Nobody Girl

by Leslie DuBois

  “And I’m Wanda. So, what you wanna talk about?”

  Delia paused and considered just bolting off the couch and leaving. But a part of her wanted to know this woman. She wanted to know if they had anything in common besides looking good in yellow.

  “Like I said, um I’m Delia. I’m writing an article … about you. Well, not only you, but a lot of women. Um, why don’t we start with a little background? What can you tell me about your parents?” Delia took a notebook and pen out of her purse and pretended to write things down. She thought she should at least look like a reporter.

  “Well, my mother was Cuban and my father was Jamaican,” Wanda began, spilling her guts easily as if she just wanted to talk and didn’t care to whom. “I was raised by my grandmother though. She was a good woman who tried the best she could with me, but I was just no good. I was in jail by the time I was fifteen.”

  “So you’re saying you think you were predisposed to a life of crime?”

  “What? What does that mean?”

  “Never mind.” So Delia was part black and part Spanish. She wondered about her father. She must have gotten the green eyes from him since Wanda’s eyes were brown. “So you were in jail at fifteen? What about after that? Were you ever married?”

  “Married? God, no.”

  “Well, what about children? Did you ever have any children?”

  Wanda’s eyes widened. “What does that have to do with my time in jail?”

  “Um, I just want an overview of your entire life. Every aspect of your life.”

  “I don’t have no kids.”

  Delia’s heartbeat quickened. What if Chase was wrong and this wasn’t her mother after all? She could’ve just gone through a week of emotional agony for no reason. But after looking into Wanda’s eyes again, she knew the truth. She was hiding something. Delia decided to try a different approach. “Were you ever in love?”

  Wanda seemed to have ended the conversation. Her arms were crossed and she stared out of the window.

  After several moments of silence, Delia thought she would gather her things and go.

  “I was in love once. A kid from the neighborhood. He was so smart they actually let him skip a grade in school. He was real cute, too. Had eyes like yours.” She turned and looked at Delia.

  “What happened?”

  “Got shot. Drive by. After that, I really didn’t see no point in life. Got addicted to drugs. Been in and out of jail ever since.”

  “And you never had any children?”

  Wanda stared at Delia again. Then she looked down at her hot pink toes and wiggled them a bit before saying, “I knew this girl a long time ago. Like twenty-something years ago and she had this little baby girl. Cutest little thing you ever did see. She was such a good baby, too. Hardly ever cried, even when her mother had nothing to feed her.” Wanda paused and began chewing her thumb nail.

  “What was the baby’s name?” Delia asked, understanding the true meaning behind Wanda’s words.

  “Gabriella. She was named after her father Gabriel.”

  “So what happened to her? To Gabriella?”

  Wanda chewed her left thumbnail to a nub, then started on the right before saying, “Her mother owed this man a lot of money. He kept threatening to kill her. So she’d move from one apartment to the next trying to hide from him. But one day, he found her. And she just grabbed her baby and ran. He chased her. He chased her into this alley and she had no way out. So she hid in one of those big trashcans. She and the baby lay in that trashcan hoping he wouldn’t find them. Gabriella didn’t even cry. She was such a good baby. It was like she knew her mama needed her to be quiet.” She paused again and placed the palm of her hand over her mouth. She suddenly looked sick to her stomach.

  “Then what?” Delia didn’t mean to push her. She just really wanted to know what happened.

  “He found her hiding in the trashcan. He pointed a gun at her head and made her get out. She thought she was going to die. All she could think to do was cover up the baby and hide her to protect her. He never found the baby, but he took the girl back to his place at gunpoint and beat her and raped her until he felt he got his money’s worth. Two days later, she finally made it back to the trashcan and the baby was gone.”

  Delia didn’t realize she was crying until Wanda had finished the story and sat waiting for the next question. She cried tears of pain for what her mother must have gone through, yet she also cried tears of relief knowing that she wasn’t willingly abandoned. Her mother did want her and had done everything she could to protect her. Not thinking to bring tissues, Delia wiped her face with the bottom of her rose colored sweater.

  “You got anymore questions?” Wanda asked, suddenly cold and defensive again. Any anxiety she had felt during the story vanished.

  After controlling her breathing somewhat, Delia asked, “Did you ever find out what happened to Gabriella?”

  Wanda looked up at the ceiling and sighed. “I heard the police found her and that some white lady adopted her. It was probably better that way. Otherwise, she would’ve probably ended up on the streets and in and out of jail like the rest of the women here.”

  “Do you ever wonder where your daughter is now?”

  “My daughter? I told you I ain’t got no kids. That wasn’t me. I wasn’t raped.” Wanda yelled as she stood up and pointed to herself.

  Delia’s eyes expanded at this drastic change in demeanor. She tried to remain calm and not get too frightened realizing that Wanda had severe emotional scars and needed serious counseling. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean —”

  “I think you should go now,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Delia grabbed her purse and started towards the door. Before she left, Wanda said, “If I ever did have a child, I’d hope she’d be as pretty and smart as you.”

  Chapter 23

  After her meeting with Wanda, Delia paced her small studio apartment, unable to contain her energy. So many emotions danced inside her mind: excitement, joy, delight. She had just spoken to her mother for the first time.

  Her mother actually did love her. She wasn’t abandoned. But then she couldn’t shake a menacing guilt that also plagued her. She felt guilty for being happy after learning what a difficult life her mother had endured. A part of her felt that she should have been there for Wanda instead of enjoying a secure suburban life with her adoptive mother.

  “You’re being ridiculous, Delia,” she said to empty space, plopping onto the bed. “You couldn’t control what happened to you at four months old. And you certainly couldn’t have stopped a rapist at that age.”

  A feeling of relief washed over her as a realization illuminated in her mind. “None of this is my fault.” Suddenly, all the pep talks Donna Lee had given her over the years clicked into gear. She wasn’t a worthless dumpster baby unfit for love. A freeness elevated her spirits as years of depression and low self-esteem began to melt away. It might take a few years to completely undo the damage she herself had done to her self-image, but she had already started to feel like a new woman.

  She had to call her sister. Donna Lee would be so proud of her. After calling three times and getting automatically sent to voice mail, Delia threw her phone onto the bed in frustration. After years of fighting a war with inner demons, she had finally won a battle and she desperately wanted to share it with someone. Reaching for her phone again, she thought of someone else she wanted to talk to. She opened the Saxon Arms directory and searched for Chase’s number.

  A tinge of doubt befell her as she was still unsure if he had anything to do with the attacks. She shook off the doubt. What would be his motivation? He claimed to love her. And the amount of work he must have had to go through to find her birth mother really showed that he loved her. She decided it was ridiculous for her to suspect him and dialed his number.

  He answered on the first ring. “Delia? Are you okay?”

  “Yes, Chase, I’m fine.” She smiled inside, touched that he’d be so concer
ned about her.

  He sighed. “Oh, good. It’s just that, you’ve never called me before and when I saw your number … I thought … never mind. What’s up?”

  “I met my mother this morning.”

  “Really? That’s great … or is it? How did it go?”

  “It was great.” She stood and paced the floor as she added, “I learned a lot about her. And I learned that I wasn’t actually dumped. She really did love me. And my birth name is Gabriella. And I get my green eyes from my father Gabriel. And there’s just so much that I want to say and talk about that I —”

  “Let me take you to lunch,” Chase said, interrupting her.

  “Lunch?”

  “Yeah, that way you can tell me everything.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, it’s Saturday. Don’t you want to go to the mall with your friends or skateboard in an abandoned parking lot or whatever teenagers do on the weekend?”

  Chase laughed then said, “No, I want to take you to lunch.”

  Delia sat on the bed and crossed her legs, then uncrossed them, then she stood, walked in a circle then sat back down on the bed. Doubt filled her mind again as she thought about her attack and Promise Stone. And for that matter how was he able to find out about her mother?

  “My grandmother, Felicia, is a social worker. She has tons of connections. That’s how I was able to find your mother,” Chase said. She must have been thinking aloud. “And as for your attack and Promise Stone, well, bad news travels fast. I heard it through rumors.”

  Even if she convinced herself that these were viable reasons, there was still the problem of his age and position.

  “Chase, you’re my student. Um, I don’t know if —”

  “Look, I’ll take you out of the city. We’ll go to Annapolis. I know this great seafood restaurant that makes the best crab cakes in Maryland. We’ll take separate cars. No one will recognize us. No one will know.”

  Delia sat on the bed for a moment massaging the bra strap indentation on her shoulders. She really needed to get rid of the breast implants. Finally, after taking in a long breath and releasing it, she said, “Okay.”

  Chase and Delia sat in a booth chatting for so long that their waiter jokingly asked if they would be staying for dinner as well. After paying the bill, Chase stood and reached for her hand to help her out of her seat. Then he placed it in the crook of his arm and led her out of the restaurant.

  She felt a tinge of self-consciousness as she noted people staring at them. Did they have a problem with a black woman being with a white man? She shook off the thought. She wasn’t going to let doubt and insecurity ruin a perfectly delightful afternoon. The people were probably staring at the fact that while she wore a jean skirt and a yellow knit sweater set, Chase had slicked back his hair and donned a suede smoking jacket as if he were Cary Grant. Delia could only laugh at his courageous sense of fashion.

  As they walked arm and arm along the sea wall near the Naval Academy, Delia breathed in the salty air and noticed how free she felt. She wished she could keep this moment forever. Even though their easy conversation had trailed off and they now walked in complete silence, she had never felt so absolutely comfortable and peaceful in her life. For the first time in she didn’t know how long, she wasn’t wondering who her husband was sleeping with, or why she wasn’t good enough for him. She wasn’t searching her mind for how she could make herself better or blaming herself for not being worthy of her birth mother. And she wasn’t trying to figure out who could possibly be trying to kill her.

  Best of all, she felt loved by Chase, the man. Not even a hint of CJ the sullen, cantankerous teenager had come out all day. Instead, every look from Chase’s passionate dark blue eyes, every seemingly accidental caress on the small of her back or side of her arm made her almost completely forget CJ’s existence. Giving her his jacket to stave off the chill in the November air was something CJ would never have done. And by the time Chase reached for her hand and began to massage it in that same special way he did while they were on the cruise, CJ faded into a distant memory.

  When they reached the end of the sea wall, Chase didn’t turn around to head back to the cars. Instead, he hoisted her up and sat her down on the three foot barrier.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I have a surprise for you,” he said with a boyish grin as he joined her. He stood and found his footing then helped Delia to her feet. They used each other for balance as they walked around the cement embankment to where the water brushed up against the large rocks. After climbing the rocks to higher ground for a few minutes, Delia saw the surprise. She smiled at the romantic set-up he had arranged. Chase helped her sit down on the blanket then turned on Frank Sinatra’s version of “Our Love is Here to Stay.”

  “It’s cider,” he said, reaching for a bottle out of an ice bucket and filling a glass for her. “I also have strawberries and chocolate and cheese.” He lifted the lid off of a silver tray then popped a strawberry into his mouth.

  “I can’t believe you did all this for me. How did you —?”

  “Wait, there’s more.” He took matches out of his pocket then lit two candles that had been hidden behind the CD player. Then he turned on three outdoor heaters that he set up creating a radius of warmth around them. When everything was perfectly arranged and nothing could be heard but Frank’s docile tones and the crashing of the waves Chase reached for her hands and said, “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed your touch, your smell, your laugh. I’ve even missed your sneeze. You have no idea how hard it is to see you every day and have to contain what I feel for you.”

  “Chase ... ” Delia tried to think of a reason to stop him but was struck speechless by the intensity in his eyes.

  Scooting closer to her, he caressed her cheek and asked, “Can I kiss you now?”

  Delia hesitated a moment not knowing if she could trust herself to kiss him. She didn’t know where it would lead. It scared her to realize she knew exactly where she wanted it to lead.

  Not waiting for a response, Chase leaned in and seized her lips. The strength of his kiss and the fresh taste of strawberries made her moan with desire. Without pulling away from the kiss, Chase removed his shirt, placed it behind Delia’s head and lowered her down to the ground. Hands slipped under her shirt and messaged her stomach, her sides, then her back until they reached the snap of her bra. After unsnapping her bra, his hands slipped around front to cup her ample bosom.

  A familiarity came when she was with Chase. She remembered their first time together and how she just felt right. She hated feeling that what they’d shared was wrong, tainted, and well, illegal. She wanted to forget everything and just be with Chase, the man. Placing her hands on his back, she rubbed his smooth skin while wrapping her legs around him and pressing her body against his. She wanted to feel all of him. With every second her anticipation grew.

  Chase’s kisses moved away from her lips onto her neck as he whispered her name over and over again. His slow deliberate hands inched her skirt up to her waist. Just as he reached for her panties Delia felt a vibration on her leg. Chase froze.

  “What is that?” She asked when she felt the vibration again.

  “Nothing. It’s nothing,” he said reaching into his pocket and pulling out his cell phone. He looked at the number and groaned. He rolled off of Delia and flipped open the phone. “What?” The tone in his voice made Delia uneasy. It was understandable for him to be frustrated given the situation, but his tone also had a tinge of anger. How could he go from being so completely loving one second to downright irate the next.

  “I don’t care. I’m busy … None of your damn business … Well, take care of it … because I’m busy! Are you deaf?”

  Delia sat up and adjusted her clothing as all of her earlier fears returned. CJ had reappeared instantly and with a fury. It was like she didn’t know the man she was about to share herself with.

  “Fine, fine, fine. I’ll be there in an hour … I already told you, none of your damn busi
ness.” Chase clicked off then closed his eyes while taking in a deep breath.

  “Who was that?” Delia asked unable to contain her curiosity.

  “I have to go,” he said, reaching for his balled up shirt.

  “What? Chase, what’s going on?”

  “I’m sorry, Delia. I’ll make it up to you I promise.”

  “But — ” She wanted him to explain himself. She wanted to find out more, but Chase had already run off into the night.

  Chapter 24

  Lena sat alone in the hotel room nervously biting her thumb knuckle. She had to make this work. She had to perform. According to Amanda, this was her last chance. If she didn’t do it Amanda would ruin her life. Her parents could never know what she had done. Maybe if she had sex with just this one client, she could somehow convince Amanda to set her free of her obligation. She doubted that would happen, however. Amanda was extremely ruthless when she wanted to be.