Since He Really Feels (He Feels)

by Lisa Suzanne

  Travis

  Yet another interesting twist in my relationship with Travis. So I guess I didn’t have a choice to make, and I was glad. I had already chosen Nick, anyway, but this email from Travis gave me an out. I didn’t need to explain to him that I couldn’t be his friend anymore because the email said that he couldn’t be my friend right now anyway. And I still believed that someday we’d get back what we once had, back before he’d declared his feelings of love and we had just been the best of friends.

  People say that you can’t have a platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex, and maybe that was true. I never thought it was, but then this whole crazy thing had happened. I wondered not for the first time how I could have been so blinded to the fact that Travis had serious feelings for me.

  Lucy stopped by my desk for a chat.

  “How are things with you and Jake?” I asked, trying to distract her before she could ask about me. My distraction technique was an epic fail.

  “Perfect. How did things go with Nick?”

  “Really good, actually.”

  “Did you tell him about the stick?”

  I shook my head.

  “Is that a secret you should really be keeping from the man you’re going to marry?”

  I shrugged. She was right, but it was hard to have my friend calling me out on it.

  She looked at me with concern. “Are you doing okay?”

  It felt good to talk to a girlfriend. Most of my relationship with Nick had been hidden from my best friends because we worked together, and I’d been through some of the hardest moments of my life with nowhere to turn. But now that Nick was working for BKG and our relationship was out in the open, I didn’t have to keep these huge secrets from my friends anymore.

  “Yeah. I’m doing alright.”

  Davidson walked by my cubicle. “Lunch?” she asked.

  I nodded, and I got back to work after the serious glare I received from him. Davidson was not happy that Nick went to work for a competing company, and he had said some very harsh words to both of us. In my opinion, he’d been extremely unprofessional, and I briefly considered taking my accounts with me to BKG. But I had signed a contract, and it was illegal and immoral to do that even though Davidson certainly deserved it.

  It was just Lucy and me for lunch, and once our food arrived, the gossip began.

  “So tell me more about San Diego.”

  “He is with this new girl, and when I went to see him, he was chasing after her. I’ve never seen Travis chase after anything or anyone in my life.”

  “Except you.”

  I shook my head. “Even me. He never chased me. He told me once how he felt, and then it was me going back and forth. He doesn’t chase, Luce.”

  “So she’s something special?”

  “I guess.”

  “Did you meet her?”

  “Briefly. She walked in and saw Trav and me hugging. He was comforting me after I told him how Nick and I were fighting because I went to San Diego. But I had to know what he was thinking. He hung up on me after I’d told him we were engaged, and he wouldn’t answer my calls or my texts. I was worried. Anyway so she walked in on us hugging and bolted, and Trav ran after her. When he came back, he was carrying her in his arms.”

  “Like over the threshold?”

  “Exactly. It was totally awkward and he introduced her and she shook my hand while he held her.”

  “Weird.”

  “She seemed possessive. Jealous.”

  “In her defense, she was meeting the girl Travis has loved for his entire life.”

  Lucy had a point. Lindsay had every right to be possessive and jealous when she saw me standing in Travis’s apartment, his arms around me. She couldn’t have known that he was just comforting me, and I couldn’t imagine what it looked like.

  Lucy broke into my thoughts. “He seemed happy?”

  “Totally.”

  “Then good for him.”

  “That’s how I felt, too. But I just feel so…” I glanced around the restaurant. “I don’t know. I feel lost without Travis in my life.”

  She put her hand over mine. “I told you, you’ve got other friends, Jules. Like me.”

  “I know. And I love you.” I squeezed her hand.

  “Love you back.”

  “He’s just always been there, you know? Like family, but sometimes even closer. You know how you sometimes want to keep certain things from your family?”

  “Like my sex life?” We both giggled.

  “Exactly. But I never kept anything from Travis, and I miss having him to lean on.”

  “I get that. Good friends are hard to come by.”

  I nodded. “Thanks, Lucy.”

  “For what?”

  “For being one of those good friends that’s hard to come by.”

  The next day was Friday, and it should have been my last day at McMillan. But because I’d taken off Wednesday due to my trip to San Diego, my last day was going to be Monday.

  And Tom Davidson made sure I knew I was expected at work on Monday.

  I couldn’t quite figure out why he was being such a jerk about everything, but I assumed it had to do with the fact that it was my relationship with Nick that cost him not just his best executive in Nick, but one of his best creative consultants in me, too.

  Our weekend was largely spent making up after our fighting, and I didn’t mind spending the majority of the weekend in bed with my fiancé.

  I finished out my last day at McMillan on Monday with a going away party at lunch time and a fond farewell from most of my friends. Davidson didn’t bother coming down to say his goodbyes, and Dana, a girl from a different department who lusted after Nick, glared at me through the entire gathering. While I knew I was going to miss Lucy and Holly and my teammates, I was not going to miss Dana or her drama.

  After work on Monday, I finally went to get the bulky cast removed that I’d been wearing since my accident in the parking lot of Travis’s former apartment complex.

  I was thrilled and ready to start my new job the next day.

  CHAPTER 6

  TRAVIS MILLER

  It could’ve gone either way, really, but I had been confident that Lindsay felt the same way about me as I felt about her. And even though Julianne had popped into my brain the moment Lindsay and I were embracing after we’d declared our love to each other on the top of the Eiffel Tower the previous Friday, I still knew that it was Lindsay in my heart, not Julianne.

  It was Monday and I was back at work after our quick weekend in Vegas. I glanced at Julianne’s text one last time before deleting it.

  We need to talk. Your email… I just don’t even know where we go from here. I don’t know how to choose between you and Nick.

  The last thing I needed was Lindsay’s jealousy spiraling out of control, although I was pretty sure having her draft the email while I told her what I wanted it to say helped her feel a little more secure in what we had.

  I had to assume Julianne meant that she didn’t know how to choose between her future with Nick and her past with me. If she ever had wanted me the way I had always wanted her, we’d be together right now. I’d never have moved to San Diego. I’d never have gone to Mahogany that night, and I’d never have met Lindsay.

  Lindsay, the woman who in a few short weeks completely turned my life around. The woman who turned me from a heartbroken mess into a man very much in love.

  It’s amazing what sex can do for the mind, but Lindsay truly had some magical powers. She managed to mend me whole again while simultaneously giving me the one thing I’d never had before in a relationship: unconditional love worth fighting for.

  Dan stood in my doorway. I’d spent the night at Lindsay’s and hadn’t seen my roommate in a few days.

  “Good weekend?” he asked.

  I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. “Possibly the best weekend of my life.”

  He raised his eyebrows and then glanced at his watch. “Dam
mit. I have a lunch meeting. Glad things are going well.”

  “How’s Mel?”

  He shrugged. “Still hot as hell, man.”

  I chuckled.

  “You coming home tonight?”

  I nodded. “I’m out of clothes, so I’ll have to stop by at some point.”

  “I’ll make sure I’m not naked on the couch with Mel, then.”

  “It’s fine if she wants to be naked, Dan.”

  It was his turn to chuckle, and then he turned and headed to his lunch meeting.

  I pulled out my phone and texted Lindsay.

  New alphabet game. Quotes. Today I’m quoting a song title: “All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You” by Heart.

  I thought it was romantic. Apparently Lindsay did not.

  Her reply came as I was heading to my car at lunch. WTF?

  Jesus. What had I done now? This girl was so much trouble, but she was so completely worth it. Why did you just WTF me?

  Have you ever listened to the words of that song?

  I played it on my way to lunch. Okay, so apparently it was about a one night stand.

  I laughed as I listened to the analogy of this woman getting knocked up and planting a seed in a garden, and then I texted her back once I reached Subway.

  Well the song title still applies, but I’m not ready to plant any seeds in you just yet.

  “Best Day of My Life” by American Authors. Friday in Vegas with you.

  I smiled at my phone like an idiot in love.

  Right. Because I was an idiot in love.

  There was only room for one woman in my heart, and Lindsay had claimed that space with her feistiness and her gorgeousness and her hot legs and her beautiful mind.

  As much as I had held Julianne on a pedestal for the majority of my life, it was funny how quickly the right woman came along and knocked her clean off that pedestal, claiming that space for her own.

  CHAPTER 7

  JULIANNE BECKER

  Finally Tuesday arrived. It was my very first day at BKG, a place where Nick would once again be my boss, but we wouldn’t have to keep our relationship a secret. It was a place where I would meet new people and hopefully make some new friends.

  I wore a black dress and black heels, and when I walked into the kitchen on Tuesday, I was met with a wolf whistle from Nick.

  I grinned.

  “You better change that dress, baby,” he said as he grinned at me.

  “Why?”

  “Because you look too fucking hot. I’m not going to get any work done if I have to look at you in that.”

  I giggled and smacked his arm. “Stop it.”

  He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. “Wear whatever you want to wear. Do you want to drive in together?”

  I shrugged. I did, but I also didn’t want him to feel like he had to leave when I was ready or that I had to leave when he was ready, especially given the fact that he’d been staying so late. “Let’s drive separately.”

  A wounded expression flashed quickly across his face, but he hid it well. “What about the environment?” he joked, trying to lighten the situation.

  “You’re still my boss, and I don’t want it to be weird for you.”

  “It won’t be. I don’t think you realize how excited I am that you’re starting at BKG with me.”

  “I’m excited, too.”

  “You know what this means, don’t you?”

  I raised my eyebrows in question.

  “If things go well, maybe someday we can work together to open up our own company.”

  It wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned opening his own company someday. He was sharp and intelligent, and I had every faith in him that he could make it happen if he wanted to. And with the two of us working toward the same goal, it was sure to become a reality.

  I kissed him again and then went to the fridge to pour myself some orange juice. “I hope that happens someday.”

  “It will, baby. Not to change the subject, but have you given any more thought to setting our wedding date?”

  I shrugged. “Soon-ish?”

  “Let’s pick a date.”

  “Now?”

  “Sure. Why not?”

  “Because I need to get to work?”

  “It’ll take two minutes.” He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and opened up the calendar. “So we’re at the end of February now. What do you think about end of July?”

  “Nick, that gives me five months to plan a wedding. That’s not going to work.”

  “Why not?”

  “You’re such a guy sometimes.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “That means you have no concept of what planning a wedding takes.”

  “Oh?” He looked annoyed by my comment. “Have you ever planned a wedding?”

  “I helped plan my sister’s wedding. And it took her a year to get it all together.”

  “What if I told you I’d hire us a wedding planner?”

  “That would be fantastic, Nick, but don’t waste your money.”

  He pulled me into his arms again. “About that,” he said. “I have plenty, and it won’t be a waste.”

  “Speaking of that,” I started, “and in the spirit of not keeping secrets, how is it exactly that you have so much money?”

  Something flashed across his face that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that I know about how much you were making at McMillan. I know you got a healthy raise to move to BKG, but you owned this house long before all of that. If I’m marrying you, don’t you think I should know the source of your income?”

  He glanced away from me. “What do you mean ‘If’ you’re marrying me?”

  “Answer the question.”

  “It’s a long story.”

  I glanced at the clock on the oven. “I’ve got time.”

  “No, you don’t. We need to get to work.”

  “Then let’s carpool. You can tell me on the way.”

  He sighed and pulled out of our hug. “Oh, now you want to ride together?”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Why all the secrecy, Nick?”

  “It’s not secrecy. It’s just a long story.”

  “I’m dropping it for now, but you’re telling me someday. Soon.”

  “Deal. So back to the date. End of July?”

  “Nick, I need more time.”

  “For what?”

  “Why the rush?”

  “It’s not a rush. A rush would be next week. I just want you to be my wife.”

  “And I can’t wait to be your wife,” I said. “I just want our day to be perfect.”

  “It will be. If you’re there and I’m there, it will be perfect.”

  I sighed. “Fine. But you’re helping me plan this thing every step of the way.”

  “There’s nothing I’d love more.”

  “See you at the office, boss,” I said in my best breathless voice as I purposely dropped my keys on the floor and then bent over to pick them up, giving him a front row view of my cleavage.

  “Jesus,” he breathed, and I grabbed my keys and headed out the door with a grin on my face.

  The building that housed BKG in Mesa was smaller than the McMillan building in Tempe, but it was modern and classy from the outside with lots of glass providing the tenants with plenty of windows overlooking the mountains. McMillan rented only three floors of the building we used to work in, while the entire eight story structure before me housed BKG’s offices. Where McMillan gave offices only to executives, BKG had offices for each consultant… which meant that for the first time in my career, I was getting my own office.

  Nick and I pulled in at the same time, and we walked into the building together. He informed me that our offices were on the eighth floor, so we got onto the elevator and he pressed the button. I flashed back to our time together at McMillan when we would board the elevator together and he would knock my socks off with some sort of electric kiss. Bu
t today, I was nervous for my first day at my new job, and as the doors closed, I leaned against the wall, fidgeting as the elevator started its ascent toward the top floor.

  “Stop squirming,” he warned.

  I shot him a dirty look.

  “Are you nervous?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  “Let me calm you down, baby.” He grinned and stalked toward me. I stood rooted to the spot, and he pinned me to the wall with his hips. God, I loved it when he did that. I could feel his hardness for me pressed against my belly, and the nerves abated as I wrapped my arms around my fiancé’s neck and his lips crashed violently to mine.

  He knew exactly what I needed.

  His tongue danced against mine in a slow tango, and suddenly work was the furthest thing from my mind as I got caught up in our sensual, private moment. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed working with him until I was lucky enough to get an elevator ride alone with him.

  The elevator slowed and Nick moved back to his corner while I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself. But how do you pocket that much lust?

  Nick led me off of the elevator and first introduced me to our receptionist.

  “This is Darlene. She is amazing and will get you whatever you need.” He grinned at her, and she looked at my fiancé like he was a god, but that was something I had started to get used to. He was not difficult to look at, and it wasn’t the first time I’d seen ladies trip over themselves for a better view. “Darlene, this is Julianne. She is on my team and today is her first day. And she happens to be my fiancée.”

  I saw a flash of disappointment cross her face, and I beamed with sudden pride on the inside. Yep, this sexy man was taken. By me.

  I shook Darlene’s hand. “Nice to meet you,” I smiled warmly, and even through her disappointment that Nick was taken, she still managed a warm smile back. She seemed like someone who I wanted on my side.

  Nick showed me to my office, and I was amazed at my new setup. I had a beautiful desk, a laptop and iPad, and floor to ceiling windows. I had a circular table in the space in front of my desk where I could design or meet with clients or hold small meetings with colleagues. It was gorgeous, and it was all mine.

  “Holy shit, Nick.”

  “I know. Nice, right?”