?” She bends down slightly to kiss my cheek and then places her butt in the big blue chair by my bedside.
“Yeah, I’m feeling great. Incredible actually, considering I just pushed this little one out of my damn vagina.” We both laugh before I continue, “But I haven’t tried walking yet. I know that’s going to be a bitch!” Lauren winced. I keep forgetting that she has all this to come. “Oops, sorry, chick. Didn’t mean to put you off.”
“It's okay, Alexis,” Lauren laughs. “I do know how a baby is born, and I know it’s going to hurt like a motherfucker.”
“Understatement of the year,” I mumble quietly so she doesn’t hear. We’re both silent as we watch Amalie-Jayne suck on her tiny fist.
“Looks like she’s ready for her first feed, mommy,” the nurse in blue says, laying a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Are you breast feeding or formula?”
“Formula. We decided that so we can take it in turns to feed her.” I smiled up at the nurse and peeked at her name badge. Sarah. Pretty name.
“No problem, I�
��ll grab that for you now.” She turned and walked out the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.
“Can you put her in the cot? I’m so tired that I don’t trust myself to hold her for much longer.” Saying this, I yawn loudly. It wasn’t one of those exaggerated yawns, it was real.
Lauren lifts Amalie from me and places her gently on the blankets in the cot before turning to me and saying, “I’ll let you rest. See you soon, babe.” She kisses me on the cheek before leaving and I’m soon drifting off to sleep.
I open my eyes to bright light and sterile walls. Disorientated, I slide myself up the bed painstakingly aware of the throb between my legs, wincing, I stop and sit there half dazed staring around the white room.
Using my fists, I rub the last bit of sleepiness from my eyes but abruptly stop when I hear the small whimper of a baby. Everything comes back to me clearly, flashbacks of labour and pain wash over me and I glance to my left and down a little, and there lays my baby. Amalie. Beautiful, adorable, perfection. My little slice of heaven wrapped up in little pink blankets with a woollen bonnet on her head. Her eyes are open, her arms flailing about and wiggling. Red faced, she lets out an almighty scream and I soon have her in my arms, cooing her to calm her down. When nothing I try works, I begin to panic that somethings wrong and press the button by the side of my bed, calling a nurse to my bedside.
Not even two minutes later, Nurse Sarah comes in with a bright smile. “Oh my, she must be ready for her next feed.” She consults her watch hanging above her left breast. “Yes, it’s been three hours, she needs her next feed. I’ll be right back.” She’s gone as quickly as she arrived, leaving me with an upset Amalie whose tears are soaking into the shoulder of my hospital gown. I don’t remember feeding her, I’m pretty sure I fell asleep before Nurse Sarah came back with the formula for her. She must have fed her for me. I’m grateful, I was so damn tired I wouldn’t have been able to do it myself anyway.
I start singing to her softly, a lullaby my mom used to sing to me when I was a kid.
“Golden slumbers kiss your eyes,
Smiles await you when you rise.
Sleep,
Pretty baby,
Do not cry,
And I will sing a lullaby.”
Being so engrossed in singing and smoothing along Amalie’s cheek, I didn’t notice Nurse Sarah standing in the doorway with a baby bottle in hand, smiling softly at me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt you. You have an amazing voice.
“Please, I don’t. I only ever sing when I’m alone in the shower or cooking breakfast in the morning when my man is still asleep.” I can feel the blush creep up my neck to settle on my cheeks, the heat enveloping my face makes a single drop of sweat fall from my brow.
“I’m sorry, love, I didn’t mean to embarrass you, but you really are very good.” She gives me a warm smile and hands me the small hospital issue bottle for Amalie who has started up her wailing again in search of food.
“Shh, shhh. Here you go, baby.” I place the teat of the bottle to her lips and she opens greedily, guzzling it down as if it’s her last meal.
Her little hands wrap around my middle finger as I hold the bottle to her mouth, her eyes drifting closed ready for a milk induced sleep. I smile down at my beautiful baby girl, my chest swelling with love for her. She’s a mixture of us both; Cobra’s eyes and mouth, my little button nose and a head of dirty blonde hair. She has small chubby cheeks and long fingers. She’s perfect. She’s everything I dreamed about and everything that I only ever wished for. Cobra gave me this. He gave me my dream life and I can never repay him enough.
“Hey, sweetheart. How’s she doing?” Cobra enters the room, all six foot two inches of him filling the doorway, leather Crusaders cut on and white tank top that wraps around him like cling film. My mouth waters beyond my control and I can’t help but lick my lips as I eye him up and down. He takes my breath away, he makes my pulse race and my heart to skip a beat.
Before him, I didn’t entertain the idea of being in another committed relationship and starting a family, but my feelings for Cobra were too strong to ignore. There was a magnetic pull between us and we didn’t fight it, we let is consume us and we welcomed the feelings in our chests when we touched in any way. Love found us quickly and I don’t ever want to go back
Knowing I can’t shove him against the wall and fuck him senseless for six weeks makes me sigh loudly with frustration.
“What’s up?” Cobra’s in front of me, kissing my forehead tenderly and I lean into him, desperate for the warm embrace from the man that has given me everything.
“I’m frustrated,” I reply, my voice muffled by his shirt.
“With what?” He pulls away slightly, tilting his chin down to face me.
“Sexually! How can I go six weeks without you against something and having my wicked way with you? It’s only been a few days and already my lady bits are feeling neglected. By the time I’m allowed to have sex, I’ll have cobwebs.” Rant over, I sag against him.
He silently chuckles for a minute before bursting into fits of laughter. Damn, the nurses would probably hear him from the nurses station and wonder what the hell is going on, not to mention waking Amalie who is finally sleeping. “Shh! Amalie is asleep.”
He quietens down but I can still feel him chuckling; his chest is vibrating with silent laughter. “Yeah, laugh it up, big boy, you’re getting nothing until I can.” He immediately stops laughing.
“You have got to be kidding me. Don’t do this, Alexis,” he growls.
“Suck it up, Cobra. Amalie will keep us distract anyway; sleepless nights and shitty diapers.” I chuckle at the grimace on his face.
“Yeah, I’ll leave the diapers to you.” He winks at me, letting me know he wasn’t serious before pushing me away a little and walking over to the hospital cot; to Amalie.
“Hello, baby girl,” Cobra says to Amalie who must have woken up during Cobra’s laughing fit.
He carefully picks her up and cradles her to his chest, cooing softly to her.
Seeing them together makes my heart skip a beat. The feeling of a fist squeezing the most important organ in my body takes my breath away.
I stand, frozen to the spot, watching Cobra talk to our baby girl. I can feel the giddy smile stretching across my face and I feel as if I’m floating, but in reality I’m actually swaying, dizzy with love and something else that I can’t quite place.
“Why are you just stood there staring? Come give us both a hug,” Cobra utters with amusement, motioning me over with his free hand.
My feet unstick themselves from the floor and I make my way over to my new family.
Stepping under his arm when I reach his side, he pulls me close and I sigh with contentment. My life is complete.
Watching my baby girl, Amalie, being born was one of the best experiences of my life. I’m so proud of Alexis, even through her most painful contractions, she never once pushed me away. I was warned that Alexis may get aggressive with me when she was in immense pain, but she didn’t. I could tell she wanted to snap at me; I noticed her squeezing her eyes shut and her jaw twitched when I fussed over her but she kept her cool throughout the whole ordeal and I’m proud of her. She’s going to be an amazing mom to our girl.
I’ll do my best with Amalie but having no previous connections with children, I can’t guarantee that I won’t fuck up. Especially with club business. It’s unpredictable and dangerous, I never know if I’m going to come home alive or in a box. I know it kills Alexis inside a little when I go on a run. Her anxiety will spike through the roof now Amalie is here.
Amalie has guzzled her bottle and is now sleeping soundly in her cot. Her long, brown eyelashes fan across her cheeks and her mouth is in a little pout, making her look just like her mom when she’s asleep.
Alexis has dozed off on top of the sterile white sheets of the bed and I stand here by the window, glancing between my two favourite girls in the whole wide world. Yeah, I’m fucking pussy-whi
pped, but having a woman like Alexis would do that to any man. But she’s mine. And I plan to make that permanent.
I rub my chest in circles, my heart constricting from the rush of love that takes over me.
A knock on the door has me looking over and I remove my hand from my chest. I don’t want to look like a pussy to whoever walks in. I’m a badass biker, and I plan to keep that image intact.
After a couple of seconds, the door squeaks open and Nurse Sarah, I’m pretty sure that’s her name, pops her head around the door.
“Sorry for intruding, as always, but I need to weigh the baby and check Alexis over one last time, then she can go home.” She smiles kindly at me as she steps into the room.
“No problem.” I walk over to Alexis and shake her shoulder slightly. “Wakey Wakey, sweetheart. Time to get up.” Alexis groans, shaking her head from side to side, her lips pouting. I know how much she hates waking up. I’ve never known anyone else to love sleep as much as she does.
“Why do I have to wake up? I’m too sleepy.” Her lips turn down, and it makes me laugh.
Once I have my laughter under control, I tell her, “Because they want to check you over and then they’re letting you out.”
“Amalie is coming too, right?” Her brows crease and she worries her bottom lip between her teeth.
“Duh.” I shake my head at her before placing a soft kiss on her cheek.
I step back and let the nurse do what she has to do. I turn and walk back over the window, staring out at the gardens of the hospital. I don’t know shit about plants, but the gardens are filled with brightly coloured flowers and shaped hedges. It’s peaceful, serene even. I can imagine it helps the new mom’s that have to stay here longer than Alexis has to.
“Everything is perfect. Just let me check Amalie’s weight, and then I’ll sort out getting you your discharge papers.” Sarah smiles between us before making her way over to a sleeping Amalie. “She’s so beautiful.”