Isolated World
Page 12
They all had their own bedrooms, but Phil and I had to share. All these things got me down at a very young age but I thought there was nothing I can do about it, I was just a kid. From those days I never asked for help with anything. I just knew when I grew older that I wanted to provide for my family and work hard for my money. My brother will say I’m tight, but I’d like to think I grew up with nothing and I still have most of it!
The next year we did the same thing with the hamper again and I was scared in case the family they were talking about was mine again, but it wasn’t, we only got it once.
I have the same story as Phil with my friends meeting Mam, but to me talking to my Mam is no different from talking with you. I’ve grown up with the way Mam talks all my life, so I can understand everything she says, and Mam just lip reads everything I say, so there’s no boundaries. I did feel unhappy that I couldn’t just shout down to my Mam from up the stairs when all my mates could, or when mobiles came out and my friends and their parents would ring each other but I couldn’t do that. We did have a house phone and if it rang Phil or I would run down the stairs to answer it (that’s if it didn’t stop, I’m sure people would do it on purpose) and usually it would be my Nana wanting to organise something with Mam, so we would have to be the middle man. I have just recently made the first ever phone call to my Mam 15 years after the invention of mobile phones by Face Time, to you that may seem nothing, but I’ve never been able to do that before.
Michael (I’m not saying Dad because he was never that to me or Phil) was the worst. He didn’t know how to provide for his kids, and the less said about him the better in my opinion. I just remember kids at school saying where they had been at weekends (in cars, but we never had one) or where their dads took them, but my story was the same every week, I watched Mr Bean and went food shopping. (Mr Bean is brilliant, but that’s not the point.) Michael would give us £1 pocket money each almost every week, but he would spend £20 on the lottery. We were old enough not to be bothered about how much we got every week, but we wanted to ask why we got so little just out of principle, so we sat Michael and his girlfriend down and asked them why and they said they couldn’t afford it. When we mentioned the £20 they put on the lottery every week they just made an excuse, trying to shut us up. We weren’t bothered really, but it made me and Phil closer, as we really knew what was going on. I guess that’s what made me grow up so quickly, knowing the value of money and respecting how much hard work Mam had put into looking after us both. Shortly after we stopped seeing Michael Mam started giving us more pocket money a week and I started saving up for daft stuff like magazines or clothes.
Now I see how much of a great father Phil is to my nephews and I love watching him spoil them. I love spoiling them too, as it makes you appreciate them more when you give them that little bit more attention.
I definitely approved of Mam’s idea to write this book, as the world needs to understand that not all people with disabilities can just crack on with life when they don’t get the help. An obese person can claim disability allowance and get a free car because they are obese. All this help from the government because they can’t work as a result of being fat? My Mam desperately wants a job, but because she’s deaf she can’t do half the jobs the obese person can. They take advantage of their disability and simply WON’T get a job! As you can tell this frustrates me, as I can only help my mam so much, as I have a job, a mortgage and bills to pay, otherwise all the family would help her 24/7.
But back to the question of how growing up with a deaf parent was for me. It was what it was. I believe in living in the moment. I can’t change the past, as it’s been and gone. The now is what’s happening and the future isn’t here yet, but I know I will make sure my future and my children’s future will be the best I can make it. It hasn’t been a sad childhood by any means, just slightly different. Phil and I would make it as normal as we could, and by normal I mean like the childhood of everyone else who didn’t encounter the difficulties we faced with various things.
Phil and I could write forever, but this isn’t about us, so we hope this is enough for you to understand a little bit about what it was for us to have a deaf mother.
We love you Mam and we know that this book will touch people’s hearts in the right places and hopefully change people’s perception of the deaf and start to fix things that are wrong with the way society treats the deaf community over jobs.
In conclusion
In writing this book, my computer has helped to some extent with the grammar and spelling, but I still need help with it. I would say to myself while I was typing, ‘My deafness is not going to hold me back - I can write this book about my life and I am going to do it’.
There are some terrible cases, much worse than mine. Back in 1929, Mattie Hope was institutionalized in the Forest Haven Home for the Retarded for 57 years until it was discovered she was deaf. Hope had not been tested appropriately, and that was the reason for her misdiagnosis.
In another case in 1984, a man in New York was put into a home and he spent almost ten years in homes for the retarded. There was a law suit over his case.
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, a boy of 17 who had spent 12 years in a school for the retarded was found to be deaf.
The Beacon Journal (Akron, Ohio) reported on 30 May 2002 the story of a 48-year-old deaf man who had spent the first 18 years of his life in a home for the retarded after doctors advised his parents to institutionalize him.
Imagine you go to McDonald’s to order breakfast to take it to work. The menu is in English, but the staff can only understand Greek.
Imagine you accidentally fall on some stairs at work and injure your arm. Your colleagues take you to hospital, but the doctor and nurses treating you are speaking in Swahili.
Imagine going to college for the first night of a course to learn art, only to find the teacher can only speak Polish?
Imagine wanting to compliment the chef for an excellent meal in an Italian restaurant, and finding that he doesn’t know a single word of English.
Be honest with yourself. Are you at home right now? Switch on your television and turn off the volume for ten minutes and keep watching…
APPENDIX
Famous deaf people, and champions of the deaf
Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977) was actor, director, producer, and composer. The clown from Lambeth was influenced by many deaf actors he worked with in his silent films. In that era deaf and hearing audiences enjoyed the same level of participation, and Chaplin would enthrall his entire audiences with his facial expressions, posture, touch and movement. Chaplin made friends with Granville Redmond, who had become deaf at the age of two and half years from scarlet fever. He never learned to speak and Charlie Chaplin became a friend and a collector of Granville’s artwork. Charlie learned sign language and finger spelling and was given credit for influencing Chaplin’s acting. Chaplin did not move his lips in his silent films. He used gestures and expressions resembling those used by deaf persons. Granville took some minor roles in a few of Chaplin’s films.
Prince Philip’s mother was deaf and he used to learn to lip read with his mother, though I don’t think he used British Sign Language.
Helen Keller was the first deaf and blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree. She was well-travelled and outspoken in her convictions and communicated with others as conventionally as possible. She learned to speak and spent much of her life giving speeches and lectures. She learned to use her hand on people’s lips with her hands and she had a sense of touch which became extremely subtle. She became proficient at using Braille and reading sign language with her hands as well. Through her life she used companions to help her.
The deaf American Oscar-winning actress Marlee Matlin, who starred with William Hurt in the film ‘Children of a Lesser God’, used American Sign Language, and there were many other deaf people in that film, which was about a love affair with a teacher. She continues to make films and programmes, and there are other deaf act
resses in America today.
Princess Diana herself learned how to use British Sign Language, and at the British Deaf Association centenary congress she made a faultless speech using it. The 800 delegates were delighted and gave her a standing ovation. She had been learning to sign for seven years in her role as patron to this association. She was taught by a deaf teacher and was excellent.
The BBC’s CBeebies children’s programmes with four young people feature poetry for children translated with British Sign Language. It’s a wonderful programme for both deaf and hearing children.
Every day on the BBC news channel 24, from one o’clock to half past one, there is a registered qualified level six British Sign Language interpreter.