by L. Grubb
“Thank you,” Alexis replies, her cheeks coloring. I know how much she struggles with compliments of any kind and my lips twitch in amusement. “Are you laughing at me?” Alexis pouts as she looks over at me and I have to bite my lip, hard, to stop it from bubbling out.
“Maybe. I do love it when you blush, sweetheart.” I give her a wink before I go around the room to pack up all of her belongings. Even though she only arrived here yesterday afternoon, it looks like she brought her wardrobe and the kitchen sink. “Did you really need all this stuff?”
“Not really. Lauren packed it all because I had completely forgot. She shoved everything and anything into the roller suitcase before we came here yesterday,” she replies, shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly.
“Figures,” I mutter.
“What was that?” Alexis glares at me like I just told her she was ugly.
“I said; figures. You always leave shit to the last minute. This is what happens when you do…Lauren ends up packing it and you end up with too much crap.” I point to the suitcase where I’m shoving things in. “I don’t even think I can fucking close this damn thing.”
Alexis bursts into laughter. “You do have a way with words, babe.”
Before I have a chance to reply, my cell chimes and I dig into my pocket to retrieve it. “Yeah?”
“Do you always answer the phone like that?” Prez’s gruff voice speaks in my ear but before I can reply, he continues, “Anyway, when is Alexis getting out?”
“We’re just waiting for the discharge papers now. Then we’re heading home as a family. If you need something, Prez, it will have to wait til tomorrow.” I’m blunt and straight to the point because the only time Prez picks up the phone is when he wants something doing.
“Yeah, I guess. A day won’t hurt, I suppose.” I can picture him sat behind his desk at the club, scratching his head.
I growl low in my throat, gritting my teeth as to not snap at him. “My first child has just been born and all you can think about is me getting my ass back to the club in a day?”
“Look, Cobra, you’re one of my best men, the club is on hold until you come back.” I can hear him take a long drag from his cigarette before blowing it down the phone, making a static noise in my ear.
“I’ll come back when I want to come back.” I hang up. I’m done with the impatient old man. I don’t care at this moment that he’s my Prez, all I care about right now is my new family. A family I never dreamed of but wouldn’t change for the world.
Home sweet home. I breathe in the familiar scent, the unique smell of cherry and pomegranate air freshener and the lingering smell of Cobra’s Jean-Paul Gautier aftershave, the one I got him at Christmas.
“Welcome home, girls.” Cobra kisses my cheek as he walks past with Amalie in her car seat.
She fell asleep five minutes into the car journey home and the car was filled with comfortable silence the whole way back.
“What’s it feel like to be back home?” Cobra asks as he wraps his arms around me from behind.
“I was only gone a day, you make it sound like I’ve been gone years.” I entwine our fingers together where they rest against the remains of my bump. “But it’s good to get out of that hospital anyhow.” I tilt my head back to rest on his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart.
He takes a deep breath in from my neck, running his nose up to my ear and kissing the tender spot there that makes my legs quiver.
The shrill cry of Amalie brings us back down to reality and Cobra chuckles, the vibrations hitting my back before nipping at my earlobe and releasing me.
“Do you want to feed her? Some daddy/daughter time? This momma is in desperate need of a hot shower.”
“Sure, sweetheart, go relax. Me and Amalie will have a day to get to know each other before I have to get back to club business tomorrow.” He gives me a brief kiss on the lips before I turn to make my way over to the stairs.
Does he really have go back to the club tomorrow? I mean really? It’s not like they have anything major happening, and I understand that Cobra is their best man but he’s just become a father. In my eyes, he should have a week off.
My anger boils under the surface as I stomp up the stairs, I’m aware I’m acting like a petulant child but I wanted to have some family time before he was summoned back to business. I guess the dream of having a family and being together has been fucking ruined. Screw them.
I go into our bedroom and shut the door quietly, taking a deep breath and begin to strip my clothes. I feel gross, they wouldn’t let me have a shower at the hospital, fuck knows why, but they wouldn’t.
Sashaying to the bathroom, I hum an old children’s nursery rhyme which brings a smile to my face. This makes me think of mom and my vision blurs. She would be so proud of me and her new granddaughter, she would dote on her like she did me in my younger years. God, I miss her so much. People keep telling me it will get easier but inside I’m still crashing and burning. My heart still aches to hear her talk, to see her smile and to feel her once strong arms wrap around me in times of need. I miss having someone to share all my problems with. I know, I know, I have Lauren but she isn’t my mom. No one can replace her. No one.
I can feel the tears trickling down my cheeks, the salty taste hitting my mouth. I turn on the shower and adjust the temperature before collapsing onto the toilet lid. Covering my face with my hands, I give into the sobs with my shoulders shaking.
A knock on the door startles me and my sobs quieten. “Alexis? Are you okay, sweetheart?”
“I’m fine,” I reply, my voice croaky. My eyes are sore and puffy and all I want to do is be alone right now. “I just want to be alone right now. Go and get back to Amalie.”
Before I can hear an answer, I duck under the hot spray of the shower and tilt my head up to face the shower head. A moan of bliss slips through my mouth as my body is encompassed in heated water. I sigh as my shoulders start to relax and I hang my head, letting the water pummel down on me, letting it take away the shit that’s piling on my shoulders. You would think hormones would calm the fuck down once the baby is born but they seem to be just as bad as before.
I’m not sure how long I stay under the shower, relishing in the heat and power of the shower, but the water starts to run cold and my skin is wrinkling.
I turn off the water and open the shower door to grab my towel, a slight draft hits my skin, making me shiver. Wrapping the towel tight around me, I step out and walk to the bathroom door. Swinging it open, I’m greeted by the sight of Cobra smiling fondly down at Amalie on the bed. The sight makes my heart soar and I have to grab my chest in fear of my heart beating itself out of my ribcage.
“I can feel you staring at me, Alexis.” Cobra looks up and smirks at me. A blush starts to form, starting on my chest and heat raises up and settles on my cheeks.
“Busted. You caught me.” I chuckle to take away the feeling of embarrassment. Cobra has a way of making you feel like that even when he doesn’t even mean to. Or maybe I’m just too fucking sensitive.
A quick chin lift beckons me closer to the two most important people in my life. Amalie lay there, silently staring at Cobra’s handsome face. The love I see radiating from Cobra has jealousy rearing its ugly head.
What the hell is that? Why the fuck am I jealous? He’s her dad, of course he’s going to love her. I take a deep breath and head to the bed, taking a tentative seat on the edge.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Cobra furrows his brows at me, his nose scrunching up slightly. “Do I smell?”
I chuckle lightly before climbing up the bed to him and Amalie. “Nothing’s wrong and no, you don’t smell.”
He lifts his arm and places it around my shoulders, squeezing me tight. I snuggle in close and stroke a finger down Amalie’s soft face. A smile forms on my face and my heart clenches with love. She’s seriously perfect. But, deep inside of me, I know something is amiss. I don’t feel right…the jealously? I mean, what the fuck is that all
about? I have nothing to be jealous of. This is my family.
“She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?” I whisper, leaning in close and kissing our baby on the cheek. Amalie stirs slightly, her little tongue poking out from between her plump, pink lips and her hands fisted tightly by the side of her head.
“She gets it from you, sweetheart,” Cobra mumbles into my hair.
“Nah, she looks the splitting image of you. You have the same eyes and mouth. She’s a little chubby like you too.” I laugh when he suddenly tickles under my arm.
“You call this chubby?” He flexes his abs under my hand and my pussy contracts slightly. Not the place, Alexis. Seriously, not the time or place.
“Yeah, yeah, hot stuff. I get the point.” I lean up and give him a quick kiss on the lips before moving to get up.
“Where are you going?” Cobra asks, shifting Amalie to his other arm.
“Shit to do. Laundry doesn’t do itself now does it. You okay with her?” I nod my head at Amalie before looking into Cobra’s enticing eyes.
“Of course.” He smiles down at the bundle in his arms before waving me away. I frown and leave the bedroom, making my way slowly down the stairs. Did he really just wave me away or was that just my imagination? He used to smile at me like that before I fell pregnant. I need to stop these wayward thoughts, they won’t get me anywhere.
Shaking my head, I get on with the household chores, determined to get that crap out of my head. We both wanted this. We both wanted a family, even though Cobra threw a tantrum when I told him we were expecting, he warmed up to the idea. Now we have the family we want yet I can’t seem to feel any happiness at the moment. Why the fuck can’t I feel happy about Cobra bonding with Amalie? Why do I feel like I’m being pushed out?
Fuck it. I dust the fireplace, placing the photo frames back down carefully and staring thoughtfully into the mirror above the mantel. I look a freaking mess! No wonder Cobra isn’t looking at me like he usually does.
Dark circles and bags the size of Jupiter are sitting just under my eyes, my hair is pulled into a messy bun on top of my head and I have a zit on the end of my nose. I look disgusting. Hell, I’d go so far as to say I look like a strung out junkie. That shower did nothing but make me look worse.
Looking down, I notice the sagging bump under Cobra’s old Crusaders shirt, the bump that sat proudly now hangs loosely. Note to self: Hit the gym as soon as the doctor gives me the all clear.
My shoulders slump and I can feel the heavy lump at the back of my throat. I will not fucking cry because of my damn appearance. I’ve just had a damn baby, I’m allowed to look like shit. But even saying this over and over in my head doesn’t make me feel any better.
Sighing, I walk to the kitchen and make a start with wiping down the breakfast bar and mopping the floor.
“She’s out for the count in the bassinette. You need help with anything?” The sound of Cobra’s voice makes me jump and I bang my knee against the dishwasher.
“Ow, fuck,” I screech, bending to grab a hold of my knee. “Damn that hurt like a bitch.”
“Shit, you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.” Cobra bends down and kisses my knee softly before rubbing small circles around the area with his thumbs.
“I don’t need help with anything. Just need to get stuff done before you are needed back at the clubhouse tomorrow.” Okay, that sounded more harsh than I intended and I quickly apologize. “I’m sorry, that came out completely wrong. I’m tired and worn out.”
“Go get some sleep. It’s getting late anyway and you’ve had a long couple of days. I’ll keep an ear out for Amalie tonight.” Standing tall, he pulls me into his arms in a comforting embrace. I sigh and breathe in his scent. I slowly start to relax and wrap my arms around his middle. “Go on, I’ll be up in a bit. Gonna have a quick smoke.”
“Make sure you wash your hands after then.” I give him a quick kiss before I drag my feet back to the bedroom. Sleep. That’s what I need. Tomorrow is a new day, a day where I can stop these stupid thoughts from overtaking me. I can only hope.
I open the bedroom door quietly as not to wake Alexis and peak in at her. Her mouth is parted slightly and her hands are tucked under her cheek. I smile before pulling the door to, just enough so I can hear if she wakes and plus the click of the door when it shuts may wake her. She needs all the rest she can get and I intend on letting her have that today.
Amalie’s small distressed cries reach my ears and I follow the sounds back down to the den. Her eyes are scrunched shut and her fists are waving in the air.
“Shh...Shh...I got you, baby girl.” I pick her up and cradle her to me, rocking her. Her cries continue to batter my eardrums and I head to the kitchen to grab her bottle. Thank fuck Alexis didn’t decide to breastfeed, it could make nights like this fucking hard.
“You hungry, baby?” I shake her bottle with one hand while I cradle her close in the other. Multi-tasking is fucking hard, how woman do it so easily fucking blows my mind.
Amalie gurgles and her eyes widen at the sight of her bottle and it makes my chest rattle with laughter. “I guess you’re hungry then.”
I place the teat to her mouth and she opens, greedily sucking on the bottle. Her little wrinkled hands fist by the side of her head in pleasure of being fed and her eyes close.
Slowly, I sit on the couch, leaning back while holding Amalie close. A small smile plays across my lips as I stare down at the most beautiful creation I’ve ever seen. And she’s all ours.
As I sit here, and as Amalie guzzles down her milk, my thoughts stray to Alexis’ strange behavior today. Now, I’m guessing its hormones after having a baby but what the fuck do I know? Her attitude stinks to be honest, I don’t know what to say or if to say anything.
Sighing, I bite my lip, undecided on whether to call her out on her behavior or just to give her a few days to get used to having a baby around.
My mind is spinning with different ways the conversation could pan out, and none of them are particularly good or make me feel better.
With Amalie’s bottle empty, I raise her to my shoulder and begin to wind her, rubbing slow circles around her back and patting lightly. It doesn’t take long before the belch is heard and warm liquid trickles down my neck.
Bringing Amalie forward, I look into her wide blue eyes. “Did you just puke on me, kiddo? That there is gross.” She blinks a few times before her bottom lip starts to tremble. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“It’s okay, baby girl, nothing a shower can’t fix.” I cuddle her close and whisper a lullaby I remember from my younger days into her ear. Soon, her breathing evens out letting me know she’s drifted off to sleep.
I take a quick glance at the clock and lift my heavy, tired body of the couch. I place Amalie gently into her bassinette and begin to carry it toward the stairs. I need sleep. Fuck knows what I’m needed for at the club tomorrow but I’m guessing it will be an early start.
Entering mine and Alexis’ room quietly as not to disturb her, I place the bassinette by the side of my bed and strip, intending on having a quick shower to get rid of the puke on my neck.
After the quickest shower I’ve ever taken, I pull on some boxers and climb beneath the cool sheets. I groan in pleasure as I rest my head on the pillow, feeling the day drift away.
I turn on my side and wrap an arm around Alexis’ slim waist, pulling her flush against me. I breathe in the scent of the strawberry scented shampoo and smile, forgetting the troubles of the day. My eyes drift close and it’s not long before sleep takes over me.
The shrill of Cobra’s phone alarm going off makes me groan and I lift my heavy eyelids reluctantly.
“You freakin’ kidding me right now? I was having a good dream,” I mumble into Cobra’s chest. The deep rumble of his laughter vibrates my head and I tilt my head back, sending him a death glare.
“Oh shh, sweetheart, you’ve been asleep for 12 hours.” He kisses the top of my head before he moves to get out of bed. I groan at the loss of his warm body.
“Amalie has just been fed and has gone straight back to sleep.”
“What time is it anyway?” I ask. I can’t even remember falling asleep last night if I’m honest.
“Six.” He leans down, planting a soft kiss on my mouth. Pulling away, I give him another death stare. “What?”
“Six in the morning? What kind of time is that to wake up for anything other than the baby?” I don’t miss the way he frowns when I don’t say Amalie’s name. I have no idea why, but I just can’t say her name this morning. Tiredness? Must be.
“I’ve got to get a shower then head to clubhouse. You gonna be okay?” He looks at me intently as I roll my eyes at him.
“Of course I will be,” I say it as if he’s being stupid, which he kind of is. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He just shrugs and turns to go to our en-suite. I frown at his residing back, what the hell is his problem?
Scooting over to his side of the bed, I glance over the edge at the perfect little baby sleeping soundly amiss her fluffy blankets. Perfection is what she is, but there’s just something holding me back. I wish I knew what it was, I really do.
Laying my head back on the pillow, I close my eyes in an attempt to get another hours sleep before she wakes up but instead, I lay there thinking how Cobra and I’s lives have changed. We won’t be the same as before the baby was born and I honestly don’t know how I feel about that.
“Hey.” I open my eyes to see Cobra clad in just a small towel, hiding his king jewels. I lick my lips but I know we can’t have sex. That makes my heart drop. It’s the one thing we do so damn well together yet we can’t do it because of me popping out a baby. “Why do you look so thoughtful? Wanting something?”
“Don’t tease. That’s just not fair and uncool.” I pout like a bratty teenager and fold my arms just under my breasts, lifting them above the sheets and in full view of Cobra. The towel tents and I flash him a dirty smirk. “Two can play at that game, baby.”