'Tis the Season to be Single

by Laura Ziepe

  Rachel marched away feeling devastated and enraged at the same time. She couldn’t possibly go back to work after this; she could feel herself getting worked up into a state. She didn’t want to talk about it and she knew Amber and Grace would know something was up immediately. Just one look at her face would tell them that something was wrong. Deciding she had no choice but to call work and say she felt too ill to come back in after lunch, Rachel made her way to the car park where she’d parked her car.

  Tears flooded her eyes as she drove and once again, Rachel sobbed her heart out. She felt annoyed with herself for feeling the way she did. She was irritated that she couldn’t be strong and positive twenty-four hours a day, but she was only human. Tomorrow was a new day and she’d do her very best to pick herself up again from where she left off this afternoon when things were looking bright. She was bored of crying about the same old thing and feeling sorry for herself. But it was agonizing; she actually felt physically in pain, her chest aching and her head pounding like she had a tight elastic band round it. Damn the pair of them!

  Her eyes were blurred yet again and her eyes filled with tears and Rachel gasped when she heard a loud thud and felt the car jolt as she whizzed past a parked car on the street. What on earth had just happened? Rachel looked in her wing mirror to see a man shaking his head and getting out of the car. She quickly wiped her face feeling mortified, as she knew she would look a complete state with mascara running down her face, but she had to stop and get out because she’d just hit the other car.

  ‘Shit, shit, shit,’ she muttered under her breath, wondering if her day could get any worse.

  She looked in the mirror trying to clean her face up, knowing it was obvious she’d been crying. She had no choice but to get out the car, apologize and sort this mess out; panda eyes or not. Taking a deep breath, Rachel lifted her head high and walked towards the angry looking man inspecting his car. He looked like he was in his mid-thirties and was smartly dressed in a suit and tie, his blonde hair swept back, not a strand out of place. He looked just as pristine as his car had been before Rachel had hit his wing mirror clean off, which he was holding in his hands.

  ‘I am so sorry,’ Rachel sniffed, tucking her hair behind her ears. ‘I don’t know how I just did that. It’s really not like me; I’m normally such a good driver,’ she mumbled, feeling embarrassed. ‘I didn’t realize I was so close.’

  The man sighed impatiently. ‘I really don’t have time for this,’ he told her, exasperated. He was looking at the wing mirror and holding it up to his car as though it would stick back on, huffing and puffing as he did so. ‘I need to be somewhere so I’m just going to have to take your number and sort it out later.’ He appeared stressed out and in a rush, making Rachel feel more guilty and stupid.

  Rachel frowned feeling terrible. ‘Is it just the wing mirror? I can buy you another one. You just tell me how much it comes to and I’ll give you the money. I really am ever so sorry. I didn’t realize how close I was,’ she repeated wanly.

  ‘So you said,’ he replied, appearing unamused. He took his mobile out of his jacket pocket. ‘Here, put your number in and call your phone.’

  She obeyed his orders, wondering how much a wing mirror cost. He was driving a black Mercedes so she guessed it wouldn’t exactly be cheap. She could have kicked herself for being so careless. That would teach her for continuing to drive when she was crying over her ex. This was just what she needed after spending a fortune on clothes for herself, she thought wryly. Her mobile rang as she dialled her own number. He looked at her then like she was an interesting creature that he couldn’t work out.

  ‘Name?’ he asked abruptly.

  ‘Oh, it’s Rachel,’ she replied. ‘What’s yours so I can put you in my phone too?’

  ‘Nick,’ he said, eyeing her suspiciously. ‘Nick Cunningham.’ He paused for a few moments. ‘Is everything okay?’ he asked curiously, staring her in the eye. ‘You’re not upset about the accident, are you?’

  Rachel sniffed again and wiped her eyes again, humiliated that she looked such a mess. ‘Oh no, not that,’ she explained, flapping her hand. This is just the icing on the cake, she wanted to add, but didn’t.

  ‘Right. Good,’ he said airily, as though he didn’t actually care but felt he had to ask if only for his own conscience, checking his watch.

  He looked like he was someone of importance and Rachel wondered where he was in such a rush to go. ‘Just let me know how much I owe when you get the chance,’ Rachel told him. ‘I can’t apologize enough.’

  He ignored the remark. ‘Just watch where you’re driving,’ he scolded her in sharp tones. ‘It could have been a lot worse and you could end up getting hurt. I’d say you were pretty lucky this time.’ With that he was in the driver seat, slamming his door and leaving her standing there, on the spot, feeling more alone than ever.

  Chapter 11

  Grace didn’t know if she was more surprised that he’d texted her or about the way the text message made her feel. She was grinning. Really grinning. She felt like a teenager all over again when she would sit on the sofa texting a boy from school and her parents would give her that look. What are you so happy about? She’d forgotten that a feeling like this existed. Steve from the wedding had liked her. At least she wasn’t going crazy and misreading signs. It was only a short message, but he was asking her for dinner that evening and Grace felt a mixture of nerves, excitement and guilt. Simon and his sad little face was never far from her thoughts though. She was about to text Steve back saying that she couldn’t because Rachel was moving in with her that night when her phone beeped again and it was a message from Rachel.

  Still not feeling great, so is it okay if I move my things in tomorrow night? X

  Maybe it was a sign? She remembered a bride saying once how it was fate how she met her husband. Her husband hadn’t wanted to go out the night they met, but had left his house keys at a friend’s house and they’d persuaded him to go out when he got there. She had also planned to go to a different bar but the queue had been too long so they’d reluctantly gone to the place where she and her husband had met. His friend had been drunk and fallen over, making him bump into her, spilling her drink.

  ‘The universe was pushing us together that night,’ she remembered her explaining. ‘We were just meant to be. If his friend hadn’t got drunk or he’d had his keys on him, we never would have met. Sometimes things happen for a reason. I really believe that.’

  Maybe this was all happening because she was meant to go out with Steve? Was that what this was? Grace shook her head, tutting to herself, unable to believe she was considering that the powers of the universe were pushing them together. Grace was a very black and white person; she didn’t believe in karma or fate normally. But she did like Steve, even though he was a stranger. Grace hated feeling weird and uncomfortable around someone, especially at dinner. She relished the stage where it was okay to rest your head on the other person’s shoulder. When you could hold their hand and not feel uneasy about it. She didn’t know if she was brave enough to date just yet, but when would be the right time? Say Steve was supposed to be her next boyfriend and she was too shy to get up and go out with him? She had to do it, didn’t she? The thought of staying home in her dressing gown sipping hot chocolate with marshmallows was alluring, but Grace made the decision to embrace the single life like Amber kept telling her to. Even Rachel had started dating. She texted Steve back saying that she was free and a message pinged back almost instantly.

  Great. What’s your address? I’ll be round at 8 x

  She couldn’t believe she was actually doing this, but on the plus side, at least she didn’t have to cook herself dinner, she thought amusedly. After putting on some fresh make-up, slipping into a mid-length black dress and spraying herself with perfume, Grace didn’t know what to do with herself. Her stomach was dancing with nerves and she couldn’t concentrate on her favourite television show, as she constantly checked the time and wondered what Steve
would be like. She hadn’t been on a date in years. This was scary stuff. It didn’t feel real.

  Grace heard a knock at the front door and her heart skipped a beat. She was surprised that Steve had arrived fifteen minutes early. Taking a deep breath, Grace picked up her bag, put on her coat and walked to the front door. As she opened it, she was stunned to see Simon standing in front of her. Her shock mirrored his own as he stood there gaping at her, his mouth slightly open.

  ‘Oh, hi…’

  ‘Sorry, I should have called you to let you know I was coming over,’ Simon stuttered quickly, looking her up and down and making Grace feel self-conscious that she looked so glamourous. She didn’t know the last time she’d dressed up and gone out somewhere special with Simon. He was used to her in her work attire or casual clothes at the weekend, her face usually make-up free to give it a break. ‘I didn’t realize you were going out.’

  ‘Well, yes,’ Grace replied biting her lower lip, feeling incredibly uneasy. ‘Did you need to get some more things?’ she guessed. ‘I’ve found a few bits of yours and put them all down here as Rachel is moving in tomorrow.’

  ‘You look nice,’ he said kindly. For once, Simon looked like he genuinely meant it. He was looking at her as though she were a new person he hadn’t seen before, reminding her of when they first met.

  ‘Thank you,’ she replied, her mouth twisting awkwardly and her eyes downcast, wondering how he’d feel about her going on a date with another man. She really didn’t want him to know and needed to get him out of the house fast.

  He cleared his throat. ‘Did I leave my black trainers here by any chance? I can’t find them,’ he said, scratching his head.

  ‘Yes. I’ve put them in a bag along with some other things I thought you may need. It’s under the stairs if you want me to get it?’ she offered hastily, not wanting him to come in the house in case he ended up staying a bit longer and chatting.

  ‘Thanks,’ Simon replied, still standing by the door much to her comfort.

  Hopefully she could give him the bag and he would go. Steve was due to arrive soon and Grace felt terrified that Simon was going to see him. Imagine if he came to the door when Simon was still standing there. Would she introduce them? The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Simon; he may not have been the best husband, but she didn’t want to upset him.

  Grace handed the bag over and smiled, hoping Simon would get the hint to leave.

  ‘Off anywhere nice?’ Simon asked her curiously, looking a little afraid of the answer.

  Grace felt the heat begin to rise up her chest creeping its way up to her face, like she’d just stepped out into boiling sunshine. ‘Just out,’ she replied reluctantly, hating how bad she felt about the situation.

  He nodded, looking defeated. ‘It’s okay, Grace, you don’t have to tell me what you’re up to. I no longer have the right to know now we’re not together…’ He tailed off and coughed a few times, looking like he needed time to work out what he was saying. ‘It’s just so weird not knowing what’s going on in your life, you know? It’s not been that long, but I miss you.’

  Grace’s eyes welled up with tears seeing Simon so vulnerable. Simon, who was tall and strong and usually emotionless. She hadn’t seen this side of him since his grandfather passed away five years ago. He was right. It was weird not knowing what he was up to. Didn’t he realize that she was constantly thinking about him and hoping he was okay? Didn’t he understand that although she was trying to move on, this was just as tough for her? Despite not being happy in their relationship, she missed him too. Seeing him right now in front of her looking so sad only made her realize how much she still loved and cared for him. Perhaps those feelings would never really go away? Maybe she would always love Simon?

  Simon broke the silence. ‘I’m sorry, Grace, I shouldn’t have said that. Have a lovely evening wherever you’re going. Thanks for my stuff,’ he smiled gratefully, lifting the bag.

  ‘That’s okay,’ was all Grace could manage to say.

  Simon gave a little nod and walked out of the front door and down the street.

  A few seconds later, Steve’s car pulled up.

  Grace struggled to concentrate during the dinner with Steve, despite him being a lovely, friendly man. He was just as nice as she remembered. She couldn’t stop thinking about Simon. Did he guess she was going out on a date? It must have been so strange for him if he had. Grace would hate to see Simon about to leave for a date. Dressing up and putting on aftershave for another woman. It didn’t seem possible. Grace couldn’t imagine him with anyone else. She simply didn’t want to either. She recalled once when they’d been on holiday to Greece and met another couple, Kimberly and Scott, and he’d really laughed at Kimberley’s bad jokes over dinner. It had been so weird to see him even remotely flirtatious with another woman, despite it being innocent and him denying it until he was blue in the face. Kimberley had been a gorgeous brunette, and only seemed to ever wear plunging dresses showing off her ample cleavage; it had been no wonder Simon had acted like a silly schoolboy in front of her, she practically had every man’s tongue hanging out every night. Grace hadn’t cared that much either – she wasn’t the jealous, insecure type – but it had just seemed really odd and out of character. Simon just wasn’t usually a ladies’ man.

  ‘How’s the tuna?’ Steve questioned, interrupting her thoughts.

  ‘It’s good,’ Grace replied, cutting off a piece. ‘Would you like to try some?’

  Steve shook his head. ‘Oh no, that’s not necessary. Thanks though.’

  Christmas music was playing softly in the background and the restaurant was covered in gold and silver tinsel. It reminded Grace of a place she and Simon went to years ago on Christmas Eve. Their meals had been terrible but they’d had such a fun night, drinking copious amounts of alcohol to make up for the bad dinner. The restaurant owner had looked irritated with their loud laughter and even more so when they’d left and Simon knocked over a large Santa Claus figure, but they’d found it hilarious.

  ‘Sorry Santa,’ Simon had guffawed, picking him back up and rubbing his head fondly. ‘I hope this doesn’t mean I won’t get any presents?’

  He’d then looked at Grace and they’d cracked up together, stumbling outside into the bitter cold.

  ‘So how did your sister’s wedding go?’ Grace asked politely. She knew she had to make some effort, though it was a struggle when her mind was elsewhere.

  ‘It was great, thanks,’ Steve answered, taking a sip of beer. ‘I was just disappointed you couldn’t have stayed for the day.’ He smirked coquettishly.

  Grace gave a brittle laugh. Steve was a lot more handsome than she recalled, not drop-dead, stop-in-your-tracks gorgeous, but she found him attractive. He was so very different to Simon though, and she couldn’t stop comparing them. There was a long pause. ‘Have you had any serious relationships?’ Grace wondered.

  Steve wiped his mouth with his napkin and placed it on his lap. ‘I was in a relationship for eight years,’ he explained.

  ‘Wow, that’s a long time.’

  ‘Yes, it was. We were young though. I think I was nineteen when I met Jasmine. It just suddenly dawned on me one day that we weren’t at all right for each other. It was a habit being together.’

  Grace nodded slowly deep in thought. ‘Yes, I know what you mean by that. It’s sometimes easier to stay with someone than be brave and break away. Go into the unknown.’

  ‘How’s the unknown treating you?’ Steve said, intrigued.

  ‘It’s not easy,’ Grace replied, unsure what to say.

  ‘I can’t imagine it is,’ he replied considerately. ‘I’m having a lovely evening though, Grace. If you’d like to do this again some time, I’d love to see you again.’

  She inhaled, feeling as though Steve deserved the truth about how she was feeling. ‘Listen, Steve, you seem like such a nice guy and I feel really bad saying this when I’ve come out with you for this lovely meal. The truth is, I just don’t think I’m
ready to date yet. I’ve just come out of my marriage, and it’s not fair on you, or anybody else for that matter, that my head isn’t in the right place. Do you understand what I mean? It’s all a bit too soon for me. I didn’t realize I’d feel this way until I’ve actually ventured out and gone for it. You’re the first man I’ve dated since the separation. I’m so sorry.’

  Steve shot Grace a kind smile, his eyes giving away that he was disappointed. ‘I understand. Please don’t worry or feel bad. I’ve had a great evening regardless, and hey, whenever you are ready, you have my number,’ he told her sweetly.

  ‘Thanks Steve. I probably shouldn’t have come tonight. I hate to think I’ve wasted your time…’

  ‘You haven’t, I promise. It’s been really nice to meet you. I enjoy taking beautiful women out for dinner so again, don’t apologize.’

  ‘Well, at least let me pay the bill,’ Grace offered.

  ‘I won’t hear of it,’ Steve said, putting his hand up on protest. ‘I’m a gentleman. I’d never let a woman pay. I appreciate the offer though so thank you.’

  Grace flashed him a gracious smile. ‘Thank you too. You really will make someone very happy one day.’

  She followed Steve outside to his car, feeling relieved that she’d told him where he stood. She worried she would feel discomfited after telling him she wasn’t ready to date, but Steve continued to make her feel completely at ease. Who knew; if things had been different, perhaps things could have worked out between them? But the one thing Grace had learnt tonight was that she wasn’t ready to move on just yet with Simon still firmly in her thoughts.

  Grace couldn’t wait to get into her pyjamas and into bed. It was freezing outside and she was certain it was going to snow soon. There was nothing she loved more than the snow. Simon had always been like a child about it too in the past, waking her up early just to tell her it was snowing outside. She used to moan at him that it was a silly reason to wake her up so early but she’d enjoyed it secretly. It was one of their things and it would seem really strange not getting woken up by his excited, shrilly voice telling her to look outside.