Sunrise for Two

by Merlot Montana

  “What did you do with the flowers?”

  “I gave them to my secretary, she was delighted.” There was silence, Chris joined his oldest friend as he stood beside the flames. “Do you think that I should forget about her, all I seem to do is upset her?”

  “No I don’t, but you need to do some thinking. She likes you Chris, and she’s right to, you’re a good man, but you keep letting her see flashes of how decent you are, then behaving like an idiot, it’s as if you’re afraid to take what you want, afraid to care that much for someone.” Chris remembered the first week in the children’s home, the defences he had had to build, the way friendships had been formed then pulled apart when children and staff moved on. He wanted to grow old with her, and he realised that part of him couldn’t bear to take the risk.

  There was a knock on the door, and he found Richard smiling at him, “Come on man, we’ve actually got a chance of winning tonight.” Jeff lifted his glass in an affectionate salute and he picked up his gym bag and stepped out into the warm night. “So did they get there safely? Harry and Julia I mean.”

  “I didn’t realise they were going.” Chris said with a rueful smile. Two of their team mates appeared exuberantly, and began discussing the pre-match strategies. Chris took up his place in the centre of the pack, tonight nobody was getting past him.

  Afterwards he sat down in the club house and smiled at Richard, “We had a bit of an argument yesterday,” he explained, “it was completely my fault.” He paused and accepted the pint that the older man gave him. “Things were strained between us anyway. I’d just persuaded her that I could look after her and that we would have a good time together and told her how attractive I found her, when things kicked off with the riots. She tried to pick up where we’d left off the following night, and I fell asleep.”

  Richard looked at him for a long time, then finally he smiled, “So I guess that means you won’t mind if I ask her out?”

  “I know, I’m a complete idiot.”

  “Did you not notice how gorgeous she was?”

  “I did, I do, I just wanted it to be perfect.”

  Richard leant forward, his red face suddenly serious, “Chris I worked for a year in the spinal injuries unit, and it gave me an insight into what it’s like to be paralysed. People stare at you all the time, and while they’re staring, they’re wondering what you can move and what you can feel. Imagine coming in here and looking up at everyone, looking into all those curious eyes and knowing that they’re looking at all the parts of your body that you feel self-conscious about.” He paused and took a mouthful of his dark bitter, then he made sure Chris was listening and held his gaze. “Chris I’ve seen men withdraw from life altogether because of the impact of a spinal cord injury on their sexuality. It doesn’t matter how good we are at our jobs, or how funny we are, stuff like that really matters.”

  Chris nodded, he knew that he allowed himself to be misled by her poise and her careful self-control, but the more he thought about it, the more he knew that he needed to put things right. He didn’t want her lose faith in men altogether. “Do you know where she’s gone?” He asked hopefully.

  “No I don’t, but I do know somebody who is joining them next weekend.”

  “Thanks mate,” Chris said, and allowed himself a moment of self-pity, he was going to have to make peace with a man who wouldn’t have looked out of place at a comic convention.

  Chapter eleven

  It was raining in the Lake District, a fine mist that softened the edges of the hills and made the cottages look like images in a watercolour. Harry stretched out on the sofa and looked out at the gardens where fruit and vegetables were enjoying the last of their summer form. Julia unpacked her hamper, she had bought almost everything that Harry liked, or sometimes liked, olives, apples, salt and vinegar crisps and obscure branches of the cheese family. She would have made a meal, but she had never mastered cooking and most of the good food she had eaten in the past decade had been prepared by the woman who now had her arm in a sling. She tried to position her offerings in the most appealing way possible. Then she pulled a table over to the sofa and sat down beside her lovely friend. “Now it’s time to uphold your part of the deal.”

  Harry clumsily put together a combination of cheese and crackers, it was a struggle with one hand, but Julia knew better that to offer her help. “Do you mind my limitations?” she asked suddenly, “I worry that you could have an easier time with a friend who could walk.” Julia handed her the olive that she had dropped and smiled at her. “How many things have we discussed over the years?” “Pretty much everything.” “How many diets have you watched me try?” Harry smiled at her, tilting her head to one side in the way that Julia had found herself remembering while she waited to hear about the outcome of the operation on her hip. “How many men have you watched me chase, before you pretty much set me up with the kindest man I’ve ever met.” “Okay, we’ve looked after each other.” “Yes we have. I hate sport and I don’t even like walking very much, so I can honestly say you don’t limit me.”

  Julia pulled open the big red travel bag that she had dragged inside. “I bought you a present, well my mum did, she got all competitive when I told her about the car. It’s one of those tablet computer things, mum said they’re using throughout the air force now. Apparently it’s really tough, so it won’t matter if you drop it, and mum downloaded the package that tells you how to join the armed forces, so that’s something for you to enjoy too.”

  After dinner they floated into the lounge area where an impromptu piano recital provided the sound track to a comfortable debate about the best time to plan root vegetables. They drank wine and argued about gardening until far later than they had intended. Harry had worried that it would be awkward when Julia helped her, but she had underestimated her friend. When she pulled up her duvet and closed her eyes she realised that the horrible suffocation of the hospital bed was lifting, and for the first time since the second really pointless accident that had punctuated her life, she slept really well.

  Chris however, spent the night looking at his ceiling, he greeted the regrets that were never far from the front of his mind, and tried to decide how to move forward. In the end he decided to buy a mobile phone, and the relief of at least deciding on a course of action allowed him to escape into dreams of her until it was almost time to wake up.

  He waited for Mike in the dusty corridor at the end of the day; he knew how close Harry was to her workmates and he couldn’t bring himself to actually step into the department. When Mike finally emerged the look on his face didn’t make him feel any better. “Can I buy you a coffee?”

  “Actually I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

  “What for?”

  Mike smiled at him, “To be somewhere else,” he said finally.

  “Please Mike, I know we haven’t gotten off to a great start, but I’d really like to talk to you.”

  “You can buy me a pint,” Mike said finally, deciding that he would definitely need to discuss things with Julia before he said anything to the big assertive man. They arranged to meet in the rugby club, although the thought filled Mike with mild terror. He phoned her when he reached his house, delighting in the warmth in her voice, smiling at the thought of their shared secret intimacies and wondering why he hadn’t noticed her before.

  “Chris caught me today,” he said finally, “I guess he wants to talk about Harry.”

  “Poor man, I’ve been thinking about him, Harry didn’t even tell him we were leaving.”

  “He really upset her, he keeps really upsetting her.”

  “I know, but he likes her and she likes him, and not everyone can be as good this stuff as we are.”

  “I guess so.”

  “You want her to be happy don’t you?”

  “You know I do Julia.” He heard the insecurity in her voice, and he reassured her in the subtle code they were developing.

  “What if he asks me if he can come with me next weekend?”


  “Of course he’s going to ask you that. I’ve been counting on it. It’ll be awful for Harry, and for us if he doesn’t come with you.” She expanded on some of the ways that she planned to greet him, and he felt his attitude softening.

  “You’re absolutely right.” Mike thought of all the astonishing places that Julia’s imagination had introduced him to. He started to think how he would feel if Harry was lying alone in the next room, and felt his usual protectiveness intensify.

  To Mike’s relief Chris was waiting for him in the rugby club. He sat down at the battered wooden table and Mike pushed the lager towards him in a predictably masculine tankard.

  “Cheers mate.” Mike took a deep mouthful and relaxed back against the chair, there was a group of men talking loudly at the bar, none of them looked any fitter than he did and he started to relax.

  “Thanks for meeting with me, I’m sure you know what I want to talk about.”

  “Harry” Mike said softly, wondering if the thought of the beautiful, complex, mysterious and vulnerable woman would ever not make him tingle.

  “Harry.” Chris echoed, then cleared his throat. “We had a bit of a disagreement last week.”

  “Again?”

  Chris looked at him, he had known that Mike would not make this easy, but he reminded himself that he needed this man as an ally. “You know I envy you.”

  “You envy me?” Mike shifted on the uncomfortable chair and felt his stomach rubbing against the table.

  “Well you know how to talk to women, you seem to say the things that they like.”

  Mike grinned at him, “Of course I can talk to women, I spent all of high school being a best friend, and watching the girls I liked getting hurt by boys who didn’t need to understand them.”

  “I don’t know how to talk to women, I mean I know how to talk to other surgeons and nurses, but not women that I like.”

  “You’re in a rugby team, you must meet women all the time.”

  “I know how to take women to bed, but that’s not going to help me with Harry, I mean I want to take her to bed…” he paused, “I guess that’s more information than you wanted.”

  “Way more information.”

  “But you’re with Julia now, you’re really lucky.”

  “Do you mean that?”

  “Of course I do. She’s funny and confident and interesting, I mean she scares me a bit, but you know how talk to girls, so you’ll be okay.”

  “I am lucky,” Mike said proudly, then realised that they were wandering off topic. He knew that Harry liked this man, but he cared far too much about her not to try to understand his motivation. “Are you really interested in Harry?”

  “I turned thirty five last week, and do you know where I spent the evening?”

  “Here?”

  “Am I that predictable? Actually don’t answer that. Yes I was here, I was here when I celebrated getting into medical school, and getting out the other end with my degree, and when I got my professional exams and my consultant post. I love it here, I really do, but there must be more to life than medicine and friends.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  I wasn’t looking for someone, but when I saw her. Well I just couldn’t believe it, she’s so lovely, and with that delicious fire about her. I don’t think she’d ever back down if she believed in something.”

  “If you’re really sure about your feelings then you’re going to need to be a bit gentler about her wheelchair. She is all those things you described, and they’re wonderful, but she’s also paralysed Chris, and even though she’d never admit it, she does need a bit more looking after because of that.”

  “I want to look after her, I just keep getting it wrong.”

  Mike realised that he had spent the past four years dreading the arrival of someone like Chris, and found to his surprise that he was about to help him. “Try to sit down when you’re talking to her, tell her you like her shoes, make it obvious that you’re interested in her legs and not just noticing her breasts.”

  “How do you know this stuff?”

  “Girls talk to me.”

  “They don’t talk to me.”

  “No they laugh at your jokes even if they’re stupid and ask you about being a doctor.”

  “People are interested in what it’s like to be a doctor.” Mike looked at him in silence until he grinned apologetically. “Well they are probably a bit interested.”

  “Please don’t hurt her,” Mike said softly. “I'm not going to embarrass myself by threatening you, but I just can’t bear the idea. Besides, Julia would definitely kill you.”

  “Now that I believe. No you can trust me, I'll make her happy.”

  “Where are they staying?”

  “A little vegetarian place on the edge of Lake Windermere. They go there a couple of times a year.”

  “Why?”

  “Now you see, that right there is the attitude that gets you into trouble. It’s wheelchair accessible, the staff are lovely and Harry feels that she can relax.”

  “Have you been before?”

  “Once, Harry had a birthday up there. I went up with the band.”

  “Thank you,” Chris said finally. “I will look after her.”

  Mike smiled at him. “I know you will. I bet you've never had to work so hard for anything in your life.”

  “You'd be surprised.” Chris said softly, but he knew this male script. Subtle sensitive women might be a mystery to him, but male bravado he could do.

  “So if I help you not say such silly things will you help me get some exercise.”

  “It’s a deal,” said Chris and insisted on setting up a time for them to meet the following day.

  Mike left him discussing the exploits of the English team. He walked back to the safety of his little flat, and called the woman he was starting to really like. He told Julia that they would travel up together and that Chris now had a mobile phone.

  “I'm not telling Harry that. I can imagine that he'd be appalling on the phone. I'll get her stronger if you knock some sensitivity into him.”

  Julia waited until she had her arm out of the sling, waited until she had transferred without help onto her favourite lounge chair. They drank a glass of wine and watched the sun go down, then she told her that Chris wanted to join the end of their break.

  Harry looked at her in silence, but Julia knew her well, so she waited and held her big dark eyes. “He turned me down when I offered myself to him. I’ve never offered myself to anyone before, I’ve never dared.” She felt the tears sliding down her face again, “I forgot myself for a moment, people in wheelchairs don’t try to seduce people, at least not successfully.”

  “Harry have you not noticed how men react around you?”

  “I can never tell whether it’s the wheelchair, you know a kind of sympathy thing.”

  “It’s not sympathy Harry, you’re confident, you know your own mind, you’re a kind happy person, and if you don’t recognise that the face you look at every morning is beautiful face, then you’re silly.”

  “But people stare at me all the time, and they’re not looking at my face.”

  “I know honey, and I know that Chris hasn’t always been very helpful, but he’s had to make peace with a man who doesn’t like him and he’s going to drive all the way up here just in case you’re still talking to him, so I’m pretty sure that he’s not feeling sorry for you.”

  Julia paused, then added thoughtfully “Harry how do you think I feel when I look in the mirror?”

  “Depends how many shades of green you've put together.”

  “Green is very slimming, anyway don't distract me, I’m making a serious point. Most women feel insecure about some aspect of their bodies. Now I know your legs are more complicated than that, but you're so good at being a normal girl. Don't stop now.”

  “Sex makes everything confusing.”

  “Honey you've never said a truer thing.”

  “I’ll kill him if he gets it wrong agai
n.”

  “Oh don’t worry,” Julia said peacefully, “there’ll be a queue.”

  The days melted into one another, lazy vegetarian breakfasts, lunches in the big communal kitchen, and impromptu dinners with staff who tended the gardens. Harry worked on a song that she was writing, in spite of her best efforts it kept reminding her of Chris. She travelled round the accessible parts of the garden, and wondered what the view would be like from the steep path beside the greenhouses. She realised that she was missing him, he had crashed into her life and demanded her attention, but he didn’t treat her like a fragile doll. He’d hurt her badly, but he’d also allowed her to taste an excitement that she had only glimpsed before.

  She had fled from the wealthy young men that her mother had introduced her to, she remembered the way they had spoken to her, never looking at her face. Visibly valuing the antiques and the paintings that she loved, losing interest before she had even finished her first sentence when she spoke about the career that she was proud of. The thought of a life on crutches, standing uncomfortably in a series of drawing rooms, producing heirs, if she could produce heirs, filled her with a sense of suffocation.

  Libby loved ceremonies, and formal clothes and could recite the complex genealogy of the neighbouring nobility. Harry like wearing jeans and trainers and having impromptu barbecues, she knew that if her life had worked out differently she would spend her weekends camped under the stars and creating gardens.

  Chris collected Mike exactly on time on Friday, he was amused to see that he lived in a rather elegant penthouse conversion in a former school house. “Now remember,” Mike told him, “tread carefully and be really gentle, she won’t always need you to be so careful, but the accident knocked her confidence.” The old hotel rose majestically from its perch on top of a rugged outcrop of granite and trees, they parked beside a collection of battered looking cars and Mike led the way to high arches of the entrance hall.