Hades' started barking; I didn’t bother trying to move. I wasn’t going anywhere till morning, and it really didn’t matter. A door opened. There were voices. A deep, gravelly voice and a rich baritone talking. I liked the sounds. The tile felt perfect right now. It sucked the heat right out of my body. I liked it. Hades was barking again. I couldn’t do anything about it, so I tried to ignore it and the pain still running through my head. I slipped a little further towards the darkness that was pulling me down.
“Hades?” The barking kept going. It was a cute bark. As if from far off, there were footsteps. Whoever it was should stay away, I just destroyed everything anyway. The barking wouldn’t stop. “Lexie!” The floor shook, rough hands grabbed me. I groaned as they pulled me up into big arms. The floor had felt so good, though, put me back. “Asher!” I felt a light, hesitant tapping on my face; a loud thumping was getting closer. “Wake up Baby, what’s wrong?”
“Floor good,” I muttered wishing he’d just leave. Let me stay here. Didn’t he know he should stay away?
“What happened?” The rich voice asked... I knew those voices... Tough Guy and Superman… I snorted.
“I found her on the floor.” Tough Guy growled. I tried to move to go back to the floor.
“Tile good. Floor good.” I muttered. Tough Guy changed his grip and wouldn’t let me budge.
“Are you drunk?” Superman asked. I laughed that sick twisted laugh again. I should be... that would probably be good.
“She wasn’t drinking.” Tough Guy reminded him.
“You guys shouldn’t be here… you should go away.” I mumbled unable to do much else.
“She sounds drunk.” Superman pointed out. “She was planning Veil work tonight. She must have pushed it too far.”
“Better for you guys…. just leave... let me deal… you can have normal….” I muttered with my eyes still closed.
“What the fuck is she saying?” Tough Guy snapped. I didn’t like that. I lifted a limp hand and tried to pat him on the chest, but with my eyes closed, I had bad aim. I hit something, but I didn’t know what or cared.
“Leave me here... be happy…” I muttered. “I got this...”
“No Ally, you really don’t.” Superman’s voice was strained.
“Don’t take care of me... I like floor anyway….”
“We’re not leaving you on the fucking floor!” Tough Guy spat at me. I felt arms move around me. I smelled vanilla and cinnamon. Then I was lifted. I didn’t want that.
“No, no, no…. you go... don’t have much time left anyway…” I muttered. “Tick, tick, tick.”
“Ally, what are you saying, honey?” We were moving, and I wanted them to leave. To go on with their lives without me. It was better for them.
“Ruin everything…” I grumbled in Superman’s arms. “No point... tick, tick, tick.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Tough Guy grumbled.
“Stupid broken Lexie…... can’t take care of herself… always needs a babysitter...” I grumbled in a weird voice. I was still floating in pain. “... no point….” I felt something soft under me. It felt almost as good as the tile.
“What’s no point, Ally?” The arms holding me went away, I missed them, but it was better this way.
“… dragging you down too .... want you happy... alive.... tick, tick, tick,” I mumbled. “Half time gone...” I rolled over into the softness and snuggled down. Someone brush the hair off my face. “No more… babysitter. No more taking care of... you free…. tick, tick, tick.”
“Where the hell is this coming from?” Superman wasn’t happy. I giggled into the softness.
“Things will get worse... not taking you with me... tick, tick, tick... I’ll miss you guys....” I mumbled,
“Lexie, you take on our problems too,” Superman said gently. I snorted, my face hurt.
“Wha’… problems?” I mumbled. They snorted. I ignored it. My heart was breaking as the world started fading. “Just…. remember… me…” The world disappeared.
Chapter 21
Sunday
I woke up still hurting. I opened my eyes, and the light felt like needles to my brain. I closed my eyes a bit, taking the pain. I deserved it. I kept hurting everyone around me. When I could, I opened my eyes further. I was in Asher’s room again. I snorted. Yeah, because you can’t fucking sleep by yourself you broken shit. I felt broken. Numb and sad all at the same time. How did that happen? Numb and sad? I knew Asher was in bed; I could smell his vanilla and cinnamon, feel his hand on my back. I wanted to cuddle with him, have him take this empty feeling away. Have him make it better. I couldn’t… wouldn’t do that to them anymore. They deserve to be happy. They deserve... normal. I got up slowly, moved around the bed and picked up my bag. I slipped out the door closing it behind me. He should sleep, he needs it. Too much time taking care of me. I went into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I put my bag down on the toilet lid. I washed my face then used a towel to dry. I remembered laying on the floor in here last night. I remembered coming to my decision. I needed to leave. They shouldn’t have to take care of me anymore. I put down the towel and looked in the mirror. My skin was as white as paper, my eyes no longer bright green, they were dull. I had deep bags under my eyes. I almost looked like a raccoon. I snorted at myself. It didn’t fucking matter.
Focusing on one thing at a time I changed into blue jeans, black cami and a pitch black oversized sweater that almost reached my knees. I pulled on my boots and picked up my stuff. Shouldn’t leave a mess for the boys. I snorted at myself again. They’d cleaned up enough of my messes already. I picked up my bag and went downstairs with that numb sadness still filling me. I found Zeke snoring on the couch, with a sleeping Hades on his chest. Good. He’d take care of him. He loves dogs. I pulled on my coat then slipped outside, closing the door softly behind me.
The sun was just coming up, and it reminded me of the sky at my center. I went down the steps cursing myself. Nothing ever reminded me of something normal, not anymore. I headed toward the cemetery. My truck should still be there. I’ll go. Work the link, pass out, then do it again. However long it takes, I was getting this shit done. Then the guys can go back to their lives. And I can just deal with my shit. No more calling for help, no more dragging them down with me. They deserved better than to have a life with one foot in the grave. I didn’t. I was born here. I would die here. Tick, tick, tick. And that was the way it would always be.
I walked the distance to the cemetery through the snow. Not really seeing anything, just the path in front of me. My mind was empty, clear of thought. Except for the tick, tick, tick, of my life clock, counting down till I was dead. Half my life was gone. Why the fuck was I making plans? What was the point? The dead were just going to take over. When I reached the truck, it was covered in snow, didn’t matter. I wasn’t going anywhere. The cemetery was covered in a thick blanket of snow. This is where I’m supposed to be, right? With the dead. I unlocked the truck and climbed in the driver side. I put my bag on the passenger seat. I didn’t bother to waste any more time. I closed my eyes and dropped to my center. That fucking empty white plain greeted me. And I didn’t care it was empty. I thought about the Veil. I was yanked to the edge of my center. I didn’t bother looking at the void. I went to the end of the bridge, pressed my hands together and pushed. Pain filled me where before there was nothing. I cried today as I worked. Every nerve felt like it was scorching, but I kept pushing. I needed to be ready for Sophie. I needed to let the boys go. I needed to fucking stop taking over their lives. I pushed harder. I passed my first stopping point, then my next. When I got dizzy again, I didn’t stop. I pushed until my stomach rolled. I checked the distance everything tilting. I closed a little more than half the distance left. One more time and I’ll be there. The guys will be free of me. I was yanked back and thrown up.
My body felt like it had exploded, I opened the door and tried to be sick. I had nothing in me, so I dry heaved over and over. My stom
ach cramping and lurching. It hated me; my body hated me. I didn’t blame it. I hated me too right now. When the heaving stopped, I pulled out tissues and opened my eyes. The world spun and tilted. It was like last night only worse. I used my memory of the Blazer to climb into the back, using the side of the truck to keep me up. By the time, I reached my sleeping bag I wanted to barf again. I didn’t. I climbed into my sleeping bag and was out almost immediately.
Banging brought me back to the surface, not a lot just enough to hear and barely understand. A wave of cold washed over my face. I didn’t care. I was going to pass out again.
“Lexie, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Tough Guy’s voice was sharp and hard.
“She looks like shit, worse than yesterday.” Superman cursed. I giggled... Superman cursed... warm hands touched my face. I felt tapping on my cheek. I opened my eyes, my eyes burned, and the world spun. I closed them again.
“Go away,” I grumbled. “I fine…” My head felt raw and sore… everything inside was... big... raw... hurting.
“You are most definitely not fine.” Superman snapped. It hurt inside.
“She sounds drunk again.” Tough Guy grumbled. “Let’s get her back to the house.”
“I’ll get her. You get the door.” There was a zipper opened, and it got cold.
“Uh-uh... stay here... better for you...”
“Knock that fucking shit off, Lexie!” Tough Guy growled. I felt the hit inside. I was too raw right now. It was too much. Tears slid down my face.
“Shit.” Superman snapped. “You made her cry.”
“What the fuck is going on?” Tough Guy growled. “I’ve said shit like that to her before.”
“Zeke, she’s exhausted. And for some reason, she just walked two miles in the snow. I don’t think there’s a lot of thinking happening right now.” Someone’s arms pulled me out of the warmth and lifted me.
“No, no, no…” I grumbled against a chest that smelled like vanilla. “You go home... I stay. No more… babysitting.” Everything went quiet. I started slipping back under.
“Ally, do you want us to stop taking care of you?”
“No point... waste of time... tick, tick, tick…”
“Fuck that.” Tough Guy snapped. “You’re coming home whether you like it or not. You're going to sleep, and when you wake the fuck up, we’re having a family meeting.”
“Leave me here... live lives….” I was suddenly laying down somewhere warm. I liked the warm.
“Why the fuck is she pushing herself this hard?” Tough Guy bit out from somewhere close by.
“Because... there’s a particular soul she doesn’t want to let down.”
“No, no, no…... Superman…. shh….” I groaned and tried to move. A hand went to my shoulder, stopping me. It wasn’t hard; the hand was heavy.
“Fuck the soul; she’s killing herself.” Tough Guy growled.
“It’s Sophie.” I made a whimpering, crying noise.
“Bad Superman... you told... no cookies for you…” I mumbled. I had tried so hard...
“Sophie?” Tough Guy’s voice wavered. My heart hurt.
“Yeah, she’s been practically killing herself so she can help her cross when she’s ready to.” Superman just wouldn’t stop talking.
“Fuck!” Tough Guy practically shouted. “That’s why she set this pace? For Sophie?”
“Yeah.”
“Lexie…” Calloused fingers stroked my face, brushing my hair off my cheek. It felt good. “You can’t kill yourself doing this.”
“Tick, tick, tick…. doesn’t matter... halftime up… in third quarter now...” I mumbled.
“What the fuck is that about?” Tough Guy demanded.
“Let’s get her inside and call Rory. He might know.” Superman offered.
“No, no, no…. leave here... you go live life... get laid... do fun stuff... I stay.” Someone snorted.
“Did she just tell you to go get laid?” Superman burst out laughing.
“Superman... you get stick out of ass...” Tough Guy burst out laughing. I loved that I could make them laugh. But I just wanted them to leave. It was better for them. “No babysitter...” Hands grabbed me gently, then big arms were lifting me.
“No babysitter, got it, Lexie.” Tough guy said.
“Not listening…” I grumbled snuggling into his body heat, smelling leather and engine grease.
“Not one bit.”
“Asshole…”
“Bitch.” Tough Guy countered. I smiled.
“Shit… head.”
“Harpy.”
“Point…?” The chest holding me vibrated with laughter. Superman was chuckling from nearby. We were somewhere warm again.
“I’ll take her up and put her to bed.” Tough Guy sounded like he was smiling, I liked when he smiled.
“I’ll start making that soup broth again, and tell the others we found her. Zeke?” We stopped moving. “Don’t tell the twins.”
“No fucking shit.” Tough Guy shot back. We started moving again. “You’re going to get some rest Lexie, and when you wake up, we’re all going to talk about this babysitting shit.” Tough Guy’s gravelly voice was gentle and soft. I loved that sound.
“No babysitting…” I grumbled. “… destroying life...” We stopped moving.
“Do you think you're destroying our lives?” I started to cry... I didn’t want to think about it... Don’t make me think about it. I just curled into his chest, my face in his shirt. “Baby…” His voice was soft and full of understanding. We moved again. I felt softness under me. Oh… okay… this good. Something came off my feet. A hand cleared the hair off my face. “Lexie, we’ll talk about this when you wake up.” I gave him a raspberry. He chuckled quietly. I snuggled down into the bed; blankets were pulled over me. Lips kissed my temple. Then the world went black.
I woke up slowly to something warm and soft curled into my neck. It was my ball of love. My body hurt but didn't feel like it was going to explode. My stomach muscles ached like I had done too many sit ups. Did Zeke make me work out? I tried to remember. Nope. Dry heaving. Figured. Wait. When did I dry heave? It was all blurry. I remembered a voice telling me to knock it off, probably Zeke. But that was it. Hades got up and looked at me, then whined. He needed to go.
I pushed the blankets off me and went still. Why were my clothes different from last night? Hades whined again. I picked him up and headed downstairs. I felt like I was getting the flu, I hoped that wasn’t the case. I found everyone in the living room, well, except Miles. I waved as I headed for the back door. Footsteps hurried towards me. Ethan stopped me.
“I’ll take him Beautiful, go sit down in the family room.” Ethan’s voice was soft. “We’re having a meeting after you get something to eat.” I frowned up at him. A meeting? Meetings were rare and only usually when something big was going on. Okay. One of the guys must have an announcement or something. I hoped one of them wasn’t pregnant. I snorted at myself.
“Okay,” I mumbled tiredly as I handed Hades over. I walked in, and conversations stopped. I didn’t really notice it. Zeke was in one of the wide armchairs; Asher was on the left side of the big couch, and Isaac was stretched out on the floor. I went to the free corner of the big couch and curled up. I winced.
“You hurting, Red?” Isaac asked.
“I think I did some dry heaving, but... I don’t really remember.” I admitted lying my head down on the arm of the couch. Asher and Zeke exchanged looks.
“I’m going to get you some soup, Ally.” Asher got up, his voice... different. Strained.
“No thank you, I have Veil work. It’ll just come back up anyway.” I groused. Asher didn’t listen; he left for the kitchen.
“You already did your Veil work this morning, Lexie.” Zeke’s gravelly voice had me turning to him. He was frowning at me. “Don’t you remember?” I blinked at him, what was he talking about? I was asleep in bed all morning. I shook my head slowly.
“No, I didn’t.”
Isaac cursed.
“You’re more worn out than we thought,” Zeke mumbled his eyes were running over my face. “We’ll talk about it after you eat.” I cringed. The idea of food did not sound good at all. Asher soon came in with a steaming mug. I cringed as I took it. It was just broth. My stomach didn’t clench like I thought it would.
“Thanks, Ash.” I took a sip; it was Maria’s recipe. I waited to see how it would settle. The guys just watched me. “Okay. Getting creepy guys.” I told them. They all smirked then turned the volume back up on the TV. No one was talking, there was tension in the room, and I didn’t know why. Someone must be pissed at someone else. Ethan came back in with Hades and started playing with him on the floor. I finished my soup quickly; I wanted this dealt with, so I could get my Veil shit done and pass back out. I had just swallowed the last of my broth when they turned off the TV. I laid my head back down on the arm of the couch. Isaac pulled out his phone and hit buttons, while everyone else looked at me. There was ringing. Isaac had put the phone on speaker.
“Hello.” Miles' voice came from Isaac’s phone.
“Miles, Lexie’s up, and we’re ready to have the meeting,” Isaac announced to the phone.
“Alright, just give me a minute.” The sound of muffled voices, rustling fabric and movement came from the speaker. It wasn’t long before he was back. “Alright, put me on speaker.” I snorted.
“You already are.” Ethan snickered. Miles was silent.
“Thanks, guys,” Miles said, his voice embarrassed. I raised an eyebrow, what was he doing this morning? I snickered. “Lexie, how are you feeling today?” I was tempted to ask if we interrupted something, but it wasn’t enough to make me ask.
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