by Gann, Myles
“Nope, just pointing out the obvious. This is an alley; there are many like it and just as many without you causing a problem. The idea of other people having fun when they’re as far in the dumps as you are is probably insulting, but get over it. You don’t like something? Change it.”
The father stepped back gradually with the other two a half-step behind him at all times. Without violence, they continued to backtrack into their piles of supplies, gathered what they could, and quickly worked further into the catacombs of the inner city. The trace amount of energy he’d deployed retracted, and Caleb’s hands were suddenly unstable and began to shake. “Glowstick! You’re a war hero now! We’ve been against them forever now. You’s throwing daggers from your lips.”
They all laughed while standing up and patting Caleb on his arms and chest with fingerless gloves and weakened hands. Caleb took it all with a half-smile and constant nod, letting the mixture of aromas wash over him in a pungent and unsettling way, ‘I don’t enjoy this.’
‘If I had smell, I wouldn’t either.’
‘No, it’s not that.’
Caleb backed out of the appreciative group. “It was nothing. Just told the guy the truth.” He gripped hard his hand to stop the incessant shaking. “I’ve gotta go grab a bite to eat.”
They all waved as he quickly backpedaled and found the cool breeze of the open street comforting. He looked towards the massive billboard again, ‘Crap it’s late. We’ll have to grab a sandwich to go somewhere.’ A sandwich shop across the street quickly caught his eye.
‘Why are we rushing?’
‘It’s the second day; I don’t want to be rude quite yet.’
‘You wish to delay the realization of your rude nature?’
He walked in the door. ‘No, that’s not what I meant.’
‘That’s what you said.’
He placed his hands on the counter. ‘It’s not what I meant, though.’
‘What did you mean?’
‘I meant that I’m not rude, and that being late would give the false connotation that I have rude tendencies, which would therefore be a lie and would not fall in line with the nature of my being.’ “Yeah let me get a number four.” ‘Deep enough for you?’
“What kind of drink?” The woman behind the register asked. ‘I knew sleep wasn’t affecting your mind quite yet.’
‘Sorry to disappoint.’ “Just a water, please.”
‘My guess is that it’s adrenaline. You’ll be falling asleep half-way through this little group session, mark my words.’
He took his bag with a smile. ‘Marked and signed.’
The water was nearly gone as he quickly weaved and crested to the gym. ‘No one’s here yet.’
‘Yes I’m sure the ten blocks was exhausting for you and all, but quit complaining that I’m trying to make things better.’
‘That’s against my nature.’
‘You don’t have a nature.’
His power went silent. Caleb pitched the small cup and calmly walked behind the beat-up red truck that stopped in front of the door. David came out of the cab with Alice behind the wheel. “Evening, Caleb. Wanna give me a hand here?”
Caleb smiled at her in the rearview and helped David unfasten the tailgate. ‘And now you’re helping him?’
‘Yeah, apparently so.’
‘You disappoint me.’ David hopped into the bed and carelessly pushed the large chair towards the edge. Caleb lifted under the sturdy side and grabbed around the back as best he could, hoisting it with his natural strength easily enough and bending it to the ground.
From above, David made an impressed noise. “A little strong are we?”
Caleb smiled upwards as he grabbed his bag. “Strong enough I suppose.”
He gingerly jumped down using the bed as a stabilizing guide and waved at Alice, who promptly drove the truck away and into a parking spot. “Good to see you back after yesterday’s shortened session.”
“Yeah, I was curious about that.”
“Well, we have a special arrangement with the electric company and town hall. They get to write this off as a charitable organization and we get a little discount on electricity and anonymity, which is good for publicly shy people.”
“Shyness would seem to prohibit certain activities, such as playing softball.”
“Their world has to be stretched somewhat for them to fit in. They are only anonymous as long as they seem to be without anomalies.”
“Anonymity is quite an asset.” ‘Alice seems to waver between shy and open….’
“Speaking of which, I called a few well-placed colleagues about you, and, not surprisingly, there’s a great deal of Caleb’s in the system,” he trailed.
“Then I’ll remain anonymous for a little bit longer I suppose.”
“Heh, yeah I guess, but it is a rite of passage that you tell the group where you came from, what’s shaped you, et cetera at some point. The sooner the better, obviously.”
“Probably not in this case….”
Alice came up gently and seemed to unleash a previously bound smile. “Hey,” her eyes entranced by his again, “not sore are ya?”
David turned his head to her as Caleb spoke. “No, thankfully I walked it off.”
“I invited him to the dojo today,” she said without severing iris-to-iris contact with Caleb. “You look tired, and your arms are shaking. Tired or methed up?”
Caleb smiled at her talents. “No track marks, or sleep for the past two days. No food for that long either, so I’m trying to catch up.”
“That’s not healthy….”
‘She’s concerned about you.’ “I’ve had more important things to do lately.”
‘I’ve noticed.’ “Well, you’ll have to tell us about it. We’ll be alone for another half an hour.”
‘Good thing we’re early….’
Caleb grinned at his power’s impatience while opening the door for the tiny couple. David avoided eye contact while Alice didn’t seem to possess the same ability; her head turned back as she passed by him, his buttocks quickly leaving the door to walk beside her. ‘Why’d I do that?’ They walked across the floor until they were roughly along the same circle as before; Alice setting up her station while David handed Caleb a chair. ‘He almost let it fall in my hand. He’s jealous.’
They all took seats together, David opening a small binder while Alice remained focused with her eyes and wound tighter her small smile. “Would you mind telling us a little about yourself? We didn’t really get into it last night.”
‘Time to lie.’
Caleb felt his gut go to knots. ‘I don’t want to lie.’
‘Who cares? You cannot tell the truth here. You must be able to lie.’
‘I am able to lie, it’s just wrong to.’
‘If you tell the truth, we’re done with this.’
‘No we’re not.’ Caleb cleared his throat. ‘I make the rules for now, not you.’ “My last name is Whitmor.” Both listeners leaned forward to catch his whispers. “I used to live outside of New York city until I was about nineteen, then I moved a little further in-state to be with…a loved one in a psychiatric hospital for twenty years.”
“Which one was that?”
He looked at David and smiled. “You won’t get any of them to talk about me.” Alice cocked her head. “I was admitted voluntarily and left unofficially. I wasn’t diagnosed or ever medicated, so I didn’t exist there. Like I said, I was there for someone.”
“What about their name?”
“That’s none of your bui—” ‘Lie, boy, lie. Protect yourself. Keep everything bottled up.’
‘No,’ he whispered from the inside of his own ear. “Carol. Mention my name with hers. They’ll know who you’re talking about. They have to tell you something about me. St. Margaret’s. It’s the only one in New York State with the name.”
‘You moron!’ His power continued to whip furiously behind the tight constraints in Caleb’s head while David walked away to pl
ace a phone call. Alice leapt forward to David’s closer chair as soon as he vacated. “You’re forty?”
Caleb smiled despite his heart’s moan. “Will be soon. Don’t look it do I?”
She shook her head. “You look younger than me when you’re rested. Now you look older, but not that old at all. What’s your secret?”
Caleb laughed a little, feeling fatigue coax his brain into a cooing position. “Lots and lots of lotion. Tubs full of it.”
She smiled. “You’re lying, but it’s still funny. How long have you known about what you have?”
“I knew of our shared disease as soon as I was old enough to comprehend it, but how sick I was eluded me for almost a decade. I was in a car accident and…something weird happened that prompted more explanation.”
“What happened? What else do you have?”
“I have a laundry list of problems, and there was a release of adrenaline that interacted with increased salt production throughout my body that served as a catalyst when combined with a pre-existing deformity that increases nerve conduction and neuron firing within my body, essentially making me a walking generator of bio-energy.”
She smirked again. “Trying to confuse me?”
“Only if it worked.”
She smiled again and put her chin in her hand, not hearing David approach. “They’ll fax her records over as soon as they check me out. They have no copies of yours.”
“Like I said….”
“Does he look forty, David?”
“No,” he said quickly. “Mind if I sit there again?”
“Yes.”
He sighed and plopped down in her recliner. “What happened after the hospital?”
“Got out and came here. That part’s boring.”
“Why here? Why not with family?”
“I have none. Mom and Dad died while I was in high school. Extended family at various times before and after then.”
Alice leaned onto her elbow and knee. “You left Carol there?”
Caleb felt the knot tighten. “No, she had a cardiac event and died en route to the hospital.”
Alice’s back hit the metal chair and David’s eyes averted; all the while Caleb stared at an un-captivating floorboard. “Who was she?”
David’s question drew Caleb’s eyes for only moments. “First my best friend, then my girlfriend, then my wife for all practical purposes.”
He glanced at Alice, her hand covering her heart and tiny tears filling the brims of her depth-defying eyes, and quickly averted to his ordinary board. ‘And now you feel deathly inside. Are you happy? Does this make you happy?’
‘The truth is the truth. I won’t lie to anyone again.’
‘That’s what this is. You think you lied to all of them when you said you’d make them proud? You’re nothing but a child on the inside; beaten and bruised, feeling as if the world has walked on without you when you were never a part of it to begin with. You’re trying to pay penance for a crime never committed.’
‘I lied to them, every one of them at some point. I won’t do it again.’
“We’re sorry to hear that,” David said, interrupting Caleb’s internal skirmish. “That should be good for now. We’ll probably have you give the summary of that to the group. A different night.”
Caleb nodded and said, “Thanks.”
The small man stood and walked towards the door, greeting the few people that already intruded the metal frame, while Caleb wiped at his tired eyes to stave sadness behind fatigue. He heard Alice sniffle a few times before feeling loose strands of hair tickle at his wrists. “I’m sure she had the most peaceful look on her face when she died. I know you made her feel that.”
‘Swing and a miss.’
Caleb leaned back and showed her his eyes again, hoping they were dry. They exchanged a smile as Caleb stood, setting up chairs as he walked around. Familiar faces from the night before took chairs cautiously as he set them up. His mind carefully attached names to faces again as a matching game, ensuring a consistent ability to recall them later. He sat back down and reached for his sandwich bag, opening it quietly as everyone gathered around and quietly conversed. David re-approached the circle and spoke over the groups soft chewing of words and food. “Welcome everyone. I’m going to have to leave early tonight, but before I do, I want to hear what you all thought about the poem we heard last time. Who would like to start?”
Caleb finished his sandwich and carefully placed the paper on the ground, not realizing everyone was looking at him until he leaned back up. “You want me to start?”
“A few other people have gone, but we’d like your opinion, yes.”
‘My brain’s speeding up. I feel like I’m asleep now….’
‘Told you.’
“Um, well, it was really deep and interesting because of the symbolism you used.”
“Name some,” the artist himself demanded.
“The title was pretty thought provoking, especially when the last line tied it all together.”
The artist turned towards David and Alice. “He didn’t even listen to the middle of my poem.”
Alice unfurled a little from her ball. “Well, it was his first night. Maybe you guys can talk about it in group time later…?”
“Yeah, sure, I’ll listen to the first and last word he says. See how he likes it.”
Caleb kept his smile under control as the guy next to him—‘Three-and-a-half feet of cushion to my left,’—began to talk. He simply couldn’t concentrate as hard as they deserved; his eyes would blink away the world for more than a few seconds at a time before achedly reopening to the room. Before long, David was leaving the room while Alice stood and opened her arms wide. “Since he’s leaving, it’s gonna be another short night for us, but don’t tell him.” A slight rise could be felt through the room. “But before we leave, group time. Pick a partner and talk. Caleb and Benny have to partner up.”
She flashed him a jubilant smile to which he could only tiredly nod back as chairs scraped loudly across the floor in all directions. Benny stayed rooted to his usual position. Caleb stood and dragged his trash and chair behind him until his tired legs folded beneath his body, the chair catching his weight. Benny was at attention; his back was straight while his head was slightly forward and his eyes were wide and searching. Caleb ran his hand through his hair and sniffed loudly. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s the first thing.”
Caleb remained silent, listening more on the other conversations than feeding into Benny’s pointless game. The chats were quiet despite the familiarity of the people. Alice’s voice could be easily heard over the other conversationalists as she hovered from one pair to another, ultimately stopping next to Caleb’s quiet group. “Nothing else to say?”
Caleb simply shook his head.
“You’re not going to talk so I can ignore it?”
Again.
“Alice! He’s being unfair.”
She came rushing over. ‘What a toddler he is.’
‘That’s how I would be if this thing was just a little worse.’
‘Thank god you’re not then.’ “How is he being unfair, Benny?”
“He won’t talk so I can ignore him.”
“Benny, that’s what kids do. We’re not kids. I was talking to him yesterday that’s why he didn’t hear some of your poem. Are you going to be mad at me now?”
“You know I can’t be.”
“Good, so did he apologize?”
He nodded.
“Then make-up. He’s gonna be with us now Benny.”
Benny rotated his head back to Caleb and made eye contact. “Accepted.”
Caleb smiled as much as he could muster. “Thanks, Benny.”
Alice placed a hand on Benny’s shoulder to comfort him, and dragged a hand across Caleb’s as she passed by. The friction across his tired skin sparked writhing endings, burst ripples from beneath the cotton of his shirt that gently moved the soft paper at his feet as a breeze would a wandering
leaf. He quickly regained his senses and pulled the light energy burst back, averting what gathered attention the action received by firing a question. “Where are you from, Benny?”
“Boston. You?”
“Outside New York.”
“I never liked New York. Too busy.”
“Yeah, but I bet Boston’s pretty bad too.”
“Not as bad. Just bad enough to make me leave.”
“You moved here by yourself too?”
“No. Alice and David moved us down. I knew him and her from childhood.”
“Ah, you’re one of the life-timers. That’s cool.”
“Not really. Just true….”
“All righty everyone I hope you all had a good discussion. We will meet again next Monday night. Have a good weekend!”
‘I have no sense of time. I didn’t even know it was Friday….’
‘Sleep is important to be functional. When you fall, I’m going to tear someone apart for your little truth pandering.’
‘No you’re not.’
‘You’ll see when you wake up, I suppose.’
Caleb angrily stood after everyone else and jammed his hands in his pocket. He quickly walked out of the darkened gym and into the street-lit night again. “I was just here,” he whispered. A few of the group turned and looked at him with half smiles across their faces, but only long enough for that observation before their eyes were averted again. Caleb removed his hands from his pockets and looked around, seeing Alice struggling with her large chair on the sidewalk. He quickly looked left. ‘David took the truck. What a dick.’
‘Told you.’
Caleb walked over quickly to shove his strong hand under the chair and lifted with her, feeling something sharp stab into his hand. His teeth grit and he lifted harder until she could jam her knee under the cushiony monster. “Thanks. Is your hand okay? You were gritting your teeth.” She looked down as a small drop of blood hit the pavement. “Oh gosh, hold on.”
“No, it’s nothing.” The chair suddenly dropped straight to the cement with a clang before her knees dropped to the same surface, intently observing the open wound. “It’s really nothing. It’ll be healed by tomorrow.”