by A. C. Wilson
How was he going to go back to a solitary life? He could come up with a million arguments that his life was not lonely. He kept company with many women. His buddies at the bar always welcomed him. Hell who was he kidding? It was lonely. He could stand in a room full of hundreds of people and he’d still be alone. Suddenly he’d lost his appetite. Setting the plate aside, Garrett focused on his coffee. Caffeine would be good. He’d barely slept a wink last night.
“Good morning, brother!” Matt greeted him as he came out of the bedroom, heading straight for the coffee pot. Garrett lifted a brow and looked at his little brother as if he’d come from another planet. Garrett wasn’t so sure his brother wasn’t adopted. Where Nora and Garrett were introverted with their feelings, Matt was extroverted. What you saw was what you got with Matt Johnson. From an exhausted emotional state, Garrett was relieved by the transparency.
“It is morning, that’s for sure.” Garrett mumbled as he pressed his lips to his coffee cup rim. The liquid wasn’t quite as scalding as it had been minutes ago. Matt chuckled as he poured his own cup.
“Oh how the mighty have fallen!” Matt threw back at him. Garrett growled in warning. “It’s not like you to give up, Garrett. I didn’t even think it was in you.” Matt leaned back against the counter, sniffing the aroma of the coffee.
“Don’t pick up where your wife left off.” Garrett told his brother, not looking at him. He hadn’t wanted Matt to know how much he’d really given up. He hadn’t thought it was possible either.
“She talked to you this morning?” Matt perked up. “What did she say?” The brothers traded glances at each other and then at the bedroom door. Garrett was suspiciously alert.
“Just how she thought Rayne might regret what she had said last night. How there must be a reason that she walked into my life and I need to stick around.” Garrett took another sip of his coffee. Matt looked deflated and then he looked surprised as it dawned on him what his brother had said.
“Stick around? You’re leaving?” Matt stepped forward in disbelief. Garrett nodded his head.
“I’m going back to Rapid City. I’ve been away too long as it is.” Garrett tried to make it sound good.
It didn’t. Not one word of it sounded good.
“Hell, man! You can’t leave now. She needs you and like it or not, you need her too.” Matt scolded his older brother. Garrett might have found it funny if he didn’t feel like he was drowning here.
“We need the space. I need the time to get over her. She needs time to get her life straight.” Every word uttered was hollow. Matt knew it too.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s a load of crap! You don’t believe any of those words.” Matt set his coffee mug down harder than he intended. “It’s me! Remember? You can’t lie to me, Garrett.” Matt stood in front of him, just across the countertop. Garrett turned his head away. He really didn’t feel like hearing this lecture.
“Matt, I’ve made up my mind. I don’t want to argue about this.” Garrett got up from the stool and walked into the living room. He hoped Matt would take the hint and let it be, but no such luck.
“Damn it, Garrett, I haven’t seen you that happy in forever. Rayne changed you, whether you want to believe that or not. You need her. She needs you.” Matt stopped walking when Garrett turned around. “You can’t take off. If you do, you’ll never know what could have been.” Matt put his hands on his hips and stood his ground. They were similar in size, but Garrett had a good fifty pounds on his little brother. Matt was scrappy though and from the looks of it, ready to prove his point. Garrett shook his head in exasperation.
“It isn’t your decision to make, little brother. It’s mine.” Garrett picked up the blanket that Andy had given him last night and began folding it. Moving made him feel better. He really needed to get back to work.
“There are some things we need to talk about though. Decisions we need to make.” Matt sighed, his hands slipping from his hip. His little brother was in uncharted territory. Usually Garrett led the way into the big discussions and now Matt was having that privilege.
“I suppose we do. Can we do it some place other than here?” Garrett asked, annoyance entering his tone. Matt looked around the house and nodded.
“I have to check a couple spots out by the windmill. Maybe a ride will help.” Matt shrugged and headed for the door. Garrett nodded and followed. The outdoors would be good. He needed fresh air and a job that would occupy some of his mind.
The truck ride to the Crossing Pines made Garrett jumpy. The edges of his nerves were frayed and he had no idea what exactly he wanted to do. He knew pushing Rayne wouldn’t do any good. She tended to dig her heels in if it wasn’t her idea to change. He knew that he couldn’t sit by and watch her move in another direction, whether it was with Royal or some other guy. It wasn’t within him to be that gracious and understanding.
“You seemed rather nervous when I told you Andy had talked to me. What’s that about?” Deflection. It always worked for him and he figured why not now? Garrett watched his brother’s face redden and then a stupid lopsided grin appeared.
“I wasn’t sure if she’d said anything.” Matt seemed tongue tied all of a sudden and Garrett felt some amusement at his brother’s frustration. Garrett chuckled.
“Of course she said something. I haven’t known your wife to keep her opinions to herself.” Garrett rolled his eyes at his brother and Matt shook his head at the taunt.
“That’s not exactly what I meant.” Matt’s blush deepened and he turned on the cool air in the truck. Personally Garrett thought it was cute. His brother was so in love with his wife that they still acted like lovesick teenagers. Garrett had a momentary hesitation.
Did I…? Surely he hadn’t acted that tied up in knots. Matt cleared his throat and tapped his thumb on the steering wheel. Little brother was stalling for something big. What in the heck could it be?
“Oh just tell me already! Either that or wipe that goofy grin off your face!” Garrett raised his palms in the air. A childish gesture, but it was effective.
“Ok, but you can’t tell anyone. Promise me you won’t?” Matt eyed Garrett as they turned into the driveway punctuated by the tall sign posts alerting passersby to the Crossing Pines Ranch.
“All right, already! Just tell me.” Garrett nodded, watching the yard of the ranch come closer into view. They were almost there. Matt took a deep breath. Garrett wondered what could be worth all of consideration. It really wasn’t like his little brother to drag something out.
“I’m going to be a dad.” Matt’s eyes brightened with the stupidest, cheesiest grin on his face.
“You adopted Harper a year ago.” Garrett felt the flippant remark silenced as what Matt had said sunk in.
A dad. Matt and Andy were going to have a baby. It was great news. The happiest that he had had in quite some time. He smiled at his brother and then felt his stomach drop to his boots. It was one more thing that he’d not get to do. Even if Rayne were the one he spent his life with, the hurdle of babies might be too high.
“That’s great, Matt. Wow! I thought you had just started trying when you talked about getting busy the other night at dinner.” Garrett tried not to let his inner turmoil show. He didn’t want it to dampen his brother’s incredible news.
“We hadn’t really been trying, but we had stopped being careful too. Nature just took its course as it does.” Matt beamed a brilliant smile as they pulled in by the fence and the engine turned off. Garrett pulled his handle and stepped out into the crisp morning. He took a deep breath and filled his lungs with the smell of home. He closed his eyes and let it steady him.
He needed roots. His father had told him that roots were essential. When the tree got too tall and the winds of life howled, the roots held the tree firm. It was where life began and where life would begin again. Matt came up beside Garrett and leaned one arm on the truck hood. The guys stood looking up at the barn where they kept their riding horses. The whole ranch had been a wonderland to the g
rowing boys.
“I’m happy for you.” Garrett’s voice was more of a whisper. The tone warm with a forlorn touch.
“Things have a way of working themselves out. The odds against you don’t seem so tough when you’ve got love.” Matt offered wistfully. “You’ve got that at the very least.” They stepped off towards the barn. Garrett hoped his father wasn’t in there. He hoped they could get out and that his inner demons might calm themselves by the time they returned.
Opening the heavy barn door, Garrett felt like he was walking into the past. He could remember spending hours inside. Sometimes as a teenager, he had felt awkward and misunderstood. In here there was no judgment from the occupants of these stalls. They listened. They comforted. They never condemned.
Unless of course you didn’t bring sugar.
“I’ll saddle Raven and Goliath.” Matt moved to the tack room and Garrett shrugged. Miss Sioux, the black and white paint mare stuck her nose over her stall door. He smiled at her.
“Hey there, pretty lady.” Garrett patted her head and brushed his palm over her soft muzzle. Miss Sioux snorted and shook her head. He chuckled at her. She was admonishing him for not bringing a treat. “I know. I wasn’t prepared today. A bit too much on my mind.” He kept his voice soft, his tone more of a whisper. There was something about talking in hushed tones to an animal that eased the vice around his heart. Her big brown eyes absorbed his issues and invited confidence.
“Do all women have to be so damned difficult?” Garrett asked to no one in particular, but old Pete chose that moment to snort in his stall and then look over his door. It made Garrett chuckle. Perhaps the different species were really not all that different when it came to gender.
“Ah, it’s in their nature, son. It keeps us on our toes.” His father’s voice came from the barn door.
So much for hoping they’d not run into him until after the ride. Garrett turned to acknowledge his father. One look at Matt said he wasn’t surprised to see Travis Johnson.
“It becomes more of a ballet. I can’t say I like it.” Garrett complained as he stepped away from Miss Sioux and stuck his hands in his pockets. Travis nodded in understanding.
“Relationships aren’t easy. Love, now that’s easy. It’s unassuming. It’s simply there.” Travis pulled the barn door closed against the cool morning air. Matt was busy with the cinch on Goliath. Garrett shook his head in irritation.
“I don’t understand that. Loving someone is hard, Dad.” Garrett leaned heavily against the wood wall. His eyes closing as his head tipped back. The top of his hat brushed the wall.
“Think about it this way. Do you choose who you love?” His father raised a brow when Garrett didn’t answer. Garrett tried to answer the question, but it forced him to ponder it.
Do you choose who you love? Life was full of choices, but is loving someone a choice?
“I don’t know.” Garrett’s childish demeanor made Matt chuckled from down the lane. Travis shook his head and stopped in front of his oldest son.
“You do know. Love is just there. It isn’t earned. It isn’t decided. It simply is.” Travis took out his pocket knife and turned to cut a bale of grass hay. The horses in the barn perked up at the sound of the twine breaking. Garrett had to admit he’d never expected to love Rayne. He never expected to find someone who countered him so well. When he’d finally stopped denying that love could happen that’s when he knew it was there. Just as sure as the sun rose in the east and set in the west.
“That means there is no way to get rid of it before it wants to go either.” Garrett said, louder than he had meant too. His father turned his way and Matt stopped getting Raven saddled. Both his brother and his father looked at him with a deep thoughtfulness. Garrett thought he saw sadness in his brother’s eyes. His father nodded his head and rubbed the short stubble on his chin.
“I suppose so. If it is a fleeting love then I suspect it will disappear as easily as it came.” Travis threw a solid wedge of hay into the feeder for Miss Sioux. She happily munched on it. He continued down the line until all the stalls had feed.
“I’m going back to Rapid City today. I thought perhaps I’d speak to you both before I go.” Garrett pressed his fists down further in his coat pockets. He didn’t like the feeling of uncertainty, yet here it was knotted deep in his gut. Matt tied the reins off on each horse and came in closer. Travis nodded when they were all gathered.
“What is it?” Matt asked as solemn as if Garrett had announced he was dying. Garrett smirked.
Ironic considering I feel like a piece of me has. Garrett tried to shake himself back in line.
“I need a favor.” Garrett slid his hat back, anxiously itched his forehead and pulled the brim back down. “The corporation you put together for the therapy purchase, I need it to pay off the mortgage and back taxes for Rayne’s ranch.” Two pairs of eyes stared blankly back at him. Garrett took that to mean they were skeptical about his intentions. “I’ve asked very little over the years. I need you both to do this for me.” Garrett pulled his hands out of his pockets and opened them in plea. His father’s brow furrowed in thought. Matt took a deep breath, his chest swelling. The barn seemed so quiet that not even a horse made a noise. It sent a shiver up Garrett’s spine. He looked at the dirt floor of the barn.
“Why are you doing this, Garrett? I got the impression you were leaving this girl behind and now you are asking us to pay off the ranch’s debt?” Travis leaned an elbow up on Miss Sioux’s stall door and took off his hat. Scratching his thinning hair, Travis looked older than usual.
“I’m leaving because she asked me to step away, not necessarily because I want to go. Besides I can’t leave knowing the bank could take the choice to stay away from her. If there is no one hounding her about selling the ranch, Rayne can make her own decision to stay or go. I want that for her. Decisions are important and I don’t think she’s ever been able to make one for herself.” Garrett sighed and shook his head. “That might not sound right, but it’s the only way I know to say it.”
“Circumstances lay the foundation to our decisions.” Matt offered. “Just as paying off her note will clear a path for her to find out what she does want.” His brother got it. Matt understood that choices were often made before we even have the chance to decide. It just didn’t seem fair to leave Rayne to struggle. Selling the ranch would most likely be the only way to satisfy the accrued debts thus forcing her leave South Dakota.
“Black Hills Legacy Group doesn’t have that much capital in it to pay off what I imagine she owes.” Travis watched his boys with keen eyes. He could fix a great many things with sense and support, but he knew Garrett could figure out a few things himself.
“I can get you the money to cover the payments. I’ve sent word already to our lawyer in Rapid City. I’ll have him draw up whatever is necessary as soon as I get up there.” Garrett turned to his brother and saw a deep pride there in those blue eyes. “I just need you to keep this quiet. She doesn’t need to know I had anything to do with this.” Garrett put his hands back in his pockets and fisted his fingers.
If Rayne knew what he was doing, she’d never have her freedom. It seemed the most important thing to her. A freedom to do exactly as she wished. Garrett wanted that for her too.
“If that is what you want, then of course I’ll do it. She won’t find out about the gift from us.” Matt gripped his brother’s shoulder and nodded in encouragement. Travis watched. His father had said so little and so much that his silence now was confusing.
“There is one thing that hasn’t been said, Garrett.” Travis took his arm off the stall door and stepped forward. Now they created a half circle. “What if she doesn’t stay?” His father waited for an answer. It was something Garrett had been wrestling with and he hoped she didn’t leave, but it was a possibility.
“Then the property will be ours with additional payment to her.” Garrett responded as matter-of-factly as he could, but there was a distinct tremor inside. He was laying i
t all on the line.
Money. Pride. Hope. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared. It was the biggest gesture he had ever made and a silent one at that.
Chapter 23
Nora was a huge help in distracting her from the craziness that seemed constantly to be there. Rayne was grateful for Garrett’s sister and her ability to refrain from mentioning the rift that lay between Garrett and Rayne. There was a good deal of unknowns in her life right now. It seemed like she kept adding to it and without figuring any of the other things out. It was frustrating and sad. Rayne had spent an enormous amount of time being sad. Looking back at it now, it seemed like such a waste.
“Is it too early to hope for spring to come soon?” Nora asked as she brought two steaming mugs of coffee out onto the porch. Rayne accepted one as she sat in one of the rickety rocking chairs. Nora eased herself gently into the other chair, wincing as the old wood creaked. Rayne hid her grin behind her coffee cup.
“You know I remember that well.” Rayne said wistfully as she looked out over the old barn and pine trees. The vastness of grassland stretched behind the barn and she remembered it as a waving ocean of prairie grass.
“Remember what well?” Nora asked, her cup held between two perfectly manicured hands. Rayne envied the ability to keep polish from chipping.
“Springtime. It all seemed so magical. My mother loved her garden and I can remember a whole row of daffodils and tulips just over the railing here.” Rayne pointed the couple feet away where snow still sat piled on the ground. “I wonder if they are still there. Will they bloom in the spring even covered with a blanket of snow?” Rayne marveled at the first time in a long time she imagined it all as it used to be. Over fifteen years ago and with a child’s eye, she could still smell the sweetness of grass and the light perfume of her mother’s beautiful garden.
“I can’t tell you for sure, but flowers like that are hardy. It’s likely they are still there. Just waiting for the right attention.” Nora sipped her coffee, musing her thoughts. Rayne nodded absently.