Tenley’s smile dropped and her expression went flat as Amy’s arms came around me in a sideways hug. “I’m a devout client. I will never let anyone work on me but you.”
Chris coughed from his station.
“If I was into tribal, I’d defect, darling, and you know it,” Amy called out.
Chris raised a hand in acknowledgment and went back to filling in black lines on an intricate Celtic design.
“There’s someone I want to introduce you to,” I said, and extended a hand to Tenley. I waited until she was right in front of me. “Tenley, this is Amy. Amy, this is Tenley.”
“Hi!” Amy shook her hand enthusiastically. “Are you one of Hayden’s clients, too?”
Tenley glanced at me before she answered. “Hayden’s been working on a back piece for me, but it’s been a while since I’ve been in his chair.”
“Oh? So it’s a multisession? Let me tell you, once you get started, it’s hard to stop, especially with this talent.” Amy rubbed my arm.
Tenley’s eyes were homed in on Amy’s hand as it smoothed down my biceps, and Tenley’s lips turned up in a coy smile as she traced a line of ink on my forearm. “Yes. Hayden is incredibly talented. I’m very fortunate to have his art on my body.”
Amy blinked. Lisa coughed to hide a snicker. The innuendo was hard to ignore, and an annoying part of my body reacted accordingly. I’d said something to the same effect a long time ago, before we were together. It had come out sounding just as explicitly inappropriate. Tenley was staking a claim, and it was both amusing and hot. How Lisa figured I could manage a sex hiatus was beyond me. Pretty much everything Tenley said or did made me want her.
“Actually, Tenley’s my girlfriend.” I put an arm around Tenley’s shoulder and pulled her into my side. She burrowed right in, her thumb hooking into a belt loop.
“Oh. Of course.” Amy nodded. “I told Hayden there was something different, and here you are.”
“Here I am,” Tenley said quietly.
I leaned down with the intention of kissing her cheek. She turned her head at the last second and I connected with her mouth, instead. Her tongue flicked out, all subtle like, skimming my bottom lip. I liked the jealous side of her. It made me feel better about my own territorial impulses.
Once Amy settled up, Tenley and I went to get the douche mobile since it still had all her stuff in it. As soon as we were in the car, she was all over me. The front seat had plenty of room for her to maneuver. She was half straddling me, her lips on mine with one hand rubbing over my crotch through my jeans. My dick was throwing a party.
“Whoa. Take it easy, kitten.”
She took advantage of my mouth’s being open and shoved her tongue in it. Her hand snaked under the waistband of my pants. She couldn’t manage the coordination or the patience necessary to kiss me and get her hand down far enough to find what she was looking for. Which, incidentally, was bent at an awkward angle. She pulled my fly down. Part of me wanted to help her out, but the other part—the one that considered the merits of taking things slowly—decided now would be a good time to act on that advice.
I put my hand over hers. “Tenley, I think—”
She kept fumbling with my belt. I went limp and stopped kissing her. She made an impatient noise and pushed her tongue past my lips again. Although the urge to react was strong, I remained unresponsive.
“Kiss me,” she ordered, and nipped at my bottom lip.
“No.”
“Fine.” She went to work on my belt with both hands.
“Tenley, stop.” I ran my hands down her arms and circled her wrists. She flinched and jerked them away. I’d forgotten about the bruises from that fuckhead Trey.
“You don’t want me to touch you?” The panic and fear in her eyes was echoed in her voice.
I definitely wanted her hands on me, but the location was all wrong. Besides, her motivation was questionable. “How about you tell me what’s got you so worked up.”
“We only have an hour before your next appointment. I want to make the most of it.”
“By getting it on in your deceased fiancé’s car?”
She blinked, stunned, and dropped heavily into her seat.
Well, that soured the mood. “I’m sorry. That was a dick thing to say.”
“You’re right, though. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to be close to you.”
“There’s more to it than that,” I challenged.
“I didn’t like the way she was touching you.”
“Amy’s a client and a friend. She’s touchy with everyone.”
“Her hands were only on you,” Tenley pointed out acidly.
“She’s just a client,” I reiterated, unsure where Tenley was going with this and why she was so agitated over it. She’d never been like this before, but then, a lot had changed in a short time.
“So you’ve never been with her?”
My eyebrows shot up. “Uh, no. The only client I’ve had sex with was Sienna.”
“Aside from me, you mean.”
“Yeah. But you’re different, and so are the circumstances. Where is this coming from?”
“You were with Sienna for years.” Tenley traced the divots on the inside of the steering wheel.
I rubbed my forehead. “We’ve talked about this before. Sienna and I fucked. And, yes, we did it on and off for a long time, but it wasn’t a relationship.”
“I’m not sure I agree with that.”
“Just because I put my dick in whatever hole she offered doesn’t mean we had a relationship.” Tenley grimaced, probably because I was being unnecessarily crass, but I needed her to understand the distinct differences between her and Sienna. “We didn’t go out on dates. I never spent time with her if I wasn’t high or getting laid. For fuck’s sake, she was the one who orchestrated all the third- and fourth-party participation.”
Tenley’s eyes widened. “All? As in more than once?”
“Why do you look so surprised? You’ve been inside The Doll-house. You’ve met Sienna. You hang out with Sarah and you know what she does to pay her tuition. You’ve seen the people I used to spend my time with. None of this should come as a shock. I can’t keep apologizing for shit I did before I knew you.” My stomach churned as the words spilled out. I was so damn tired of looking at my past and justifying why I did the things I did.
“I’m not asking you to apologize.”
“Then what are you asking for?”
“I just want . . .”
“What, Tenley? What do you want? Do you want to take this down to base needs? Do you want me to be the person you fuck and nothing else? Am I too complicated for you? If so, I’m not sure I can be that accommodating, because my stupid fucking feelings will get in the way. I’m sorry if that’s an inconvenience for you.”
Tenley looked horrified. “That’s ludicrous. What would make you think that’s what I want?”
I rubbed my temple. “I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the way you tried to get me to fuck you as soon as we stopped fighting last night. Or the way you ended up naked in my bed this morning, looking for more of the same.” Even as I said it, I knew it wasn’t fair.
“You can’t be serious! I ended up in your bed because you were having a nightmare, not so you would fuck me. I missed you. I wanted to be with you because of how I feel about you, not because I wanted an orgasm.”
“Yeah, well, it’s hard to know with you,” I snapped. “This shit is all I know, Tenley. The fighting and the fucking, it’s what Sienna used to do. She’d push my goddamn buttons until I went off, and then she’d let me fuck all the anger out. This whole scenario is too damn familiar.”
What Tenley and I had was about more than sex, but I couldn’t seem to get a handle on my emotions. Or my fears.
This wasn’t how I’d thought things would go this evening. We were supposed to get my car, have a quick bite, and I’d head back to work. Then I’d invite her over at the end of the night to hang out. I hadn’t expect
ed a fight in her dead fiancé’s car, incited by a make-out session.
“I’m sorry Sienna did that to you, but I’m not her. Sometimes people have sex after they argue to connect, not just to get off. That’s what I wanted—not control, or payback, or anything sinister.” Tenley reached out, but when I shifted away, she retracted her hand. “I was terrified you’d go back to Sienna while I was gone. Or find someone else to replace me. I worried about that all the time.”
“First of all, you’re not replaceable. And you think I didn’t worry about the same thing? I kept going over what I could have done differently to keep you with me.”
“I never wanted anyone but you.”
“How the hell was I supposed to know that? You told me to leave, for fuck sake! Maybe if you’d made some attempt to contact me, I wouldn’t have been in hell for the past few weeks. One phone call would have been enough.”
“I told you why I didn’t—”
I raised a hand and cut her off. “I know you had your reasons, except you aren’t the only one who was affected by your decisions. We both have fucked-up pasts. There’s nothing simple about what’s going on between us. I’m trying to let this shit go, but you’ve been back less than twenty-four hours. Beyond that, if you can’t get over the things I’ve done, then maybe this isn’t going to work.”
“What are you saying?” I could feel her anxiety. It rivaled mine and I felt awful for the spike of satisfaction. Tenley hadn’t asked for her past, any more than I’d asked for mine.
“I don’t know. I think maybe we need to slow things down. Start over, or whatever.”
“Are you asking for space?”
“No. I think maybe we need to back things up a bit. My head’s all messed up over this, and as much as I want to be with you, I’m not sure it’s a good thing for me right now.”
“Be with me?” Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel and her eyes flared with panic. “As in . . . ?”
“As in sex. We need to put that on hold.”
Her grip loosened, but the frown of worry remained. “Indefinitely?”
Based on previous experience, I doubted I’d last more than a couple of weeks, at best. I wasn’t telling her that, though. “For a while. We need to sort through our shit before I can go there again. It makes me feel too much, and I can’t handle it.”
“Okay. If that’s what you think is best.”
I pinned her with a glare. “I’ve heard that before. Don’t make this hard for me. It won’t help either of us, and it’ll just make me more pissed at you.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
* * *
We had just enough time to retrieve my car from the impound lot and book it back to Inked Armor. Tenley paid the fee because she felt responsible for my car’s being towed in the first place. Afterward, I gave her the keys to my place because she wanted to check on TK. She hadn’t asked to take her home yet and I wasn’t going to bring it up. I wasn’t all that keen on parting with her, but I would if that was what Tenley wanted. Which made me a huge sucker and irritated the fuck out of me.
Nate showed up at six on the dot, and at his request we went over the sketches in one of the private rooms. It meant he wanted to interrogate me, much like everyone else.
“Cassie tells me Tenley came home,” he said as he sifted through the photos in his file and the drawings I’d done based on our design discussion.
“Yeah.”
“How’s that going?”
“All right.”
He looked up from the paper in his hand.
“Things are a little tense.”
“I’m sure they are. You want to talk about it?”
“Nah, I’m all talked out today.”
Nate let it go. He narrowed it down to two sketches and pointed out the things he liked about both of them. It would be easy enough to merge them into one drawing. I asked him for a week to work on it and we scheduled a follow-up appointment.
“Have the nightmares let up at all?” Nate asked as I returned the sketches to his folder with the notes we made.
“Not so much.”
“So they’re getting worse?”
I frowned. “How would you know that?”
“Lots of stress in your life. Tenley’s leaving would echo the loss of your parents, and the loss of control.”
“Yeah, well, maybe now that she’s back it’ll get better.”
I didn’t think that would be true, though. The nightmares had worsened over the past few weeks and were increasingly vivid. I had new dreams beyond the one where I found my parents’ bodies, and the ones where Tenley replaced them. Some were definitely memories. Others were less clear. The newest ones creeped me right out.
“Did you ever see the crime scene photos?” I asked before I lost my nerve.
“No. But I know you did,” he replied cautiously.
I nodded slowly, mulling over what I’d seen and what I remembered. It was so long ago, and I’d been so fucked up. “All the art from my parents’ house, is it in the storage unit?”
“I haven’t gotten rid of anything, so I assume so. What’s this about? Was there a piece you wanted? I could come with you.”
“I don’t know. Do you remember if they ever took one for evidence?” It was such a hazy time for me. Nothing about those months after my parents’ deaths was clear, apart from haunting images of their dead bodies and parts of the interrogation afterward.
“I don’t believe so. Is it something you’d like to look into?”
“Do you remember the angel?”
“Pardon?” Nate’s confusion was obvious.
“I could have sworn it was on the floor, but it wasn’t in any of the crime scene photos.” Even as I said it, I started to second-guess myself. Memories weren’t always reliable.
“I’m sorry, I’m not following.” Nate leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.
The intensity in the way he regarded me made me uneasy and I shut down. I was probably misremembering, and I sounded like a mental case. “It’s nothing, just part of a stupid dream. Never mind.”
“Are you recalling things you didn’t before? It’s not uncommon for that to happen years after a trauma occurs. I could set you up with someone to talk to about it, if you don’t feel comfortable with me—”
“Don’t start, Nate—”
“Hear me out before you say no. I know this woman. She’s easy to talk to.” When I interrupted, he talked over me. “All I’m suggesting is that you give it a shot. It’s just one hour. There’s no obligation beyond that. If you don’t like her, or it’s not for you, then I’ll drop it.”
“I’ll think about it,” I said, mostly to shut him up.
“You do that.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “If you decide you want to go to the storage unit for whatever reason, or you feel like taking me up on my offer, just call. Otherwise, I’ll see you next week.”
“Later, Nate.” I shuffled the sketches to avoid further eye contact as he left.
I still wasn’t sold on the idea. All that talking would resurrect my shitty past. I didn’t see the benefit in sifting through the sludge just so someone with a PhD in head-fucking could tell me I had PTSD. Labeling it wouldn’t make it go away.
11
TENLEY
TK was curled up on Hayden’s bed, sleeping on a pillow from my apartment. She lifted her head, gave me a groggy mew, and settled her chin on her paws. I climbed up beside her and scratched between her ears. With a graceful roll, she stretched out, eating up the attention. She had grown since I’d left, but not much. I liked that she still looked more like a kitten than a cat.
“I missed you,” I said, stroking her striped belly with its white patch in the center.
She purred in response and scampered into my lap. Her paws came up on my shoulders and she nudged my cheek with her nose. I lay back on Hayden’s pillows; they smelled like him. It was something else I missed. I’d been wearing one of his shirts when I left Chicago. I slept
with it until it lost its scent.
He’d changed the sheets before we left this morning. While the undeniable chemistry was still present, the connection we shared had been absent. I hoped it wasn’t gone permanently. The last time we were together, right before I’d left, had been so much sweeter. I’d wanted to tell him how I felt about him. I still did. But he wasn’t ready to hear it, and I was still working up the nerve to say the words. They carried no weight if I couldn’t persuade him I wasn’t going anywhere again.
I stayed with TK longer than I meant to, caught up in memories and worries. At nine, I headed back to Inked Armor. The shop didn’t close for another hour, but if I made myself available, Hayden might decide he wanted to spend more time with me.
He was in the middle of a consultation when I entered the shop. At least this one was male, a repeat customer based on the amount of ink on his arms. Jamie and Chris were busy with clients; both of them glanced up and gave me a nod. Hayden paused in his conversation with his client and gave me a half smile.
“Hey, kitten,” he said, “I’ll be a while yet. Lisa’s in the office working on the books.”
I bit the inside of my lip to keep my grin from becoming too wide. That he was still calling me by that nickname had to be a good thing. “Okay. I’ll see if she wants some company.”
Hayden’s client regarded me with speculative interest as I passed, but Hayden didn’t offer introductions, so I continued to the rear of the shop. The door to Lisa’s office was open, but I knocked anyway. Before, I might have barged in, but I didn’t know where the boundaries were now and I didn’t want to take anything for granted.
Lisa glanced at me from behind the computer screen as her fingers flew over the keyboard. “Hey! Come on in.”
“I don’t want to interrupt.” I remained in the doorway.
“Interruptions are always welcome, and we have catching up to do.” She stopped typing and turned her full attention to me. “How’s your first day back been?”
Inked Armor Page 11