Let Me In

by Parker, Ali

  “What do you mean?”

  “We were talking the other day. He told me he is very good friends with a local guy that owns a shipping company. It isn’t one of the biggest ones, but he does own a few ships.”

  I wasn’t sure where she was going with her information. “Okay,” I said, waiting for her to explain.

  She looked worried. Or sick. “You could talk to my father and ask if he would be willing to set up a meeting between you and his friend. I could do it for you, but I think me acting as a go between would be a little ineffective.”

  “I would never ask you to do that.”

  “I would do it, but I think this is something you need to do.”

  I mulled over the idea. “I think I would have better luck getting the guys I stood up to give me another chance than I would at getting your dad to help me.”

  “You would be surprised.”

  “I would be floored if your dad wanted to give me a hand,” I told her. “It’s fine. I will think of something.”

  “Okay, but it is an option in case you run out of ideas.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I have to get up,” she said with a sigh. “I have to get to the venue where my event is happening. The caterers should be arriving in about two hours.”

  I reached for her and pulled her close. “Are you sure? Can’t you play hooky this one time?”

  “That is tempting, but this client isn’t the kind I can abandon at the last minute.”

  “Fine. I have some work to do myself.”

  “Are you going to leave?” she whispered.

  “I don’t know.”

  I saw the hurt on her face. I wanted to take it away. “You are welcome to stay here. I will leave you a spare key.”

  “Thank you.”

  She gave me another kiss. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye.”

  “I won’t.”

  She slid out of bed and walked to the shower. I got out of her bed and pulled on some clean underwear from my bag. I strode into her kitchen, vaguely familiar with where things were, and started some coffee for us. I wouldn’t leave her hanging. I couldn’t do that to her. Not again.

  Now that I was awake and in the bright light of day, reality was crashing in around me once again. I walked to the huge window and stared out at the sea in the distance. The pull to stay was strong. I just wasn’t sure I was strong enough. I sure as hell didn’t feel strong enough. I felt fragile. I felt like my world would never return to the way it had been before losing Kade.

  “Hey, you’re still here,” Evie said, coming to stand next to me at the window. “Do you know I usually find you like this? You’re always looking toward the ocean, no matter where you are.”

  I smiled and stretched my arm around her shoulders. “It’s where I find my inner balance.”

  “I believe it. I have witnessed it. I could probably stick around another hour if you’d like.”

  I turned away from the window. “No. I’m fine. Don’t interrupt your day. I’ll be fine. Can I take a shower?”

  “Of course,” she said. “I’ll make you some toast. I might have eggs. If not, I can probably find a frozen waffle or something.”

  “Don’t worry about me,” I assured her.

  I headed for the shower. I was lying about the things I had to do. I didn’t really have shit to do, other than take care of all the shit I’d left behind. I wasn’t looking forward to that.

  Deep down, I knew I had to go home. I was going to have to face the memories head on. Part of me wanted her to be there with me when I did. Another part of me didn’t want her to witness my vulnerability and weakness. I couldn’t bring myself to let her all the way in.

  Me holding back would ultimately destroy any relationship we forged.

  Chapter 60

  Evie

  I checked the time, mentally noting that everything was right on schedule. I walked to the bar being set up under Nelle’s direction. The woman did not mess around when it came to setting up her workstation. There was a wrong way and there was Nelle’s way. There was no in between. It was why she was so damn good at her job.

  “Hey, drill sergeant,” I said.

  She turned to me, putting a hand on her hip and giving me that look that said she was going to murder someone. “I’m missing a case of liquor.”

  “Uh oh. Is that on my end or your end?”

  “Mine. Not mine but mine.”

  I nodded with understanding. One of her minions had failed her. “Do I need to do anything?”

  “Nope. I’ve got it handled.”

  “I knew you would.”

  “Walk with me,” she said in a way that made it clear it wasn’t a request.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “I just wanted to make sure you are okay. I didn’t hear from you last night and I got a little worried.”

  “Xander showed up at my door.”

  Her eyes bulged. “No way!”

  “Yep.”

  “Oh my god! I’m so happy for you.”

  Before I could tell her it wasn’t really all that exciting, the head of the waitstaff waved me over with the typical panicked look in her eye. “I better go put out the fire. Why does this happen every single time?”

  She laughed. “Because you are the best and the universe wants to test you.”

  “I’ll talk to you later.”

  I quickly handled the issue, only to be faced with another one and then another one. No matter how well I planned, these little emergencies always arose. It was the nature of the beast. Servers got sick, food got ordered wrong, or a tablecloth had a stain. My job was to do my best to prepare for every crisis. With my experience, I was used to just about anything. It took a lot more than an ugly coffee stain on a white tablecloth to freak me out. That was why they’d invented bleach pens.

  The party got underway and things were moving along smoothly. I made my way over to where Nelle and one of her hired help were serving up drinks at the open bar. “Club soda?” she asked, knowing me well.

  “Yes, please.”

  There was a lull in the line, giving her a chance to step back. “So you didn’t tell me. What’s going on with you and Xander?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “He surprised you with a visit. That’s a big deal.”

  “Yes and no. He is in town to handle some business. I kind of feel like I was an afterthought.”

  “I don’t believe that for a second.”

  “It’s so hard to know with him,” I complained.

  “Did you guys talk or just bang all night?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You can be so crass.”

  “So you banged all night.”

  “Stop,” I admonished. “We talked a little bit. He asked me to run away with him.”

  “No way!”

  “Yes.”

  “What did you say?”

  I gave her a dry look. “What do you think I said?”

  “I hope you didn’t tell him no.”

  “Technically, I did not tell him no, but I told him it wasn’t up for discussion. I don’t think he is serious. I got the feeling it was off the cuff and he didn’t really think about it. I can’t run away for a week or a month or however long it takes him to get this out of his system and then expect to come back to my life. I’m not him. I can’t run away and have someone hold my place. If I leave, I give up my job, my reputation—everything.”

  “You need to convince him to stay,” she advised.

  I shook my head. “Nope. Not going to do that. I am not going to lay a guilt trip on him or give him an ultimatum. I will not be that woman. He has to come home because he wants to. I want him to be happy. If he truly cannot find happiness here, I’m not going to ask him to stay. I’m not going to tell him we can’t be together if he won’t stay.”

  “Then where does that leave the two of you?”

  I sighed before taking a drink of my soda. “I don’t know. I think last night was a goodbye. We both
know it isn’t going to work the way it is going. I think we both want it but neither of us is ready to give up what we truly want from life.”

  “That sucks,” she muttered. “He’s a good guy. I like him.”

  “You haven’t met him.”

  “But I like him from what you’ve told me,” she said with a laugh.

  “He is a good guy, but he isn’t ready for a relationship. He needs to figure out what he wants and needs. I don’t want to be the one pushing him in any one direction. He will never be happy if he feels coerced.”

  “Lame.”

  We were both watching the crowd of corporate executives mingle around the room. They were traders or something along those lines. I watched as the man that hired me made his way toward us. He was carrying a half-full glass of a dark liquid.

  “This is a lovely party,” he said and decided in order to tell me that, he needed to touch my shoulder.

  I smiled at him. “Thank you. I hope you’re all enjoying yourselves.”

  “Oh, we are. What are you drinking? Can I get you another?”

  “It’s club soda and no thank you. I’m on the clock.”

  He leaned in close, the booze on his breath giving me a contact drunk. “I won’t tell if you won’t,” he whispered. “I’m very good at keeping secrets.”

  “From your wife?” Nelle snapped. “Isn’t she the pretty blonde wearing the red dress and looking over here right this minute?”

  “My wife and I have secrets,” he said without taking his eyes off the minimal cleavage showing in the dress I was wearing.

  “Really? Because the way she is looking at you, I would say your secret is out of the bag. Get lost, buddy. This lady is way out of your league.”

  I looked at Nelle, trying to tell her to calm down with my eyes. She wasn’t getting the message.

  “Excuse me?” he growled. “Aren’t you the bartender? Why don’t you make me another drink and do your job? I assume I’m paying you.”

  “You aren’t paying me shit,” Nelle replied without missing a beat. “This is an open bar.”

  “And I’m the damn owner of the firm that is paying for it,” he snapped.

  “Congratulations. I hope you have an excellent attorney and an even better prenup. Your wife is only with you for your money and I would guess she is tired of your secrets. You’re about to be a very broke man. She looks like she could be a gold digger. She was just waiting for you to screw up, and here you are, giving her all kinds of ammunition. Good job. Enjoy your last party as a wealthy man.”

  He glanced over his shoulder, and sure enough, the woman was glaring at him. I hoped she knew I was not entertaining her husband’s advances. I didn’t date old, fat, balding men that fucked anything that walked. I had some standards.

  “You will never work one of my parties again,” he hissed at Nelle. His cheeks were ruddy, and he looked nervous.

  “Thank God. You heard him. Never again will I serve this shitbag a drink.”

  “You insolent creature!”

  “Creative, but far from the worst I’ve been called,” she said with a dry expression.

  He turned and walked away. I had to hide the smile on my face. “Thank you. I’m going to have to put a leash on you.”

  “I don’t understand why men think that having a glass of whatever in their hands gives them the right to say and do what they want. It’s not an excuse to behave like a pig.”

  “No, it isn’t, but they do it anyway.”

  “Assholes,” she muttered.

  “Usually.”

  “You are lucky,” she commented.

  I was confused. “I’m lucky?”

  “Yes, lucky. You have a great guy. I don’t know your man, but would he ever act like one of these douchebags?”

  I watched the crowd and immediately identified several douchebags. “No, he would not. Xander is not like that. He’s far too reserved to hit on a woman so openly.”

  She smiled before stepping up to help a customer. “Good, because I would hate to have to kick his ass for treating women like the men I’m seeing here.”

  The young man waiting for his drink stared at her. He looked terrified. I knew she had purposely said what she did for his benefit. Nelle didn’t hold back. She’d been in the bar business a long time. Her tolerance level for drunken antics was pretty low.

  “You will not have to kick his ass,” I assured her. “Now, I must make the rounds and make sure nothing is falling apart in the kitchen. I have a feeling I won’t be getting a great review for this one.”

  “If that asshole gives you a shitty review, you let me know,” she said and practically thrust the man’s drink at him. He took it and ran like the hounds of hell were on his heels. The poor kid hadn’t even seen Nelle mad. He would have really run scared then.

  “It’s fine,” I told her. “I will soothe things over.”

  “Don’t you dare!”

  I smiled and drifted into the crowd. I blended in, quietly listening to the chatter. My ears were open, listening for any complaints about the staff, the food, or the drinks. I couldn’t fix a problem if I didn’t know about it. I found the best way to identify any issues was to blend in and pretend I wasn’t listening.

  I heard no complaints as I made my way around the room. I found a place out of the way to observe things. I was not all that surprised to find the owner of the company making moves on a pretty, very young woman. I felt sorry for his wife. He was a scumbag.

  While I watched him flirt and make a general ass of himself, I thought about Xander. I knew in my heart he would never behave like that. I was confident he wasn’t the cheating type. While I knew there was no way to know for sure, there was something about Xander that said he wouldn’t. He was a proud man that didn’t seem to be prone to temptation. He was practical and certainly did not appreciate the company of strangers.

  I smiled as I thought back to our first interaction. It was like pulling teeth to get the man to talk to me. He was a hard nut to crack, but I was so damn glad I managed to do it. Then again, I would probably end up regretting the fact that I did. I just knew the man was going to break my heart. I knew it and yet I couldn’t stop it. He was going to leave me. I’d felt it this morning in bed.

  I needed to prepare myself for the inevitable. It was going to hurt. Dammit, I didn’t want it to happen. I thought about texting him. I loved the idea of him at my place waiting for me. I had given him the key, but deep down, I knew he wouldn’t use it. If he left without saying goodbye, I would never speak to him again. I refused to be tossed away a second time.

  I felt sick to my stomach at the idea of not seeing him again. I sent up a silent prayer, hoping against hope that when I walked through my front door, he would be there with music playing and candles burning.

  A girl could dream, couldn’t she?

  Chapter 61

  Xander

  I got up and immediately knew I didn’t want to be in the house. Last night had been awful. No matter how hard I tried, I tossed and turned. I couldn’t bring myself to forget. I thought about taking Evie up on her offer, but I knew I had to test myself. Was there a chance I could come home? Not now. Not after my long, sleepless night.

  I promised her I would tell her I was leaving and that was what I was going to do. I didn’t want to wake her and found myself trying to kill time while I waited until it was an appropriate time. When nine o’clock rolled around, I felt I’d waited as long as I could. I was confident she would be up by now.

  “Good morning,” I greeted when she answered.

  “Hi,” she said, her voice filled with hesitation.

  “I didn’t leave,” I told her right away.

  “When you weren’t here when I got home, I assumed you decided to go. You didn’t answer my texts.”

  “I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized. “I fell asleep early, and by the time I saw your message, it was late and I didn’t want to wake you up.” It was the truth. I had fallen asleep on the couch before ei
ght. I slept for a couple of hours and then a nightmare woke me up. From that point on, sleep was elusive. I wasn’t interested in trying too hard out of fear I would have more nightmares.

  “I see,” she said, and I could feel her hurt and anger in her voice.

  “I came home,” I replied. “I wanted to check on things.”

  “Oh?”

  I wasn’t going to get into it over the phone. “Do you have any plans for the day?”

  “Not really. I was thinking about taking a walk, but not much else.”

  “Would you like to drive up the coastline a bit?”

  “What does that mean?” she questioned with weariness in her voice.

  “I was thinking we could find somewhere quiet and enjoy the day. Anything you want. I just want to spend some time with you.”

  “I would like that, sure,” she said after several very long seconds. “I think that’s a good idea.”

  “I’ll be at your place in an hour. Does that work?”

  “Yes,” she said.

  I was going to have to kill more time, but I wasn’t going to do it in the house. I had already showered and gotten ready for the day, hoping she would agree to spend it with me. If she would have shut me down, I would have said my goodbyes and hopped on the first flight out. I was a coward and obviously afraid of ghosts.

  I left the house, a cold shiver going down my spine as I headed for my car. I didn’t know if it was mind over matter or if I was just plain crazy, but I couldn’t shake the ghost feeling.

  I got to her place forty-five minutes later. She was just finishing with her makeup. The moment she opened the door, I knew she saw too much. “Are you okay?” she asked right away.

  “Fine,” I replied. “Why?”

  She pulled a face, gesturing for me to go inside. “You look a little rough around the edges. I take it you didn’t sleep well last night?”

  There was no point lying. “No, not really. It’s tough being in that house. I know it’s dumb but it’s the way it is.”