In the Desert

by Elliot Joyce

  Kyle waved a hand. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, dude. Doesn’t matter to me.” A moment passed and Kyle frowned. “Wait, you really mean that?”

  “Uh, yeah?” Felipe swallowed, suddenly confused by the shift in Kyle’s tone. Felipe had just been joking around for the most part, though he was invested in a friendship with Wren and he was hoping that they all went camping together. “I mean, you’re just fucking around, I get it, but Wren and I aren’t friends or anything. We’re just… I dunno. Pals. Acquaintances. Facebook friends.”

  “Oh.” Kyle’s frown deepened, and he opened his mouth to say something.

  “Kyle Cabrales, if you don’t sit down in that chair properly, I will glue you to it!” The librarian came around the corner, marching across the room.

  Kyle paled and set all four legs of the chair on the ground. Felipe decided that about now was a good time to leave, and he waved as he slipped out with seconds to spare before the librarian got to Kyle and began admonishing him.

  The sound carried past the aisle, but once he was in the gloriously run-down halls of Cactus High, everything was eerily quiet. There were people around, of course. Not just students with zero-hour classes, but also people who just got dropped off early by their parents. Felipe kept his head down as he made his way to zero hour, mind whirling.

  He stopped outside of the door and quickly pulled his phone out. He hesitated before opening Facebook and browsing Wren’s profile. The picture was recent but still old enough to be weird. Wren was frowning in the picture, his eyebrows drawn down and his body language closed off. He was nothing like the slightly anxious but mostly happy teenager Felipe knew, but what did Felipe know about Wren anyway?

  Not that much, he reminded himself. Why does that matter? Isn’t the point of befriending someone to figure out if you have something to talk about? If you want to keep being friends?

  Felipe took a deep breath, telling himself it was stupid to get so worked up over this. He never acted like this with any of his other friends. What made Wren different? Before he could second-guess himself any more, Felipe pulled up Messenger.

  Hey, are you free this weekend? We should try to see that new Thor movie or something. I don’t know what you like to watch. It’d just be cool to hang out outside of Scouts. Let me know! Felipe hit Send before he really thought about what he wrote. He looked over it and quietly despaired. Maybe Wren had a thing for slightly desperate and lonely nerds? Maybe Wren wouldn’t ignore him even though he sounded more awkward than any other human being to ever exist?

  God, Kyle is right. I need more friends. Felipe frowned, shoved his phone back into his pocket, and walked into class. He desperately did not think about it.

  WREN CHECKED his phone on his way to class and was shocked to see Felipe had messaged him. He stopped in the middle of the hall, only to get pushed to the side by someone who obviously felt it was more important to get to class than it was to be polite and not run people over.

  But Wren’s sudden good mood wasn’t diminished. He grinned, quickly thinking about whether any of his siblings had something that weekend that would stop him from being able to convince Mom or Dad to drive him.

  I’m totally free! Where/when? He thought about saying something else, something like I’m so glad you asked, or maybe even I haven’t seen a movie in ages, but decided that would come off as a bit too desperate. Wren was plenty desperate, but that didn’t mean he wanted to advertise it.

  His heart physically skipped a beat when he got an almost immediate reply.

  What about the Harkins in Park West? That’s closer to Glendale. That’s where Chris says you guys live.

  It was probably telling that Wren’s first thought was that he had never had a friend so considerate. That was a lie, he immediately realized, but it still did weird things to his stomach to know Felipe paid attention to small details like that.

  Sounds good. Saturday, we’ll see what’s there? Get something to eat? Wren wondered, rather belatedly, if this was a date or if he should act a lot more casual about this. But no, if Felipe was asking him out on a date, it would be more obvious, right? Even Wren couldn’t completely mistake two guys just hanging out for a date. Right?

  Right?

  Sounds like a date, Felipe replied. Then, almost immediately, Shit, no, not like that. Sorry, that was weird. I’m so tired. I’m so sorry.

  Wren pretended he wasn’t experiencing the same kind of physical pain that came with being scorned and mocked by people who had been his friend for years.

  “Hey, you okay?” Luke asked as Wren slipped into Honors English. “You look like you swallowed a bug.”

  “It’s nothing,” Wren said, sitting down next to him. “Absolutely nothing.”

  At least, that’s what he told himself.

  WREN SAT outside the theater, kicking his heels against the bench leg while he waited for Felipe to show up. It was stupid, but he half expected to get a text any moment letting him know that Felipe had something come up. Then Wren would have to text his dad, let him know that plans had changed, and he had to go home.

  The worst part would be the inevitable look of pity Dad would give him.

  Stop thinking like that. It’s going to be fine. You’re just here a little early. Wren had been dropped off too soon—a combination of Blair needed to meet her friends and Dad being the only one able to drive—so now he was just waiting.

  Waiting.

  Waiting.

  Waiting.

  Wren was just about to text Felipe, make sure everything was okay, when he saw a familiar head of brown hair walking over.

  Felipe waved, flashing him a grin, and Wren felt his heart stop. Oh no you don’t. This isn’t a date and this isn’t the time to get a crush on someone. Keep it together, Wren!

  “Sorry for taking so long. My abuela wanted help with something. Have you been here awhile?” Felipe asked.

  Wren shook his head and stood. “I was thinking we could see Thor? Unless you wanted to see something else. I dunno.”

  “Nah, that sounds good.” Felipe stuck his hands in his pockets and the two walked to the theater. “So are you excited about camping?”

  They got in line. Wren briefly wondered if he should have bought tickets while he was waiting, but he didn’t want Felipe to think it was weird.

  He didn’t want Felipe to think he was weird.

  “Yeah. I’m still surprised my mom agreed, but I think my dad talked to her or something.” Wren shrugged. “We have to go out and buy a bunch of stuff and Chris is complaining about how he never gets anything new.” Wren rolled his eyes as Felipe laughed.

  “Man, that’s a little-brother thing. I always complained to my abuela that Manny got all the good stuff. Once, when I was like eight or nine, all I wanted was this Transformers action figure. I don’t even remember which one.” Felipe laughed. He threw his head back when he laughed. Wren tried not to stare and ended up glaring at the wall. “I just remember that she got me the wrong one and gave Manny the toy I wanted. I must have screamed so much.”

  “So you were a brat.” It came out before Wren could stop himself.

  “I really was,” Felipe admitted. They got to the front of the line, and Felipe bought his ticket before stepping aside for Wren.

  “Hi, one for the same movie.” Wren handed the money over.

  “Your boyfriend isn’t buying you a ticket, huh?” the woman asked. Wren felt himself flush in embarrassment, but before he could say anything, Felipe spoke up.

  “Wren’s a guy and we aren’t dating.” He sounded mad, almost. Like someone had offended him, like Wren wasn’t misgendered every day.

  “Oh, sorry about that!” The woman seemed genuinely apologetic, but Wren was too shaken to react. As soon as he had his ticket, he headed for the doors, not even waiting for his change.

  Felipe jogged to catch up. “Hey, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s fine.” Wren didn’t turn to look at him. He didn’t expect Felipe to grab his shoulder and pull hi
m around so they were face-to-face. “I said it’s fine, Felipe. Don’t make a big deal out of it.” If he was telling the truth, Wren was almost more flustered by how Felipe had corrected that woman. Even now, Mom and Dad didn’t correct people and half the time it was Wren’s siblings who messed up on his pronouns.

  “Sorry,” Felipe said, letting go. “I get mad when people call you a girl, I guess. It’s just like—” He cut himself off, gesturing at Wren. “You’re obviously a guy, so why can’t they tell?” He was so earnest that Wren found himself laughing. “I didn’t mean it as a joke.”

  “No, I know, you just—do you know how few guys would say that about me?” Wren asked.

  Felipe shrugged.

  You really are something special. Of course Wren couldn’t say that aloud. Instead he just shook his head. “Come on, let’s grab popcorn and try to get good seats.”

  Wren walked away and, a few seconds later, Felipe followed as if nothing had happened.

  “IF YOU have any concerns or if you want to leave at any time, you can find somewhere with a signal and give me or your father a call, okay? We’ll come get you.” Mom fussed over Wren for the hundredth time.

  Chris was already ready to go, his stuff packed in the back of Dad’s car. They were going to drive to Nico’s house to drop Chris off, then over to Travis’s to meet up with Kyle, Travis, and Felipe. Dad had never met those three, so he insisted on vetting them in a way only a protective father could. Wren would have said it was a holdover from when he was still a girl, but Dad was like that with Chris too.

  Of course, they’d have to actually leave the house in order for that to happen, and Mom seemed insistent on giving Wren the same talk she had been giving him for the past week.

  “Are you bringing any pepper spray?” she asked.

  “Why would I do that? We’re not going into the backcountry. It’s gonna be full of people,” Wren pointed out. He regretted it a second after.

  “Exactly! What if someone gets you alone and it’s dark and you can’t call for help?” Mom frowned. “I don’t know if you should be going on this trip.”

  “It’s too late now,” Dad pointed out, earning a grateful look from both his sons. “We already signed all the paperwork and the other boys are expecting our boys. They’ll be fine, Mom.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m seventeen. I can handle myself.” Wren forced a smile. “Think of it as practice for when I go off to college.” He knew it was the wrong thing to say from the way Mom’s hand flew up to her mouth and she nodded. Being the oldest of four, he knew it was going to be difficult for both his parents when he left, even if he was probably only going to ASU.

  Even Dad seemed a little more quiet than usual as they finally got in the car and drove off. It was telling when the soothing sound of NPR couldn’t stop the nerves. Chris, of course, spent the whole time on his phone. Wren wasn’t much better, hurriedly exchanging texts with Kyle and Felipe, who had finally given Wren his phone number a few days ago when they realized it would be easier to reach each other with text than Facebook up in the mountains.

  Not like they were going to be apart for most of the trip, seeing as they were sharing a tent and Felipe was one of Wren’s two friends in the troop. But still, it made Wren grin wildly when he remembered how Felipe had laughed and smiled when Wren took a picture of him to put as his contact.

  Kyle’s name in Wren’s phone was Asshole #1 and Felipe’s was Nerdy Fuck, so Wren figured it wasn’t too weird that Felipe was the only one who had a picture.

  As they pulled up to Nico’s house, Chris barely waited for the car to reach a stop before he jumped out.

  “Nico! Help me out with my stuff,” he shouted, waving at a boy Wren vaguely recognized from the few Boy Scout meetings he had gone to in the past month. Nico hadn’t ever talked to him, probably because he was already friends with Chris, but he seemed nice enough.

  “Thanks, Chris’s dad. My dad’s driving us and we’ll be safe,” Nico promised once all of Chris’s stuff had been pulled out of the Prius and loaded into the much larger pickup truck. It looked like the kind of thing that went camping, all covered in dirt and dust and well-worn but still clearly loved.

  “I’ll get Chris here on Sunday night, right?” Dad confirmed. It was Friday evening and the Scouts were all set to arrive at the Aspen campground by ten or eleven at the latest. Seeing as Dad didn’t want them to be driving so late, he’d arranged it so Wren and Chris would be some of the first to reach the site. It meant they got to pick the best places for their tents, so Wren wasn’t really complaining.

  “Yes, Dad, you’ll pick me up right here on Sunday. I’ve got everything. You can go and drop Wren off now.” Chris was practically vibrating with excitement, and Wren couldn’t help but stare a little. He didn’t think he had ever seen his brother looking forward to something this much, except maybe when Mom and Dad got him a new phone two years ago.

  Dad shook his head, but he was laughing. “Okay, okay, I get it. Have a good time, Chris, Nico.” With that, he put the car into reverse and they were on their way.

  How far are you? Kyle asked for the fifth time in ten minutes.

  Wren snorted and took a picture of the next cross street.

  Dude, that doesn’t mean a flying fuck to me, Kyle replied.

  That sounds like a you problem, Wren replied.

  The next ten minutes were taken up by Wren texting Kyle meaningless drivel before Kyle texted that Felipe had arrived and needed a hand organizing everything.

  He’s always worried about our stuff getting mixed up. Whatever. See you soon dude, Kyle sent.

  Yeah, see you soon, Wren sent back. He stared out the window and didn’t notice they had stopped until Dad sighed and lowered the radio.

  “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to say it, okay?”

  A little shaken by how Dad sounded, Wren nodded. He shifted, adjusting his jacket so it was a little tighter on him. His binder fit a lot better now that he didn’t have to buy dirt cheap ones. It was a little amazing what a better binder did, and Wren could still remember how he felt like crying from happiness when his mom and dad said they’d get him one. He hoped it wasn’t ruined by camping, but he had brought one of his less good binders just in case.

  “When your mother and I learned she was pregnant, we promised one thing. No matter how our opinion changed, no matter what happened in the world or how you were born, we would do our utmost for you to be happy. I know that neither of us thought…. Well, we didn’t see this.” Dad swallowed. “And I know that you’re frustrated with how slowly you feel things are going, and I can’t promise that it’ll change anytime soon, but… please know that we love you and that we never want things to get so bad that you think you can’t talk to us.”

  “Dad—” Wren was cut off by the slight shake of his dad’s head.

  “No, let me finish. This camping trip will be good for you, son. I really think so. You’ve been looking forward to troop meetings more, and you keep hanging out with—what’s his name? Feli?”

  “Felipe.” Wren blushed and Dad raised an eyebrow. “It’s—we’re just friends,” Wren insisted.

  “Well, maybe I should give this Felipe a talk,” Dad mused.

  “No, you really shouldn’t.” Wren felt himself smile despite everything. “I really appreciate you and Mom. It means a lot that you two have come so far from… well. From before.” Wren shifted back and forth, glancing at the clock. “Is there anything else you wanted to say, or can I go camping?”

  Dad laughed, shifted the car back into Drive, and brought them the last little bit to Travis’s house.

  For some reason Wren had never considered that Travis might be rich. He realized that, with the rest of the places around them, he should have figured it out. But the sheer size of Travis’s house was a bit intimidating to say the least, and Wren’s had four bedrooms. It loomed over him, and even the familiar sight of the others waiting wasn’t enough to stop making Wren feel a bit out
of place.

  “Hey, Wren!” Kyle was skateboarding in Travis’s driveway and his knees were already scraped up from a recent fall. He waved wildly as Wren got out of the car, but Wren was not expecting Felipe to run out of the garage and dash over.

  “There you are,” Felipe shouted, grinning as he grabbed Wren’s hand. The two of them shook and then fist-bumped, and Wren did the same with Kyle and Travis, who was a bit more casual at crossing from the open garage.

  “We’ve got the rest of the stuff in my truck already. We’ll throw your stuff on top and then we’re out of here.” Travis smiled at Wren’s dad, who actually got out so he could formally meet Wren’s newest friends. He had driven Wren to a few hangouts with Felipe already, but Kyle and Travis tended to be busier with sports, so it was harder to meet outside of Scout meetings.

  Dad introduced himself, and Kyle promised that they’d take care of Wren. He then slipped on the skateboard, sending it flying off into the road, and landed on his ass, so Wren didn’t think that it was the best promise, but Dad took it in stride.

  Travis and Felipe just laughed as Kyle went to retrieve the skateboard, but Travis’s mother chose that moment to come outside and see what the commotion was about.

  Wren, who had never met Travis’s mother, was a little surprised to see she was a petite woman with frizzy brown hair, but was not surprised at all that she had Travis’s same warm smile.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she said to Wren and his dad. “Travis is the safest driver in his generation,” she promised. “Your boy is in good hands.” She patted Travis on the bicep, which was just about the highest she could reach without having to go on her toes.

  “Oh, did you teach him?” Dad asked.

  She laughed. “No, no. His gran did. She was an ambulance driver in the Vietnam War. Can’t get much better than that!”

  Wren thought that if he was a driver in a war, he probably would be a more reckless driver, but he was smart enough not to say that aloud.

  If Dad had similar concerns, he didn’t voice them.