by Laura Ziepe
‘The girl I met at that London conference last year? That Jenny? There was no spark between us,’ Jack defended himself.
‘You never allow a spark to develop, that’s why,’ Amber told him, trying to prove that he was exactly the same as her. ‘You’re seeing a new girl every time I see you.’ Not that Amber ever liked any of them. None of them seemed good enough for Jack. Jack was a catch; he had a great job in the City working in banking and she knew he was earning a very good salary. Most girls seemed to latch on to him the minute they found that out.
‘That’s another reason why I wanted to meet you today,’ Jack half-smiled, but became serious suddenly.
Amber’s heart plunged, taking her by surprise. She frowned. ‘Why’s that?’
His face exploded into a smile and his eyes sparkled. ‘I’m getting married Amber. I’m engaged.’
Amber felt dizzy suddenly as though she was dreaming. ‘What? Engaged to who?’ She felt breathless, like someone had punched her hard in the stomach. How was Jack engaged and she didn’t even know about it?
‘Her name is Natalya. I told you about her last time we met up, remember? I’m not sure you were listening. You’re going to love her Ambs, you really are. I think you two are going to get on like a house on fire. I’ve told her all about you. She may even be coming Christmas Day now so you’ll get to know her properly. Mum and Michael love her too.’
Amber twisted her fingers feeling awkward and left out for some unknown reason. She racked her brains. She vaguely remembered him talking about a Natalya last time they met, but she hadn’t paid much attention. She had thought Natalya was just another one of Jack’s girls. There had been nothing he’d said to make her think otherwise, she was sure of it. Her eyes swept over Jack’s joyous expression and she forced herself to smile back. ‘That’s amazing news,’ she told him. ‘Wow, I can’t believe it. What made you propose so soon?’ she wondered. She’d never been so astounded. They’d always discussed how marriage was bullshit. They’d shared the same views. How had Jack changed his mind in just over two months and found the girl he wanted to marry so quickly? It was surreal.
‘I’ve been with her for four months.’ He smiled gaily. ‘I know it’s not long, but when you know, you know, right?’
Amber shrugged, discomfited. ‘I wouldn’t know.’ She knew she was being pathetic, but she hated the fact that Jack had made such a huge decision and she was only just finding out about it now. ‘When did this happen?’ She was unable to hide the shock in her voice.
‘A week ago.’ He raised his shoulders casually. ‘We didn’t want to announce it on social media or anything cheesy. I wanted to tell you and your mum in person, though your mum’s meeting my mum tonight so I think Mum’s probably beaten me to it.’ He gave a slight laugh.
There was a long pause. ‘Well, congratulations,’ she finally said, attempting brighter tones.
He tugged at her hand across the table. ‘Hey, you’re happy for me, right?’ He gave her a hopeful expression and it melted her heart.
How could Amber not be happy for him? He was the closest person to her and she didn’t know what she’d do without him in her life. Jack was everything to Amber; if he’d found love and was only just telling her now, she needed to get over it and wish him the best, despite feeling a little out of the loop. A little left behind. She hadn’t met Natalya, but as Jack had said, they’d most likely get on like a house on fire. They had to if Natalya was going to be Jack’s wife. ‘Of course I’m happy for you,’ Amber squeezed his hand back. ‘I’m just shocked, that’s all. I never thought you’d get engaged at all, let alone after four months to someone I don’t even know. It’s just a lot to take in, but if you’re in love, then that’s great news.’
‘I am, Amber. I really am in love. Miracles really do happen,’ he laughed. ‘I’m meeting her and her parents for dinner after this. I’ll arrange a get together for the three of us as soon as I can, I promise.’
Amber stood up to hug him. ‘Congratulations again,’ she said, holding him close and taking in the scent of his citrus and sandalwood. She closed her eyes as she held him tightly, still unable to believe that Jack was really getting married. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t erase the feeling of hurt, yet she knew she was being ridiculous. He’d gone back on his word and decided that actually, marriage was right for him. What next? Children? It was laughable, yet now he was engaged, it didn’t seem so weird at all. Jack would make a great father. It all just seemed such a shock. A big surprise to take on board. How had Natalya changed his mind so quickly? She must be some woman, Amber thought sourly. But as Amber gazed at Jack’s beatific expression she knew it was love.
She just didn’t know why she felt so sad about it.
Chapter 6
Grace exhaled as she heard the front door close. As she’d heard Simon fumbling with his key outside a few moments ago, she hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath. How silly. She was awkward and uncomfortable living with her own husband like he was a stranger. It reminded her of when she’d started university and had to share a house with ten other people she’d only just met. The tiptoeing to the bathroom in the middle of night, careful not to wake the others up. The uneasy feeling when someone spotted her in her pyjamas with no make-up on. It had taken a while to feel relaxed and get to know the others. But with Simon, things were only going to get worse. She already knew everything about him. She was only going to feel more anxious being in his presence. He hadn’t been out much since they’d split, but how would she feel if he started dating? She couldn’t imagine seeing him making an effort, dressing up and splashing on some aftershave to impress another woman. But one day he would. Yet another reason she needed to change her living arrangements as soon as possible. Simon most likely felt the same, she thought worriedly.
It was Simon who had offered to sleep in the spare room, so Grace would be kind enough to read or just browse online in her bedroom for the evening and let him have the front room. The spare room didn’t have a television, and besides, Grace felt guilty seeing as she was the one to call their separation on. Sorry I don’t want to be with you, oh and no television either, seemed a bit harsh.
‘Hi,’ Simon stood by the door to the front room at the same time Grace switched off the TV.
Grace looked up at him, feeling saddened by his appearance. He looked well and truly depressed, the dark circles under his eyes suggesting he hadn’t been sleeping properly. He was such a tall man with broad shoulders, something that had instantly attracted her, but he seemed to have shrunk lately. Like he was a balloon that someone had deflated slightly.
‘Hey,’ Grace replied. ‘You’re back late. Everything okay?’ She smiled at him, concerned about how he was feeling. She may not want to continue with the way things were in their marriage, but she still cared for Simon deeply. Loved him even. She just didn’t love the way he made her feel anymore.
‘Just working, that’s all,’ Simon replied distractedly.
‘I hope it’s all going well,’ she told him caringly. It would be awful if he was having problems at work too. Talk about bad timing.
‘Yeah, just really busy,’ he said sighing heavily.
‘Well, I’m going to go upstairs,’ Grace told him in formal tones, standing up. ‘Give you some space down here.’
He looked pained. ‘No, please don’t Grace. It’s your house too, and you shouldn’t have to keep running off up there, holed up in the bedroom. I wanted to talk to you.’ He cleared his throat, his expression grave as he stood opposite her.
Grace’s brow wrinkled and she prayed he wasn’t about to beg her for another shot again. It would never work, and she wasn’t going to be one of those women that fell for the ‘I’ll change’ garbage, only for things to return to normal after a month or so. She’d told him that. He knew she was too intelligent for that. Not for me, thank you very much.
‘I’m going to move out,’ Simon said in melancholic tones.
Grace had never s
een him so serious before – like someone had died. ‘Right,’ she replied bravely, pretending she’d been expecting him to say it. Even though she knew they couldn’t continue their living arrangements, she hadn’t expected it to come from him. She genuinely thought he would happily stay with the way things were, though they were no longer together.
‘If you don’t want to be together, I just feel like it’s unhealthy for us to be living in the same house. It’s too hard to see you every day.’ His lips twitched showing he was discomfited and Grace had to stop herself from putting her arms around him. ‘I’m sure you agree it’s a bit … odd. You shouldn’t have to shut yourself away. So I’ll move out. You stay here. I’ll still pay half the mortgage until we decide what we want to do about the house and everything…’ He broke off.
Grace swallowed hard, her throat feeling as though it was closing up. ‘Thanks,’ she managed wanly. The thought of him going felt so final. It was finally dawning on her that they would no longer be a couple. The idea of selling their dream little house made her feel wretched too. They’d saved for almost a year to modernize their grey and cream kitchen, paid for new cream carpets and bought the perfect sofa, made especially to fit the bay window. They’d made it their own. She loved her house. ‘It’s very kind of you to offer to pay half the mortgage, but I was actually planning to live with Rachel so perhaps she can just live here and pay towards it,’ she suggested. ‘If she wants to, that is.’
Simon frowned. ‘Isn’t she with Mark?’
Grace realized she hadn’t got around to telling Simon that Rachel and Mark had split up. Normally she would tell him everything and it felt weird that he didn’t know something so important about her friend. Grace shook her head, ‘They’ve split up. He was cheating on her.’
Simon exhaled slowly as he studied her in astonishment. ‘Wow. I can’t believe it.’
Grace thrust her hands into the pockets of her trousers. ‘I know. It’s really awful. With Rachel’s best friend too.’
Simon shook his head. ‘Idiot. And he seemed like a nice guy to me.’
Grace nodded, recalling the times they’d met in the past. Last year’s Christmas ball had been hilarious. Mark had been so drunk that Simon had to carry him out; they’d laughed about it for days afterwards. ‘I’m sure Rachel will be fine about living here. Saves us looking for somewhere new.’
‘Yes, it makes sense,’ Simon agreed.
‘Where will you go?’ Grace asked him. There was that feeling of guilt again.
‘Paul has a spare room at his I’m going to rent.’ He attempted airy tones, but she could see from his tired looking eyes he was struggling with the situation. He definitely wasn’t okay with it. ‘I was going to go tonight. No time like the present. So please, stay down here and relax. No need to go upstairs now.’
‘No, I guess not.’ Grace could only stare at the floor awkwardly. ‘Do you need help packing your things? Remember to take a few towels and some bedding from the airing cupboard; I’m not so sure Paul will have any spares.’ She couldn’t help herself. Grace had always done everything for Simon. Even when they went on holiday she packed his case for him. She remembered their last holiday to Malta.
‘Didn’t you pack my white polo shirt?’ Simon had huffed, going through the clothes in his bag.
Grace had thrown her eyes upwards in annoyance. ‘Simon, you can pack your own suitcase, you know. If you care so much about what you have then do it yourself!’
That had shut him up. He much preferred Grace doing everything for him. She pretty much took care of all the housework, his washing, his ironing and she cooked for him. Perhaps she was partly to blame for this? Her mother had done everything for her father so it was all Grace knew. The women took care of their men. The problem was that Simon didn’t appreciate anything anymore. She didn’t know how he’d cope without her, and despite knowing that it was probably a good thing, and he’d finally see how much she really did for him, she couldn’t help but worry about him. She told herself off, knowing that it was nothing to do with her now. She had to let him get on with it. He was a grown man and soon enough he’d work it out for himself.
‘Don’t be silly, I’ll do it. Thanks for the offer though.’ He shot her a strained smile.
‘If you need help, just shout,’ Grace responded kindly.
She couldn’t concentrate on the programme she was watching after that. It was the kind of programme Simon hated watching, about a man that was given away for adoption trying to trace his family.
‘What’s the point in watching something that makes you so emotional?’ he would usually say.
Grace couldn’t focus on what the man on the screen was saying now. All she could think about was the fact that Simon was leaving and she was now going to be alone in their house.
Forty minutes later he started bringing suitcases downstairs. ‘Obviously I’ve probably left a few things by accident,’ he explained, ‘but I think I have most of it. Just collect anything you find and I’ll pick it up another day. I have all the important things I need.’
‘At least let me help you take it to your car,’ she offered considerately.
‘No honestly, I’m fine.’ He smiled graciously. ‘Thanks though.’
It all felt so strange seeing Simon doing something on his own. He normally wanted Grace to do everything for him. He’d become lazy, expecting everything to be done for him. He’d normally have asked her to help before she even had the chance to offer. Grace felt as though the world had gone mad as she heard him heave the second suitcase out the door. She couldn’t watch him; it was far too painful and strange. He’ll probably change now, Grace thought wryly; she’d shown him his errors and he’d turn into the perfect man for the next woman he met. His new woman would most likely think that Grace was crazy for splitting up with her loving, kind and helpful husband. As if that had been the case! Regardless, it was much more difficult letting Simon go than she’d first anticipated.
‘I guess I best say goodbye then,’ Simon said in a lowered voice a few moments later.
Grace gulped. She’d been dreading this moment the whole time he’d been packing. Her chest felt tight, like someone was sitting on it, restricting her breathing. ‘I don’t know what to say, Simon,’ she replied helplessly, feeling incredibly sad.
Simon cleared his throat again, unable to look in her direction. ‘Maybe it’s easier if I just go. Don’t come out, stay there. It’s too hard.’
Grace nodded, a tear falling down her cheek. ‘If that’s what you want,’ she told him obediently, frozen in her seat.
When she heard the door slam, she broke down. This was what she wanted, so why did she feel so down about it? She’d given her marriage her all, yet despite telling Simon time and time again how she was feeling, he had never tried to change once. Did he not care enough to bother trying to make her happy? Now it had come to this and it was heartbreaking. He’d gone. Would they end up getting a divorce? Then it really would be final and Grace didn’t think she was ready to accept that just yet. It was all well and good agreeing with Amber and Rachel that she would be single and do her best to start dating, but Grace just couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t do that. She needed to be alone – to be surrounded by her family and friends and the people that loved her. She wasn’t close to being able to date yet and she knew that was okay. She was grieving for her marriage still. But she had to give up fighting for it, didn’t she? She’d been fighting a losing battle for too long.
Deciding there was no point in pretending to watch television, Grace made her way upstairs to their bedroom. She was surprised to see a note on the bed. Memories came flooding back to her once more.
‘You write like a child,’ she’d giggled coquettishly the first time she’d seen Simon’s handwriting.
‘Hey, I do not!’ Simon laughed merrily back. His eyes scanned the writing on her Valentine’s Day card. ‘Okay, maybe I do a bit. When we write joint cards, you’ll have to be the writer,’ he grinned.
&n
bsp; ‘Joint cards?’ Grace smirked, one eyebrow raised. They’d only been together four months at the time.
‘Yes, joint cards,’ Simon had said confidently, and she’d been glad, because she felt it too. She also knew this was the start of something meaningful and serious.
Grace picked up the note, reading Simon’s familiar writing.
Grace,
I know there is nothing I can say to change your mind, because talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. I’ve had time to think about everything you’ve said. I honestly do understand how you feel and I’m sorry if you feel I don’t appreciate you like I should. I guess I’m guilty of just believing you’ll always be there. This has been a huge wakeup call to me and I cannot lose you. I’ll do anything to get you back, and that’s why I think this break will do us the world of good and I’m going to prove to you that I really can change. I have to. So please don’t give up on us just yet. Let me show you how I can make you happy again. I promise you, I will. I don’t care how long it takes. I love you, though I know I don’t tell you enough. I’ve always loved you and that will never stop.
Simon x
Grace brushed a bit of hair away from her face.
Maybe there was a little bit of fight left in her after all?
Chapter 7
‘So any brothers or sisters?’ Rachel asked Jonathan in upbeat tones, filling the awkward silence again. He’d seemed so chatty and confident when he’d come to chat to her at Tidemans, but the truth was, she was finding this date hard work. Dates weren’t supposed to feel like job interviews. When they were good they were relaxing and exciting as you discovered things about each other. Jonathan was actually quite quiet, and when he wasn’t sitting in silence Rachel found his negativity quite draining and depressing. They were sitting in a beautiful cosy Italian, which was romantic with pretty white Christmas lights hung in the window, the room dimmed with candles on the tables. It could have been quite lovely with the right company.