Her Favorite Holiday Gift

by Lynda Sandoval

  A small victory, in Eric’s book.

  Chapter Eleven

  They’d made plans for Eric to pick her up in front of her building in forty-five minutes. Colleen picked up Thai food for her mom and headed home, only to find Moira asleep—still. And she’d been asleep earlier in the day, too. Colleen seriously worried her mother might be spiraling deeper into depression, but she didn’t know what to do about it.

  She stowed the takeout in the woefully empty refrigerator, left a note for her mom on the counter, and flicked on a hall light. After brushing her teeth and refreshing her lipstick, she killed time by glancing around her condo, scrutinizing it as a newcomer or a potential buyer might.

  Tasteful.

  Impeccably clean and organized.

  Sterile.

  Eric was right. The place needed plants. And, considering how much she loved the Lincoln Park Conservatory, how alive she felt walking through the gardens, it seemed ludicrous that she’d never thought to bring some of that serenity into her own environment. All it took was a little jade plant festooned with Christmas lights to remind her how much her life was lacking.

  Greenery.

  And a man like Eric.

  You can’t have everything, Colleen.

  Right.

  She made a mental note to buy greenery, and as she did so, she thought perhaps a trip to the nursery might inspire Mom to leave the condo. Then again…did her mom even like plants? She didn’t know, and that made her feel hollow and teary. It was as if two polite strangers shared the condo.

  Colleen checked the clock on her coffeemaker, paced, stared out the windows. It had begun to snow again. She sat and flipped through a magazine, but it couldn’t keep her attention. With a sigh, she tossed it aside and checked her cell phone. It had been an hour. Had Eric changed his mind about dinner?

  As if reading her thoughts, her cell phone rang.

  “Eric?”

  “Hey. Sorry I’m late.”

  “I was beginning to worry.” She grabbed her coat. “I’ll be right down.”

  “Actually, a little…problem cropped up.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, but—”

  “You’re not downstairs.”

  “No, I’m downstairs. Listen, can I come up for a few minutes?”

  Colleen glanced nervously at her mother’s bedroom, but why? There wasn’t a reason in the world Colleen couldn’t have a colleague stop by the house. Except she’d somehow stopped thinking of Eric as a colleague right about the third time she’d gasped out his name in bed the other night. Mom would pick up on that vibe, and the thought of that happening turned her stomach. Thank God she was asleep. “Of course,” Colleen said. “Tell Joaquin—the doorman—you’re here to visit me. He’ll call up to confirm.”

  “Will do.”

  As she waited for Eric to make it up to her floor, Murphy’s Law kicked in, and Mom emerged from her room in a pair of aqua satin pajamas, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and limping.

  Colleen rose from the sofa and crossed to her. “Why are you limping?”

  “Oh, it’s nothing. I slipped earlier getting out of the shower. But it’s fine.”

  “Okay,” Colleen said uncertainly, linking the fingers of both hands and squeezing on the knot of her fists. “Do you need to see the doctor?”

  “I have an appointment for tomorrow.”

  Colleen gulped, irrationally guilty that her mom had slipped and she hadn’t been around to help. “I bought you pad Thai. It’s in the fridge.”

  “Thank you, sweet pea. I think I’ll put on some water for tea.”

  Colleen’s heart began to thud. This shouldn’t be so difficult. She cleared her throat. “I, uh, have a colleague stopping by for a few minutes. We have a business dinner.”

  Mom swiveled to face her, panicked. Moira Delaney never saw visitors without being fully pulled together, from the hair to the makeup to the outfit. “Here?”

  “No. We’re going out. He’s just picking me up.” Colleen braced herself.

  As expected, Moira’s face brightened at the mere mention that the colleague in question was male, and she smoothed her hair. “How lovely. I’ll just go put on a robe. Do you mind setting the kettle to boil?”

  “Not at all.”

  The women went about their tasks, and moments later, the doorbell chimed. Colleen hurried to open it.

  Just seeing Eric’s face calmed her.

  Which made her seem a lot like her mother….

  Something in her chest twisted.

  She released a breath. “Come on in.” Eric seemed to be holding his coat strangely. “Are you sure you’re not injured? Were you in an accident?”

  “Near miss,” Eric said, as he crossed the threshold and soaked in the surroundings.

  “Oh, my gosh, what happened?”

  “Promise you won’t be angry.”

  She spun to face him. “Have you been drinking?”

  “Ah, no. It was this little guy.” A scruffy, adorable puppy popped his head out of Eric’s coat and thumped his tail against Eric’s torso. White and butterscotch colored, with longish floppy ears. “He was in the road. I almost hit him.”

  “Oh, no!”

  “Yeah. So I stopped and picked him up. Asked around a bit, but nobody seemed to know who he belonged to. I’m sorry for bringing him into your—wow—your beautiful condo straight out of the pages of Architectural Digest.”

  “Thanks.”

  “But I couldn’t leave him out there. It’s snowing, and—”

  “N-no. Of course you couldn’t.” A puppy. She’d never had a puppy. She didn’t exactly know what to do. “So, okay. Should you…set him down?”

  Eric cringed, squatting down to set the bundle of wild fur on the floor. “He and I just met. I don’t know the extent of his house-training.”

  “Oh. Well, travertine is easy to clean.”

  Just then, Moira emerged from her bedroom, looking lovely in a long, jade robe and lipstick, but Colleen took note of the hollows in her mom’s cheeks, the darkness beneath her eyes.

  “Hello there,” Moira said, her gaze on Eric.

  He stood. “Hello. You must be Mrs. Delaney.”

  “Eric,” Colleen said. “My mom, Moira. Mom, this is Eric Nelson.”

  Moira limped closer, extending her tiny hand. “It’s a pleasure to—”

  “Yap! Yap!”

  Everyone glanced down at the puppy, and Moira gasped. “Oh, my! It’s a little Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.” Favoring her good knee, Moira eased her way down onto the floor and patted her lap, urging the puppy closer. He bounced over to her and she scooped him up, burying her face in his fur.

  Eric glanced at Colleen questioningly. She shrugged.

  “He’s adorable, Eric,” Moira said. “What’s his name?”

  “He’s not mine, actually.”

  “He was wandering in the street and Eric almost hit him,” Colleen added, shaking the confusion from her head. “Mom, how did you know his breed?”

  Moira held the puppy out in front of her and kissed him on the forehead. “Animal Planet,” she said. “One of those dog shows. Isn’t he just an angel?”

  The teakettle whistled, and Colleen hurried from the room to remove it from the burner. When she reentered, Eric was sitting cross-legged on the floor with her mother, both of them playing with the puppy. It was the first time she’d seen her mother animated since the surfing accident and subsequent breakup with boyfriend number God-only-knew.

  Moira glanced up. “Sweet pea, can we keep him?”

  Colleen felt an odd sense of role reversal that creeped her out. “Mom, I don’t know. In a high-rise?”

  “He won’t get very big. He’s a tiny breed.”

  “Yes, but he’ll need to go out—”

  “I can take him outside,” Moira said. “I don’t have anything else to do.”

  The lightbulb went off in Colleen’s head, but she wanted to downplay her excitement. She stooped over an
d rubbed the little puppy’s chin. “You’ll be able to walk him? Because he’ll need that, and I’ll be at work—”

  “I’d love to walk him.” Moira cradled him against her chest again.

  “Really?”

  “Gosh, what should we name him?”

  “No, no, no.” Colleen crisscrossed her hands. “Don’t name him yet. He might belong to someone, and that’ll make it harder to give him back.”

  “He didn’t have tags.” Moira glanced at Eric. “Did he? Or a collar?”

  “No, he didn’t.”

  “But he might have a microchip,” Colleen said. Her mom’s light expression dimmed a bit, so she added, “I’ll take him to the vet tomorrow and have him scanned.” She gulped. “If he doesn’t have a microchip, we can keep him. Unless—Eric, did you plan on keeping him?”

  Eric shook his head. “He’d be alone all day. That wouldn’t be fair to the little guy.”

  “Exactly. Chip and I can spend our days together, just the two of us, right baby?” Moira cooed, laughing when the puppy nibbled on her nose.

  Colleen smiled. “You’re calling him Chip?”

  Moira hiked a shoulder. “It’s a chip that will determine if he can stay or not. I think it suits him.”

  Eric laughed.

  “You kids go on to dinner. Chip and I will be fine here together.”

  “Well, let us get you set up first, Mom.” Colleen tapped her chin with an index finger. “Let’s see…you’ll need…” She had no idea what he’d need.

  She’d never had a pet. Not a pet, not a plant, not a single living thing for which she was responsible. And she had the audacity to think about family? Her fists tightened by her side. Who did she think she was?

  “Do you have a big box anywhere?” Eric asked, sliding his palms together slowly. “And an old blanket?”

  “Yes. Great. Good thoughts.” She’d gotten a delivery yesterday and hadn’t yet taken the crate to the incinerator. “I’ll just get that and—”

  “Were you about to make tea, Moira?” Eric asked. “I can do that for you.”

  “How sweet of you. Yes.”

  He stood and met Colleen’s glance with a wink. She’d never loved anyone so much as right that moment, so much that she knew it would never, ever happen.

  After they’d set up a makeshift bed and water bowl for Chip in Moira’s room and served Mom tea and pad Thai on the bed tray, Eric and Colleen left, promising to bring home dog food and other supplies.

  The elevator doors whooshed shut, and Colleen pressed Eric against the wall, saying everything with her lips that she hadn’t been able to say out loud. When the ding signaled the lobby floor, she pulled away.

  “Wow. What was that for?”

  “For you being amazing.”

  “Because I almost hit a dog?”

  She smiled, curling her arm around the crook of his elbow as they nodded to Joaquin at the doorman’s desk and headed out. “No, because you accomplished, in five minutes, what I haven’t been able to accomplish in over a year. You made Mom smile and got her to agree to leave the house.”

  Playfully, Eric stood up straighter and tugged at his lapels. “I did all that? Damn, I’m good.”

  “You are,” Colleen said. Too good for me. “In so many ways, I might add.”

  Eric stopped, turned to her. He ran his hands into the sides of her hair and tipped her face up. “What are you trying to say?”

  Her heart felt huge in her chest, her connection to this man overwhelming. “I’m saying…I’m not hungry. At least, not for food.” Despite warning bells clanging in her skull, she reached up and kissed him. “Let’s go to your house.”

  Two hours later, on the crest of her third climax, Colleen cried out and then simply…cried. She broke down and couldn’t hold back the regret. For time wasted, for her current dilemma, for her deep, impossible love of this man. Not only did her career, her home, her mom’s care and her self-esteem hang in the balance, now she had a dog.

  A dog.

  Another mouth to feed. That tipped the scales.

  She hated crying. But she couldn’t stop. It was as if she’d needed to cry since losing Eric in law school, only she hadn’t seen it until now, when she was about to lose him again. She covered her face with both hands.

  “Hey, now.” Eric rolled to his back and pulled her on top of him.

  She buried her face in his neck, inhaling his scent, committing it to memory.

  “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

  “No, of course not.” She gulped. “I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”

  He smoothed her hair with one hand, held her tightly against his chest with the other. “Sweetheart, talk to me. What do you have to be sorry about?”

  “You make me feel so alive.”

  He reached for a tissue, handed it to her. “And that makes you sad?”

  “That I’ve moved through life like the walking dead? That I’ve made difficult decisions and still have to?” She wiped her eyes and sniffed. “Yeah. A little sad. I just wanted my life to turn out differently from hers.”

  “What are we talking about here? Whose life?” He scooted up to a half-sitting position against the headboard.

  Colleen sat up next to him, clutching a pillow to cover her nakedness. “My mom’s.” She twisted her mouth to the side.

  “Was her life so bad?”

  “From the perspective of her daughter? Yes.” She peered at Eric through wet lashes. He waited for her to talk, and she found that she wanted to. Needed to. She couldn’t cut him off at the knees, and the hearing was only two days away. “I never knew my dad. But so what, you know? Mom and I could’ve had a great life together alone, if only that had been enough for her.”

  “It wasn’t?”

  She shook her head. “She went from man to man, desperate for someone to take care of her. Half the time she forgot that she needed to take care of me. She’d completely change her life for these guys, to try to meet some ideal that was forever out of reach.” Colleen shook her head. “I can’t even count the number of times she got her heart broken, how often we moved, how many ‘dads’ I had or schools I attended. All because she had that single-minded goal in mind of being a wife, no matter what it did to her world or to mine. It disgusted me.”

  “But you’re not like that, Colleen.”

  “I am, Eric. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

  “How so?”

  Heart shattering, she reached out and smoothed her palm over his beard stubble. “Because all I’ve ever wanted was to make partner in a major law firm. And, okay, I may have picked the wrong law firm, but it’s too late now. Anything less feels like failure.”

  A wariness slid into his expression. “Meaning?”

  She hiccupped. “I can win the case, I have to win it—”

  He grabbed her wrist. “Colleen, wait—”

  She pulled away gently, then stood, distancing herself physically, mentally, emotionally. “As much as I’m falling in love with you, Eric Nelson, as much as it kills me to do this, I can’t destroy my career for a man. Not even you. Because then I’ll be just like her.”

  Panicked now, somehow numb despite the searing pain, she stumbled through getting dressed. She had to get out from under the weight of his disapproval, the crush of her own devastation. Megan told her to chase happiness, but she was doing just the opposite, and she couldn’t make herself stop. Fear had a choke hold on her.

  Why wasn’t he yelling at her?

  That would make things so much easier.

  “So that’s it, then?” he said instead. His voice calm. Steady. “We have amazing sex, you drop the bomb that you’re falling in love with me but screwing me over anyway, I take you home, case closed?” He reached for the lamp.

  “Don’t,” she said, softening it with, “please.” He hesitated, then dropped his hand to the bedsheets covering his lower half. “You don’t have to—I’ll call a cab.”

  “You’re actually going to do this to me t
wice, Coll?”

  Tears ran anew down her cheeks. “I can’t walk away from the case, Eric.” She slipped her feet clumsily into her shoes. “Try to understand—”

  “Oh, I understand.”

  He said it so calmly, she couldn’t read him. And she couldn’t make out his features in the moonlit room, which was probably for the best. “You do?” A flicker of hope.

  “I understand that you haven’t changed as much as I thought you had.”

  His words cut, twisted. She couldn’t take a breath. “I’m sorry,” she gasped, heading toward safety.

  “You know what the saddest part about this whole thing is?” he asked, stopping her in the doorway with his tone.

  She hung her head.

  Waited.

  Didn’t trust herself to speak.

  “It’s just a case, Coll. An empty, meaningless lawsuit that you’re forming your entire life around based on some fears from childhood.” A beat passed. “And, incidentally, I’m in love with you, too. Stupid me, huh?”

  Chapter Twelve

  Colleen called in to the office the next morning and told the secretary she shared with junior attorneys that she’d be working from home. Which wasn’t exactly true. She’d made herself a pot of coffee and climbed back in bed, alternating between dozing and crying and feeling like she’d suffered a death. She’d just grabbed the remote and begun channel surfing when a knock sounded on her door.

  “Come in,” she said, eyes fixed on the television without really caring what was on the screen.

  Mom came in, dressed, smiling and not limping quite as much. Chip bopped in beside her, his little rear end getting in front of him sometimes. “Hey, puppy,” Colleen said, dangling her hand off the end of the bed for the little dog to sniff. “Were you a good boy last night?” Her chin quivered. The darn little dog reminded her of Eric and probably always would.

  Moira said, “He was perfect. He’s a wonderful puppy.”

  Colleen’s tummy wrung out with something that felt strangely like jealousy. “I wish I’d been ‘a wonderful puppy,’” she said, in an unwarranted biting tone.

  “Excuse me?” Moira cocked her head curiously.