Falling Under

by Lauren Dane

  “You’ve been with Asa for over a year and a half, though. And Asa scowls all the time. He only softens up when he looks at you. Duke? He’s sweet and charming like a naughty little boy. He’s all slow and sexy.”

  “You have a point that Duke’s genial charm is sexy. And that it makes everyone feel welcome to get close. But he’s like that with all of them. Women from two to a hundred and two. It’s his base setting. It’s like breathing for him. But with you he’s real. He’s all about Carmella. Everyone knows that.”

  “Everyone, huh?”

  PJ scoffed. “Yes. Everyone. By the way, you’d be surprised at how hot women find that taciturn guy thing. I have to deal with it too. It comes with being with a beautiful man.”

  “You get jealous?” Carmella asked, astounded.

  “Well, no. Let me tell you why. Once I was with Asa, I was with him. I never doubted his commitment to me. Things happen sometimes. People break up. But I knew in my heart that he wouldn’t disrespect me that way. He’s got honor and so does Duke. And also, there’s something else, not just the women.”

  Carmella frowned. “Just weird childhood issues.”

  “Do you feel unsafe at the track?” PJ’s concern made Carmella feel bad.

  “I’m not really … I don’t know how to casually share stuff,” Carmella said.

  “You don’t have to now if you really don’t want to. I promise I won’t be upset if you truly don’t want to talk about it. I care about you. You’re my friend and so I want you to feel like you can tell me stuff. I’d never betray a confidence.”

  Carmella sighed and chose to share her unease with the group of guys who reminded her so much of the losers her mom allowed into their life.

  “I’m so sorry about that. I try to ignore them. They just seemed like loud douchebags. Admittedly, being with Asa and having people know that means I get less trouble than others might deal with.”

  “I’m not … threatened. Not really. It’s just an ugly reminder sometimes,” Carmella said. “Duke let me avoid it last week without pushing too hard on my reasons.”

  “That won’t last. They go every week. He knows you went to the track before. He’s going to want you there or know why not. He’s got the heart of a protector,” PJ said.

  Carmella knew that too.

  She changed the subject. “Have you ever gone to this fight club thing?”

  “I’m too queasy for it. Not so much I can’t appreciate how hot it is when he comes home and he’s raring to go if you know what I mean. I have seen him drag around an asshole like he was garbage and literally toss the guy into the street after he insulted me. Just between us? It was so hot I wanted to jump him right there. If you’re with Duke, you’re going to see him in a fight at some point. They make trouble like it’s their job.” PJ grinned.

  “Bad boys are great until they aren’t anymore.”

  “Ha. Jerks who pretend to be bad boys are not the same as the kind of bad boy Asa and Duke are. Take a chance on him. I’m biased because I love Duke to death and I think he deserves it. But you’re good for him.”

  “Maybe. It’s hard to let go once you’ve been burned a time or two.”

  PJ nodded. “I get that. But I hope you come out to the track tonight. Hang out with us. You’re like a refreshing estrogen shot after all that testosterone we have around already. And if those jerks give you any trouble, we’ll handle it once and for all. It has the added bonus of you being with Duke in public some more. Which means it’ll be clear you’re together. Most everyone will back off. The rest don’t matter anyway.”

  It did sound like fun. And watching Duke race was really hot. He’d be all worked up afterward too, which would tally in her favor.

  “If he asks, I’ll come along.” That way it would be up to Duke and she wouldn’t be assuming anything.

  PJ rolled her eyes. “You know you have a standing invitation to go because he’s been broadcasting that you two are seeing one another on all channels.”

  “Do you feel like this is a little like high school? Like I’m going to ask you if he talks about me in fourth period.”

  “I know. But … isn’t that part of what makes it all so wonderful? That tingly, oh my god this guy really does it for me, this is new and fantastic and wow the sex! It’s supposed to make you a little giggly,” PJ said.

  Wow the sex was right.

  “You probably have a point. I’ll probably see you later at the track,” Carmella told PJ. “In the meantime, Asa just caught sight of you up here with me and he’s headed this way.”

  PJ turned, just watching her man as he came to her. “He’s incredible. You can admit it to me. I won’t hold it against you.”

  Carmella laughed. “Asa is a very fine example of gorgeous man. Absolutely no lie.” But she preferred blond with a little gray salted through to black. The rockabilly way Duke wore his hair to Asa’s. Duke seemed to flow into a room and fill it with sexy. Asa sort of crackled with his sexuality.

  Carmella would take Duke any day. Asa’s intensity would exhaust her.

  Just an hour later Duke came in with a new client pack and a huge, satisfied smile.

  “I don’t even need to ask if it was a good meeting. I can see it was.”

  He headed to the big whiteboard calendar on the wall nearby. “If everything goes as it should, I think we’ll be delivering a very fine ’fifty-six Jaguar—drophead coupe—in the new showroom. Maybe even the first week we’re open over there. It gives me a chance to rehab the rack and pinion. It’s a total mess.”

  “I can’t wait to see it. Mick will get me all the timeline stuff so he and I will handle things on our end,” Carmella said, entering the new client information into her system as she spoke to him.

  “Thank you. Tonight is race night. You should come along. Cheer for Twisted Steel.”

  Pleased he asked, she looked up from her screen. “I was hoping you’d ask.”

  “I should hope I don’t need to ask. I always want you to come to the track. I’ve been trying to give you some space to get used to me and my friends.” Duke propped his hip against her desk, his cock pretty much at eye level. “Stop looking at me like that or I’m going to be really fucking uncomfortable when I have to hobble back out to work.”

  Carmella flicked her gaze up to his face. “You can’t just put it there and then say I can’t look at it. Jeez. I’m only human.”

  “You really know what to say today, you know that? Want to catch a ride to the track with me?”

  That meant she’d be at the mercy of someone else when it came to leaving. She wasn’t there yet.

  “I’m actually stopping by my aunt and uncle’s house tonight after work. I’ll meet you out there, though.”

  “Deal. I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

  She hadn’t lied. She really did promise her uncle that she’d stop by to see him and her aunt that night. It had been about two weeks since she’d seen them last and she missed them. The older they got, the more it became real that at some point she’d lose them. So Carmella tried to keep that in mind whenever she had an opportunity to spend time with them.

  After running home to drop Ginger off and change her clothes, Carmella made the quick trip to the house she considered as much her childhood home as any she’d ever shared with her mother.

  Carmella parked and followed the noise of Salazars until she found them all in the kitchen and living room, arguing over a baseball game.

  At the sight of her, she was hailed to come all the way in and greeted with hugs and kisses.

  “You look very pretty tonight.” Her aunt looked her over carefully. Carmella should have known she’d notice date makeup and clothing. “Why didn’t you bring the dog?”

  “I’m going out after I leave here so she’s at home. She was at work with me all day so it’s not like she’s lonely.”

  “A date going out?” her uncle interrupted.

  “I thought you were watching the game?” Carmella teased.

 
“I can do both. So is this a date?” He’d be a bulldog now. And her aunt already stationed herself at his side so getting out of telling them wasn’t an option.

  “Yes. I’m going out with Duke Bradshaw. I’ve been seeing him.”

  “Your boss?” The tone of her aunt’s voice told Carmella she’d have to assuage some concerns.

  “It’s okay. I mean, yes, he’s my boss. And yes, I know it could be complicated. He knows that too. But I have a job offer if this goes bad. I’m not dependent on him for anything.”

  “He’s a really decent guy,” Craig added. “He worries for her. Is protective. And if he messes with her, I’ll know before Carmella can hide the evidence.”

  Carmella snorted but her uncle nodded, assured they could hide the body should it be needed.

  “I appreciate the backup. But really, things are fine.” After she said it, Carmella realized how true it was. She was dating someone she liked. Someone with a real life. Someone who seemed to truly listen when she spoke. A real-life, normal, adult-type relationship.

  “Carmella, we didn’t step in with that moron you married and it got you hurt. We won’t hold our tongues again.” Carmella’s uncle felt guilty about how Clifton had been. But it wasn’t anything to do with them at all. Clifton was a con man and a petty thug. Everyone liked him. At first.

  It was nice they cared, though.

  “And I love you for it.” She hugged her aunt and then her uncle. “But I do mean it. He’s not Clifton. Or even in the same universe. I’m not saying we won’t break up. I’m saying he won’t abuse me or steal from me. He doesn’t need to do those things. And truthfully? I don’t think it would ever occur to him to do that to anyone.”

  “It’s about time you figured out how much better life is with a man like that.” Her aunt’s look made Carmella hug her.

  “Anyway, it’s just a date. Nothing serious so let’s not obsess on it until I make a mess out of it.”

  Her uncle indicated the table. “Hush you. You’re just fine. Sit down a minute. We need to talk.”

  Carmella’s amusement slid away to dread. “Ugh. What? Just tell me in one quick burst. Like taking a wax strip off.”

  “I got a call today from your mother.” Her uncle was trying to keep his features bland, but this wouldn’t be happening if there weren’t something big to say.

  “Is she okay?” Her mom had been absent the last few times Carmella had come to drop off food and meds. But nothing had appeared to indicate she’d deteriorated to the point Carmella needed to worry. She figured there was a new man of the loserish variety keeping Virgie busy.

  Her uncle waved a hand. “Your mother will always be okay. She knows how to land on her feet. It’s you I worry for.” He paused and then went on in a burst of words. “Steven is out of prison and she claims they’re reconciling. I wanted you to hear it from us first.”

  Carmella sighed as her stomach dropped. “I should have known. She wasn’t home the last few times I went by to check on her. I figured she was just sucked up into some new guy. But really she’s avoiding me.”

  Her uncle nodded. “I imagine so, yes. But she knows I’ll tell you so I did her dirty work for her. Burns me up when she does that. I got mad, told her she should be the one to give this info to you. If he’s around now, him too.”

  Carmella shook her head. “You can’t make her grow up and face reality. Who knows about Steven?”

  Her uncle rolled his eyes. “I can say the same to you, Carmella. And that doesn’t stop you from trying. Be aware. You know how she is when he’s around. Let her make her own mistakes for a change. You don’t need to swoop in and clean up the mess.”

  “And you know there will be a mess when he’s done. The two of them are terrible for one another,” her aunt said to her husband and Carmella both. “How can she ever learn if you two are always taking care of her mistakes?”

  “She’s my mother. For all her faults. For all her screwups. What if this time she makes a mistake too big to fix on her own and she ends up dead? Sure, I can tell myself that she brought it on herself. And I’d be right. But I’d also know I didn’t help her when I knew she was in trouble.”

  She took her aunt’s and uncle’s hands in hers.

  “I love her.” Carmella shrugged. “She’s not malicious. Just weak.”

  “It’s not your job, though!” Craig nearly shouted and Carmella turned to face her cousin as he continued speaking. “Jesus, Carm. What will ever be enough for her? You can’t fix her. She’s just going to spill her crap into your life again. And those of us who love you will have to watch your heart get broken. Again. If you can’t do it for you, how about us, huh? She’s going to suck you dry and nothing will change for her. She used up her life a long time ago and now she’s stealing yours.”

  “Is this an intervention or something like that?” Carmella looked to the three of them.

  “No. We know you’re going to do what you want to do. And we love you for it even though we’re scared for you. Even though you deserve better from her.” Craig hugged her and sat back down.

  Her uncle nodded, reaching out to pat his son’s arm before returning his attention to Carmella. “Will you please, please just try to remember to protect yourself? You can’t fix him either.”

  Steven Hay was a fuckup just like Virgie was. In his way he adored Virgie, but in his way he was also a loser with a heavy hand, a problem with excesses of all sorts and a taste for gambling that led to interactions with law enforcement when he turned to crime to pay various people to keep himself afloat.

  For a few short stretches of her childhood, he’d been good. Sober. He kept the bills paid as a mechanic, which was how he’d met Virgie originally. He was good with his hands.

  He’d lived with them and things had been okay. They’d had real Christmases. Her mother’s emotional state had been fairly even. But eventually, he’d find his way to a bar with his buddies and then the gambling would start. He’d spiral, and as he did, Virgie would too.

  He’d tried to con Carmella the last time he’d been out of prison. Full of promises that he wanted to be a father to her. Lots of apologies. Predictably he’d failed, which landed him a three-year stretch that apparently ended at two and a half or so.

  Carmella really was so lucky to have her aunt and uncle in her life. It was nice to be protected. To know they watched out for her. “I gave him enough chances. I’m not her. I’m done with Steven. Her, I owe. Him I don’t. In any case, you warned me. I appreciate that you care about me and don’t want me to get hurt. Really, more than you guys can ever understand, your concern and love saves me all the time. I promise to be as careful as I can. I’m not trying to get between them. She’ll only close off and stop taking her medication. He’ll leave and she’ll spend months trying to find her way back to normal.”

  “You’re wasted in an office. You should be a therapist,” Craig told her.

  “Numbers make sense. Numbers have rules. I like that.” She had enough uncertainty in her life. Her job was one place in her life where things made sense.

  She stayed awhile longer, enjoying the visit, and after telling Craig she’d probably see him at the track, she headed over.

  If Steven was back and her mother told her uncle first, Carmella could only imagine her mother’s physical and emotional state. All she could do was hope for the best and be prepared for the worst.

  Which was easier said than done, but Carmella would keep trying.

  CHAPTER

  Sixteen

  High off racing, Duke wrenched himself from the driver’s seat and into the arms of his team, who shouted their congratulations.

  This part was awesome and normally he’d soak it up awhile longer. But all he could think about was Carmella. He scanned the group until he caught the red of her hair.

  He held a hand out and she came forward and into his arms for a hug.

  “Congratulations. That was some badass driving,” Carmella told him as they broke apart.

&
nbsp; Asa had already raced a heat so it was time to celebrate and shoot the shit with everyone over at their tent.

  “I’m starved. Come on. Let’s have a beer and some fish and chips.”

  “Is that what we’re having tonight?” Carmella asked as she allowed him to tuck her against his side for the walk away from the track and pits and into the grassy field that held several tents filled with people and food from all the various teams and shops in the area.

  “I thought it sounded really tasty when they suggested it.” Duke and Asa hired a few different caterers and food trucks on a rotating basis for these race nights.

  “You thought right.” Though she smiled, Carmella had lines around her mouth. Lines she hadn’t had earlier that day when he saw her last.

  “Everything okay?” he asked her quietly before they went in to join their friends.

  “Things are … weird. But this”—she waved a hand between them—“is just fine.”

  “I like that last part. But I don’t like the first stuff. You want to get out of here? Talk in private?” he asked.

  Carmella shook her head. “No. Let’s see our friends. You raced and won. They’re going to want to celebrate with you. And you want to celebrate with them. That’s what this is about.”

  He stopped her from going inside, pulling her back to his body. “Will you talk to me later then? Share with me whatever is bothering you?” He hadn’t really accepted how much he needed her to do just that until the words spilled from his lips.

  She must have heard it in his tone. “Yes. Later tonight or whenever we’re alone next and you want to know.”

  “I always want to know.” He kissed her against a mouth that smiled and he considered the kiss and the agreement to share a victory.

  Inside the tent their friends waited, already eating, drinking, and talking shit. It filled Duke with a sense of belonging that was the best sort of anchor.

  He guided her to where Asa stood with Mick and PJ and some of PJ’s friends. He hadn’t really expected it when they all moved past him to give Carmella a hug and welcome her.

  The surprised pleasure on her face was even better than winning the race. He’d have to make sure to thank PJ privately for the way she’d reached out.