My heart pounds so furiously it may leap from me. Little notes of giddy laughter escape my throat.
“I’m sorry I made you wait so long.” I pull back another inch, so I can look into his eyes when I say it. “I love you. I’m in love with you.”
The smile on his face is brighter than a sunrise. His head dips toward me, slowly closing the distance between our faces. His lips press against mine, and there's trembling, and I don't know if it's him or me or if we're creating an earthquake together.
The flavor of love is on his lips, and it tastes so good. Real emotion, pouring out of him and into me, filling every space and crevasse, satisfying my soul. I’m kissing my best friend.
My Ethan.
I love him.
Ethan touches my neck, and I feel it quiver as he strokes the space beneath my ear, down to my collarbone. I really like that.
My lips push against his with urgency. I press myself into him, needing to be closer. I’m no longer thinking about the fact that this is my best friend. Without that title, Ethan is just a man, and I’m a woman who’s in desperate need of him.
Ethan pulls away first. “Wow.” He breathes the word.
A flush spreads across my cheeks.
His eyes roam over my face, and I know what he’s seeing. My freckles, my flushed cheeks. Lightly he taps my freckles with his fingertips, like he’s touching the keys of a piano. “Now I definitely know it's you.” This only makes me blush more.
I nod. “It’s still me in here.” I'm so astonished I can barely manage a whisper.
This time Ethan bypasses my face and brings his lips to my ear. “You were worth the wait.” He pulls back to look at me.
“I'm so sorry. I've always loved you. And now I'm in love with you.” I say it again, and it feels even more true.
Ethan shakes his head. “Hearing these words from you, it's an actual dream come true. I wish I’d known a long time ago the trick was to make you jealous.” He tries to cover up his laugh with his hand.
My eyes bulge. “That's not what happened.”
Ethan drops his teasing smile. “I'm sorry about Amaya’s friend.”
Ugh, Amaya’s friend. I don’t want to hear about her. I’m too high to come back down right now. My heart is still somewhere in the sky, soaring through clouds.
“I never meant to upset you. I mean it, Kate. Trent was trying to put a double-date together a while ago. At that point it sounded like fun, and I was starting to fear you would never come around.” He stares at me, eyes pleading.
“I know.” Shame washes over me. What more can I say? I’m only beginning to understand what I’ve put him through in the last decade.
“I told Trent we could do it when I was home on my next leave, and then I forgot about it.” Ethan turns my hand over, tracing designs with one finger. “I’m really sorry. Please know that I never, ever meant to hurt you.” His voice sounds so strong and confident. “It's always been you,” he adds, staring down at our mix of hands.
I reach up, lifting his face with two fingers beneath his chin. “Ethan, I overreacted.” I grin sheepishly. “I’ve been told I have a temper.”
Ethan smiles, but he still looks upset.
I step closer, my heart racing and my mind still reeling.
“Want to kiss and make up?” I can’t believe I’m saying those words to Ethan.
He grins, excitement on his face. “Like you wouldn't believe.”
Ethan's body pushes into me, and my back bumps into the wall beside the front door. This kiss is not like our first.
Gone is the timid sweetness. His hands are on my hips, fingers digging into my skin just like my dream, and I'm touching his face, his neck, his ears. Exploring. Discovering the secrets his hands and lips have been hiding from me all these years.
And I never want to stop.
***
Ethan’s fallen asleep on the couch. Jet lag is getting the best of him. And an hour of kissing is getting the best of me. A yawn widens my mouth. I stretch my arms over my head.
A midday, mid-week nap feels so decadent. Normally I’m knee-deep in writing pitches and putting out proverbial fires. But not today. Today I’m going to indulge in a nap. With Ethan. My best friend. And my…
What? What is he?
I bite my lip. We better figure that out before he leaves.
Ethan's face is serene, a small part in his lips. I want to cover his lips with my own, but I hold back. I never get the chance to see Ethan like this. If it weren't for the military haircut, he'd look like a young boy again.
His eyelashes flutter, then his eyes open fully. He blinks at me, a look of confusion flitting across his face. He grabs my hand.
“What's wrong?”
“I came out here to ask if you wanted to ditch this uncomfortable couch and take a nap with me. But instead I stared at you.”
“Voyeur.”
“Guilty as charged.”
Ethan stands, the blanket falling to the couch below him. It's hard to tear my eyes away from his chest. And his stomach. And his shoulders.
“Enjoying the view?” He smirks.
I cross my arms. “Don't make me regret coming to get you.”
“Just be happy I don't sleep in my underwear. Or in nothing at all.”
“Come on.” I groan the words and lead him to my room. The sun-blocking blinds are closed, and it's pitch black even though it’s the afternoon. I pause in the light from the open door. “You get that side.” I point to the side closest to the window.
“I know what side you sleep on.” He goes to my bed and lies down.
I shut the door and climb in beside him, nerves nipping at my stomach. He's still Ethan. Once I'm horizontal, he scoots closer, his knees molding to my knees, his top arm wrapping around my waist. His face nuzzles my hair.
“You smell incredible,” he murmurs.
“Thanks.” My voice is small.
“Are you nervous?”
“No.”
“Are you biting the inside of your lip?”
Dammit, I am.
“It's only me, Katie.”
“That's just it. It's…you. And me. Me and you.”
Ethan’s fingers pull through the long strands of my hair. “Everything will be okay. I promise.”
“How can you be so sure?” The fear bubbles up, accompanied by its ugly friend, doubt.
“Because ours is a once-in-a-lifetime love.” His voice is rich with emotion, saturated with affection. “Nothing can touch that. Nothing. Not your fear. Not even death.”
I gasp. “Don't say that. Don't even mention death.”
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think about your dad.”
My eyes squeeze shut. It was five years ago, and it’s still the worst day of my existence so far. Nobody expected my dad's two a.m. heart attack. He was my hero.
Ethan shifts, I slide onto my back, and he moves over me, supporting his weight with one forearm.
“I’m scared for you, Ethan. You’re fighting in a war.”
“Nothing is going to happen to me. I'll be fine.” He dips down to press his lips to mine, just for a moment. Thrills run the length of my body. Here in the dark, I can't see Ethan's face clearly, but I feel the intensity of his gaze.
“I’ll always love you, Katie girl.” His voice flows down to me, pierces my chest, and infiltrates my heart.
Gently I brush the tip of my nose against his. “I’ll always love you. Until our wrinkles have wrinkles.”
He closes the gap between our lips, and I taste the sweetness of him. Of my best friend. Of this man who has loved me for a decade.
***
It's hot. Something heavy is on my chest. I open my eyes and find Ethan's arm stretched out on top of me.
With care I extract myself from the cage Ethan has made with his arms. He's still passed out, mouth open and snoring softly.
I make my way out to the kitchen. It’s the middle of the afternoon, but it feels like morning. Harper stands at the counter, pouring
herself a glass of iced tea. Her back is to me, one foot balanced on the inner thigh of her other leg.
“Hey, Harps. Why are you home from work so early?”
“I have a happy hour meeting with a client,” she says without looking at me. “I had to come home to charge my phone and change.” Harper changes positions and grabs a straw from the box on the counter. She turns back to glance at me.
I smile. I want to gush to her about Ethan, but I'm not sure how to say it. And I'm not sure she'll be supportive.
Harper doesn't do love. Locked in a fierce competition with her two sisters, Harper goes on date after date, trying to find a wealthy, successful, gorgeous man (that is somehow still, in her words, “you know, grounded”) who will make her sisters turn green with envy. Harper doesn't have a specific reason for the competition. Or she doesn't want to divulge. Either way, I watch from the sidelines like it's a spectator sport.
She sips from her straw, blue eyes narrowed. “What's going on?” A little 'v' forms between her brows. I contemplate telling her to stop or she'll need Botox, but Harper won't take it as a joke. She'll make an appointment.
I bite my lip, trying to decide how to answer. I need to tread lightly.
“Harper, hey.” Ethan strolls into the kitchen. No shirt. Again. His black hair is cut too short to be messy. I want his longer hair back.
“Long time no see,” he tells her, stopping at my side.
Harper, a person who's never short on words, is stunned. She walks to him slowly, the 'v' in between her eyebrows now an uppercase.
“It's good to see you. A lot of you.” She hugs him. A few seconds go by. Time to let go, Harper.
Ethan extracts himself from her embrace. His cheeks are pink. Finally, someone besides me is blushing.
“I left my shirt in the living room. I'll go grab it.”
Ethan hurries out, and Harper grabs my arm. Her nails dig in.
“Start talking,” she hisses. “And don’t tell me you were just sleeping. Your door was closed.”
I shoot her a dirty look. Ethan walks back in and stands next to me, resting his hand on my hip. When I look at him, I see twinkling in his eyes. I didn't know that was possible, but I swear I see it. My heartbeats pick up speed.
“So, Ethan, Kate's unable to talk right now because her nether regions are pulsating wildly.” She levels her gaze at him, ignoring the shock and horror on my face. “Fill me in on how you came to sleep in her bed. And why your arm is around her right now. It appears she's been holding out on me.”
Red. Beet red. Tomato red. Lobster red. A fire burns on my face. How could Harper say that? Ethan and I didn't have sex. Not that the thought didn't cross my mind. We're in love, he was in my bed, and it's not like we're strangers. Still… He didn't make a move, and neither did I.
Ethan, calm and unruffled like always, focuses on the last part of Harper's statement. “Kate and I have realized we're in love.”
Harper's eyebrows lift, her expression dubious. She snaps her fingers. “Just like that?”
Again, Ethan is unruffled by Harper’s less than excited response. “I've loved her for ten years.”
Harper sips her drink. “We all know that.”
“Harper!” My temper flares.
She sips again and shrugs. “You guys are crazy. Good luck.”
She walks from the room without a backwards glance.
Ethan shakes his head. “It’s possible she’s worse than Trent.”
I stare at her bedroom door. “Sometimes I want to shake some sensitivity into her.” I settle for filling two glasses with ice and helping myself to Harper's pitcher of tea.
“I have another way you can blow off some steam.” Ethan takes his glass and chugs until only ice cubes are left.
Is he talking about what I think he's talking about? Because I haven't shaved my legs in two days. And…and…and I need more time to plan.
“Camelback, Kate. Let's hike Camelback.” He tilts his head to the side. “What did you think I was talking about?” His lips press together, and his mouth turns up at the ends.
“Nothing,” I lie.
Ethan smirks.
“What?” I demand.
“For the record, I know you're lying.”
I lift my nose in the air and stick out my lower lip. “No, you don't.”
“I know you by heart.”
Yes, you do.
Ethan sets our glasses on the counter and pulls me into his arms. “Don't let what she said get to you, okay?” His voice is a whisper in my ear.
“She said we're crazy. What if she's right?”
I feel his head shake. “Go get dressed for hiking. I have something to show you.”
***
An hour later we're on the mountain. It's only March, but the sun is warm in the cloudless sky.
Ethan laughs when I set the wide brimmed hat on my head.
“Don't make fun of me. I don't want skin cancer. Or premature wrinkles.” I double check my little backpack.
“Did you remember the kitchen sink?”
“You'll be happy I packed this thing when you get hungry at the top. You better be nice or I won't share my energy bar with you.”
Ethan bows with a flourish. “My dearest Kate, please excuse my bad behavior. I sincerely hope you choose to share your gluten free, dairy free, taste free bar with me.”
“Shut up.” I start for the trailhead.
Ethan falls into step beside me and grabs my hand. “How many times have we hiked Camelback?”
“I don't know. At least thirty. Why?”
“Because we've been on this mountain at least thirty times, and I've never been able to do this.” He grabs me, bends me over backward, and kisses me.
I cling to him for two reasons. One, I don't want to fall. Two, I'm desperate to keep kissing him.
When he lifts me back to upright, I'm panting.
Ethan’s lips quirk. “Already out of breath? I think you're going to have trouble on this mountain.”
I snatch my hat that fell when he bent me over, shove it on my head, and start walking. “My mouth was just attacked.”
Ethan walks behind me. “Don't let the Saguaro that's fallen onto the path attack you. Ouch.”
I look ahead and see the mammoth cactus draped across the path. It looks sorrowful, lying on the ground where it once stood so tall and proud.
“Ethan?” I step over the fallen cactus. “Why don't you like to talk about the Army?” I wait for him to shut down like he always does. I know I'm asking a loaded question.
He takes off his baseball cap and wipes his forehead with the sleeve of his T-shirt. Buying time, probably. He sighs.
“It's not that I don't like it. It's just that people act so indebted to me. I appreciate the recognition, but the attention gets uncomfortable.”
“I guess I can understand that.” My response is drawn out as I consider his words. “I'm not a huge fan of attention either.”
We continue our climb, a peaceful quiet falling over us. This is one of a thousand reasons why I love Ethan. Our comfortable silences are as rich as a conversation.
Finally we make it to the top. I look west. The little plots of farmland captivate me. Green squares in a city full of red-tile roof homes and outdoor shopping malls. They stayed put while progress crept up and overtook the area around them. I admire the fortitude.
“Kate, I want you to turn in a circle and look at all the homes, schools, businesses, cars on freeways, and planes in the air.”
I'd love to know why I'm doing this before I agree, but I do as I'm told.
Ethan stands behind me, his arms coming over my shoulders. He holds me with one arm across my clavicle, the other makes a sweeping motion.
“How many people live in the Phoenix metro area?”
“Seven million.” There is no hesitation in my response. It's part of my job to stay current on local demographics.
“You know that self-obsessed, inconsiderate twit who just called us crazy?
”
My head jerks to the side as I gape at Ethan. I nod slowly.
“She's just one of the seven million people who live here. And I don't give a shit about her opinion.”
He spins me around and takes the hat off my head. His eyes burn into mine, his face more serious than I've ever seen it.
“We are not crazy,” he says. “Our paths were always going to join. We are meant to be together. Why do you think I waited for you? Not because I'm stupid, or stubborn, or loyal. Because I knew you were the one. And there was no way I was going to let your denial change my mind. And I won't let Harper's negativity get to you.” Ethan presses his hand over my heart. “Follow your heart, not your head.”
Tears roll down my face as I listen to my best friend. His passion, his energy, his love. All for me.
Ethan wipes my tears. “Why are you crying?”
“I've never seen you like this. I thought I knew everything about you, but… You're so passionate.” My whole body is alight with wonder for this new person in front of me.
“It's you, Kate. You bring it out in me.”
I sniff. “I wish you didn't have to go back.”
Ethan sighs, the sound heavy. He lays his cheek on top of my head. “Me too.”
I eye the two day old stubble on his neck, already missing him even though he’s right here. A plane flies into my field of vision, drawing my attention to the city below us. “Thank you for bringing me up here.” I watch the plane drop lower in preparation for landing. “I needed the perspective.”
He kisses my hair. My Ethan. He's right. Harper’s is one infinitesimal, unimportant opinion. She's my roommate. And my friend. But she's not my Ethan.
We aren't crazy. We’re right. And nothing is going to stop us now.
6
Ethan
She did it. Kate Masters is finally in love with me. For Kate to do something that doesn’t make perfect sense to her is a feat. But she did it. That’s how much she loves me.
I’d never say this out loud, but I think I finally understand the meaning of a singing heart. My chest feels full, like my heart is belting out a deep, joyful melody. My dream has come true.
The Day He Went Away Page 5