by Laura Ziepe
‘It’s okay to feel down, you know, darling,’ her mother said caringly.
Rachel contemplated saying she was fine. She was over it and had moved on already, but her nose began to tingle and her eyes became blurry. ‘Oh Mum, it’s so hard,’ she replied. ‘I keep thinking about how much they must have lied to me. I keep picturing them together and what they’re doing now.’
‘They deserve each other,’ her mother said, in an unusually abrupt manner. ‘I, for one, am glad they both showed their true colours before you and Mark got any more serious. Thank heavens there were no children involved. You may be hurting now, darling, but they’ve actually both done you a favour.’
‘But you loved Mark,’ Rachel stated weakly. ‘You all thought he was wonderful.’
Her mother frowned. ‘I never loved Mark. I loved how he made you happy of course, but if you want the truth, I always thought there was something off about him. I felt like he put on an act in front of us. Your father felt the same.’
Rachel felt confused. ‘Really? I thought you adored him.’
Her mother shook her head. ‘Heavens, no.’ She jutted out her chin. ‘I’ve always thought you could do much better.’
‘But I’m 29…’
‘Which is still young,’ her mother interjected quickly. ‘Tracey Harper next door didn’t meet Martin until she was 38, and just look how happy they are. She even had two children, one in her forties.’
Rachel bit her lip. Her mother was right, just like Amber and Grace were; she was being silly worrying about her age. Why had she planned her life so meticulously, feeling disappointed when she hadn’t met the targets on time? First it was find a boyfriend, then it was move in and get engaged before 30, to then have her first child by at least 32. Rachel was learning that you couldn’t plan life. Nobody knew what was around the corner. Everything could change when you least expected it and she was just going to have to go with the flow. Relax a little and perhaps be more like Grace.
‘And as for Bianca, your so-called friend…’ Her mother inhaled sharply. ‘She’ll realize one day what an amazing friend she’s lost. She’s always been selfish, looking out for number one, but this really takes the biscuit. I’ve always said she was jealous of you, even when you were little.’
Rachel nodded in agreement. Her mother was right. Looking back, Bianca had been selfish in their friendship. Rachel remembered how she’d helped organize Bianca’s 21st birthday party alongside Bianca’s mother, to make sure it was perfect with everything she knew Bianca wanted. Bianca had been thrilled when the limousine turned up to take her to her black and white themed party. Yet when it came to Rachel’s 21st birthday party, Bianca had told her at the last minute she couldn’t come, saying her boyfriend at the time had bought her a ticket to the theatre, and she couldn’t get out of it as they were staying in a hotel in London overnight. Rachel had been gutted, but she hadn’t said a word. Perhaps she wanted to believe Bianca that there was really no way out of it, but deep down in her heart, she knew how simple it would have been to sell the tickets or for her boyfriend to have taken a friend instead. Rachel was supposed to be Bianca’s best friend, but as her mother had said, she always put herself first. Rachel was often dropped last minute if Bianca had a better offer elsewhere. It was about time Rachel started to see her for who she really was, rather than constantly making excuses for her. Who cared what she and Mark were up to? She didn’t see Mark in the same light anymore and could never get back with him, knowing he was capable of lying and cheating, and she didn’t want to know Bianca either.
‘I think I’ll be fine you know, Mum,’ Rachel said honestly. ‘It will just take a bit of time. But you’re right, this is all for the best.’
‘Most definitely. You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you like too.’
Rachel smiled and gave her mother a hug. ‘Thanks. I’m going to start renting a flat with Grace soon though,’ she explained.
‘What a good idea. Grace is lovely,’ her mother said happily. ‘Such a shame about her and her husband though.’
‘I know. It’s strange we’re both single at the same time after all these years.’
Her mother nodded and said she was going off to get ready and when Rachel looked at the time she realized she should be doing the same. The chat with her mother had made her feel better again, she thought as she jumped in the shower. Maybe, just maybe, she really was going to be okay.
‘Hey,’ Amber smiled widely as Rachel approached the make-up department. ‘How are you feeling this morning?’
‘Ill. Dreadful. Sick. Just to name a few.’ Rachel half-smiled. ‘Please don’t let me drink that much on a work night ever again. Just stop me. Grab my shots and tip them on the floor. Give them away or something.’
‘Oh, come on,’ Amber giggled. ‘It’s more fun getting drunk and it’s Christmas time so it’s allowed. I actually quite love drunk Rachel.’
‘Amber, I don’t even remember getting home!’ Rachel laughed heartily. There was that feeling again as though she’d gone back in time and was a teenager doing silly, childish things she’d normally frown upon. ‘That hasn’t happened for years.’
‘Really?’ Amber appeared confused, narrowing her beautifully made up, almond-shaped, dark grey eyes. ‘Then you don’t remember speaking to…’
‘Morning,’ Grace interrupted as she walked over. ‘How is everyone feeling?’ she asked amusedly.
‘Like death warmed up,’ Rachel told her. ‘Please say you were as drunk as me?’
‘Probably not as bad as you, but I wasn’t drinking shots. I still feel rough though. I honestly don’t know how you do it, Amber. Going out and partying all the time and then going to work the next day isn’t as easy as I thought.’
‘Oh girls, you get used to it.’ She chuckled as she sat down and began filing her nails.
The girls chatted about their evening and Rachel felt her spirits lift as they laughed and joked about the people they’d chatted to, not that Rachel remembered half of them. Tidemans had already started playing their Christmas music, and Rachel decided she was going to cheer up as much as she could this year. She’d always loved Christmas and wasn’t going to let Mark and Bianca ruin it for her.
Amber coughed as Jonathan from menswear approached the counter, then she grabbed Grace softly by the wrist and pulled her aside much to Rachel’s bewilderment.
‘Hey.’ Jonathan shot Rachel a smile that seemed to hint they shared some kind of secret.
‘Hi,’ Rachel replied, her forehead wrinkling as she wondered what he wanted. She vaguely remembered Amber saying he’d been in the same bar the previous night, but nothing after that, and she’d only ever seen him a few times In Tidemans seeing as he was fairly new.
‘Good night last night?’ he said, resting his chin on his palm as he lent over the counter confidently, like he’d known her for years.
Rachel looked at him, puzzled. He must have seen them there too. Was he about to laugh about something she had done? The not knowing was awful. ‘Yes,’ she said the word slowly and carefully waiting for some kind of trap.
‘You don’t remember, do you?’ he grinned, clearly enjoying the baffled expression on her face.
Rachel felt as though the top button on her blouse was choking her and she imagined her neck was becoming red and blotchy, the blush quickly making its way to her face, which was feeling hotter with every second. It reminded her of how she used to feel when she was picked out in university lectures to answer a question or give her view on something when she hadn’t been listening. ‘Erm…’ she stuttered. What had she done?
‘I was chatting to you last night for ages,’ he smirked amusedly, gazing at her intensely. He had lovely dark blue eyes, she’d give him that. ‘I was just double checking you were still on for tonight?’
Rachel’s frown deepened as she felt like a fly trapped in a spider’s web, a sense of panic washing over her. ‘Tonight?’ she said a little shakily. Why was she feeling so nervous?
‘Yes.’ He gave a light laugh. ‘You agreed to go to dinner with me. Of course, if you can’t, I understand…’
‘Of course she can,’ Amber interjected hastily much to Rachel’s surprise. ‘You were just telling me how much you were looking forward to it, weren’t you, Rach?’ Amber eyed her encouragingly.
Rachel stared at Amber with a just you wait expression. ‘Yes,’ she finally replied forcing a grin. Her mouth was dry and her heart was beating dramatically.
‘That’s great then.’ Jonathan returned the smile. ‘I’ll come meet you here after work. I was thinking of booking a table at Mario’s. Italian okay with you?’ he asked.
‘Italian is just fine,’ she responded, unable to believe that she was really going on a date so soon. She didn’t know Jonathan and certainly didn’t recall talking to him the previous evening. The thought of sitting and eating dinner with him terrified her. She’d never been fond of dates. Even her first date with Mark had scared her half to death, but now after what she’d been through, she felt less confident in herself. But what choice did she have when she’d been put on the spot? How could she say no without feeling more humiliated?
Rachel turned to Amber and a giggling Grace as Jonathan walked away. ‘I cannot believe that just happened!’ she said putting her face in her hands. ‘I am so embarrassed. He must think I’m such an idiot! And, you—’ she poked Amber in the arm playfully ‘—thanks a lot for that. Now I’m going on a date with him. I hate dates. I don’t even know Jonathan.’
‘But you soon will,’ Amber chimed in cheerily. ‘It’s only a date. What are you so afraid of? Enjoying yourself?’ she teased.
‘I don’t know,’ Rachel chewed her bottom lip. ‘I just can’t believe I’m here, about to go on a date when it was only days ago I thought I’d be marrying Mark.’
‘I know,’ Grace replied tenderly, ‘but you should go on the date. You need to move on, sweetie. We both do. Even if it’s so soon afterwards, a date can’t hurt.’
Rachel inhaled slowly. Grace was right. Was she ready to move on with someone else so soon? Absolutely not, but she needed a distraction from her thoughts of Mark and Bianca. The quicker she stopped feeling sorry for herself the better. Besides, Jonathan was quite nice looking. She didn’t know him well enough to judge him entirely, but he was fairly attractive, so it was a good start she guessed. He didn’t make her weak at the knees, but then, Rachel was certain that Mark hadn’t either. He’d just been there when she decided it was time to get into a serious relationship. He’d ticked the majority of her boxes.
‘I’m going to go out with Jonathan,’ Rachel gave a little nod of her head, listening to how the words sounded out loud. She felt like laughing hysterically. What on earth was going on in her normally, quite monotonous, drama-free life? The words sounded strange, like someone else had said them. Quickly planning what make-up to put on and promising she would dash upstairs to womenswear on her next break to purchase a new outfit, Rachel smiled. There was nothing to be afraid of at all.
After all, what did she have to lose?
Chapter 5
Amber was smiling as she thought of Rachel going on her date with Jonathan. It was a good thing, and she knew Rachel would see that in the end, despite reminding her of a lamb being led to the slaughter as she’d walked off with him. Rachel didn’t need Mark. She just needed to relax and let her hair down. She needed to stop planning and organizing and just go with the flow a bit more. Rachel was the type of girl that planned every single outfit for her two-week holiday. She kept up to date with her washing and ironing, she labelled jars for miscellaneous items in her house (spare buttons, safety pins, elastic bands), everything had a place in her home. There were no junk drawers.
‘You don’t have a junk drawer?’ Amber had asked in shock when she’d visited for the first time.
Rachel had looked slightly dazed, squinting her pale blue eyes and cocking her head to the side as she asked, ‘What’s a junk drawer?’
She didn’t even know what a junk drawer was for goodness’ sake! It was kind of self-explanatory. Amber recalled the weekend she’d gone away to Rome with Grace and Rachel several years back. Amber’s jaw had almost hit the floor when Rachel’s alarm went off at 7 a.m. on their first day.
‘What’s going on?’ Grace had groaned as Rachel had opened the curtains allowing the sunshine to blind them.
Amber had been too tired and confused to speak.
‘We need to get up!’ Rachel had enthused, much to their disgust. ‘There’s so much to do and see. I’ve printed off an itinerary for both of you so if we quickly go downstairs to breakfast we can head straight to the Colosseum to beat the crowds. Then there’s the Vatican museums and this gorgeous little place for lunch I’ve seen that has excellent reviews on TripAdvisor…’
Amber’s lip curled upwards as she thought back to it. The trip had been fantastic despite the early starts. Sometimes you needed a friend like Rachel. The planner. The organized one. Amber was the complete opposite. She hated planning. If it had been down to her she would have laid in bed most of the morning and wouldn’t have seen half of the amazing sites they’d managed to in the short time they were in Rome. Amber was impulsive; she liked excitement and to not know what was coming next. She loved having fun and letting her hair down. But at times she was reckless, wild even, not doing herself any favours. How many times had she lost her mobile phone on a night out because she was drunk and careless? She couldn’t seem to help it though. It was just the way she was.
Amber wrapped her scarf tightly round her neck as she made her way to the coffee shop. She exhaled, watching her breath form in a cloud in front of her. It was freezing and she wondered if it might snow soon. She hoped so; there was nothing better than snow at Christmas time to get you in the mood. That, and a nice hot chocolate, which she vowed she was going to order as soon as she met Jack.
Jack was already in the coffee shop, punching away on his mobile while he waited for her. Amber smiled fondly as she spotted him; he was so familiar and comfortable, yet she always felt excited to see him. Jack was part of her happy childhood memories. She was completely at ease in his presence. She felt like she hadn’t seen him in a while because he’d been busy before she went to Thailand. They hadn’t seen each other in just over two and a half months because he’d been away before she had. It was too long.
‘Hello stranger,’ she grinned, bending down to give him a big hug. ‘Ooh nice aftershave,’ she complimented him.
‘You look well,’ he grinned back at her revealing his straight teeth. ‘Nice tan. How was Thailand?’
‘Amazing,’ Amber replied. ‘You should have come. We’ll have to go another time together as I’d definitely go back. There’re some islands I didn’t have time to visit, but my favourite was Ko Tao; scuba diving there was out of this world. You would have loved it.’
‘I’m jealous,’ he said, standing up. ‘Let me get the drinks. What do you want?’
‘Large hot chocolate with cream please.’
‘That sounds good. I’ll make that two,’ he responded as he walked to the till.
Amber noticed a couple of girls sitting on a table close by look in Jack’s direction and then over to her disappointedly, obviously mistaking them for a couple. Amber couldn’t deny that Jack was incredibly handsome. If he wasn’t like a brother to her, she would most likely be checking him out too. It wasn’t just his dark hair, olive skin and blue eyes, it was his confidence along with the fact he was completely unaware of how attractive he was, which was incredibly appealing. Not only that, but he was a nice guy. He had a great sense of humour and didn’t take himself too seriously. He had respect for women. He was a loyal boyfriend; though it was very rare he was ever in a serious relationship. He liked to be single just like she did. They both agreed life was easier that way. Amber knew that someday a girl would be very lucky to have him. He was a keeper and they were both very protective over each other.
‘Thanks,’ Amber said,
spooning some of the sweet, fluffy cream into her mouth as Jack brought over the drinks.
‘So, are you all depressed now you’re back home in the cold?’ Jack asked.
‘Not at all. You know how much I love Christmas,’ she replied honestly. ‘I’ve missed you too. We need a night out soon. With alcohol instead of chocolate.’
‘I think you’re coming over to us this year on Christmas Day, aren’t you?’ Jack enquired.
Amber nodded. Their families took it in turns every year and they always had such fun. They usually had a big breakfast together and played games all afternoon before watching a nice Christmas film. ‘Yes, I’m sure that’s what Mum said. I’ll be buying you fake tan this year seeing as you’re so pale next to me,’ she giggled, holding out her tanned arm.
Jack laughed good-naturedly. ‘I’ve just been busy with work. You know I’d have gone with you if I could have. Drinking and partying with you in Thailand sounded a lot better than staring bored out of my office window.’ He looked up at her, ‘Meet any nice men while you were away?’
Amber grinned mischievously. ‘A few. I met one guy I really liked, but he was from Perth in Australia. Not exactly around the corner.’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘I’ve always wanted to go to Australia though. It’s definitely next on my list.’
‘Shame,’ he said genuinely, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.
Amber turned up her nose. ‘Not really. He was a nice guy, great body too, but I wouldn’t have met up with him again. You know me. I’m not after anything serious.’
‘You don’t give people a chance,’ Jack pointed out, ‘and you should. You deserve to find someone to make you happy.’
‘Coming from you,’ Amber replied with a light-hearted laugh. ‘You’re the same as me. You never give girls a chance. What about poor Jenny?’
Jack raised one eyebrow curiously. ‘Jenny?’
‘See, you don’t remember her,’ Amber said in mock outrage. ‘She was such a sweet girl. Pretty in a girl-next-door type of way, medium height, always wore a denim jacket. She was in love with you, but you brushed her off. Remember?’