Black Hills Blessing

by A. C. Wilson

  “Thanks, Mom. I love you too.” Garrett hung up the phone with a definitive click. He stood quiet for a moment staring out the window. Her heartbeat thundered in her chest and she swallowed hard.

  “You could go home, you know. Maverick would take you.” She tried to keep her voice from faltering and was rather proud of herself for the lack of cracking. Still the lump remained in her throat. Garrett took another moment to answer her. He slowly turned his broad shoulders and squared up with her. His lips were pressed together in a very thoughtful manner. His brown eyes caressed every inch of her face. She felt it; warm, searching, and calculating.

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He lowered his eyes and went into the kitchen. When he disappeared from view, Rayne felt a portion of her independence die. It was a pain she’d never experienced before.

  How had this man changed her hardened resolve to remain aloof and independent from all the softer emotions? She was like a wild mare belonging only to herself and her environment. Garrett was the cowboy that was breaking her one piece at a time. She wasn’t sure he knew that. She wasn’t sure she wanted him to know that.

  What power would he have over her if he did find out? That was the question.

  Chapter 9

  The few minutes he was gone was almost interminable. She hated that she kept checking the ticking clock on the wall and hated herself even more for noting it. She needed to get out of this place. It was quickly driving her crazy. Rayne shifted on the couch, lifting her bum ankle onto the cushion at the end. Stretching out the length of the couch made her sink further into it. A softer side imagined it was hugging her and she took a deep breath before breaking the idea. It was only suffocating her. To think differently, she would be a fool and she’d been the fool far too many times for her liking.

  Is it foolish to want to be loved? Am I a fool for wanting to be cherished? Home was just not a concept she understood. Oh, others had tried to explain it. Others had tried to create one for her, but it just wasn’t possible. Sadly there was no place she belonged. Definitely not like Garrett belonging on the Crossing Pines Ranch or in South Dakota for that matter. It caused her heart to clench.

  What wouldn’t I give to belong somewhere? How much would it cost me? She knew what it would cost. She was of two minds. A part of her longed for someone to lay claim to her and another part fought against the ties that bind. Been there and done that!

  “If you keep frowning like that, those wrinkles are going to stay.” Garrett’s voice made her jump. So absorbed in the haze of her thoughts, Rayne was surprised to hear his voice. What didn’t surprise her was the fact that it was a balm to her soul.

  Traitor. Thief. Idiot.

  “I imagine I’ll keep them. I’m not the smiling type.” Her gruff voice aggravated her helpless pull to him. His brown eyes glinted with something she didn’t recognize. Challenge, maybe? He seemed the type that responded to the taunt of someone telling him it wasn’t possible. Hell, she was the same.

  Maybe he should tell me love isn’t possible. She wondered if she’d agree or set about to prove him wrong.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. There has to be something that makes you happy, Rayne.” His voice remained even, as if he were talking about the weather. It was his eyes that were expressive. She swallowed hard as he came further into the living room. She shook her head.

  “Not that I can remember.” Liar. Self-awareness banged against her hardened heart. His gaze sharpened, fixing on her eyes solely. There was something that passed between them. She was almost sure he was picking up the challenge even though she was scared to death that he would prove her wrong. She fisted her hands and tucked them close to her stomach.

  “That’s no way to live a life, Rayne. I hope you don’t get to the end of yours and wish you’d done it differently.” He came around the end of the couch with a plastic bowl and a towel. He moved quietly like a cat, his long legs purposeful. Her notice flickered to what was in the bowl. Snow. She watched him with some apprehension.

  “There’s no way of knowing that. Besides that, it shouldn’t matter to you how I live my life, Garrett. I met you just yesterday. That doesn’t give you a claim to my past or my future.” She was starting to feel trapped. Her back was nearly against the wall. He quirked his brow as he took up a position on the floor again. Settling himself near her ankle, he put the bowl aside and lifted her ankle to lay the towel underneath. Rolling her pant leg out of the way, the exposed flesh looked more swollen and it throbbed.

  “When you put it that way, I suppose it doesn’t.” His words were thoughtful and matter-of-fact. She waited for more, but he continued with his ministrations. Scooping a large handful of snow from the bowl, he began to pack it around her ankle. Rayne nearly jumped off the couch. She wasn’t sure which was worse; the intensity of the cold snow or the intensity of his blazing gaze. Neither made her feel comfortable in the least. She hated to ask what popped into her head, but the words fell out of her mouth anyway.

  “What other way would you put it?” Rayne watched him swallow and felt the immediate need to press her lips to that spot on his neck. It irritated her that lust was ever present. He continued to add more snow until it was a small mound.

  “I’d hoped you could recognize a gift when you see it. You shouldn’t throw something away just because it scares you.” His hands pulled away from her ankle and he wiped the cold snow onto his jeans. She felt like a deer in front of oncoming headlights.

  Poor creatures. Her tongue felt heavy and it wouldn’t say what she wanted too. Garrett got up from the floor and picked up the empty bowl. Moving back towards the kitchen, Rayne’s eyes followed him. She leaned heavily against the arm of the couch and her lips trembled with the emotion brewing inside her. Shit! How had he pegged her so easily? Why she was letting him bothered her more. She heard the bowl thump inside the metal sink as he set it down. She heard some shuffling around before he came back into the room. She tried to grip her anger tightly as she might a shield. He blinked as she met his eyes. A sudden awareness flared suddenly.

  “You think you have me all figured out, cowboy? There hasn’t been a goddamn thing in my life that I could consider a gift.” Her voice shook and she was powerless to rein in the words that fell out into the wide world. “A gift is something with no strings attached. Someone has always wanted something in return and I cannot give it!” Rayne felt some of the hard-knocks veneer crack around her soul and it sent a tremor through her that might have taken down a weaker person. Instead she fought not to throw up. As her calm had completely disintegrated, Garrett looked cool and collected. He stood there in the doorway between the living room and kitchen. Rayne swallowed hard as a single tear fell out of the corner of her eye. Its slow trek down her cheek was like a searing blade.

  “There’s nothing here for you.” The words reverberated in the quiet like a bomb blast. Everywhere emotional shrapnel tore off pieces vital to survival. She closed her eyes and waited. She really felt like she was going to throw up. Her insides had gone haywire and she felt like she had been taken over by some entity. There had to be some possession from this place that made her share things like this. Words came out from her mouth that she never would have spoken; however, true they might be. She swallowed hard again and dared to look at him. Rayne steeled herself to see the pity in Garrett’s face. What she did see caused her to worry even more. He grinned at her.

  “There’s more here than you think, Rayne.” He saw the startled shock on her face and continued. “If you didn’t feel what is going on here between us, you’d not be sharing any of this with me.” He didn’t move towards her. He stayed where he was, but knew he wanted to come closer. “Like it or not, Rayne, we are more alike than you think. The causes of our self-imposed prisons may be different, but we are alone, because we choose to be.” He tucked his hands into his front pockets and moved to lean back against the door jam. She felt the gesture all too well. He understood her better than she wanted him too.

&nbs
p; “I can’t stay here. As soon as my father is buried and the ranch is settled, I’m leaving South Dakota. It won’t do us any good to get involved with each other. Can’t you see that? That’s why we agreed to no strings attached.” She wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince him or herself. Probably both. She knew she was already in deep enough to scar when she left Garrett behind. If they really were similar, she would save him the grief she knew she would feel at their loss. She wasn’t too perfectly independent to know that it would be a loss.

  “Rayne, I’ve never wanted anything more than no strings.” Until now. He kept that tidbit to himself. “Let’s just see where this all goes. There are a few unanswered questions here and I think the answers need to be found before you give up on this ranch. Give me a month. If by then you still want to leave, I will respect that too.” Garrett watched her, scrutinizing every movement. She felt so raw that she couldn’t effectively shutter all of her emotions. She wanted to call bullshit to his answer about no strings, but maybe it was she who was reading more into it than there was. The comment about questions and answers helped her grip more tightly to that train of thought. He had mentioned before that something felt wrong about a few key details. It wouldn’t hurt to have a local person in her corner and a well-connected one at that.

  “I can agree to that. I have some questions of my own.” Rayne conceded as she looked back to her ankle. The snow was melting at a fast pace. She saw Garrett push away from the wall and walk over to her. “Since the power is back on, do you think I could get a hot bath now?” She smiled when she saw the heat return to his eyes. She didn’t think she would ever look at brown eyes the same after this man.

  “Sure thing. Let me go see that everything is back on and hooked up right, then I’ll start a bath for you.” He moved back towards the kitchen and paused before he left her alone. “Stay put, will you?” His grin warmed the colder regions of her body and inflamed those that had not chilled.

  “If you insist.” Her cheeky reply had him chuckling under his breath and she drank in the sight of his fine backside walking away.

  Mmm…I love cowboys. Settling herself again, Rayne reached for the box of papers she had found in her father’s desk. She’d already sorted the pink and yellow receipts. None of them were new. Some were to the hardware store and more to the co-op for horse feed and supplies. Folded pieces were hay totals and tallied up fencing supplies. On a ranch this size, fences were always in need of repair.

  She remembered as a child loading up in the old blue Ford and bumbling along the rutted cattle trails. She’d been too little to help dig new post holes, but she’d learned to swing a hammer. Steadying the thick fencing staples, Rayne remembered vividly the loud thwack of the hammer against the metal as it drove it home over the wire. It was hard work as a child and if you didn’t concentrate, a smashed finger was a likely result. Early mornings with their fresh, clean air and beautifully colored sunrises. Meadowlarks called to each other from on top of the posts and their yellow breasts thrust out in pride. They take off in flight as the intruders come along. Sometimes the crested wheat and native grasses offered an ssshhhing sound as a light breeze washed over them. Closing her eyes, Rayne could see it as if it were just yesterday. The feeling soothed her. It offered her purpose and stability as a child. Not everyone would find it beautiful, but she did. The country life had been ingrained in her and it had never left despite the wish for it to be so.

  Rayne sighed and dug through the box again. A couple of folded letters caught her eye and she pulled them out. There was nothing special about them except for the handwriting. The pretty, feathery scrawl jumped from the page. Her chest tightened.

  Mother. She’d had some birthday cards that she now held very dear. Her mother’s handwriting seemed to flow right off the page with hope and love. With a box of old receipts, why would there be something of her mother’s in here? The loose leaf paper was worn and folded and refolded many times. Rayne’s hands trembled as she held the paper wondering if she could open it. Garrett spoke of unanswered questions, well there were doubly more for her. She just wasn’t sure what she’d do with the answers.

  “Looks like everything is fine. Ready for the bath?” Garrett walked into the room and noticed her startled expression. She couldn’t wipe the emotion from her face so she looked back down at the letter in her fingers. She heard him walked across the creaky wood floor and pause at her shoulder. The air hung heavy and she couldn’t seem to draw a full breath. Biting her lower lip, Rayne tilted her face up to him. Garrett nodded slowly and took a seat on the arm of the couch beside her elbow. He didn’t touch her and for that she was grateful. She might have shattered at that moment.

  Gathering some courage to do what she most wanted, Rayne began to unfold the letter. The feathery scrawl filled her vision as she began to read what her father must have read several times before. It was dated a week after she was born.

  The greatest things in life, Rayne,

  Are the things we have to wait for.

  Like my love for your father

  And my love for you, my dear girl.

  This world is an amazing place

  That never ceases to surprise.

  I can’t wait to see your reaction

  To all the mysteries in your eyes.

  You will tackle this world, my girl,

  Never allowing ‘no’ to be the last word.

  All you can do is keep trying

  And never quit pushing forward.

  You will understand in time

  What it is I’m telling you.

  Life is a wonderful place

  And I know you’ll see it too.

  Don’t be afraid to ask for help;

  It will never be far behind.

  Just remember you are special

  Dearest daughter of mine.

  Your life is such a blessing

  To each of us you’ve touched.

  You’ll never be alone, Rayne,

  For you are loved so very much.

  Love your mother!

  Rayne felt her heart begin to heave and she fought to contain what she thought was going to explode. Tears blurred her vision as she stared at the poem in her hands. Her mother’s words were beautiful and painful at the same time. To know that her own mother had left these verses for her only daughter and a new one at that, made them all the more special. The searing gash that ripped her heart open was the work of this little piece of paper and knowing that she couldn’t express to the dearest person on Earth that it was a life ended too soon.

  Why couldn’t you have taken my father instead? Why tear a mother and child apart? Rayne leaned forward, her head hung towards the floor. She might have toppled over from the weight of a world of unanswered questions, but strong, warm arms embraced her. Garrett pulled her into him and his solid chest offered an anchor to a world careening out of control. Rayne tried to breathe, but the tears that fell threatened to smother her. Her chest heaved as she fought for air. The more she fought the more her body began to panic. She started to hyperventilate and her fingers curled fiercely into Garrett’s shirt. She felt his growl against her fingertips as he came off the couch and pulled her up into his arms. The pain in her ankle didn’t even register as he lifted her bodily into his arms and settled her on his lap as he brought them down onto the couch again.

  Rayne couldn’t help feeling beyond helpless and the storm was carrying her out to sea. Her fingers remained locked in his shirt. She felt the strength of his arms around her and felt his warm breath against her cheek as he whispered to her. She was deaf. She couldn’t hear what he was saying. Her chest rose and fell in quick succession. The anger, the disbelief, and the feelings of loss as a small child slammed into her.

  “Help.” She thought it. Had she said the word? Did she have a voice? A haze of tears blocked her sight. Her body trembled and still she clutched Garrett more tightly to her. Before she knew it, a searing warmth invaded the black mists of the past. She gasped and surged for
ward towards the light. As small as it was, she knew it was her only hope to claw her way back to the surface. Desperation could be a powerful and useful emotion. Garrett gripped her face in his hands and kissed her with a ferocity that scared even himself. At her gasp for breath, he connected deeper and thrust his tongue into her mouth. Greedily he gave as much as she would take. They were determined not to let the blackness win.

  Chapter 10

  Garrett held Rayne tightly to him and kissed her with a fire that he had never experienced with anyone else. He teased her tongue into his mouth and sucked greedily on it. She moaned, leaning her breasts more firmly into his chest. His arms banded around her to keep her from wiggling off his lap as they sat on the couch. His heart thumped heavily in his chest as he worked hard to change the present. Sliding his hand around the back of her neck, he tilted her head to plunder the softness of her mouth more thoroughly. He savored the sweetness of her mouth and tasted the saltiness of her tears. More than once she hiccupped on a sob as they kissed. He knew then that she was struggling to the surface. Whatever had been on that letter had twisted her so mercilessly that she fell completely apart. His protective senses had flared to life when her golden eyes searched for him. He felt some triumph in noting that she associated him with shelter and safety.

  He tried to maintain his focus and objective. He wanted only to pull her back from whatever abyss that had formed by whatever the letter contained. He knew from previous experience that Rayne used passion as a coping mechanism. She was indeed a passionate woman and sometimes far more than she realized. It had been the desire for her that had first drawn him to her. Rayne was pushing him away and he couldn’t deny that her words stung. He wanted to tell her how wrong she was by denying that which made them explosive.