“Alive.” I smiled thinking myself funny.
“She looks like shit, Miles,” Zeke said. I flipped him off.
“How bad?” There was a click. I looked over to see Ethan doing something to his phone. That shit.
“Snoopy...” I groaned. He smirked.
“Sending you a pic now,” Ethan announced.
“Lexie, you look like death.” Miles' voice was worried. I snickered, oh that was funny considering that word I found from my true self. He was very close to the mark.
“When was the last time you slept? You know passing out from Veil work doesn’t count as sleep.” Zeke demanded. I tried to think of the answer. It took me a bit.
“The night Asher picked me up from the cemetery I guess.” The room was quiet.
“Red, that was almost two days ago,” Isaac pointed out. I thought about it. I guess it was. I shrugged. Everyone frowned at me.
“Lexie, you did Veil work this morning. Don’t you remember?” Zeke asked. I looked at him like he was nuts.
“No, I didn’t, I just got up.” I gestured vaguely towards the stairs. There was silence again.
“Ally.” I lifted my head and looked at Asher on the other side of the couch. His face was strained. “You got up this morning, got dressed, then walked the two miles to the cemetery.” My dropped mouth open. “You did Veil work and passed out. Zeke and I found you, and we brought you back.”
“Are you serious?” I asked, not wanting to believe it. Asher nodded. I looked at Zeke.
“It fucking happened,” Zeke answered without me even asking. Shit. That would explain the clothes. That worried me. It should probably scare me, but... I wasn’t feeling much right now except tired.
“Shit,” I said weakly.
“Last night and this morning you overextended yourself. Zeke and Asher both told me you sounded like you were drunk.” Miles' voice was calm and soothing. I raised both eyebrows at that. What did I do?
“Did I streak the neighbors?” I asked seriously. The twins chuckled.
“No, but you did talk,” Asher answered. My heart dropped. Did I tell everyone about Sophia? I looked at the twins then back to Asher as I felt the blood run out of my face. Asher shook his head, then tilted his chin towards Zeke. Heart clenching, I looked at Zeke. He gave me a small nod. Fuck. He knew too. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I closed my eyes and rubbed them with one hand.
“Do you remember anything you said last night, Lexie?” Ethan asked gently. I shook my head, not bothering to open my eyes.
“How about this morning?” Isaac asked. I shook my head. The room was quiet.
“Lexie, you said a lot of disjointed things, some were... unsettling.” Miles’ soothing voice was back, making my gut relax. I didn’t even notice that it was knotted.
“The strangest was you talking about halftime being over, that you're in the third quarter now.” Asher’s rich voice was gentle to my ear. My heart dropped. I felt myself grow paler; I didn’t even think that was possible.
“That’s nothing. Just gibberish.” I lied through my teeth as I looked at the coffee table.
“Really?” Zeke’s voice was hard. I looked up to see his face had gone dark. “Because it sure as hell didn’t sound like nothing this morning.” I shrugged. I wasn’t telling them shit about my expiration date. Zeke seemed to understand it was something, but I wasn’t talking. He took a deep breath shaking his head at me. He was pissed. I didn’t care; I still wasn’t going to tell him. Zeke looked away from me towards the foyer, his jaw clenched.
“You kept saying something about having to need a babysitter.” Asher’s voice had me turning to him. “You pretty much kept telling us to stop taking care of you.”
“You did that yesterday morning too.” Ethan chimed in from the floor. I didn’t know how to answer. I felt raw, exposed, and I hated it. But maybe if they knew they would understand why they needed to stop. I looked down at the coffee table, took a breath and let it out.
“I don’t like having to pull you guys out of your lives all the fucking time.” I began. “I do it too much.”
“What are you saying, Lexie?” Miles asked his voice careful from the phone.
“You guys are always having to take care of me. Always. If not one day, it’ll be the next.” My chest grew tight. “I hate it.” I took a breath. “I don’t like forcing you guys to do this all the fucking time. I don’t like that I need this much fucking help. I don’t like doing this to you guys. I don’t like you guys taking on my shit.” I had only hit the surface with Riley. I hadn’t meant to go this far, but now that I had. I went with it. They were all looking at me like I had grown an extra head. “You don’t need to deal with this shit anymore.” I felt like my heart was breaking again, but I refused to let them know. They were all silent.
“Lexie.” Miles broke the silence. His voice calm and reasonable. “When I told you about my Mother, did you feel like you were taking on my problems?” I blinked.
“No,” I answered instantly.
“When I talked to you about my Mom, did you feel like you were taking on my issues?” Asher asked from his spot on the couch.
“No.” I still didn’t see where they were going with this.
“How about when I started a fight at that party?” Isaac asked.
“No.”
“How about my freak out at Vegabond?” Ethan asked.
“No.”
“How about when I talked to you about Riley?” Zeke asked quietly.
“No.” They all smirked, I imagined Miles was too, but I didn’t know.
“Lexie, that’s how we feel about you,” Miles explained gently. “You take on our problems without even seeing them. Because you don’t see them as problems. You see them as a part of who each of us are.” I thought about it. I guess he was right. But Miles wasn’t done yet. “You think of Necromancy as a problem, something that is wrong with you, something that needs to be fixed or hidden.”
“This thing you can do is a part of you.” Isaac continued. “It’s part of who you are.”
“And it’s a good part.” Ethan chimed in. “It lets you see things differently than the rest of us.”
“You're more compassionate than anyone else because of it, Ally,” Asher added from next to me. “You are because you’ve seen that deep down everyone is lost or messed up in some way. And they aren’t always what they seem on the outside.”
“You’re not broken.” Zeke bit out. “You don’t need to be fixed. You’re not defective. You’re you.” He looked down out the window of my shoulder, his face pained. “And we love you that way.” I wanted to smile. He looked so uncomfortable it was funny as hell. I was still mostly numb, but that was fading fast.
“We don’t think of it as taking care of you, Lexie.” Miles' voice had me looking down at the coffee table my throat growing tight. Everything they said soothed those broken, torn up parts of me that had been there for years. I lived with them so long I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t have them. “When you get a nosebleed, or something happens like at the bowling alley. All I think is ‘what can I do to help make this easier on her?’” I felt tears running down my cheeks and tried to reign in my emotions.
“I always think ‘please don’t let it be too bad.’” Isaac admitted.
“I think ‘tell me one of us is with her.’” Asher added.
“How much damage is there going to be?” Ethan’s voice was quiet.
“Let her wake up.” Zeke’s voice was hard.
“We aren't thinking about what we’re missing; we don't think that it’s too much,” Miles explained patiently. “We’re just hoping you’re going to be okay.” I swallowed hard.
“But you guys drop everything-” I began my voice thick.
“And that’s our fucking choice.” Zeke snapped out, his voice hard. “Our choices are just that. Ours.”
“You have no say in what we choose to do,” Ethan said more gently. “If we drop something then we’ve decided it can wait.”
“And that’s on us. Not you.” Isaac added. I wiped my face keeping my gaze on the coffee table. I swallowed hard.
“You... you guys really don’t care that you end up taking care of me?” It was hard to believe what they were telling me, but I really, really wanted to.
“What would you do if one of us was sick?” Isaac asked simply.
“I’d take care of you,” I answered instantly. The guys all chuckled.
“See.” Ethan pointed out.
“You’re not sick that often Ally, you’ve just been hit a lot lately,” Asher added. “You’re exhausted, and you're setting a pace you can barely keep.” I shot him a look. “And you have a reason.”
“But you aren’t all there right now, Lexie.” Zeke’s voice was hard. I looked up to see his worried face. “You set this pace for a reason. And.... it’s a fucking good reason. So, just let us fucking take care of you, while you deal with this shit.” I looked back down at the coffee table. I was amazed at what they were telling me.
“So, you guys really don’t care if you’re taking care of me? Or dropping everything-?”
“No!” They all shouted at once.
“You’re not a burden; you’re our Lexie,” Miles assured me.
“And you’re one of a kind,” Ethan added.
“So, you’re stuck with us.” Isaac continued. I started smiling.
“You’re family,” Asher said.
“So, fucking get used to it already,” Zeke grumbled. I snorted then chuckled quietly.
I looked around the room at each of them. If I had any doubt left that they loved me, at that moment it was gone. And it wasn’t coming back. I was so filled with that fuzzy warmth I thought I’d catch the couch on fire. I nodded, I heard them. I swallowed back that big wave of love washing through me that demanded I hug the crap out of each of them.
“Okay, I hear ya.” I cleared my throat. “Now can we please stop talking about feelings like a bunch of girls?” They all burst out laughing. I grinned.
“I’m with her on this one,” Zeke announced, his voice pained. Everyone laughed again. It wasn’t long after that Miles hung up. But not before telling me to take a nap. I rolled my eyes, but Zeke threw the throw at me and glared. So, I cuddled into the corner of the couch and fell asleep with the guys talking around me.
I woke up to an almost dark room. I opened my eyes to find Asher in the wide armchair next to the couch watching a cooking show and eating dinner. I took a second just to look at his handsome face. He always seemed so perfect; I smiled to myself. He had been baking; there was a smudge of flour above his left eyebrow. It looked like everyone else had gone home.
“Hey,” I said softly. Asher’s ocean eyes went to my face, and he gave me a small smile.
“Hey.” He leaned forward hit mute and put his plate down before turning towards me. “How are you feeling now?” He reached out and pushed some hair out of my face.
“Like an idiot.” I groaned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. He chuckled. “How crazy did I get this time?”
“Not too bad, you seemed mostly depressed.” He told me gently. I snorted.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it, Ally. Stay put, let’s get some dinner in you before you start working again.” I cringed at the idea of food. He noticed it. “It’s just broth; it’ll be easy coming up.” Okay, that didn’t sound so bad. Asher went into the kitchen and brought me out a mug of that awesome broth.
“Thanks, Superman.”
“No problem, Ally girl.” I concentrated on getting the broth down as Asher ate his dinner. I was halfway done when I had to ask.
“So, Zeke knows now? Or did I dream that?” He snorted.
“Yeah, Zeke knows.” Asher looked over at me smirking.
“How much trouble am I in?” I asked cringing.
“None.” My eyebrows went up. “He was glad you kept it quiet. He doesn’t think anyone should tell the twins until you have the link up, and you’re able to cross souls.” Yay. I wasn’t in trouble.
“I should reach the Veil tonight,” I told him. His eyebrows went up.
“You’re that close?” His voice was doubtful.
“Yeah, hopefully, this will be the last shitty night for a while.” I gave him a smile before drinking again. His eyes were on me, but unfocused. Then he blinked, and he was focused on my face again.
“Ally, why do you call me Superman?” He asked quietly.
“You’re handsome good looks.” I offered, smiling. He laughed and shook his head, his cheeks turning pink. Then his eyes were on mine.
“No, really. Why do you call me Superman?” He wasn’t going to let it go. I sighed, giving in.
“You always expect yourself to be perfect Ash. Well, except in art class.” I gave him a small smile. “You always try to your best. Which is great. But...” I gestured towards him. “You set this impossible standard for yourself and expect yourself to reach it.” My mouth was running, and it wasn’t stopping. “Like, Superman. He wants to protect Earth, right?”
“Yeah.”
“But Earth is huge, giant. Full of people.” I tried to explain what I meant. “He can’t actually protect everyone; he can’t be everywhere at once. He can’t stop every mugging, every robbery; he can’t stop all bad things from happening. But he always feels responsible for everyone's safety. He expects himself to keep everyone safe.” His eyes were on my face as I looked down at the couch arm. “You’re like that. Except instead of safety, you want everyone happy. And you expect yourself to keep everyone happy.” His brow drew down as he looked at Hades in my lap. I tried to explain again. “Your dad wants you to go into the NFL. When I met you, you were planning on doing that. To make him happy.” I swallowed hard sure I was crossing some line somewhere. “You expected yourself to be satisfied with that life, even if you didn’t want it. You still expect yourself to be responsible for other's happiness.” I took a deep breath. “You’re not. Every person is responsible for their own happiness, no one else's.” He was quiet for a while. I just drank my broth hoping he didn’t hate me now. He sighed then met my eyes.
“An exceptionally high standard. Sounds familiar.” He said as he raised an eyebrow at me. I smirked at him.
“We recognize our own,” I said in a knowing voice. Asher chuckled. “Yeah, I do it too. I just…” I couldn’t finish my sentence.
“You know where to draw the line.” Asher finished for me. I met his beautiful eyes and smiled gently.
“Sometimes,” I answered, my voice soft. “I didn’t with those girls. But I do when it comes to someone telling me what to do.” I shrugged. I was weird; I’d own it. I looked over at him; he seemed to be thinking again. “I won’t use it if you don’t like it.” He looked up and met my eyes.
“Nah, it’ll be a good reminder.” He gave me a half grin. “You can stop using it when I don’t need it anymore.”
“You got it.” I winked at him. Then we both finished eating dinner. I stretched out on the couch. I closed my eyes and dropped down to my center. It wasn’t long before I was on the white plain with that golden sky again, looking out over the bridge. I walked to the end of the bridge; I had maybe ten feet left. Okay, I got this. I pressed my palms together and pushed. Pain poured through me, knocking my breath from me.
I was so close to the Veil I could almost touch it. I pushed forward, knives pushing into every nerve I had. I was almost there, I gave one last big push and made contact. I stumbled into the Veil and hit the dirt. I laid on my back gasping for several minutes. Fuck! That hurt! I was so going to pay for that.
“So, you made it?” A familiar voice said. I sat up and saw a mirror version of me, only standing. I nodded still taking deep breaths. “After your first day, I thought you’d quit.” I flipped myself off, which was weird. She laughed, or it. I still wasn’t clear what this person was. Finally getting my breath back I got to my feet. I was at the very edge of the Veil. The sky was still boiling overhead, lightning flashing every
few seconds like a storm just waiting to break. I looked around at what was left of the trees, all of them burnt to charcoal. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The whole place felt wrong. I started walking in towards the center. The pretender me walked along with me.
“Why are the trees burnt?” I asked her looking towards the center.
“The one who did this used the energy in the Veil itself to close it off.” She said in my voice. “Now the Veil just keeps reinforcing it.”
“So, they don’t have to come back to keep the Veil locked. It just does it for them?”
“Exactly.” Pretender me had a small half grin on her or my face. I started walking towards the center again my eyes on the boiling sky; she walked with me.
“Why keep the dead out? Is it just for the energy pouring into the physical world?” I asked her hoping for an answer.
“How should I know? This is your job, not mine.” She groused. “The Veil... is not my usual field.” I looked at her frowning.
“Then what is?” Her eyes ran over my face as she kept her mouth shut. I wasn’t going to get an answer. “Is there any way you could stop looking like me?” I asked getting annoyed by it. “It’s creepy as fuck.” She tilted her head grinning or my head. This is confusing.
“I could, but that would take time and energy, I have more important things to do than make you comfortable.” She smiled at me. I snorted as we kept moving.
“Fair enough.” I turned back and looked across the Veil. The sense of wrong was thick. I gestured towards the sky. “So, what? I just bring a soul now?” I asked. The other me shook her head.
“Before you can do anything you need to calm The Way.” She answered cryptically. I wanted to punch me in the face. Which was a weird feeling.
“The Way?” She pointed up to the boiling clouds.
“That is The Way, the way on, up and out.” She looked up, her hair falling back from her face. “Since the Veil has been closed, it’s having a bit of a fit.” I looked up, watching as the clouds kept moving. “To cross souls, you're going to need to calm The Way first.”
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