Interesting Times (Interesting Times #1)

by Matthew Storm

  “You should thank me,” the Kalatari said to her. “For what you have done we should be eating you alive.”

  Sally took a threatening step toward him but Artemis held up a hand and she stopped in her tracks. “Kallas,” Artemis addressed the Matriarch. “You’ve lost. Free this man and I will forgive your transgressions against me.”

  “You will forgive us?” Rin interjected, his tone incredulous. “For what?”

  “You assaulted my people and are attempting to murder a man who is under my protection.”

  “Things we did to defend ourselves,” Rin protested. “We have the right to self-preservation.”

  “What a bunch of crap,” Tyler said. “Your boss there ate some bad mushrooms. Screw you. You don’t get to kill people because of it.”

  “I have given a true prophecy,” the Matriarch said, pointing at Oliver. “He must die.”

  “What did you see?” Artemis asked. “What is he?”

  The Matriarch paused, eyeing Oliver fearfully. “I was in a holy trance, and Vashka sent a vision to me.”

  “You dropped acid,” Tyler said, rolling his eyes.

  “My vision was of that man,” she pointed at Oliver again. “He was shown to me, murdering my people. My entire race, wiped out in an instant.”

  “Bullshit,” said Tyler.

  “How?” Artemis asked, her eyes intent on the Matriarch. “How did he do it?”

  The Matriarch hesitated, looking unsure of how to proceed. “He…erased them,” she said. “He erased all of us.”

  Artemis frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense,” she said. “Nobody can just…” she trailed off as Jeffrey slipped through the still-open door behind them and strolled casually into the church. The cat rubbed once against Sally’s legs, then took a moment to apprise himself of the situation.

  “What’s going on?” he asked curiously.

  Orris Rin and the other Kalatari stared at the cat in stunned silence. Nobody moved. It was one of the humans who finally spoke up, a teenager in a fast food restaurant uniform. “Did that cat just talk?”

  “Get used to it,” Oliver said. “I did.” His head had stopped spinning, but the urge to sleep was getting overwhelming. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stay awake for long.

  Artemis stared at the cat curiously. “By all the gods,” she said suddenly. “It does make sense.” She turned to Oliver, shock clearly registering on her face. Oliver stared back at her in amazement. It was the first time he had seen a genuine emotional reaction from the girl.

  “It makes sense?” Oliver asked.

  “It does.” Artemis turned to the Matriarch. “Kallas, I have no reason to lie to you. Please believe this. You have one chance to live. You have to let this man go. Right now. If you don’t, you will be responsible for what happens next. There’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

  “The man dies,” the Matriarch said firmly.

  Artemis sighed softly. “Then I’m sorry.” She shrugged. “I’m so sorry. There’s nothing I can do for you now.”

  “Um…” Tyler began. “I think I missed something?”

  “What’s going on?” Oliver asked. “I think you were about to rescue me?”

  “No,” Artemis said. “I’m not.”

  “We’re not?” Sally asked.

  “Wait a damn minute…” Tyler started.

  “We don’t need to rescue him. Kallas’s vision was correct. Mr. Jones is the Destroyer.”

  Tyler stared at her. “You’re serious?”

  “I am,” the little girl said. “He is going to kill them all, and there is nothing any of us can do to stop it.”

  Chapter 21

  “I am?” asked Oliver.

  “He is?” asked Jeffrey.

  “Really?” asked Orris Rin suspiciously. “You’re sure?” He glanced back at the Matriarch. “I mean, of course the Matriarch is always correct, but…him?”

  Artemis kneeled down to scratch Jeffrey behind the ears. The cat purred enthusiastically. “He is. As improbable as it may seem, here is the proof. Hello, Jeffrey.”

  “Hello, Artemis,” the cat replied.

  Artemis stood and faced Oliver. “You made a cat talk.”

  “So he did do it! He put the whammy on me!” Jeffrey exclaimed.

  “Yes,” said Artemis. “He did.” She frowned. “I would probably phrase it differently.”

  “What does that prove?” Tyler asked. “He…is a sorcerer? Is that even a thing?”

  “He’s not a sorcerer,” Artemis said. “If he were a sorcerer I’d know what to do with him.” She sighed deeply. “If you can’t be turned from this path, Kallas, then I will leave you now. You’ll forgive me if I don’t want to watch another genocide.” She shot a disapproving look at Sally Rain. “I’ve seen quite enough of that.” With that said, the girl turned on her heel and started out of the church. “Come along, you two.”

  Sally and Tyler looked at each other nervously, then back to Artemis. “We can’t just leave,” Tyler said. “They’re going to kill him!”

  “No,” Artemis said, without looking back. “They were never going to kill him.”

  “But…”

  “Now!” Artemis commanded. It was a tone that did not brook argument. She disappeared through the front door, Sally following a step behind her. Tyler looked at Oliver helplessly, and then followed them out.

  “That’s it?” Oliver called out after them in disbelief. “That’s great, thanks. Thanks a lot.”

  Jeffrey had stayed behind and now looked at Oliver knowingly. “See? You did put the whammy on me!”

  “Stop saying whammy,” Oliver told him. “That doesn’t even mean what you think it means.”

  Orris Rin glanced back at the Matriarch, then stepped forward and took a long, searching look at Oliver. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, and then he turned and walked silently out the front door after Artemis and the others.

  “Chief Minister!” the Matriarch shouted after him. There was no response. Orris Rin was gone.

  “I think he just quit,” Jeffrey said.

  The teenager in the fast food uniform looked at the Matriarch guiltily, then headed for the door as well. Two more humans and another Kalatari followed him. A quiet moment passed, then three more did the same. The Matriarch’s followers were deserting her.

  “I think they also quit,” Jeffrey noted. “Anybody else?” he asked the others. “You better go now, before boss man here puts the whammy on you!”

  “Stop saying whammy,” Oliver repeated. Jeffrey flashed his teeth at Oliver. Was the cat actually grinning at him?

  “So now what?” Oliver asked the Matriarch. “Tell you what, how about I walk out of here and none of us ever mentions this again? It’s not like anyone would believe I met a bunch of lizard people anyway.”

  The Matriarch glared at him. “Kalatari,” she said.

  “I don’t care what you’re called.”

  The Matriarch pointed a long, clawed finger at him. “Seize him.”

  Two of the remaining Kalatari sprang forward and grabbed Oliver by the arms. “Bring him to me!” the Matriarch commanded.

  “Oh, this is not good,” Jeffrey said. “Hey! I know what would help!”

  “What?” Oliver asked. He tried to shake free of the two Kalatari but he couldn’t break their grip on him, and moving too quickly made his head spin.

  “You know what,” said Jeffrey.

  “Tell me!” Oliver shouted. He saw the Matriarch draw a long dagger from within her robes. This was it. His friends had abandoned him and these lizard people were going to kill him, right here in this church. What a ridiculous way to die.

  “You don’t like me to say it,” said Jeffrey.

  Oliver tried to plant his feet to stop his movement toward the Matriarch and her knife, but he was quickly pulled off balance. One of the Kalatari backhanded him hard across the face. Oliver felt the world spin and the sound of rushing water grew louder in his ears. “Say it!” he shouted to the cat.

/>   “I don’t want to say it,” the cat said.

  “Say it!”

  “The whammy,” Jeffrey purred.

  “Damn it!” Oliver had held out a dim hope that the cat had come up with something useful to say. He still didn’t understand what Artemis had been talking about. He was going to destroy the Kalatari? Nothing could be done to stop him? And the proof of it was in, of all things, a talking cat?

  What did that mean? He hadn’t done anything to the cat, whatever it kept insisting to the contrary. He had just wanted someone to talk to. That was all. He hadn’t rubbed a magic lamp and told a genie his wish. He hadn’t said magic words. He wasn’t a damn sorcerer. He had no “powers” to speak of, whatever the cat or anyone else might believe.

  He was nearly before the Matriarch now. She raised the dagger and ran her tongue down the length of the blade. In a moment she would drive it into his chest, he was sure. Or maybe she was going to cut his throat. Whatever she intended, this was not going to end well for him. If he was going to do something, he had to do it now.

  And then he found himself directly in front of the dagger-wielding Kalatari, close enough that he could have leaned forward and kissed her. This was how his life was going to end? Struck down by some crazy lizard queen? Lizard people? Monsters from a storybook?

  “Hey, Oliver?” Jeffrey asked.

  “What?”

  “Who is Pamela Anderson?”

  Oliver stared at the cat in shock. That had been in his dream. They had been talking about mass and energy and thought, and Oliver’s ridiculous theory that thoughts could affect matter itself. Think about Pamela Anderson, and Pamela Anderson would appear. And maybe he could whip up a nice Siamese for Jeffrey as well.

  The cat couldn’t possibly know about any of that, though. He had been dreaming. But that meant this was a dream, didn’t it? He was still dreaming?

  No, he thought. Not a dream. He didn’t dream. He had to be hallucinating. He’d been hit in the head so many times now he’d lost count. But what if he’d only really been hit once? What was more likely, that any of this was really happening, or that he was lying unconscious in a hospital bed back in San Francisco, and all of this was the deranged fantasy of his damaged brain?

  He’d probably had an accident. Hit by a car crossing the street. Fell in his apartment and hit his head. Any of those things made more sense than what he was experiencing now.

  None of this is real, he thought. Not the talking cat, not the vampires, not the lizard people, and not that knife the Matriarch was threatening him with now. It was all a delusion. He needed to wake up; to snap out of this state he was in. It was time to go back to the real world, to go back to his life.

  “You are the Destroyer,” the Matriarch intoned, raising the dagger high. “Now you will die, and we will endure for ten thousand years.”

  “Go fuck yourself,” said Oliver. “Lizard people,” he scoffed. “You aren’t real.”

  The Matriarch faltered, her expression looking as if she had just been slapped across the face. “What did you say?”

  Oliver finally shook off the two Kalatari that had been holding his arms fast, but he no longer had the urge to run. He didn’t want to go to sleep anymore, either. He wanted to wake up. He felt the world start to rotate once more. The sound of rushing water was nearly upon him now. That had to mean something. “You people,” he said. Oliver’s vision went blurry for a split second, then snapped back into focus. He shook his head.

  “What was that?” Jeffrey asked from behind him. He sounded worried. What had the cat seen?

  “Talking lizards,” Oliver said. His vision blurred again. Was he waking up? The rushing water sounded very close now. Was this madness about to end? He was going to have quite a story to tell the doctors.

  Oliver’s vision focused and he stared the Kalatari Matriarch in the eye. “None of you are real,” he said.

  Oliver heard the rushing water in his ears grow into a thunderous sound, a tsunami that threatened to overtake him and wash everyone away. The world spun faster. Whatever was happening was upon him now. Oliver shut his eyes.

  And nothing happened. The sound of the rushing water stopped abruptly and only silence remained. After a short moment Oliver opened his eyes, daring to hope that he would find himself waking up in a hospital. But he was still in the old church. One thing was different, though. The Matriarch and her knife were gone.

  “Holy. Shit,” said Jeffrey.

  Oliver looked back at the cat, and then around the church in surprise. It wasn’t just the Matriarch who was missing. All of the Kalatari were gone. Only the humans remained, looking around in shock and surprise that mirrored Oliver’s own. The church was deathly silent for a moment, and then one of the men began to cry.

  “What happened?” Oliver asked.

  Artemis reappeared at the door. She looked around the room sadly, and then let out a deep sigh.

  “What happened, Mr. Jones?” she asked. “What happened is you just annihilated the entire Kalatari race.”

  “Oh,” said Oliver. He looked around. “So…this is real? I’m not hallucinating?”

  “No,” the girl said. “You are not.”

  “I see,” Oliver said. And then he promptly fainted.

  Chapter 22

  This time, Oliver did not dream. He found that his mind was aware of the fact that he was asleep, and he had a sensation of floating. It was as if he were lying on a mattress suspended among the clouds, drifting gently along in the wind. But he saw no images and had no conversations with old college professors or cats. It was a welcome relief.

  After a time he felt warmth and realized that it was sunlight on his face. He opened his eyes and found himself in bed in a familiar room. He was back in the time-house he had woken up in earlier, after Sally Rain had drugged him the day this had all begun. Sunlight was streaming through the window, with the Golden Gate Bridge a welcome sight in the distance. He was home again. San Francisco. But how long had he been here?

  Tyler was sitting in a chair beside the bed, reading an issue of Cat Fancy magazine. He was engrossed enough in it to not notice Oliver had woken.

  “Really?” Oliver asked, sitting up.

  Tyler looked up. “What?” Oliver nodded at the magazine. “I like cats,” Tyler said defensively. “They just don’t like me. Not anymore, anyway.”

  “I just figured you’d be into Canine Monthly or something. Checking out the centerfolds.”

  “There’s no such thing as Canine Monthly,” Tyler protested. “And I’m a werewolf, not some kind of pervert. Do you actually think…” he trailed off, looking at Oliver suspiciously. “You’re just messing with me, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good,” Tyler said. “I guess you’re feeling better.”

  “How long was I asleep?”

  “Five days,” Tyler said.

  “Five days?” Oliver asked, stunned. He looked around the room. “And you brought me here instead of to the hospital?”

  Tyler shrugged. “Artemis said there was no need; you were just exhausted. She said the energy required to do…what you did…would have been beyond anything we could comprehend. Rest was the only thing that would help you.”

  Oliver rubbed his eyes. He wasn’t sure he wanted to remember what had happened. “What I did,” he mused. “What did I do?”

  “The Kalatari are gone,” Tyler said.

  “But it’s more than that,” Oliver remembered. “It’s not just the ones from the church, is it? Not just the ones who attacked me?”

  Tyler shook his head. “No. It’s all of them. Everywhere. Artemis and Seven are still working on it, but as near as we can tell, their entire race was just…wiped off the face of the Earth.”

  Oliver had no idea how to react to that. It had never been his intention to hurt anyone. He had just wanted to get away and go home, back to his normal life. “All of them?” he repeated quietly.

  Tyler nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry, Oliver. I know t
hat wasn’t what you wanted.”

  Oliver leaned back in the bed and rested his head against the headboard. “I’m a murderer, then.”

  “Nah,” said Sally, entering the room. She was holding a plastic cafeteria tray with three steaming mugs of coffee on it. Jeffrey was at her feet, looking up at Oliver curiously. “Technically, the word you’re looking for is genocide,” she continued. “You’re a genocide, not a murderer.”

  “Sally…” Tyler warned.

  Jeffrey jumped up on the bed. “How you doing, boss?” he asked.

  Oliver took a mug and stared at the black liquid inside it. He sighed. “I’m a genocide,” he said to Jeffrey.

  “Oh!” said Jeffrey. “Okay. Hey, did you know nobody can see this house from the outside? I didn’t even know it was here until I followed these guys inside. I wanted to order Thai food but they said the delivery guy wouldn’t be able to find the address. Or he might show up in the wrong year.” He looked at Oliver in confusion. “Your friends are really weird.”

  “Keep talking, little cat,” Sally warned.

  “Anyway, it’s all over now,” Tyler said. “The Kalatari are gone. You’re back to normal, more or less. You have to forget about it and move on.”

  “Forget about it?” Oliver asked. “How am I supposed to forget about something like this? It’s insane. All of this is just…madness.”

  “There are ways,” Sally murmured, sipping her coffee.

  Tyler glared at her. “Could you attempt to be supportive here?”

  Sally shrugged. “Bad shit happens. We’ve all done things we wish we hadn’t. Get over it or kill yourself.”

  Tyler and Oliver stared at her in surprise. “That was being supportive?” Tyler asked.

  “Sure,” she shrugged. She sipped her coffee and looked from Tyler to Oliver. “What?”

  Oliver looked out the window again. It was a nice day. Maybe he’d go for a walk later and get a little air. It had been a while since he’d been able to do that without looking over his shoulder. As far as he knew, nobody else out there was trying to kill him. He should be safe now, shouldn’t he?