by Stacey Ritz
The Lost Years
A Novel
_________________________
STACEY RITZ
The Lost Years. Stacey Ritz.
Published by Rockville Publishing.
Copyright © 2019 by Stacey Ritz and Rockville Publishing
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Cover photo Mikel Martinez de Osaba / Interior design by ASEL Productions
ISBN-13: 978-0578445267
ISBN-10: 0578445267
Contents
Other Books by Stacey Ritz
Reviews for THE LOST YEARS
1. CHAPTER ONE
2. CHAPTER TWO
3. CHAPTER THREE
4. CHAPTER FOUR
5. CHAPTER FIVE
6. CHAPTER SIX
7. CHAPTER SEVEN
8. CHAPTER EIGHT
9. CHAPTER NINE
10. CHAPTER TEN
11. CHAPTER ELEVEN
12. CHAPTER TWELVE
13. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
14. EPILOGUE
DEAR READER
ABOUT STACEY RITZ
BOOKS BY STACEY RITZ
RESOURCES
Reviews
Other Books by Stacey Ritz
All The Little Choices
The Lost Years
Reviews for THE LOST YEARS
“What fantastic read. This is a story full of triumph and hope. I loved every character and found myself rooting for everyone in the story.” – The Bookworms Book Club
“We are all faced with tragedies in our lives. Our stories however, are not based on these tragedies but in our response to each tragedy. This is exactly what Stacey Ritz proves with her latest novel, The Lost Years. The author pulls you in with her fabulous storytelling and keeps you engaged through her emotional and heart-warming characters. You will not want to put the book down and may find yourself reading all night. This was a wonderful story of hope and reconnection.” – Book Ends Book Club
“My favorite part of The Lost Years was the underlying message that we are all in charge of our lives. I loved this book and will happily read more of Ritz’s novels in the future.” – Dayton Monthly Book Club
“I was intrigued from the beginning. I thought this may be just another beach read but I was wrong! What a fabulous story of hope and reconnecting with those you thought you may have lost forever. It gives everyone hope that maybe, if you are true to yourself, that happy endings aren’t just for fairy tales.” – The Lunch Bunch Book Club
1
CHAPTER ONE
WENDY/ WOODPECKER
A fallen power line badly injured Wendy during a summer storm. The injury left Wendy unable to fly. Wendy was rescued by the Kentucky Farm Sanctuary and after months of rehabilitation, made a full recovery. After she was successfully released back into the wild, her empty rehabilitation enclosure reve aled Wendy had been collecting fallen acorns from the nearby tree and storing them. She had drilled countless holes in the fence posts that held her enclosure together. Each small hole stored a single acorn. When woodpeckers exhibit this behavior in the wild, the y choose a single tree in which to store their acorns; the tree is called a “granary tree.”
We are all collecting memories; moments that stay with us, forever imprinted in our hearts and minds. Whether children or adults, we continue to collect. We store these moments, letting them shape who we are and who we become. But what do we do with the unwanted memories, the ones that haunt us?
Rainie Lynn Amburger’s blonde pig-tails tickled the top of her shoulders as she moved. At eleven years old, Rainie was too busy caring for Ronnie to wear ribbons and too worried about her parents to create artificial curls in her board straight hair. She tried her best to take care of everyone, while simultaneously staying out of the way. The balancing act wasn’t easy. She’d learned more than once that staying calm didn’t always guarantee love, but it’s what gave her the best chance. Calm, unassuming and on-task were the safest roles she could play. Generally, her dad paid attention to her for one reason; to use her as a cover. With Rainie around, he appeared to be a father taking his daughter out for ice cream. His secrets stayed secrets.
Rainie’s mama paid attention to her when she had enough energy left over after taking care of her dad, and that wasn’t often enough. Her little sister, Veronica, whom she’d come to call Ronnie, paid attention to her when she needed food or a diaper change. Ronnie counted on her older sister for her most basic needs. Without realizing it, Rainie became a mother at nine years old when Ronnie was born. Rainie loved her family, she loved her sister, but she’d learned from an early age that reciprocated love was dependent on her actions. In her home and in her world, she’d been shown that love was conditional and the conditions frequently changed. The only consistencies in her young life were raising Ronnie and spending time with Milo.
“I have to get home.” Rainie told Milo before initiating their secret handshake. The handshake consisted of bumping their fists together, simultaneously patting the top of their leg twice, followed by a high-five. They’d been taking part in the self-made ritual since they were five. The day had been spent playing Chutes and Ladders, occupying their last six hours. Every day off of school, they spent together playing games or going places like museums or the movies with Milo’s family. Rainie and Milo first met in kindergarten. They’d been seated next to each other. On the first day of school, when Rainie spilled her chocolate milk on her pale blue dress, Milo ran to retrieve the roll of paper towels. After the teacher helped them clean up the mess, Milo gave Rainie his milk and told her not to worry. Concerned about the state of her dress, Rainie thanked Milo for the help and added, “All of the kids are going to make fun of me now.” She pointed at the big chocolate stain.
Milo shook his head. “No, they won’t.” He smiled, opening his milk carton and spilling a spot onto his pants. “Now I have one, too.” Mrs. Mosbury, their teacher, was occupied with other students on the opposite side of the room. Milo didn’t bother to wipe at his stain and the two children laughed. A moment later, Milo reached out his arm, handing Rainie his milk.
“Why are you giving me yours?” Rainie asked, skeptically.
“Because you’re my best friend.” He smiled.
Rainie smiled back and replied, “Cool, best friends.” After a beat she asked, “What’s your name?”
“Milo.”
“I’m Rainie.” She offered, forgetting about the stain on her dress.
They’d been inseparable ever since.
〜
“I wish you could stay longer.” Milo frowned, holding the box for Chutes and Ladders in his arms. Their partings always went the same way; Rainie running off and Milo begging her to stay.
“Gotta go.” She winked before running to the front door of the Rivers’ family home. “See you tomorrow, Milo.”
“Rainie sweetheart…we’d love it if you’d stay for dinner.” Mrs. Rivers called after her from the hall.
“Thanks, maybe some other time Mrs. Rivers.” She finished slipping on her shoes and then paused as she opened the front door to leave. She always took her shoes off when entering Milo’s home but never her own. At Milo’s house everything was in the place it was meant to be. It smelled of lavender and soap. The window blinds were always open, letting the light flood through the rooms. His parent
s smiled a lot. At Rainie’s, the curtains were always drawn. If she took a nap on the weekends, she never knew what time it was when she woke. Her house smelled of smoke. Her mom begged her dad not to smoke in the house, but she saw him do it all of the time. Laundry piled in the upstairs hallway until she did it herself. Not just her own, not just Ronnie’s, but her parents’ clothes too. Between school and taking care of Ronnie, the pile often stood taller than her eleven year old self. She and Milo both lived in tri-level homes. Both homes had a two-car garage. Both she and Milo had two parents at home. On the outside, their lives looked similar. “My dad’s home and we’re going to go for a walk together tonight. I have to get home.” She turned and ran, the front door closing tightly behind her.
Hugging her son with one arm as he stumbled alongside her into the kitchen, Mrs. Rivers squeezed, “You two…” She shook her head, smiling.
“Dad! I’m here!” Rainie burst through the front door, leaving her shoes on as she galloped into the living room. The curtains were closed. There were two lamps in the room that remained on at all times, until the light bulbs burned out. But both bulbs had burned out two weeks ago and no one had bothered to change them. The glow of the television lit up the room, illuminating her dad’s face. A cigarette hung from his mouth. He was holding the remote in his left hand and a drink in his right. His eyes were glued to the screen. Rainie stepped in front of him, blocking his view. “Dad, come on. You promised.”
He waved his hands wildly. “You’re in the way. Come on…” he scowled.
“Dad…”
Ignoring her pleas, he leaned to one side, trying to keep his focus on the show.
“It’s going to be dark soon. Please?”
“Maybe tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Rainie whined. “You said today. Why can’t you ever do what you say you’re going to do? Just once.” Rainie stomped her feet, feeling tears well in her eyes.
“That’s enough!” Her dad stammered. “I’m busy. You can’t waltz in here and expect me to drop what I’m doing to play with you. You’re a kid. You don’t know anything about being a grown up. Give me some space.” His words were stern and final.
Dropping her head, Rainie dragged her feet as she turned to leave the room. She stepped away from the television, giving him back the view he wanted. She should have stayed and had dinner at Milo’s, but he’d promised. She’d been begging her dad to go walking for months. He’d always said no until yesterday. That’s when he said, “tomorrow.” She’d said, “Promise?” And he said “Pinky promise.” That’s why she’d believed him. Although now she knew she shouldn’t have. She didn’t dream of asking her mom to walk with her. She always said no. Rainie saw other families walking together in the neighborhood. That’s where she’d gotten the idea. They were walking, laughing and talking. She wanted that too. But she knew her dad didn’t.
As she was taking her last step out of the room, she heard her mom approaching from the hall. Brushing past Rainie without a look, her mother stood sternly, her hands on her hips, as she entered the living room. Her dad’s back was turned to them, his eyes still fixated on the television.
“Dan Amburger.” Her voice sounded as if she were calling his name for attendance. It reminded Rainie of her teacher at the start of class.
There was no reply.
Rainie stopped dragging her feet and stood idle in the hall outside of the living room, watching her parents. “Dan.” Her mama’s voice was louder this time. “Dan!”
Grunting, Dan swiveled his chair to face his wife. He didn’t bother turning down the volume on the television. He took a drink and smiled in her direction. “Sarah-Jayne.”
“Where have you been?” Her tone was anything but pleasant. Rainie didn’t blame her mama, in fact, she wondered how she had the patience to put up with him sometimes. This time Dan had been missing for two days. He’d returned last night, speaking only to Rainie. Rainie’s mama had been in bed, as had Ronnie. While Rainie had been resting on the couch watching television, her dad had stumbled in. He’d placed himself in the reclining chair and told her not to wake her mom. That’s when she’d asked about the walk and he’d agreed. Shortly after, he fell asleep. She’d known because he was snoring. Watching her parents now, she guessed her mama hadn’t seen her dad all day. He must have gone out again in the morning.
Dan looked at Sarah-Jayne and stood from his chair. He left his drink and the remote on the cushion. The volume on the television was too loud. He left it as it was. He stood, stretching, smiling and then looking back at his wife. “Good to see you too, honey.” That’s when he saw Rainie standing in the hallway. “Rainie, ready for our walk?” He cleared his throat. “A promise is a promise. Go get your sister.”
Rainie turned and ran up the stairs to fetch Ronnie. She didn’t know why her dad had changed his mind about the walk, but she didn’t care.
When Rainie reemerged with Ronnie in tow, ready for their walk through the neighborhood, she caught the end of her parent’s discussion. “Dan, this has to stop. Please…for the girls.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m taking the girls out now…you get the house to yourself for a little while. You should be thanking me.”
“Thanking you? Oh, come on Dan. Stop playing games.” Sarah-Jayne sighed. “Where were you this time?”
Rainie and Ronnie walked into the room.
“Ready girls?” Dan asked, feigning excitement.
“Ready.” Rainie replied as she leaned down to place Ronnie’s sneakers on her feet.
The three turned to head out the front door, leaving Sarah-Jayne standing with a dirty dishtowel in her hands. Sarah-Jayne watched as her family disappeared into the neighborhood. Closing the front door, Sarah-Jayne realized she was trapped. She wasn’t the person she wanted to be and she wasn’t living the life she’d hoped to be living. She conceded to the dark house with this knowledge, heading back to the kitchen to finish the dishes. Rainie usually did the dishes, but tonight Sarah-Jayne had mustered the strength to do them herself.
Rainie retrieved the red wagon from the garage on their way out. At four years old, it was easier to pull Ronnie in the wagon rather than have her walk. She’d seen another family walking this way, that’s where she’d gotten the idea. Ronnie was happy, laughing as Rainie pulled her along. Rainie was pleased they were out on a walk, finally. And Dan was relieved to get out of answering questions regarding his recent whereabouts.
“Is Mama okay?” Rainie dared to ask.
“Mama? Oh…she’s fine. Why are you worried?” Dan lit a cigarette.
“She looked sad.”
“Ah…that’s your mom. I’m always doing something wrong in her eyes.”
“Like what?”
Dan waved his free hand, keeping the other hand glued to the cigarette.
“Where were you this time?” Rainie continued as they walked down the sidewalk. Her question was innocent. The sun would be setting soon. The birds were chirping from trees that towered above them. A husband and wife walked their small dog on the opposite side of the street, smiling and waving in the trio’s direction. Only Rainie waved back.
“You sure have a lot of questions for one little girl.”
They walked in silence for a while before anyone spoke again. The sky was a beautiful hue of pink mixed with a hint of orange. Rainie thought it resembled a painting.
“Why don’t you ever answer the questions, from me or from Mama?” Rainie continued curiously. She yearned to know more about her father.
Dan sighed, pulling his cigarette from his mouth. “Seriously, you never let up, do you?”
“Milo says I’m – “
“Who’s Milo?”
“My best friend.” Rainie looked up at her dad, wide-eyed and wondering how he didn’t remember Milo. She’s gone to his house to play regularly, rather than having him come to hers and she’d talked about Milo non-stop since kindergarten.
“Oh, right.�
�� The cigarette reinserted itself between Dan’s lips.
“Dad, where were you?”
“You are persistent, aren’t you?”
“What’s persistent?” Rainie turned back to look at Ronnie. Ronnie was still sitting calmly in the wagon, enjoying the ride. She was enthralled with the scenery as they continued to walk. Rainie realized that this was Ronnie’s first time going for a walk. Maybe she’d take her more often, just the two of them. She knew it would be nearly impossible to get her dad to ever go again.
“It means you keep at it. You keep doing something or asking something until you get what you want.” Dan didn’t look at his daughter when he answered.
“Oh.”
“And as for where I’ve been the past few days. It was work.”
“Work?” Rainie questioned. Her dad was a mailman at the post office. She wondered where he’d gone to deliver letters that had taken him from home for so many days. Is that where he was every time he disappeared? Delivering letters?
“Well,” he continued, “the holidays are almost here and so…I help deliver notes to the North Pole.”
“Really?” Rainie’s eyes widened. Turning back to Ronnie she said, “Ronnie, Dad went to see Santa Claus!”
“Santa!” Ronnie cooed.
“Dad, you really went to the North Pole?”
Dan chuckled. “Would I ever lie to my own daughters?”
“What was it like, Daddy? Are you going to help deliver presents? Was there a lot of snow? I bet it was really cold!”
Nodding, Dan followed with, “I’m sworn to secrecy.”
“You’re not allowed to tell?”
Dan shook his head.