Since He Really Feels (He Feels)

by Lisa Suzanne

  But it threw a huge wrench in my personal life.

  He wasn’t doing this for me. He couldn’t; certainly not after the way Julianne had chosen me over his son. He was doing this because he loved Julianne like a daughter and because he wanted to ensure that she was taken care of, particularly if BKG was rumored to be going under. And apparently he had seen my work and was confident that I was good enough to run a successful business on my own.

  I just sat there, stupidly silent as I considered his offer. It was an amazing offer, but I had literally just convinced Julianne that as a team, we were better off with Travis out of our lives. This would be me bringing him directly back in and giving Julianne an opening to see him and work alongside him on a daily basis.

  Before I had a chance to form a thought coherent enough to voice, Jack spoke again. “I’ll remind you that I haven’t told anyone about this yet, my son included. I’d like to give you a week or so to consider my offer. I’ve drawn up a draft of a contract that is certainly negotiable. Read it over and set up an appointment with me for mid-next week.” He slid a manila envelope across the desk and stood up.

  I stood, too, and he made his way around the desk. I shook his hand. “Thank you for the offer. You have certainly given me a lot to think about,” I said.

  “I hope you’ll take it seriously,” he said, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “I’ve heard nothing but spectacular things about your professionalism and your work, and I know that both you and my son can cast aside any personal differences you have so that the two of you can work together.”

  That line almost sold me on it, but I had more than just myself to consider. I’d just started working at a company that had given me a massive raise, an opulent office, and an incredible opportunity. According to Jack Miller, BKG was in financial trouble. But aside from that, I also had Julianne to consider. I couldn’t begin to imagine how she would deal with this or how it would affect our relationship.

  CHAPTER 26

  JULIANNE BECKER

  I sensed Nick pulling away from me, and I wasn’t sure how to get him back.

  Just when everything seemed to be back on track between the two of us, I found myself at home alone while he worked late on Wednesday night. I wasn’t sure if he was immersing himself in work to get away from me or if it was because he actually had that much work to do. Whatever the case, I missed him and I missed the progress we had made.

  He had texted me to let me know to go ahead with dinner without him. I knew he had some meeting to go to toward the end of the day, but I wasn’t sure who it was with or what it was all about. I tended not to ask work related questions since we worked together, but I was definitely curious. All I knew was that he didn’t get home until after 10:00, and he wasn’t in a chatting mood when he arrived. He showered and went right to bed while I sat there and wondered where I had gone wrong and wishing for the warmth and intimacy we’d finally gotten back.

  I hung my hopes on the weekend. I hoped that it would just be time spent together since that had been seriously lacking.

  I hardly saw him at work on Thursday, and he put in another late night, arriving home a little before 9:30.

  Eric and Josh were both out, presumably with their women, so I was sitting in our family room reading a book when he walked in. I held my finger on the page I was reading and closed my book.

  “Hey,” I smiled, trying to paste on a genuine look of support. “How was work today?” I asked.

  He smiled. “Fine.” He planted a kiss on my forehead.

  “Good,” I said, tilting my head back for a kiss on my lips. He leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to my lips, pulling back, but I was quicker than him, ditching my book next to me on the couch and wrapping my hand around the back of his head, opening my lips to his. He groaned into me, and I knew that he had missed our connection as much as I had.

  He pulled away.

  What. The. Fuck?

  “I have to get some things ready for tomorrow,” he said. He managed an apologetic look aimed in my direction.

  “Why do you keep pulling away from me?” I finally voiced the question that had been in my mind for the past two days.

  “I’m not, baby. I’m just really busy with work.”

  He averted his eyes as he spoke, so I had a feeling he wasn’t telling me the whole truth. I had a feeling that he was either keeping something from me or he was lying to me, but after the fragile pieces of our relationship had just been glued back together, I wasn’t ready to push the issue.

  “Okay,” I said, not bothering to hide the hurt in my tone.

  “Okay?” he asked.

  I sighed. “No. It’s not okay.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “I want you to tell me what’s been keeping you at work so late the past two nights.”

  It was his turn to sigh. “It’s just a bunch of different things that I can’t talk about.”

  “Even with me?”

  He shook his head. “I’m sorry, baby.”

  “Fine,” I said, picking my book back up and turning my attention away from him.

  “Don’t be like that,” he said, his voice a warning.

  “Like what, Nick? You won’t talk to me, you’re pulling away from me just after we got things back on track. I don’t know what to think anymore.”

  He was quiet, studying me. “I’m sorry,” he finally whispered. “I’m just dealing with a lot of shit at work right now, and I wish I could share it with you, but I can’t. Not yet.”

  I nodded. “Well then come talk to me when you’re ready. I will apparently be right here waiting,” I said, not looking up from my book that I was now pretending to read.

  I felt his presence standing there for a long moment, but I refused to look up.

  I read a few pages, and when I finally did look up, he was gone.

  Nick had forewarned me that he’d be putting in another late night the next night, so I decided a girls’ night was in order. I didn’t want to sit at home wondering when Nick would grace me with his presence.

  On a whim, I called up my sister.

  “Want to get away from those gorgeous babies for a night and hang with the girls?” I asked.

  “Fuck yes. I need some vodka and women and dancing.”

  “And I’m sure Brandon won’t be complaining when his drunk wife stumbles home.”

  Jamie laughed, and I was glad for something to finally look forward to.

  I texted Lucy next. Girls’ night tomorrow?

  Her reply came quickly. I’m in, but what about Nick? You two doing okay?

  I thought about that. Were we okay? I thought we were. I thought we had worked past our issues, and then he started burying himself in work. It felt like avoidance.

  I think so. He’s been distant the past few days.

  My phone rang a moment later. “Hey, Lucy,” I said after reading the screen.

  “Distant?”

  “Working late, that kind of thing.”

  She took a deep breath. “Jules, have you stopped in all of this chaos to think about what he must be going through?”

  “Of course I think about him.”

  “I’m not sure you do.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Wasn’t Lucy my friend? Wasn’t she supposed to be on my side?

  “It just means that you blame Nick the moment things get complicated.”

  I felt suddenly defensive. “That’s kind of harsh, Lucy. And I don’t do that.”

  “Yes, you do.” Her voice was gentle, like she was trying to soothe me. “It’s a relationship, Jules. It takes work from both sides.”

  “I know that.”

  “Do you?”

  “Of course I do.”

  I didn’t want to talk about this with Lucy. I didn’t like the feeling of being called out on something that an outsider didn’t understand.

  But the more I thought about it after we’d arranged our plans for the ne
xt night, the more I realized how right she had been. And while at first I felt like she was jumping onto Nick’s side, she had a point.

  Was I the reason he was working late all the time?

  Was I blaming him when I was the one who was to blame?

  Maybe he’d made the first mistake, but I’d made mistake after mistake after that.

  Heading to San Diego against his wishes. Running to Travis time and again. Getting mad when he wouldn’t talk to me about his family at our engagement party. Not understanding when he had to work late because he was just starting a new job.

  For someone who claimed to love Nick with all of her heart, I sure wasn’t acting like a girl in love. And it had taken one of my best friends to point that out to me.

  I had declared that I was going to focus on Nick and me, and while I’d managed to cut out Travis, I hadn’t done a very good job in really dedicating myself to making Nick happy. I was selfishly more concerned with how I was being treated than anything else, and it was time to start putting others first.

  The next night, Lucy, Holly, Jamie and I grabbed a cab to one of my favorite bars, the place where it all started for Nick and me: Mahogany. We had spent hours primping and preening, ultimately ending up with fancy sparkly dresses and tall heels and sexy hair. I had donned a rather short turquoise dress that was so tight I was going to have to be cut out of it, but my girls assured me that I looked hot. I happened to own a pair of sparkly heels that matched the shade of the dress to perfection, and the combo made me feel beautiful.

  As soon as we entered Mahogany, I knew we looked good as I saw the attention of several males turn in our direction. It felt like one of those slow motion moments in a movie when time slows down, our hair blowing perfectly in the breeze as we entered through the doorway.

  The place was packed, but I didn’t care. I was there to have a great time with my girls, not for new male attention. I was having a hard enough time with the one man in my life; well, the two if you counted Travis. I didn’t need more to complicate things even further.

  We managed to find a couple vacating a table, so we grabbed it before the vultures descended on it. I held the table with Jamie while Lucy and Holly headed to the bar to get the first round.

  “Where’s that delicious man of yours tonight?” Jamie asked, yelling over the music and glancing around us at the crowd.

  I yelled back, “Working.”

  “On a Friday?”

  I nodded.

  She shrugged and pressed her lips together. I didn’t say it, but I completely agreed with her sentiment.

  Girls’ night meant the requisite Appletinis, and Lucy brought one for me while Holly handed Jamie hers. I giggled as I watched my sister take a sip and then close her eyes in ecstasy as she swallowed it down.

  “Oh sweet apple martinis, how I have missed you,” she declared, staring into the gorgeous green liquid.

  The first drink slid down smoothly, as did the second, and somehow the four of us found ourselves on the dance floor, shimmying together and giggling. I saw an attractive man with dark hair slide behind Holly, grabbing her hips and grinding behind her. She turned and shooed him away, content to dance with the ladies, not to mention the fact that she had a boyfriend waiting at home with whom she had become pretty serious.

  Lucy dragged me to the restroom a short while later while Jamie and Holly continued dancing.

  “I feel like we haven’t talked in forever,” she said as we waited in the lengthy line for our turn.

  “We haven’t. I’ve been swamped with the new job and planning a wedding. I miss you, Luce,” I said.

  She threw her arms around me and pulled me in for a tight hug, and that’s when I knew we were both pretty drunk.

  “I miss you too, Jules.” I understood the drunken slurring since I was currently speaking the same language, but it came out more like, “I mish you toooooo, Julez.”

  “Work’s not the same without you. How’s fancy BKG?”

  “I hate it,” I said. “I miss McMillan and you and Holls.”

  “I miss lunches. At least I’ve still got Jake.”

  “How is Jake?” I asked.

  Lucy blushed. I could see it even through the haze of Appletinis.

  “He’s great,” she gushed.

  “I’m happy for you.”

  It was our turn for the stalls, so our gush-fest ended there. I had always known Lucy liked Jake, but it seemed like the two of them had truly fallen for each other. It felt wonderful to be surrounded by so much love, and I couldn’t help but think of my own situation. Nick and I were very much in love. It was pure and true and real. But I had to wonder if it was enough.

  The bickering and fighting and time away from each other weren’t getting better despite our best attempts to fix things. When we had to hide our relationship because he was my boss at McMillan, all I wanted was for things to change so that we could shout to the whole world about our love. But now that I had that reality, I missed the good old days when we loved each other in secret and that was simply enough for us.

  That whole grass is greener cliché certainly rang true for me.

  Lucy and I headed to the bar for our next round, and then we found Jamie and Holly on the dance floor. I saw a couple of guys dancing close to them, but I was too drunk to care. We were having a good time, we knew how to say no to unwanted attention, and we were all headed home to men that we loved and who loved us back. It felt good, and I banished the bad thoughts from my mind. Nick and I were strong enough. I was convinced that we were going to make it through this rough patch, and as I danced with my friends and giggled and drank, my thoughts focused in on how I could seduce my man the moment I got home.

  I felt a pair of arms slip around my waist, and my first thought was that some men had an awful lot of nerve. I hated fighting off male attention. I didn’t want to be mean, and it made me feel rude to deny someone something as simple as a dance. I looked at Jamie to roll my eyes before turning around, and her face was lit with a huge smile.

  It was at that exact moment that I felt a pair of lips on my neck, and I immediately knew who it was from the feel of his mouth on my skin and from the manly scent that wafted to my nose.

  “Jesus Christ. That dress,” I heard his voice rasp in my ear as his hands trailed down and landed on my hips.

  I grinned, not knowing how he was here or why and not caring. I knew this was supposed to be a girls’ night out, but I had missed him. He’d been at the office late all week. I’d hardly seen him. We’d had nothing but arguments; I was ready to give the shit up and just have a good time with my sexy man.

  And those lips moving up my neck to the little spot behind my ear told me that we were in for a very good night together. I felt his tongue dart out of his mouth, sending chills down my legs. I finally turned so that we were standing with our arms wrapped around one another.

  He leaned in so his forehead rested against mine, and even though there was a loud dance song playing in the background, we swayed to the music as if it was a slow song playing just for us. This single moment was reminiscent of our New Year’s kiss. It was the moment when he found me in the crowd, when I hadn’t expected him to show even though I had wished for it with everything inside of me. This moment reminded me of why we were so good together. We’d been through some twists and turns, but ultimately, when Nick held me in his arms, my world was perfect. We would figure the rest out later.

  “I missed you,” he murmured, running his nose along the length of mine and pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. I tasted a hint of whiskey on him and briefly wondered how many drinks he’d had before he’d come to meet me. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was there.

  “I missed you, too,” I said, and I felt his arms tighten around my waist as his head settled into the crook of my neck. I was overwhelmed with emotion for him as we stood in an embrace in the middle of a crowded dance floor. Now that he was back in my arms where he belonged, I realized how much I had missed
his touch.

  The need inside of me pooled together until it ached between my legs. I wasn’t sure if it was the Appletinis talking or if it was because this luscious hunk of a man hadn’t been inside of me in far too long, but I had a need that craved instant gratification. I glanced around us for a suitable location. I’d never done it in a bathroom at a bar before, but there was always that option. His hand slid up from where it rested behind my back to grip the back of my head, and then his mouth crashed down to mine. His tongue moved expertly against mine, stoking the already flaming desire inside of me. The ache turned into a throbbing ball of fiery need, and I was lost to the rest of the world. My girls no longer existed; Mahogany no longer existed; the dance floor no longer existed; it was just Nick and me locked in each other in this one moment.

  He pulled back, panting. “Jesus,” he muttered. He took my hand and I glanced back at my friends. They were busy dancing and seemed oblivious to the raging lust passing between Nick and me.

  He led me through the bar and out the front doors. There was a cab waiting at the curb, and Nick gestured for me to get in.

  His eyes were glazed with lust and I felt my breath catch in my throat as I took in his appearance. It wasn’t the first time that just looking at him completely staggered me. He was flushed from the kissing or maybe from the liquor he’d had before he found me, and he was wearing a suit. He looked like he’d come right from work, and his thick, dark hair was messy. His hazel eyes glowed at me with desire and I wondered for about the millionth time since he’d first kissed me in the very bar we’d just exited why he had chosen me. He could have literally any woman he wanted. He was amazing, sexy, and intelligent.

  Yet he chose me.

  He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

  And I had been a fucking idiot for pushing him away and doing things to make him angry with me when all I should have been doing was finding ways to pull him closer.

  “Get in, baby,” he said, and I realized that I was staring at him while he was waiting for me to get into the cab.