“Okay, I think I see what you're saying now,” I said getting back to starting position.
“Ready?”
“Yep.” Miles grabbed me from behind pinning my arms. My forearms came up holding him to me. I instantly dropped into second, turned my hip while hooking my leg back to the opposite side, behind his ankle, planted my foot then I twisted as I stood up straight. Miles dropped to the mat with a thud. “Yes!” I threw my arm up in victory. About fucking time! Miles was smiling as he got up.
“Okay, you were right,” Miles admitted. “That is the best way to teach you.” I just smiled at him. “Now let's do it again. Get it into your muscle memory.” I nodded.
I continued to drop Miles for another thirty minutes until I didn’t really have to think about it anymore. “Now you're going to do it against Asher.” I raised my eyebrow at that.
“But, he’s big.” I felt the need to point out. Asher was a head and a half taller than me, not to mention he had way more muscles. Miles nodded.
“Yeah, and you're small. It should work on him, but if it doesn’t, I’d like to know now rather than if someone grabs you.” Miles said before he looked across the gym and called for Asher. Miles looked back at me. “We’ll also need to try it on Zeke, it might work on him too.” Asher came up sweating, his face red. “Grab her from behind and pin her arms, please.” Asher’s brow drew down.
“You’re still on that throw?” Asher’s voice was sharp. Miles looked uncomfortable.
“Yes, it’s my fault. I didn’t want to grab… places.” Miles admitted. Asher rolled his eyes and came to stand behind me.
“All you have to do with her is look at her.” Asher looked down at me, I smirked up at him. “And say, ‘Ally girl, I’m sorry, but I need to grab places to show you what you need to do.’” I snickered. Asher looked back at Miles. “She’s not like normal girls, Miles.” Miles glared at Asher.
“Yeah, I got that,” Miles said, his voice growing colder. “And now, we’ll move along faster. So, if you please.” He gestured for Asher to get on with it. I looked forward. Asher grabbed me from behind and locked his arms. I did what Miles taught me. Asher didn’t drop, but he did have to let go to keep on his feet. Asher turned back around towards me.
“You’re going to have to put more force into that last move, Ally.” He gestured for me to turn around again. “Remember it’s not me grabbing you, it’s some dickhead who’s trying to hurt you.” I nodded. Asher grabbed me again. I made the move again only slamming my upper body back against him harder. Asher hit the mat with a big thud. I snickered. Then I sobered. I looked at Miles dreading what he was going to say next. Miles grinned. Shit.
“Thanks, Asher, send Zeke please.” Miles said. I groaned. Asher was chuckling as he left. I glared at Miles. “I want to see if it will work for most people. And Zeke’s the biggest we have.” He pointed out. I sighed, my body was tired, and now I had to drop Zeke. Ugh. Zeke came up and looked at Miles. “Grab her from behind and pin her arms, please.” Zeke’s face became hard, but before he could say anything Miles cut him off. “Yes, I know, I shouldn’t have been so uptight about touching her. Asher already gave me the lecture.” Miles' ears were turning pink. Zeke sighed. He walked up behind me.
“I’m grabbing you, Lexie. Sorry if I touch anything.” Zeke warned me. I had a feeling it was more to show Miles than to actually warn me. I snickered. Miles was never going to hear the end of this. Zeke grabbed me and locked his arms. I did the move with as much force as I had with Asher. Zeke only rocked on his feet, a little.
“Fuck.” I grumbled. I looked up at him upside down. “Why are you so fucking huge?” He smirked down at me. He loosened his arms and looked down at my stance.
“Okay, I think with someone this much bigger than you, you’ll have to move your hips more to hook and plant. You’re going to want your knee behind mine.” He looked over at Miles. “Think that’ll work.” Miles looked thoughtful.
“It should if she can move that far,” Miles said. “Try it, if not we need to know.”
“Ready?” Zeke looked down at me. I nodded and looked straight ahead. Zeke tightened his arms around me. I did the move the way Zeke suggested, except I couldn’t get my leg that far.
“We forgot I have short legs and I can’t rotate 360 on my spine,” I announced. Zeke snorted. He let go and stepped back. Zeke’s eyes ran over my body assessing. It wasn’t flirting, he was just trying to figure out how to get me out of this hold. Zeke shook his head.
“Lexie, you’re not going to be able to throw me. The size difference is just too much.” Zeke said then looked at Miles. “Miles can manage it sometimes, and he’s had years of training.” Miles nodded agreeing with Zeke.
“Well, then what do I do if someone your size grabs me?” I asked. I really wanted to know here. Cause the idea of not being able to get out of a hold was scary as hell. Zeke looked back at me.
“Your best bet is going to be going for damage,” Zeke said. “Turn around.” I turned, Zeke grabbed me again. “Now don’t actually do this to me, because I like my groin and feet.” I snorted. “You're going to hit me with the back of your head.” I moved my head back and lightly made contact. “Now you're going to sink down a bit and lift your arms like a chicken.” I did as he said. “Now step to the side.” I did. “Drive your elbow into my stomach.” I did, making sure to go slow and not actually hit him. His hold loosened. “Now, don’t do this, you would bring your fist down into the guy's groin.”
“Okay, I hit you.” I rather just say it anyway. This was Zeke. His arms dropped. “Now, don’t do this either. Slam the heel of your foot down on my foot, the instep is the best spot.” I tapped his foot with mine. Zeke was now doubled over and on one knee, showing me where my attacker would be at that point. He looked up at me. “And run like hell. Get in a public space, scream whatever you have to do to draw attention to you” I nodded, chewing on the corner of my bottom lip.
“I read about one woman who hit parked cars on a deserted city street to set off the alarms, it got everyone’s attention,” Miles added. Zeke got to his feet frowning at me.
“Your best chance with someone my size is to run and not get caught,” Zeke admitted. I nodded not liking it one bit. “There are a couple throws from the front we can teach you for someone my size, maybe, but a grab from behind-”
“There’s not much I can do.” I finished for him.
“Besides what I just showed you, not really. Except for screaming like hell.” He said simply. That didn’t make me feel any better. He crooked his finger. “Let’s run through it again. And keep skipping the groin and the foot.” I snorted and stood in front of him again. We ran through it again and again until Zeke was sure I had it down. The guys even talked about borrowing the suit from the self-defense class so I could practice making the hits. But no one was volunteering to wear the suit. Miles eventually called Isaac over so I could try the throw on him. He dropped like a rock. In the end, I got it down. I was walking back to the lockers with the guys when the world spun. I stopped walking.
“Whoa,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes.
“Ally, you okay?” Asher asked as a hand went to my shoulder. I waited till the dizziness passed to open my eyes. All five of the boys were watching me.
“Just a dizzy spell,” I told them as I started walking again.
“Did you eat breakfast this morning?” Zeke demanded in his ‘answer me now voice.’
“I threw my guts up at three this morning. I had a piece of toast and some coffee.” I admitted. “If it stayed down I was going to eat something after our workout.”
“Well, let’s hit the diner,” Isaac suggested. Everyone agreed. I just smiled.
Soon enough we were all tucked into a booth at the town's only diner. It was still early for Saturday in Spring Mountain, so it was almost empty. I looked over the menu and decided on eggs, bacon and a pancake. One awesome thing about working out so much was that I got to eat a lot.
“So, Le
xie what are you getting?” Zeke asked. I glared at him.
“I’m getting something I want to eat.” I snapped. I was really getting tired of him watching everything I ate. In fact, it was starting to piss me off. Zeke looked at me from across the table.
“Lexie, you know you-”
“Yeah, I know Zeke. But since you’ve been on my ass I’ve lost over 10 fucking pounds, dropped a cup size, and my clothes don’t fit.” I growled at him. “I have to go shopping this afternoon.” The guys looked at me their confusion written all over their faces.
“Don’t most girls want to be tiny?” Miles asked. The guys groaned. I ignored the insult and smiled at him. He didn’t mean it that way, it was Miles.
“Yeah, sweetie, but most girls don’t suddenly need that extra weight in case of burnout.” I pointed out quietly. I looked over at Zeke who was frowning. “I didn’t have a lot of padding to begin with Zeke, and right now I need to put some weight back on.”
“I guess you do look thin.” He admitted. “I just didn’t notice it until you said something.” I nodded.
“I’m losing fat, but I’m gaining muscle. Except I kinda need that fat.” I pointed out again.
“Just don’t go crazy with the junk.” He grumbled. Okay, that was it.
“Okay Zeke, I’ll make you a deal.” The others smiled, they saw where this was going. “I’ll continue to eat a balanced menu, but with a bit more fat added so I can gain some weight and my C's back.” Zeke nodded obviously not knowing where this was going. “If you do the same. You eat junk, I get to eat junk. I eat junk, you get to eat junk.” He looked at me like he was trying to figure out if I was joking. When he realized I wasn’t, he nodded.
“Okay, deal.” Zeke agreed. The other guys were smirking.
“So, I’ll be having eggs, bacon, and a pancake. That means you will be having the same, just add as much protein as you need.” Zeke’s eyes went wide as he realized what my healthy diet meant. “And no, you don’t get to add to the carbs.” The guys burst out laughing at the look on Zeke’s face. I smiled sweetly at him. His gaze turned challenging.
“Alright Lexie, it’s on.” He said clearly meaning it. I smirked. Zeke was going to fold in three days. The guy liked his cheeseburgers and fries. The waitress came over, and everyone ordered. We started talking about the football game on Saturday. I got a hot chocolate. When Zeke lifted an eyebrow, I told him he could have a candy bar in exchange. He smirked at me. This was going to get interesting.
When breakfast came, we were talking about game night. I was eating a mouth full of pancake when my cell vibrated. I pulled my phone out of the pocket of Miles’ hoodie and checked it.
Dylan: Morning Sunshine, how was the workout?
I smiled as I texted him back.
Alexis: Good, finally dropped Miles, Isaac, and Asher. Learned there is no way I’ll ever throw Zeke, at least not from a grab from behind me.
I took a bite of bacon as he texted back.
Dylan: LOL, if you ever could throw Zeke, I want it recorded.
I snickered.
Alexis: You got it, how’s your morning?
I checked in on the guy's conversation, it’d gone on to plans with their girlfriends today. I was eating more pancake when my cell vibrated again.
Dylan: Nice, I slept in until three minutes ago.
Alexis: Yeah, rub it in.
Dylan: Lol. Do you think I could get you to myself for a couple hours on game night? Like, have dinner before?
I smiled, the butterflies going crazy.
“Hey, Ash” I looked up and met his eyes across the table. “Do you care if I skip out on making snacks this week? Dylan wants to go to dinner before game night.” Asher’s mouth was full, but he waved his hand at me and nodded.
“Thank you, sweetie.” He winked at me.
Alexis: Definitely.
Dylan: Can’t wait… now I have to get out of this comfy bed.
Alexis: Okay, now you're really rubbing it in. ttyl
Dylan sent me a kiss emoji. I smiled and sent one back then put my phone back in my pocket and got back to eating breakfast. When the food was gone, Miles looked across the table at me.
“Lexie, you have meditation today, right?” Miles asked as if he didn’t already know.
“Yeah,” I muttered, my mood suddenly not so bright.
“What’s going on, Beautiful?” Ethan asked from next to me. I sighed. I had to be honest with them. I needed some help with this, I needed someone to remind me why I’m doing this.
“You remember how when you're getting to your center you see the big events in your life, the ones that had a big impact on you?” They all nodded. Miles' eyes were full of understanding, he knew where I was going with this.
“I don’t want to see Mary Summers, I don’t want to see it from a new point of view,” I admitted, looking at the table. My stomach knotted around my breakfast. “It was bad enough with the first view.” Ethan’s arm went around me, I leaned my head on his shoulder.
“Lexie, what happens if you don’t reach your center?” Miles asked. I sighed.
“I can’t do that thing I need to. But with that place closed, it doesn’t even matter. They can’t go on their way.” I said discretely.
“What if someone comes at you the way the last one did, but worse?” Miles asked gently.
I would be in deep shit, or I’d have to kill another soul. I nodded at him, letting him know I understood. “You still need to be able to do it, even before that place is open.”
“Besides,” Isaac began smiling at me from his end of the table. “I’ve never known you to back down from a challenge,” I smirked at that. A challenge, huh. Thinking of it that way just might make this easier.
“Alright,” I said looking around the table. “I’ll hit my center today.” Then a thought hit me.
“I might be a blubbering mess after,” I warned them. They chuckled. Asher met my eyes.
“I think you’ll be better than you think.” Asher offered. I smiled at him. I hoped he was right.
“Come over to my house, you can use the conservatory and that tub you love after you reach your center.” Miles offered. I smiled, Miles knew how to motivate me.
“Ooh, bribery. I like it.” The guys burst out laughing.
It wasn’t long after that we split up. I went home, got a change of clothes and my mp3 player. Rory knew all about the awesome tub at Miles’ house, and since he always assumed Miles' mom was home, he never blinked twice if I ran over for a soak. I was hoping to keep it that way. I drove over to Miles’ house and drove up to the circular driveway. The house was freaking huge, three stories of gray stone looming over a hill of snow. I grabbed my bag and headed into the house. I didn’t even bother knocking, no one did at Miles’ house.
“I’m here!” I shouted. The house was huge, and I had no clue where he was.
“Family room!” I went and dropped my bag in the master bedroom downstairs, though Miles just called it my room now. I grabbed my mp3 and headed down the long hall to the family room. The family room had two blue couches, a big screen TV, and several games systems set up. Miles’ Mother had mostly left this room untouched. Miles was sitting on the sofa playing a shooting game with a headset on. I hopped over the back and plopped down next to him.
“What are you playing?”
“I’m playing Destiny with Autumn.” He said absently.
“Hi, Autumn!” I called from my spot. Miles smiled.
“She says hi back, now be quiet. Miles is supposed to be doing damage.” Miles repeated Autumn almost verbatim. I chuckled. If I ever got to meet Autumn, I was pretty sure I’d love her. I left him to it and headed into the conservatory.
The conservatory was huge with a twenty-foot glass ceiling. The glass room was filled with every color and kind of flower you could imagine. Vines were even climbing up the columns. I walked down the path and found the patio chair I usually used. It was right next to the in-ground fountain with four frog water spouts.
The sound of water was soothing. My gut knotted, my pulse racing. I needed to do this. I needed to get to my center. Otherwise, I’m fucked. I took deep, calming breaths as I sat down and put on my headphones. I can do this, it’ll suck, but I got this. Meet the challenge, Lexie. I was going to do this. Fuck, I was going to do this. I hit play on my meditation recording that Ethan had made for me.
“Take deep slow breaths.” Ethan’s voice was low and smooth from the recording. His voice filled my ears slowly, softly till it was all I could hear. “Focus on feeling your body breathing, the air coming in through your nose. Your lungs filling with air. Feel yourself exhale.” I did as he said, no one could resist that voice of his. Ethan’s voice played in my ears giving me instructions, I listened and followed. The world disappeared. There was only Ethan's voice. When my mind was completely blank, free of emotion and thought. I knew I was where I needed to be. The next recording in the list started. Ethan began again, this time giving me instructions on how to reach my center. “Feel yourself relaxing, sinking deeper into your mind.” I relaxed my hold on everything, my body, my stress, all the pressure I felt to get this right. I just let it go and sank down inside myself. “You're going to where your instinct is, Beautiful.” I knew where I was going, I’ve walked the path a lot over the last couple months. I sank further. “That’s where your center is. That is what you need to find.” I was closer, I could feel it. I felt stronger, more me. Images flashed through my mind, not all of them good, not all of them bad. The big moments in my life. Seeing my first ghost, Claire saving me, Claire protecting me. Dad. I saw Dad reading to me The Hobbit before bedtime, a wave of love burst over me. Then I saw his casket. Sadness filled me as I fell deeper. I knew what was coming, I’ve been here before. I saw myself being alone at night. Trying to understand why mom wanted to go out instead of stay with me. I saw how I tried every day to make things better for my mother, how every day she blew me off. The first time my Mother called me a demon child, I had been fourteen, and she’d been pissed that the pantry was empty. I watched as Jacob Noon tried to pin me down in the park. His hand going up my skirt as I said no. For the first time, I didn’t flinch as I watched myself fight him off, driving my knee into his groin. Then pushing him off me. I watched the white-hot rage in my eyes as I walked to the Blazer. I watched myself pick up the short crowbar. I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t think. Then I watched myself smash that crowbar across his face, over and over. When he was unconscious, I watched myself pull my cell phone out, call the police and an ambulance. For the first time, I accepted this, I had a dark side. I always knew it. But knowing and accepting are two different things. I had a dark side, and I needed to control it. What I did that night wasn’t right, but it wasn’t entirely wrong either. For the first time since that night, I was at peace with it. I didn’t fight as I sunk lower.
When the Dead Come a Knockin' Page 7