Summer Season

by Julia Williams

  ‘That would be wonderful,’ said Lauren, who’d been dreading the chaos of an overnight stay. The last time Izzie had been admitted her mum was around, but Mum had just gone off to see Auntie Jan, and Lauren didn’t want to trouble her unnecessarily. There was nothing she could do from Manchester. For the first time she let herself think about Troy. How could he have done that to Izzie? That was what hurt the most, that he had been unable to help their daughter when she really needed it. Lauren wasn’t sure she would ever be able to forgive him.

  As she gave Immie the second nebulizer, a familiar face appeared round the cubicle.

  ‘Hi, Lauren,’ said Joel. ‘I thought you could do with some company.’

  ‘You thought right,’ said Lauren. ‘But where’s Sam? And what’s happening with Immie? I feel awful. I haven’t even seen her.’

  ‘Kezzie’s got them both; they’ve been fed and they’re now in bed,’ said Joel. ‘Please don’t worry. Everything’s under control. Do you want a coffee?’

  ‘A coffee would be wonderful,’ said Lauren. ‘Thank you.’

  Izzie’s breathing seemed to get better after the nebulizer, so after another hour the doctor pronounced her ready to go home. He sent them home with a huge spacer, more puffers, and a course of steroids, which Lauren knew from past experience, would help enormously.

  ‘Well, that’s a huge relief,’ said Lauren. She was carrying Izzie, who’d half dozed off in her arms in Joel’s car. ‘Thanks so much for the lift and everything.’

  ‘No problem,’ said Joel. ‘I’m happy to do it.’

  ‘Which is more than her dad was,’ said Lauren. Bloody hell. She’d always thought Joel was a bit useless in a crisis, but he’d turned up trumps. Troy had done the opposite. He’d let her down again, but this was the last time.

  Joel brought Lauren back into the house, and insisted he stay for a while after Kezzie had gone.

  ‘You’ve had a shock,’ he said, after Lauren put Izzie to bed, ‘and I bet you haven’t eaten. Sit down and have a drink, and I’ll knock you up something.’

  Joel spent a happy half an hour cooking up a stir fry. Although Lauren’s kitchen was smaller than his, it felt so much more homely and comfortable than his huge, sterile one. As they sat down to eat, he sensed Lauren was beginning to relax.

  ‘Thanks so much for this, Joel,’ she said. ‘I can’t tell you how much it’s meant to me the way you’ve all rallied round.’

  ‘My pleasure,’ said Joel. ‘Besides, I owe you so much the way you’ve looked after Sam for me. I couldn’t have managed without you.’

  Lauren blushed.

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ she said. ‘I’m sure you would have been fine. Sam’s got a great dad.’

  ‘I doubt it,’ said Joel. ‘I was such a mess after Claire died, and I didn’t have the first idea of how to look after Sam. You taught me how to be a proper dad, and I’m really grateful.’

  ‘Claire did say you were struggling with it, at first,’ said Lauren.

  ‘Did she?’ Joel felt a sharp pang. He knew he deserved that assessment, but it still hurt to hear how much he’d let Claire down. She’d been right of course. She always was.

  ‘But she also said that you’d get there in time,’ said Lauren. ‘She was always telling me how kind you were. And you know she was right. I felt so cross with you on her behalf, I couldn’t see it before. I misjudged you, and I’m sorry.’

  ‘I’m not sure you did misjudge me,’ said Joel. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Lauren about Claire’s last night, but he couldn’t bear to shatter her newfound admiration of him. It meant so much that she thought better of him now.

  Just then the key turned in the door.

  ‘I’d better be going,’ said Joel, tactfully. ‘I’ll get Sam up and I’ll be out of your hair. But if you need me tomorrow, just ask. I’ll be there.’

  ‘I will,’ said Lauren. ‘Thanks.’

  Troy wandered into the kitchen looking sheepish.

  ‘I’m sorry for earlier,’ he said. ‘I stuffed up. And I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.’

  ‘Luckily for Izzie, that I do then,’ said Lauren drily.

  ‘How’s Izzie?’ Troy said, awkwardly.

  ‘Better,’ said Lauren. ‘She’ll be OK now.’

  ‘I’ll be off,’ said Joel hastily, carrying a sleepy Sam out of the cot and towards the front door.

  ‘Will you be OK?’ Joel asked, as Lauren saw him to the door.

  ‘I expect so,’ said Lauren, her smile bleak. ‘I feel so stupid. Everyone told me Troy would let me down and he has.’

  ‘Don’t beat yourself up,’ said Joel, ‘you only wanted the best for everyone.’

  ‘And look what’s happened,’ said Lauren. ‘Izzie was lucky not to be seriously ill.’

  She looked so devastated, Joel put one arm round her and kissed the top of her head.

  ‘If there’s anything I can do?’

  ‘You’ve done more than enough,’ said Lauren. ‘I don’t know how to thank you.’

  ‘You don’t have to,’ said Joel. ‘What are friends for?’

  He carried Sam to the car and strapped him in, waving at Lauren before speeding off in the darkness.

  His last view of Lauren showed her framed in the porch light, looking lost and lonely. He wished there was something he could do about that.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Lauren woke up with a headache. She hadn’t slept well. To Troy’s evident disgust, she’d insisted on taking Izzie in with them when she went to bed. Although Izzie seemed much better, there was a little residue of worry lodged in Lauren’s brain, and she had a sleepless night fretting every time Izzie coughed. It was like going back to when the girls were babies. She’d sent Troy to sleep on the couch, too exhausted to deal with what she knew she must. Lauren woke to a grey, steely dawn while Izzie tossed and turned and coughed, but by sunrise, Lauren was relieved to see Izzie’s breathing had improved.

  Troy was still asleep when she came downstairs. She ignored him while she got Immie ready for school. She hadn’t quite worked out how she was going to get Immie there, as there was no way she was leaving Izzie with Troy, when there was a knock on the door. It was Joel.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, feeling absurdly shy all of a sudden. ‘Sorry, I’m running a bit late, I’d forgotten all about Sam.’

  ‘Don’t worry, that’s all sorted,’ said Joel. ‘It occurred to me you might need someone to take Immie to school.’

  ‘What about work?’

  ‘I’ve arranged to go in late, and Eileen kindly said she’d have Sam for me again this morning. Kezzie’s offered to have him for the afternoon and she will pick up Immie for you.’

  ‘That’s really kind.’ Tears prickled Lauren’s eyes. She felt truly grateful to have thoughtful friends who supported her, even if the person who was meant to didn’t.

  She got Immie ready and waved them goodbye. Now Immie had seen her sister was better, she seemed happy enough to trot off to school, holding on to Sam’s buggy, and chattering nineteen to the dozen with Joel.

  He was a natural with her, Lauren realized with a jolt. Why had she never noticed that before?

  She sighed and went to the kitchen and started to sort out laundry. Izzie, who’d been as lively as a cricket first thing, thanks to a dose of Ventolin, was now fast asleep upstairs, and Troy had yet to emerge from the lounge. It was going to be a long morning.

  Izzie eventually woke up and came downstairs, trailing her teddy and demanding a boiled egg. She was just finishing it when Troy came into the kitchen.

  He looked a wreck: his eyes were bloodshot, and his breath reeked of booze and fags.

  ‘How’s my little munchkin today?’ said Troy, going over and tickling Izzie under the chin.

  ‘Better,’ said Lauren. She bit her lip, not wanting to say anything that might provoke an argument when Izzie was still in the room. She waited till Troy had cleared his junk from the lounge, and Izzie was settled in front of the TV, curled under
a duvet, before saying, ‘It’s a shame you weren’t more concerned yesterday.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I panicked,’ said Troy. ‘You know I hate hospitals and doctors.’

  ‘But you were in charge,’ said Lauren. ‘She needed you. I needed you. You let us both down.’

  Lauren spoke in a low, urgent whisper so as not to upset Izzie.

  ‘Look, babe, you know I’m a free spirit,’ said Troy. ‘I’ve never pretended otherwise.’

  ‘But I thought you’d changed,’ said Lauren. ‘I really believed you wanted to be different for the kids’ sake. But at the first sign of trouble, you run out on me. You can’t do that. You need to take responsibility.’

  ‘I won’t let you down again,’ said Troy. ‘I promise.’

  ‘Till the next time,’ said Lauren. ‘I’ve heard it all before. I can’t trust you.’

  ‘You can, babes, really you can,’ said Troy, pleadingly. ‘Yesterday I know I cocked up, but I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I hate hospitals, you know I do, ever since Mum …’

  ‘I know all that,’ said Lauren, ‘but Izzie needed you. Couldn’t you rise above your problems for her? Being a parent isn’t just about the fun things, it’s about putting the needs of your children above yourself, and I’m sorry, Troy, I just don’t think you can do that.’

  She was sorry, too. Lauren had really wanted this to work.

  ‘So what are you saying?’ said Troy.

  ‘I’m saying it’s over,’ said Lauren. ‘I want you to leave.’

  ‘Where will I go?’ Troy looked pretty woebegone, and she did feel sorry for him; it wasn’t his fault that life had dealt him a bum deal, so he didn’t know how to take responsibility, but she wasn’t going to carry him any longer.

  ‘I don’t really know, and I don’t really care,’ said Lauren. ‘I just want you out of my hair. I won’t stop you seeing the girls, but I don’t want you living here any more.’

  Troy started to protest, but she silenced him with a look.

  She knew she’d have a rocky few weeks with the girls. Having introduced their dad back into their lives, it was going to be tough on them losing him again. But it was the right thing to do. For all of them.

  ‘So Troy’s gone, has he?’ Kezzie was flabbergasted by Lauren’s news.

  ‘He will be by the end of the week,’ said Lauren, with a sigh. ‘You were all right. I should never have got back with him again. What an idiot.’

  ‘We all make mistakes,’ said Kezzie. ‘And I know you wanted to make it work.’

  ‘I did,’ said Lauren, ‘probably too much. I should have listened to my head. I think Troy means well, but I don’t think he can change.’

  Kezzie toyed with telling Lauren what had happened with her and Troy, but decided to let bygones be bygones. Troy was history. Lauren didn’t need to know and it was best all round if it were forgotten.

  ‘And Izzie’s OK now?’ said Kezzie.

  ‘Well, look at her,’ said Lauren, as Izzie tore around the garden with her sister, ‘what do you think?’

  ‘What a relief,’ said Kezzie. ‘I hadn’t realized till now what a worry it must be to have children. I’m seeing Richard in a whole new light, I can tell you. I wasn’t very understanding about Emily. I saw her as a threat to our happiness. Stupid isn’t it, being jealous of a fourteen-year-old?’

  ‘Not really,’ said Lauren. ‘I think it’s easy to be jealous of a partner’s obsession with their children. Claire always said she thought Joel was a bit jealous of Sam.’

  ‘From what he’s told me, I think he probably was,’ said Kezzie.

  ‘But she also understood it came from a love of her,’ said Lauren. ‘I always thought she was too soft on him, and let him get away with murder. But I think I might have misjudged him. He was brilliant yesterday.’

  ‘Well, he’s a good man,’ said Kezzie. ‘He’s had an extraordinarily difficult time.’

  ‘I know,’ said Lauren. ‘I think I’ve been a bit hard on him.’

  Kezzie made her excuses and went home. She was putting together the final touches of the Edward Handford display for Eileen, and though she had been searching, she hadn’t found a diary of Lily’s dated after 1919. Lily wrote a lot about her grief for Harry, and then nothing. Kezzie decided to see if there was any more information that Joel could give her.

  She put away her laptop and poured herself a glass of wine. As she settled down to relax on the sofa, she heard a bleep from her mobile phone to say she had a text.

  Kezzie, is this you? Richard.

  Richard. Kezzie looked at her phone in stunned silence. How had he got her number? And moreover, why was he texting her? She sat looking at the text for ages. She should ring him back. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. But she’d sent him that letter weeks ago, and he hadn’t responded till now. Their relationship couldn’t have meant as much to him as it did to her. And she couldn’t bear to be hurt again. She deleted the text message and switched off her phone. She wasn’t sure she was ready for Richard just yet.

  ‘So what is it you’re looking for, exactly?’ said Joel.

  ‘I’m not sure,’ said Kezzie. ‘I’ve read everything up until the end of the war. Edward and Lily’s son died right at the end, and Lily seems to have gone into a decline. Her diary entries are really sad, and then they stop altogether, not long before she died. I’d love to know what happened next. Does your mum know?’

  ‘Mum doesn’t seem to know very much about her,’ said Joel. ‘She says her mother never talked about Lily.’

  ‘There’s still one box of letters we haven’t been through. Let’s see if we can find anything.’

  They pored over the letters – some of them from Edward about work-related matters, others from Connie to her fiancé, James, and one slightly cryptic letter from Tilly apologizing to Connie for something.

  ‘Here, look,’ said Joel, ‘there’s a letter from Edward to Connie, dated just before Lily died.’

  Lovelace Cottage

  October 1919

  My darling Connie,

  Your mother’s progress is still slow. I have hopes that come spring we may see some improvement in her spirits. But now, coming up to the anniversary of Harry’s death, she is very low indeed. I wish she had some strength to see beyond her grief, but I fear this has been too much for her.

  As to the other matter. Your sister is insisting on marrying James as soon as she can. I’m sorry, darling, if it pains you. But we cannot help where our hearts lead us, and I am sure she did not mean to hurt you. Please come home to us before Christmas. The house is too quiet without you.

  Your loving Father

  ‘Crikey, what was all that about?’ said Kezzie. ‘Who’s James?’

  ‘I think that must be my great grandfather,’ said Joel. He frowned. ‘That would certainly explain the rift between Connie and Tilly. Perhaps James was seeing Connie first. Mum didn’t know much about it when I asked her.’

  ‘Poor Lily, what a sad life she had,’ said Kezzie. ‘I wonder what happened to her.’

  ‘All I know is that no one ever spoke about her death,’ said Joel. He had such a lot of fellow feeling for Edward, who’d also lost his wife relatively young, and in tragic circumstances. ‘My family seems to have had its fair share of secrets.’

  ‘It certainly does,’ said Kezzie. ‘It would be nice to find out what really happened, wouldn’t it?’

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Joel had taken Sam to pick up his mum for lunch at his house, as he was keen to show her how the garden had progressed. He was intrigued by the letters he and Kezzie had found and wondered if his mother could shed more light on them.

  ‘I’ve never seen any of this before,’ his mother said, as she read through them. ‘But Connie always kept things close to her chest. I had no idea she’d hidden all this stuff away. I presume it was her; everything’s labelled in her writing. And from what I remember of her, she did rather see herself as the guardian of the family honour. Mother alw
ays said there were hidden secrets here.’

  ‘I wonder why she didn’t destroy all this, then,’ said Joel.

  ‘She was very close to her father,’ said Mum. ‘Perhaps she couldn’t bear to.’

  ‘So what actually happened to Lily? How did she die?’

  ‘Well, I know she drowned, but apart from that nothing. There was always some great secret about her death. Everyone referred to her in hushed tones, if at all.’

  ‘What about Edward? What happened to him after wards?’

  ‘I think he became quite reclusive,’ said his mother. ‘He locked up the garden and retired from public life. He came to stay with us sometimes and we visited a few times, when Connie was out, because Connie refused to have anything to do with either my mother or my grandparents. She was never keen for us to come.’

  ‘I’m guessing it’s because Tilly went off with her fiancé?’ said Joel, who’d read it in Edward’s diary.

  ‘Is that what happened?’ said his mother. ‘That would explain so much. Again, it was never discussed. I knew there was a great divide of course, but not why. My mother always tried to make it up to Connie, but Connie wouldn’t have it, and hated us coming to see Edward. I remember once almost sneaking in to see him. And Mother insisting on taking him into the garden, because Connie always kept it locked up. I picked a bunch of pansies for him and gave it to him. I was probably three or four years old. I remember it so clearly because he cried, poor man. I suppose he was thinking of Lily.’

  ‘That’s sad,’ said Kezzie, who had joined them for lunch. ‘Do you think he ever got over her death?’

  ‘From what my mother said, no.’

  ‘What about Connie and Tilly? What happened there?’

  ‘Well, they never made up, and then Tilly died not long after the Second World War,’ said Joel’s mum. ‘Connie married Uncle Phillip sometime in the twenties, but it wasn’t a happy union, and their son Jack was very isolated. My mother saw him only rarely. Connie was quite scary and bitter, from what I remember of her.’