by Naomi Amanda
Ignoring my worry and hurt, I finished the eggs even though the saltiness was starting to make me feel sick. I ate the bacon slices, wondering if she had purposely put extra salt in all the food to make me feel nauseous. I wouldn’t put it past her. But I ate the food anyway, eating the slice of toast last so that it would clear the taste of salt from my mouth. Then I drank a whole glass of water, placed both my glass and plate in the sink.
“Thank you for breakfast,” I told her even though my common curtsey wouldn’t make a dent in her hatred for me.
She didn’t even blink as I walked past them and out of the house. I started toward my car when Laura’s Audi pulled up in front of my house. Confused, I made my way to her car and she unlocked the door for me. I quietly slipped inside and she grinned at me.
“I felt like driving today,” she told me, making a U-turn to drive down the street. “Since when do you side part your hair like that?”
“I just felt like it,” I answered, hoping she’d drop it and she did.
“What happened when I left you home yesterday?” she asked and I felt a pang of guilt.
I hated lying to her but I had gotten so accustomed to it. Even though I was aware that she knew I was lying to her, it still made me feel bad. She never called me out on it.
“Just the usual screaming,” I told her which was partly the truth.
It wasn’t lying if I was just withholding information, right?
I had the strong urge to tell her about Susan’s sudden kindness to cook me breakfast. But the swirling of the salty food in my stomach warned me that I’d feel even worse if I talked and thought about it.
“So when I hung out with the girls yesterday,” she started talking and I was glad for the distraction because my stomach was starting to hurt. “I noticed that Marika and that Ava girl were extremely close. Like not I-just-met-you-last-summer close but like we’re-attached-at-the-hip close.”
“You mean like you and me?” I mocked and she huffed. “Let them be. It’s good that Marika has a new friend. I mean, even though we’re like the three musketeers, Marika’s always felt like the odd one out.”
“But she’s not,” Laura cut in. “It’s just that you and I have known each other longer-”
“Are you jealous of her new friend?” I asked with a chuckle. “How about we just let Ava join in and maybe we’ll see what Marika sees?”
“I hate when you get all altruistic and considerate on me,” she murmured. “How about we give Logan a chance, too?”
“That’s different,” I told her quickly. “Susan’s made it clear that she’ll make my life a living hell if I get close to Logan.”
“I don’t get that woman.” She groaned. “What’s her problem? It’s not even like you’ve ever done anything wrong. You’re so perfect and she’s so-”
“What else happened with the girls?” I asked, changing the subject and if she figured out what I was doing, she did a good job at hiding it.
“I think we should have a sleepover at my house on Saturday,” she said quickly, ignoring my question. I could hear the excitement bubbling in her voice. “I already asked Marika and I guess I could call Ava, too. You in?”
“I can’t,” I frowned, feeling disappointed that I was going to miss it. “Susan said there’s some party-get-together thing at the Kendalls’ house on Saturday.”
“Wow,” she said, looking genuinely shocked. “And she’s letting you go, too?”
“Apparently the Kendall’s’ specifically asked them to bring me along,” I explained. “They remember that Logan and I used to be friends. Why does everyone remember but I don’t?”
“Because you have the shittiest memory, worse than a goldfish,” she joked, laughing as I shot her a withering look. “Anyway, what if I come pick you up after the party and you spend the weekend with me? We haven’t had a sleepover in forever! Neither have I gone to a party with you in forever.”
Susan never let me out of the house, especially for parties, unless she wasn’t in town. The only handful of times I had gone to parties held by students was either when Susan was out of town with Cody to visit her family. Or when I had slept over at Laura’s house and she took me to them.
Laura’s parents were the cool kind who allowed her wild behavior up to a point. As long as she didn’t puke after drinking too much or pass out at someone else’s house without letting them know what was going on, she could do whatever she wanted.
They also treated me like their child, feeding me the things Susan never allowed, letting me call friends over to their house. They even took me out for their family dinners and parties. And the best part, they called to ask Susan for permission so that she wouldn’t think I’m lying about where I was going.
“I’m sorry.” I sighed as she pulled up in the school parking lot.
“Oh, I’m not giving up,” she affirmed. “I’m going to get you out of there this weekend if it’s the last thing I do.”
I tried not to smile at her determination and got out of the car. I spotted Marika outside where a car was parked in front of the school gates. She was leaning toward the divers’ side window, talking to someone as Ava got out of the passengers’ side. I watched as Marika and Ava waved to the person as they drove away. They were lost in conversation with each other until they actually walked right up to us.
“Hey, you missed so much fun last night.” Marika pulled me into a hug. “Ava ate a whole pizza herself.”
I raised my eyebrows in shock and Ava blushed, a smile on her lips. I gave her a look of praise.
“Respect,” I told her, pretending to bow down to her. “I can’t eat more than three slices.”
“Have you seen your scrawny self?” Laura appeared behind me after locking her car.
“Oh yeah, and Ava’s so much fatter.” I made a face at her and Marika laughed. “She’s even tinier than I am.”
“Whatever.” Laura turned her eyes to Ava. “So I’m having a sleepover at my place on Saturday. Want to join?”
Ava’s face lit up and it was actually kind of cute. It was probably her first invitation since she came to town since Marika was her only friend. And Marika’s parents never let her host sleep overs and parties.
“I’d love to.” She nodded and then shot Marika a look as if she had made a huge accomplishment.
“You’re welcome to sit at our table at lunch,” I added. “If you have the same recess slot. A warning though, the guys at our table are slobs.”
“Not all of them.” Laura smirked and I laughed because Dayle was the biggest slob of them all.
“Please,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Dayle eats french-fries off the floor.”
“Fine, so he’s a little gross,” Laura agreed as the four of us made our way inside the building. “You might find pet-peeves with Logan.”
“Are you dating Logan?” Ava asked and I felt my cheeks heat. I quickly shook my head, wishing that no one else at school thought that. “Oh, I thought you guys were together.”
“I think they look cute together,” Laura said in a sing-song voice and I swatted her arm. “Ow, what? He obviously likes you.”
“The way he looks at you is so cute,” Marika joined in and I shot her a look of betrayal, making her laugh. “It’s true even if you don’t want to believe it, Fator.”
Truth was – I wanted to believe it. But as much as I wanted him to like me, I knew we could never be. Not with Susan breathing down my neck.
Chapter 8
I felt the after-effects of eating Susan’s salt induced breakfast through all my classes. It was hard to ignore the swirling nausea in my stomach that made its way up my throat. I managed to push down the feeling, trying harder than usual to pay attention in class.
I felt Logan’s eyes on me, as usual, through all my classes which only contributed to the weirdness in my stomach, making my heart race and making me feel even more uncomfortable. And by the time the bell rang to signal the end of the last period, I gladly changed into
my cheerleading uniform, needing the distraction. Little did I know that exercising was going to make the sickness angry.
After demonstrating the routine Marika and I had come up with to the rest of the girls, I had broken out in a sweat which was unusual since I didn’t sweat all that much. At least not after only doing the routine once. Laura and the other girls watched and then broke into groups discussing what they could add or change to make it better. Laura actually asked Ava whether she would help her come up with a good cheer.
I was relieved that she was opening up to her and letting her into our group. Part of me wished that I could do the same for Logan – who happened to be watching our practice as if he had nothing better to do.
“Hey, are you okay?” Marika asked me. “You look like you’re going to be sick-”
As soon as she said it, I felt my body heave. Filled with a sudden fear, I cupped a hand over my mouth, one around my stomach and ran toward the locker room. I couldn’t tell whether anyone else had noticed what was going on but in that moment, I couldn’t think about anything. I knew I was screwed.
As soon as I reached the locker room, I threw up everything I had eaten for breakfast into the toilet – where it belonged. I didn’t want to believe that it was possible but the only thing that crossed my mind was – Susan purposely made me sick.
I felt a hand rub by back in a circular motion and another hold my hair back as I heaved into the toilet again. I heard myself let out a soft weep, hot tears streaming down my cheeks.
“Are you okay?”
I collapsed on the floor and Marika bent down next to me, dabbing the sweat off my forehead with a handkerchief. Unable to speak, I continued to cry silently as she watched me with a worried expression. I heard footsteps enter the bathroom and then a small gasp. I looked up through my tear-blurred eyes to find Ava.
“Oh my God,” she breathed and then Marika looked from her to me, her gaze landing somewhere above me.
“Chica, are you hurt?” She reached out and touched my forehead, making me flinch – not because it hurt but because I had forgotten about it.
I had forgotten about the make-up I had used to cover it up and the sweat and dabbing had probably erased it.
“Please, just go,” I choked out and Ava stared at me for several seconds before nodding with the worry visible in her eyes.
I listened as she turned around and rushed away. Her sneakers pounded against the marble floor as she ran out of the locker room, shutting the doors.
“Chey, when did you get that?” Marika asked me, helping me to my feet.
How was I supposed to keep making excuses for my injuries? How was I supposed to keep lying to my friends to save my family’s skin? How much was I supposed to suffer because Cody didn’t deserve to lose his parents?
She helped me reach the sinks so I could wash my face. She had already seen the bruise so how did it even matter anymore? I washed my face twice and then thrice before looking into the mirror in front of me. Hazel eyes filled with dread, pain and guilt stared back at me; the dark bags under my eyes making it seem like the girl in the mirror hadn’t slept in days or maybe even years.
“Cheyenne!” Laura burst into the locker room.
I internally groaned as Logan rushed in after her. I knew my excuses wouldn’t be enough for her. I knew she wasn’t going to believe me anymore. It was visible in her eyes that she was done with my bullshit. But I couldn’t tell her anything – not in front of Logan.
“What the hell?” she spat. “Ava said you were sick-”
“Cheyenne.” Logan stepped forward but Laura stuck her hand out, stopping him.
“It’s a stomach bug,” I lied, hating how weak my voice sounded.
“Explain,” she said, her jaw clenched. “Why is your forehead black and blue and did you think I wouldn’t see that on your cheek?”
“I walked into the door yest-”
“Don’t,” she warned, her eyes so cold, it made me shut up. “I’m not taking your bullshit excuses anymore, Chey. Tell me the truth. Is Susan hurting you?”
“Do we have to talk about this now?” I asked, my voice cracking and a new set of tears burning my eyes.
“Logan, can you give us a moment?” Laura said, silencing everyone but he didn’t move.
“No,” Logan said calmly and stepped around Laura.
I felt my heart throb in my chest and not just because I knew I was done for. I couldn’t lie to my best friends anymore. I didn’t want to.
I felt blood rush to my face and my hands turn sweaty. I felt lightheaded, like I could pass out any second. I felt everything because I knew that Laura had just been waiting for the second shoe to drop.
I turned my fearful gaze to Logan as his fingers circled around my wrist. The next movement was involuntary as my body moved on its own. I yanked my hand away from his grasp with too much force, making me stumble backward.
“Don’t touch me,” I blurted out, my voice trembling with emotion. “Just stay away from me.”
“What?” he asked, looking genuinely hurt. “Cheyenne-”
“N-no!” I almost yelled. “This is your fault! Just stay away from me!”
“My fault?” he echoed like he couldn’t believe what I was saying. “What did I do?”
“You wouldn’t stay away,”
I hated how I sounded so whiny and annoying. I also hated how the words were rolling off my tongue because I was too sick and tired to think about it twice. It felt like I had no control over my words or body and I hated it. I hated it so much.
“Stay away for what, Cheyenne?” he asked, exasperated. “I just wanted to be friends-”
“I don’t want to be friends! We can’t be, okay?” I watched as his face came into focus and I almost collapsed at the sight of the hurt I had caused him. “I tried so hard to avoid you but you just don’t give up.”
“Why’re you being like this?” he asked and for a minute, I wondered why Laura and Marika weren’t saying anything but when I glanced at them, they looked like they couldn’t recognize me. “Your step mother is psycho and it’s my fault because you don’t want to man up about it and tell us?”
It felt like a slap to the face, enough that it left Marika and Laura dumbfounded. I flinched at the sound of pain and anger in his voice and at his choice of words.
How did he know that Susan was hurting me? Had he known all along? No. That wasn’t possible. No one knew. Not even Laura and she had been with me for the longest. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be.
“Leave me alone,” I repeated, my voice void of emotion. “Just leave me alone.”
“You know what?” he asked, stepping back with his hands in the air as if he surrendered. “You got your wish. I give up. I’m done, happy?”
No. I wasn’t happy.
I couldn’t remember a day in my life when I was truly happy and got to stay that way. I didn’t want to push my friends away. I didn’t want to lie to them every single day because I was scared of the truth. I didn’t want to cut Logan out of my life before he was even completely in it just because Susan thought it would be better for my father’s campaign if I did.
Truth was, I was on the edge with one foot dangling off the cliff, waiting for Susan to push me off it.
The three of us watched as Logan walked out of the locker room, sidestepping Ava who seemed to be waiting outside.
“I don’t know who was harsher,” Marika whispered after several seconds and by then the tears were full on streaming down my face. “Chey, are you-”
“Don’t lie to me again,” Laura said, sitting me down on the bench.
She knelt down in front of me as Marika sat beside me, putting an arm around my shoulder for comfort. The door pened a little, letting in a sliver of light.
“I’m sorry,” Ava said into the room. “I didn’t know what to do so I called them.”
“You did the right thing,” Laura told her and then looked back at me. “You need to tell me what’s going on so
I can help you, okay?”
“I can’t,” I cried. “You can’t help me. I can’t let anyone know.”
“Babe, everyone in the room already knows and that boy – he seemed like he’s known for longer,” Laura said carefully as if I was a child she was trying not to upset. “Now tell me what really happened to your head and why you have a cut across your cheek.”
“Laur, if anyone finds out, my father will lose the mayoral election,” I told her, hoping the fear in my voice would be enough for her to stop asking questions.
“I don’t care about that, Chey,” she said, sounding flustered. “I care about you and-”
“If word gets out about any of this,” I said slowly, stressing on every word. “Cody will lose both his parents.”
“Honey, if your father isn’t doing shit about this crazy woman hurting you, then you’ve lost both your parents already.” Laura wiped the tears off my cheeks.
“But he’s just a little kid.” I sniffed. “I can’t do that to him.”
“Fine.” She sighed and looked at Marika and Ava in turn. “What’s heard in this room doesn’t leave here, get it?”
“Messaged received.” Marika squeezed my shoulder. “Now spill the beans.”
“I can’t remember when it started,” I admitted truthfully. “But Susan does more than yell at me. S-she-”
I closed my eyes and sighed. I couldn’t get myself to say it.
“All those bruises and cuts,” Marika said slowly, helping me out. “It was her doing?”
I nodded slowly, watching Ava as she sat on my other side. I barely knew the girl but she was trying to comfort me. I knew it was bad that I was admitting all of it to Laura and Marika and I knew it was even worse that Ava had been there to hear it, too. But as soon as Ava slipped her fingers between mine and urged me to continue, I knew she was already a part of our group.
“These were because she heard people around town talk about Logan and me,” I said slowly, looking Laura in the eye.
Guilt flashed in her eyes and she opened her mouth to apologize but I shook my head. I didn’t want her to blame herself but from the looks of it, she already was.