by T. K. Chapin
“Just as I am without one plea, but that Thy blood was shed for me, and that though bidst me come to Thee …” As I sang, my soul stirred, and without realizing it, I was walking up to the front of the church, tears streaming down my cheeks.
Chapter 9-Marie
AFTER PRAYING WITH THE PASTOR and accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I felt the weight of guilt lifting off my shoulders. Standing up beside Charlie in the front of the church, I waited as he continued to invite people to come down and pray. There were several other people up front, all were praying and kneeled at the steps that led up to the stage. An older gentleman came down the aisle just then, and the pastor moved out to meet him, bringing him in closer to pray.
I had surrendered my life to Christ and His peace invaded me, comforted me. I had already known about Jesus from all the years of being married to Winston, but the Gospel truth never clicked into place in my mind, in my heart. That was, until today. Tears that came and went, smiles that radiated then faded… it was a surreal experience during those moments in front of the church.
After service, the entire church family was invited to come up and shake my hand. Most of it was a blur. Strangers hugging me, encouraging me, and even a few older ladies kissing my cheek. It was nothing like the church I had grown up in. It was something different, something real.
Serenah was at the end of the line of people, along with Charlie. When she finally arrived to shake my hand, I leaned in. “I’d love to talk more with you sometime.”
Smiling she said, “You should come to our women’s Bible study on Friday nights at the inn. It’s a blast.”
Nodding, I said, “I’d like that.” And I meant it.
“Welcome to the family of God, Marie.” Pastor Charlie shook my hand next, beaming with a warm smile.
“Thank you. I had no idea what was going on. I was touched by the message and when you invited people up, I just suddenly found myself walking to the front.”
He and Serenah both nodded. “That’s how Jesus calls us. He picks us out and leads us to Him, pulls at us. We just have to accept the calling.”
“I almost didn’t come this morning; that’s the crazy thing.”
“But you did,” Pastor Charlie said, patting my shoulder. “He called and you answered. It’s the most important decision a person makes in their life.”
After visiting with Charlie and Serenah a while longer I headed to the parking lot. Feeling a sense of lightness in my step, I kept thanking Jesus for saving me as I made my way out to the car.
“Marie.” A man’s voice came from behind me.
Stopping, I turned around, and it was Kirk and his girlfriend Jessica.
“Hey.”
Kirk came closer wearing a smile. “Congrats again on becoming a believer.”
“Thank you.”
“I didn’t get a chance to talk to you before church, but how is he?” Worry replaced the smile. He had known Winston long enough to understand my husband’s situation was a struggle every minute of the day.
My cheerfulness almost fell away as I replied, “He’s struggling, but I have hope.”
“It’s too bad he wasn’t here today.” Kirk crossed his arms and shook his head. Raising an eyebrow, he made a suggestion. “I wonder if it might help if I come by sometime?”
I said, “That’s a good idea. Might cheer him up.”
He nodded. “I’m out here all the time with the Youth Group, so I’ll swing by one of these days.”
“Stop in anytime.”
“Cool. Take care of yourself, Marie, and congrats again.”
Smiling as I climbed into my car, I thought about Winston. I wondered how he’d react to the news of me becoming a believer after so many years. Would he be happy? Would he believe it?
Chapter 10-Marie
MY HANDS WERE SHAKY AS I pulled into the garage that afternoon. I wondered how Winston would take my news. I prayed right there in the garage that God would help him realize it was a good thing.
Getting out of the car, I thought about all the possible scenarios that could transpire between the two of us. The one I liked best was the one in which Winston was happy and overwhelmed with joy and would decide to go to church with me moving forward. That one seemed so far out in right field that I could barely visualize it clearly in my mind. I dreaded the possibility that he wouldn’t take my new commitment seriously.
When I walked through the door, I found him in the living room watching Bonanza.
He looked at me and then back to the TV. “How was church?”
“I got saved.”
Nodding, he said lightly, “That’s good.”
After a moment and no more words, I walked away, determined not to let his lack of response cause me to snap at him. As I made my way down the hall, I prayed for God to help me make the right choices, and to help grow inside of me a hunger to please the Lord.
My eyes watered as a pain sliced my heart. I had so desperately wanted Winston to jump up with excitement at my announcement of salvation, but that wasn’t possible in more ways than one. He was on his own journey now, in his own season. My heart hoped he would someday return to his love of God, to his love of life. Until then I hoped he didn’t break my heart in the process.
After changing out of my church clothes, I came out of the bedroom a few minutes later. Winston sat in the hallway. He rubbed his neck as he tilted his head and stared at the hardwood floor. For a moment I thought he had come to apologize about his lack of a reaction from earlier, and maybe he truly was excited for me.
“What’s wrong?”
He let out a sigh. “I tried to bench today and failed horribly.”
It wasn’t what I’d expected to hear, but it was an insight into his world. Winston’s words were laced with pain, threaded with disappointment, and stitched with heartache. His tone was light, his words few. For a split second, I felt my chest constrict as I learned he’d lifted alone, but he seemed fine physically, so I chose not to dwell. Instead, I simply leaned down and gave him a long hug, as I had no idea what else to do.
Releasing from our embrace, he said, “When is the physical therapist coming tomorrow?”
“Eight o’clock. Remember, this Jeremy guy is the last one they’ll assign to you. If you fire this one, they’ll stop assigning you new ones.”
He nodded, a slight smile lifting his lips as his expression mellowed. “If they’d stop sending me pansies and give me someone who knows what they’re talking about, we wouldn’t have an issue, now would we?”
I sighed. “If you had a little humility then maybe you’d learn something.”
As I walked away from Winston, I felt sad at the fact he didn’t care about what had happened to me at church. He was only focused on himself.
Chapter 11-Marie
GOING BACK TO WORK AT the law firm tore at me in a deep way. This would be the first substantial amount of time Winston would be out of my sight since the shooting. The fact that he had lifted weights alone yesterday during the couple of hours I was gone made it clear he had no plans of following the instructions and limitations the doctors had placed on him at the hospital. I had to just trust things would work out. That God had an eye on him.
That morning I made Winston a couple of eggs, one piece of wheat toast, and sliced up a cantaloupe. He was eating while I was busy getting ready for my first day back at the firm. Jumping back into the ring wasn’t going to be easy, but I was ready. The other partners had been worried I wasn’t ever going to come back, but they didn’t understand how much I truly enjoyed my work. Being a lawyer was part of who I was as a person.
Walking into the kitchen with my briefcase in hand, Winston stared me up and down. “You look like your old self, Marie.”
“Thanks,” I replied, lifting a slice of cantaloupe off the plate near the sink as I smiled. When the fruit touched my tongue, my saliva glands came alive. It had been too long since I had a fresh piece of fruit. The hospital served fruit on occasion, but rarely di
d it taste fresh and sweet like this. I kissed the top of Winston’s head.
“You telling the other partners about your decision to follow Jesus?” he asked, humor laced in his tone.
Lifting my lips from his head, my forehead furrowed, and I pulled back. “If it comes up I will. Why do you ask?”
He smiled and shrugged. “It’s not exactly the most popular thing to do in the world. You start talking about that out in the real world and you’ll be tossed on the chopping block.”
I was skeptical of Winston’s words, at least with my firm. I knew for a fact that Victor Esly, one of the partners, held religious people in high regard. He once said, ‘A belief in a higher power is for those who can think beyond themselves.’ The two other partners didn’t offer opinions about Christianity, but seemed fine when we hired a couple of Christian receptionists. I figured Winston was just trying to scare me. Shaking my head, I smiled, not allowing him to goad me.
“I doubt they’ll be rude about it. It was a personal choice I made. Probably won’t even come up.”
Nodding, he said, “You’re probably right.”
A knock came on the front door and we both looked at the clock in the kitchen. It was eight.
“That’s Jeremy,” I said. “Remember, be nice.”
Winston nodded and set down his piece of toast. Wiping his hands, he backed out from the table and headed to answer the front door and I left out the side door into the garage to leave for work.
As I backed out, a measure of worry rose within me over sharing my faith. Shaking the thought away, I focused on my day ahead.
Chapter 12-Winston
WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR, and saw a scrawny twenty-something-year-old kid on my stoop, I pushed to shut it, but he caught the door mid-swing.
“Mr. Jones,” he said, his tone firm.
“Yeah, that’s me. Who are you? I thought my physical therapist was coming over, but a young punk like you can’t be him.” My words were tart and cruel to make him feel inadequate and the weakling I suspected he was. I wanted him to leave so I could be done with these people who thought they knew what was best for me.
He let go of the door and extended a hand, ignoring my insult. “My name’s Jeremy and I am your physical therapist.”
Ignoring his attempt at a handshake, I turned my wheelchair around, headed through the foyer, and rolled back into the kitchen. He followed.
I stopped the chair abruptly and squinted. “Question for you, Germ. What’s the point of a physical therapist when the doctors say I’ll never walk again?”
“Forget the doctors.” His three words were like a sweet serenade to my ears. My interest piqued as he continued. “I don’t guarantee you’ll walk, but I will promise you something. I’ll help you try to get there if it’s possible. Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you’ll walk again?”
My attitude immediately changed. He was different from any of the doctors and other physical therapists I’d dealt with. I said, “Yes, I believe I’ll walk again.”
“Good. That’s half the battle. You have to have faith that you’ll walk again. I don’t promise you’ll be running a marathon in the next day or two or even in the next year, but I can promise to help you progress. I’ll also show you how to take care of the rest of your body.”
I stuck out a hand to shake his. “You earned this handshake.”
He smiled and shook.
“You don’t seem like a guy who waits around to be told what he needs to do, so tell me, what have you been doing for exercise?” Jeremy asked.
I laughed. “You get me already, and we just met.”
“I’ve worked with others in the same situation as you, Mr. Jones,” Jeremy said.
Returning to the kitchen table, I finished my meal as I told him about the details of the workout I did yesterday. He listened closely and didn’t once interrupt to tell me I’d made a mistake. He gave me respect that had been lacking in the other physical therapists, and I knew we’d get along as long as he continued to respect me. For the first time in a while, things were finally looking positive again.
Chapter 13-Marie
LATER THAT MORNING THE PARTNERS TOOK me out for brunch at the Clinkerdagger to celebrate my return to the firm. As we were wrapping up our brunch, one of the partners, Jenelle Odle, asked me about the possibility of a lawsuit against the church since Winston had been injured on the property. There were contracts signed to protect not only WIN, but also the church in the event of an incident, plus I wouldn’t dream of suing them. It had been an accident. Sure, I was upset about everything that happened, but it’d be evil to go after what little they had.
“I would never think of filing a lawsuit against them,” I said. It was borderline offensive to my spirit to hear her suggest the idea. “Aside from the fact that there was a contractual agreement, I don’t blame them in the slightest.”
“Really?” she questioned, tilting her head. She took a bite of her bagel, swallowed it and then continued. “Can I ask why? If the church had simply set up a wire fence and barb wire, nobody would’ve been shot. I’d be upset.”
As she continued eating her bagel, I shook my head. “For one, it was volunteer work because they couldn’t afford any kind of security. Second …” I shrugged. “I believe God will work this out for the good somehow. I believe He’s doing something behind the scenes I just can’t see right now.”
Jenelle wiped her mouth with a napkin and pulled her head back as if she was repulsed by my words. “Did you really just say ‘God has a plan’? Did you lose your mind while you were away?”
“What? No, I found Jesus.”
Jenelle frowned and shook her head. “All righty.” She shrugged. “I always thought you were smarter than that knuckle-head husband of yours, but I guess not.”
I could’ve slapped her, but I controlled my anger. The other partners were now looking at me like I was a stranger, an outcast. I felt my face heat. “Why are you attacking me? I made a choice to follow Jesus and put my trust and faith in Him.”
“The scientific evidence is pretty clear that God doesn’t exist, Marie,” one of the partners chimed in, while hardly able to hide his smug expression.
“That’s not true. Believe me, I researched it shortly after I started dating Winston.” Shaking my head, I said, “Thanks for brunch, but I need to go check on Winston. I’ll work from home the rest of the day.” Bolting up, the chair legs scraped against the floor as I grabbed my purse and fled for the exit. My eyes welled with tears and I felt so humiliated and regretted even mentioning my faith. The worst part of it all was that Winston had warned me about the world rejecting my faith, that it wouldn’t be tolerated. He was right, and it hurt me deeply to see it play out with people I once considered friends.
Chapter 14-Winston
AFTER MY EXERCISES WITH JEREMY, I gave Bruce a call to check in on operations at WIN. He needed me to come in at some point in the afternoon to sign documents, but this was a problem since I had no ability to drive.
I went silent on the phone.
“Issue?” Bruce asked.
Shaking my head as I lay my arm on my desk, I didn’t want to admit I had no way into town. Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head up and said, “Nope. I’ll see you later on in the day to sign.”
Hanging up, I started researching on Google about prices for a taxi into Spokane. As I clicked through websites looking for rates, I heard the door dividing the garage and house slam—Marie was home.
Wheeling out of my study and finding her in the kitchen, I could tell she was upset. “What happened?”
“You were right. Happy?” she said, walking past me she headed down the hall toward the bedroom.
Right about what? I wondered as I wheeled after her.
Pushing open the door gently, I saw her sprawled on the bed, face first in a pillow. She was crying. Seeing her in pain caused a knot in my stomach. I hadn’t been thrilled with Marie lately, but it didn’t change my love for her, as she was my world
on this earth.
Rolling into the room, I came up to the side of the bed. With a gentle and cautious tone, I asked, “Want to talk about it?”
Turning her head toward me, she looked at me with tear-soaked and swollen eyes. “They laughed at me about my decision to follow Jesus, Winston! They acted like I was the biggest moron in the world.”
Of course they did, I thought quietly to myself. Marie didn’t need to hear that though, she needed to be encouraged right now. “Forget them. I’ve never liked those people.”
“You think I should quit? What will I do? I’ve never done anything else.”
Raising a hand, I said, “Don’t quit, just forget about them. Maybe toss some distance between yourself and the other partners. You all don’t have to be friends. You can still work together as professionals.”
Shaking her head, more tears sprang from her eyes and she sat up. Leaning against the backboard, she wiped her eyes and breathed out a staggered sigh.
“I don’t understand why people have to act that way. If they don’t believe in Him, fine, but to laugh and ridicule me for it?”
“It’s expected.”
“Why?” she asked, leaning forward. “And how’d you know they’d do it?”
“The Bible says it will be that way.”
Sighing, she leaned back against the backboard, staring up at the ceiling. “I think I’m going to quit.”
“Pray about it,” I said quickly. “You might want to stay there and be a light for them. It doesn’t matter to me if you quit, but I know you love the job and have been doing it for a long time.”
“That’s true.” She smiled. “Do you still think about God, Winston?”