by A. C. Wilson
How could flowers be heartier than her? Should I be able to weather storms too? Storms were the least of her problems. Hell, freaking natural disasters were more in tune with the heartaches she’d suffered. Her heart constricted.
Yet I am still here. I’m still living and breathing. Rayne swallowed hard.
“What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right?” Rayne asked aloud without expecting an answer. Nora’s cheeky grin surprised her.
“We’re women, Rayne. We have to be stubborn and determined. Without that, none of us would ever make it past adolescence.” Nora chuckled and Rayne offered a soft smile. She liked Nora’s humor, even if at times it was a bit dark. At least Garrett’s sister could poke fun at the elephant in the room.
“I suppose so. I just wish I knew what to do.” Rayne sighed and gripped her cup tightly. “I feel like I’m wandering around in the dark again. Please forgive me for saying so, but your brother was the first to challenge me to look for the light.” Rayne looked at Nora, who looked back at her.
“Garrett challenges us all. Besides there’s nothing to forgive. A blind person could see what is happening between you two and a stupid person would let it go.” Nora offered the same cheeky grin as her brothers’. “If you’ll forgive me for saying so.” The women smiled at each other. Rayne had to give it to the Johnson siblings. They seemed to say just what they were thinking and they rarely apologized for saying it. It was part of their charm, she supposed.
“In all honesty, I don’t want to let him go. I just don’t have anything to offer him. I don’t know where I’m going or what I want to do with my life. For so long I’ve let others make choices for me, or decisions have been made because there wasn’t a choice.” Rayne leaned forward in her chair and placed her elbows on her knees. “I have to sell the ranch. I can’t come up with the money to pay off the back debts. If we find the mare and foal, I’ll have to sell them too. Maybe the money would offer a fresh start somewhere else.” Rayne stared into her coffee cup, seeing her reflection in the dark liquid. She heard Nora’s chair squeak as she moved.
“Even if you do have to sell the ranch, you could still stay here in Hot Springs. Garrett could still be a part of your life. You’d have a family too. Besides, I bet Denton would let you join his practice. He is always complaining there are never enough hours in the day to do all the vet services people need.” Nora sighed. Rayne lifted her brows in wonder.
Could she stay? Could she make a life here in the place she swore she’d never return too?
“I’ll think about it. Lord knows I’ve a lot to think on.” Rayne stood up from her chair and leaned her back against the porch post. Nora smiled encouragingly. Rayne caught the sight of a truck coming up the drive and her heart hammered in her chest.
Garrett? She longed and feared it might be him. What would she say? What could she say to change the events of last night? Would he forgive her for being scared? The truck got closer and then she caught a flash of blue.
Damn! Rayne knew exactly who it was and it was the last person she wanted to see today.
“Who is that?” Nora wondered aloud as the truck came into the yard and proceeded to park near the porch. Rayne wanted to growl.
“Royal. My ex-husband.” Her tight expression and stilted words made Nora raise her brows. “He and Garrett got into it last night out here on my porch. Royal was here when your brother got back.” Rayne shook her head. It sounded so awful now. Nora’s brows retreated into her hairline and she sipped her coffee, making no move to leave. Rayne never took her eyes off Royal’s truck and as soon as the driver’s door swung open, she narrowed her gaze. Her ex really had some nerve showing up today.
“Don’t look at me like that, Rayne! I’m not looking to cause any trouble.” Royal slammed his truck door shut and stepped around the grill towards the porch stairs. He was dressed in dark blue jeans, boots, and a black western shirt. In another universe, Rayne would admit Royal looked fit to kill. His short blonde hair and piercing green eyes could work wonders on a woman’s nerve. Today just wasn’t the day she wanted to admit it. There was a time when she was charmed right out of her mind. She was naive enough to know what he was and still want to marry him.
“You’re always looking for trouble, Royal. That’s what you do best!” Rayne threw back at him. She kept her gaze firm and tried not to let any softness show in her eyes.
Too bad he used to be able to read me so well. Perhaps he still could read her better than most. Funny that Garrett could too. She wondered what that said about Garrett.
“Admittedly you always knew that, but that’s not why I came out here. Trust me, I thought long and hard about this one.” Royal slid his palm over his chin where Garrett had slugged him. Rayne pretended not to notice the gesture.
“Why did you come then?” Rayne stepped forward a couple of steps until she and her ex-husband were just feet away from each other. Nora sat in her chair, never saying anything. The only reason Rayne even noticed Nora was when the chair squeaked. Royal gave Nora no mind.
“I got a call from Mom and she said a package had been delivered to the house. She didn’t think a whole lot on it until she looked at the return address. She overnighted it to me and I picked it up this morning.” Royal held out a padded manila envelope. Rayne tilted her head to the side and held her hands out. They shook. Inexplicably her heart skipped a beat.
“Who is it from?” Rayne’s words were so soft. Royal leaned his head in a bit, leaving only inches between them. His green eyes spoke to her in a way they hadn’t for a long time. If her heart hadn’t been broken, it sure as hell was now.
“No.” Her stomach heaved. Nora got up from her chair and stood waiting for whatever it was to happen. The world had suddenly gone silent and Rayne wasn’t sure she could hear anything but the blood pounding in her head. She had to tell herself to breathe. There wasn’t a necessity other than opening this package with her father’s return address on the front. Jerkily she tore at the tape that held the seal closed. It ripped in half and with considerably more effort, Rayne ripped the rest. She cast it on the porch floor, hardly caring where it fell.
“Rayne, maybe we should go sit inside.” Nora touched Rayne’s elbow, but Rayne jerked it away. One track focus was all she had and Royal offered Nora a sad grimace.
“She’s right, baby. Let’s go inside.” Royal tried to break the trance. Rayne turned on him like a snarling dog who didn’t want to share its prize. The look in those green eyes surprised Rayne back to the present. Rayne shook her head and continued with the envelope. Papers were inside. She could feel the blunt edges with her fingertips. With a renewed need to find out what was inside, Rayne pulled them out of the opening and let the empty envelope fall. She stared at the wobbly scrawl that she just knew was her father’s handwriting. Gravity seemed to be quite a force to be reckoned with as she swayed and gripped the porch railing. Nora’s arm went around her waist, but only to support.
My dearest Rayne,
We’ve been so long apart that I’m afraid you have forgotten this old man to be any relation to you at all, let alone your father. As your father, there are some things I need to tell you, my dear. I know you’ll not read this while I’m alive, but that’s just the way it has to be. I don’t have the courage to face you after all these years. I can only try and make you understand now.
To speak plainly, I know you blame me for your sainted mother’s death. In all honesty, I blame myself too. A person shouldn’t die alone with no one to hold their hand and offer forgiveness.
Rayne swallowed hard and felt a sob break from her chest. How ironic that he should say such a thing. He died the same way, alone and without forgiveness.
I’m aware that you heard me say “I killed her.” I felt that I had. Seeing her laying in the middle of the dirt road, I knew what had happened to her. So many things had gone wrong. The Lord just didn’t give us enough time to correct them all. Rayne, your mother had breast cancer when we moved to South Dakota.
We’d known for some time and there wasn’t anything we could do. It was all just a matter of time before she left us. I know it’s hard to swallow. Knowing how you hate me so, I have included her hospital records.
She didn’t want you to know. She knew her little girl would worry and not enjoy the freedoms of childhood. Your mother loved this place. She sat for hours in the garden and as I remember, you sat there with her. I know that meant the world to her. More than once she kept me from telling you everything. She kept praying for more and more time. I knew she was getting frail and getting out of bed even seemed such a challenge for her. I’d made you a promise to go adventuring and when we got back, well…you know the rest. I lost a dear wife that day, but I lost a daughter too.
Rayne felt her heart being ripped from her chest. Tears coursed down her cheeks and the letters blurred. She could see everything about that day unfold as a child had pictured it, but the difference was distinct in her father’s eyes. That beautiful spring day he lost everyone he had ever loved. It was horrible and tragic. Royal moved her to the stairs and forced her to sit down. Nora sat beside her and Royal took a seat at her feet. Rayne didn’t know if she could continue reading, but these were her father’s last words to her. She might have hated him for a very long time, but there was something about not being able to deny a dead man’s last wish.
As I’m sure you’re aware, I’ve left the ranch and its contents to you. I would have sold it long ago if I could have convinced myself that it was just a house and just a patch of ragged land. It isn’t. This is where your mother remains alive for me and this is where I had a daughter. Sometimes I can still stand on the porch and listen to their whispers from the flower garden. It soothes a lonely soul. I couldn’t let it go, although being advised that I should do so.
There is one request. I hatched a plan to have an outstanding breeding program for bronc horses. Harry Vold’s Painted Valley was chosen to sire a foal from my wild mare, South Dakota Summer. Get in touch with Marshall Denton. He’s been taking care of her. It could be just the seed needed to start Randall Ranch back up again. He can tell you all you need to know.
I’m sorry, Rayne, for all the disappointments and the broken heart. At first I didn’t think you’d listen to me and then, I thought hate had turned to indifference. Forgive this old man for not knowing how to mend it. I love you.
Your father,
Ripley Randall
She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t do anything but sob while huge tears rolled down her cheeks. Nora took the papers from Rayne’s hands. Lowering her forehead to her knees, Rayne cried until her eyes burned and her chest heaved with great gasps for air. Pain invaded her heart. Searing, scalding pain that marred the soul as it had never been marked before. Both of her parents were gone from this world. Two parents she thought she had lost all those years ago and only to find out that hate along with misunderstanding had destroyed her chance of ever knowing her father.
“Oh, Rayne, that’s so hard to read.” Nora sniffed as she wiped her own eyes. Rayne could only nod. She swallowed hard and looked to Royal. His strong hands gripped her calves in reassurance. A deeper dawning happened in that moment. Rayne knew Royal loved her. She loved him too, but it wasn’t who she craved to hold her. She wanted Garrett to be here. She wanted to share this moment with him and he wasn’t. How could an understanding come so vividly in the midst of such an awful experience?
“Is there anything we can do, Rayne?” Royal asked her and looked at Nora. His forehead creased in concern when Rayne didn’t answer him back. Closing her eyes, Rayne recalled the words about the ranch and the horses. Her head felt like it was going to explode. She’d wanted answers for so long and now that she had them, she needed to use them. Rayne opened her eyes and looked right at Royal.
“Call the sheriff.” Rayne looked to Nora and noticed the surprise in her friend’s eyes. “I know where to find the missing horse.” Rayne wondered at the clarity of the situation now. Finding her father’s mare might not solve the financial difficulties of Randall Ranch, but she’d do what she could. She didn’t want to lose this place. She wouldn’t go down without a fight.
Chapter 24
As sunny as the day had been, Garrett still couldn’t feel his toes. He wiggled them inside his boots and squirmed in the saddle. They’d spent two hours riding fence. He and Matt used to do this on a regular occasion, but now, it seemed so long ago. Garrett actually liked it. He liked the solitude and the time to think about random issues. Right now he couldn’t think about anyone, but the girl he couldn’t stand being ten feet away from!
Hell he felt a whole lot better inside her. Fighting the grin that quirked his lips was like fighting which direction the wind blew. It was easier just to give in and accept it. After all this time, he couldn’t understand why he’d fall in love and let it go. It went so far against his grain that it burned. He wasn’t a quitter. He was a fighter. He put his nose to the grind stone and he built a successful building company in Rapid City. He did his entire college degree online while building that company. Garrett gave his weaker self a good shake.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid she won’t choose me. Wasn’t that it? If now was the time for honesty and a good swift kick in the butt, then yes, that was it! He didn’t take risks with his heart. All the plans in the world made it seem easier to walk away from Rayne than to put up with the insane mess that she was.
One crazy, sexy as sin mess! He felt the familiar pull in his groin and he shifted in the saddle again. Goliath shook his head in irritation. Garrett patted the big horse and tried to focus on the fence line. Matt had ridden off in the other direction so they could finish twice as fast.
At this rate, we are going to have to ride this again. He’d paid very little attention to the sagging wire and rotted fence posts. Maybe his father had been right in choosing Matt to take over the ranch. Matt had the time. He had the drive and was blessed with his own family. Garrett gritted his teeth against the pain that seared his soul. He wanted to be blessed in the same way. A loving wife, children and a home that he came back to every night after a long day of work. Now Garrett couldn’t think of a more wonderful future.
“Shit! Garrett, you’ve missed a half mile of fence.” Matt huffed as he pulled Raven to a walk. The black horse side stepped and then gave into Matt’s lead. Garrett nodded his head, turned sideways in his saddle and looked down the line. Slowly he turned back to his brother and met blue eyes looking him in the eye. Matt shook his head solemnly and pulled Raven to a halt. “Just call her.”
“And say what exactly, Matt? Hi, Rayne, I’m in love with you. I can’t live without you.” Garrett growled as his brother nodded emphatically. Goliath nodded his big head too.
“Damn it, Garrett, you’re miserable and time is only going to make it worse. You’ve never told her exactly how you feel and now would be a good time to do it.” Matt rubbed his palms on his jeans.
“Oh that’s the pot calling the kettle black.” Garrett threw back at his brother. Matt, true to form, cracked a grin and raised a taunting brow.
“See! I speak from experience. Once Andy knew how I felt, it was all downhill from there.” Matt waved his hand in the air and started Raven down the cattle path again. Garrett counted to five and started Goliath after them.
“What if she doesn’t feel the same? What if she still asks me to go?” Garrett’s voice wavered in strength. He might as well be upfront with his brother. Matt might tease, but he never judged.
“What if she loves you too? What if she asks you to stay?” Matt tossed over his shoulder. Garrett glared at Matt’s back, but thought about it seriously.
Life was too full of “what ifs”. So much of what he needed and wanted to know could be categorized in the ‘what if’ column.
“Then what do I do, Matt? Do I get out of the business in Rapid? Do I takeover Randall Ranch? Where the hell do I fit in around here?” Garrett looked out over the land. The flat grasslands that he loved. The place where he always
felt at home, suddenly seemed too fragile.
“This isn’t just about Rayne, is it? You’re talking about Dad’s crazy will, right?” Matt stopped Raven again and tilted his head at Garrett. The brothers considered each other for a minute and Garrett nodded once. It was out in the open. The issue that had driven Garrett into the snowstorm and ultimately had placed him in Rayne’s path.
Fate. The word popped into his head. A heartless, careless word if ever there was one.
“He talked to you too.” Garrett figured as much. Matt looked down, considering just what to say. It occurred to Garrett that the oldest son had been gone for way too long. Matt had been here.
“He’s worried about you, Garrett. We are all worried about you.” Garrett made to protest, but Matt silenced him with a raised hand. “Roots have not been your focus for a long time. At any moment you could pick up and leave. Dad wants to make sure the one who takes over the Crossing Pines will be there from start to finish.” Matt took a deep breath and raised his chin. Goliath pawed the ground in impatience. The young horse hated to stand still. He was bred more for action, just like Garrett. They urged the horses toward the ranch house, leaving the fence behind.
“I would have liked to been given the choice. If you would have asked me a couple days ago, I’d have stayed and thrown myself into the work. I’d have given up everything to come home.” Garrett swallowed and he gripped the reins a bit tighter.
“And now?” Matt asked cautiously. The silence that followed would have been answer enough, but Garrett couldn’t leave his brother to wonder what was going on in his addled brain.
“I don’t know.” It was that simple and that difficult. Again what ifs played through his mind. There were no easy answers and all the questions made him dizzy. Matt’s phone began to ring.