Small Town Hearts

by Lillie Vale

  “It’s going to fall over,” said Levi.

  “Don’t be a Debbie Downer! We built it with a good foundation. For anything to work, it needs that.”

  “Aye, aye.” He grinned.

  “It looks like Hogwarts.” I smoothed my finger over a tower. The sand was still wet, and I tried to shave the sides of it with the edges of my palms, slicing upward so the tip of the spire narrowed like the point of a number-two pencil. “Here’s Gryffindor Tower.”

  Levi chuckled as he crouched forward to watch what I was doing. “Potterhead?”

  I flicked some sand at his leg. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

  “So what else do you like?” He rocked back on his heels, smiling.

  “I like all kinds of stuff.” I returned his smile, dreamy and soft and warm and so, so, so in like that I let myself ramble. “I like Star Wars and rereading things I’ve already read a dozen times and too many marshmallows in my hot chocolate.” I raised my finger, pointed at the moon. “I like looking at the stars and the clouds and seeing the shapes the ancients used to see.”

  And I like you.

  “Kind of like now,” he said, glancing up.

  I followed his gaze. Face upturned, I almost missed him pulling his phone out of his pocket and turning on the flashlight app. Light flooded above in a line. “May the Force be with you,” he said solemnly, earning a laugh from me.

  “Nerd,” I teased, sprawling out in the sand next to him. It had taken me a second to remember he wasn’t one of my best friends whose lap I could settle my head in.

  He lay down on the sand, one arm crooked under his ear to support his head. He shot me a lazy smile. “If Oar’s Rest is paradise, then you’re Eve.”

  I grimaced. “As in biblical, gets-blamed-for-everything Eve?”

  “Nah.” Levi didn’t seem to mind the sand getting on his clothing. “More like beautiful Eve in her paradise.”

  I barely heard the incessant, buzzing cricket chirps or the gentle splash of tide as it rolled up on the sand. Sound faded, receding from my ears like the roll of water as it headed back to the sea.

  I had been grappling with my feelings toward him, but now it all seemed so clear. The moment had shifted from two friends sitting together to a girl who might, just might, be falling for a boy.

  Everything felt still. My stomach clenched and loosened, clenched and loosened. My heart jackrabbited and my breath came out in soft, shallow breaths. He seemed unaware of my internal turmoil—or that he was the cause of it.

  Levi was right. Beginnings could be scary, and there was always a chance that the ending wouldn’t be pretty, but the middle was what made it all worth it. Penny was right, too. People weren’t meant to be preserved in amber. Maybe there were no happily ever afters. But there could be happiness, if I was brave enough to go for it. Though I knew Levi would leave, I wasn’t ready to give up the possibility of us.

  I’d been so confused for so long, I just wanted one thing, just one thing that made sense. And the only thing that that made sense to me in that moment was him. So I didn’t stop myself when I tilted forward.

  “Babe?”

  I closed the distance between us. Before my eyes shut, his face broke into a smile and he leaned toward me. One hand cupped my cheek while the other lightly clutched my shoulder, pulling me closer. Our kiss was sweet and gentle, and when we both pulled away, gasping, he didn’t let me go.

  eleven

  Almost a week later, my feelings hadn’t abated one tiny bit. The shiny newness of being in like with someone made everything speed up. Minutes didn’t drag, conversations didn’t bore. I was on point, springily refilling coffee and getting orders out at record speed. It had been so long since my last crush that this one hit me with all the weight of a freighter. Even a coffee shop full of hungry customers all vying for my attention didn’t put me off my stride. I was aware of him with every step I took. Aware of this spine-tingling relationship between us that made my eyes trail him without even noticing. What he was doing, what he was reading, whether he had finished his coffee yet … It was a little bit disconcerting, but mostly exhilarating.

  At his usual table, Levi sketched. Every few seconds I heard the sharp scratch of the pen against the paper. His breathing had slowed as he devoted himself with singular focus to the task at hand. I envied him his concentration. When he was around, I found myself distracted. It was a smile when no one was watching, it was graphite-stained fingers combing through hair. The cord in his neck that tightened when he couldn’t get something the exact way he wanted it. The hunch of his shoulders and furrow in his brow when he was utterly and completely absorbed by his work.

  I pulled my hair out of its bun, letting the sea-salt-crunchy waves from my early-morning swim tangle in my fingers before spilling over my shoulders. Lucy, who was mediating Tom and Ralph’s latest Battleship blowup, caught my eye over the heads of our customers. Excited for tonight? she mouthed, nodding subtly to Levi.

  Levi and I had plans to hang out this evening, and I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it all day.

  I let my smile answer for me. Lucy flashed me a sly grin and a thumbs-up.

  * * *

  The beach was serene. I couldn’t even hear the usual sound of seagulls calling to each other over the water. Noises of children playing had receded to a soft hum as they headed home, and the shops lining the boardwalk had all turned off their lights, casting the beach in a romantic, dusky glow.

  Lorcan’s crab shack was lit up in fairy lights strung from post to post, creating a canopy of twinkles above his customers’ heads. Hushed voices spoke over the gentle roar from the firepit.

  I leaned back on my elbows, watching as one of his waiters, a tanned blond with a conch-shell necklace, lit the tea-light candles on the empty tables. In the evenings, when there were a lot of tourist couples in Oar’s Rest, Lorcan liked to go the extra mile. Gauzy canopies if it was drizzling, candles on the tables, and clusters of shells around the candles to add to the vibe. He would always scatter the smaller shells on the beach for hermit crabs to adopt as their home when it was time to molt.

  A shadow fell over me. “Babe?”

  I looked up, heart sinking into my growling stomach. “Hi,” I said, pushing myself into a cross-legged position.

  Chad and Penny stood above me, their faces searching mine. For what, I didn’t know. “What are you doing here by yourself?” Chad asked. His voice wavered as he said, “You should join us.”

  Penny’s eyes darted away. She seemed engrossed in watching Lorcan brush stray embers from his leg. She held a tub of potato salad in her hands. Peeking out from the pocket of her sundress were plastic-wrapped forks. Chad had a brown paper bag dangling near his knee. The grease stains saturated the bottom in the way that the waffle and chicken place in town always served it.

  Chad was waiting for an answer. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell them I wasn’t by myself, but with Penny right there, and her words still echoing in my ears, I couldn’t. Instinctively, I prayed that Levi wouldn’t show up while they were still here. A second later, I shook it off. I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

  “I’m waiting for someone,” I said coolly.

  Penny jerked her head back to me. Her eyes narrowed but she said nothing.

  “Lucy?” Chad was still making an effort to be pleasant, like this wasn’t the first time the three of us were back together since Penny had told me we weren’t friends anymore. He shifted the paper bag in his hands.

  Penny tugged at Chad’s arm. “Let’s eat,” she said, cradling the tub in her arms.

  I wove my fingers through my hair, thankful I didn’t have to answer him.

  “Yeah.” He lightly clasped Penny’s wrist when she began to walk away. She stopped. “It’d be cool for the three of us to hang out again. Wouldn’t it, Pen?”

  The ball was in her court now. Penny didn’t say anything.

  Even as I waited … and waited … and waited. When the silence beca
me uncomfortably thick, almost suffocating in expectation, Chad’s smile slipped. It was just like when we were kids and someone pissed her off. She was punishing me, withholding the thing I needed most of all. Her friendship.

  Before she passed, Gran had been fond of saying that your family gave you roots, your past made you who you were. Both gave you a home, a place to go back to. I’d always liked that idea. When I was little, I thought of it as a save-game point in a video game, a way to reset your bad decisions and go back to a time when it all worked.

  I hadn’t realized that roots could also be a noose around your neck, anchoring you to a point in your life that felt as ill-fitting and oppressive as a scratchy, too-small sweater. It strangled you into compliance and habit. It made you love being held in place.

  My blood blazed hot. Any trace of my guilt at being here with Levi burned away, leaving her in my path of fire. I wanted to scorch away the thorns and bramble tangled with my roots. I wanted to be who I was. Me. Just Babe, not Babe and Penny and Chad.

  Penny’s eyes, dark and starry as the night, crackled with the reflection of the fairy lights. I remembered my crush on her in middle school, something that had faded and flared intermittently until she began dating Chad. As I looked upon the two faces that I knew so well, it was painfully obvious that the three of us didn’t know what to say to each other anymore. Their loss was painful, but it was a phantom ache. Like with Elodie, maybe we made better strangers than friends. I had to move on. It was scary, but not any scarier than standing still in a dynamic that didn’t fit me anymore.

  Grief welled in my throat, diffusing the fire. Voice thick, I said, “It was nice seeing you guys.”

  Chad’s lips parted. In his face, I thought I saw some of the torture I was feeling. For a horrible moment I didn’t think they were going to leave. I sensed he wanted to say more, but he didn’t.

  Please just go.

  Penny swallowed. Hard. “See ya around, Babe,” she said. Her fingers curled around Chad’s bicep.

  Chad’s eyes turned downcast. He ground the toe of his shoe into the sand, eyelashes golden. His eyes were hidden from me. “Bye.” He let himself be led away, loping after Penny.

  Neither one of them looked back.

  I exhaled and closed my eyes. My stomach churned and suddenly I wasn’t sure I was hungry at all.

  A pretty blonde stepped out of the crowd of Lorcan’s regulars. She wiggled her fingers, smiling invitingly.

  Dani. The first person I’d gone out with after Elodie dumped me. She still wore the same round glasses and magenta lipstick. Her other hand was draped around a girl I didn’t know, a girlfriend maybe. I shyly waved back, mouthing Hi. I pulled my cell phone from the wristlet looped around my wrist, digging past the makeup and crumpled bills. Checking the time, I saw that it wasn’t yet eight.

  While I was stuffing my phone inside my wristlet, something landed on the sand next to me. Not Chad and Penny again. I looked up.

  “Levi!” I stamped down the unease my friends had caused. Then I looked at the basket lying in the sand. “Picnic?” I reached out to open it, but he made a soft tsking noise.

  “Let me spread out the blanket first,” he said, unfolding one from under his arm.

  Obligingly, I sat up, shook sand off my clothing, and helped him flap the checkered sheet over the spot I was sitting on.

  “Did you cook?” I asked with interest, watching as he pulled out two bottles of lemonade and several containers of food.

  He chuckled and ran a hand through his loose waves. “Only some of it. The rest is from the deli.”

  I hummed in appreciation as I recognized some of the goodies he spread out on the sheet. A cold chicken-and-rice pilaf, lobster rolls drizzled with curry mayonnaise and crunchy kaffir leaves, black bean and cherry tomato quinoa salad, and two bulging pulled-chicken sandwiches.

  “Oh my God. We’re going to eat all this?”

  “I didn’t know what you’d be in the mood for,” he said with a laugh. “I wound up getting a few different things.” He handed me a paper plate. “Eat up. I don’t want to take any of this back.”

  “Good thing I came hungry,” I said, reaching for the fork he offered me. “So what did you make?”

  Levi grinned. “The drink.” He pulled a clear bottle from the basket. Blood-colored liquid sloshed inside, along with a few lumpy pieces of fruit. “I found some booze in your mom’s kitchen. Hope you don’t mind,” he said. Flashing a smile, he passed me a red Dixie cup.

  I laughed. “Not at all.” I knew Mom wouldn’t notice.

  After he poured us both a generous serving, he raised his glass toward me in a toast. “To new friends.”

  I touched my glass against his, reminded of the first time we’d done this. “To new friends.” My first sip had me sputtering. Something went down spicy—not enough to overpower the sweetness of the fruit and rosé, but enough to make me cough.

  “I should have mentioned.” Levi’s eyes glowed amber in the flickering firelight. “There’s a bit of a kick.”

  I gasped. “I’ll say!”

  “Crushed red pepper.” With an abashed smile, he spooned food onto my plate. “Eat, it’ll help.”

  I gulped down a bite of quinoa salad. The juice from the tomato soothed my irritated throat and the gentle, almost bland, flavor of the quinoa calmed down my protesting taste buds. “You put red pepper in the sangria?” I asked with a wince.

  He tugged at his left earlobe. “Uh, yeah. Too much?”

  “Well, after the initial burn, it’s actually pretty sweet. Like a Red Hot.”

  He grinned. “I had this in Spain. The Spanish Club went on a two-week trip between my junior and senior year. A bunch of us snuck out one night and went down to a beach in Costa Brava and had this. I’m trying to perfect the recipe by autumn. It’s perfect for drinking in front of a roaring fireplace with a good book in hand. This heat makes me nostalgic for sweater weather.”

  “You’ve been everywhere and you still love it here,” I said, smiling.

  “I haven’t really been everywhere,” said Levi. His ears turned pink and he ducked his head. “Just lucky enough to go to a couple of places. I had some money saved up from selling some of my work and taking a couple commissions. But going to Spain meant asking for all my birthday money in advance and working for my dad at his office supply store to make up the rest.”

  I took another sip. This time I was prepared for the burn, so I didn’t even notice it. The fruit exploded with flavor, secreting wine-flavored juices. “Cinnamon?” I ran my tongue over my lower lip. “And … there’s a hint of something else.”

  He nodded encouragingly. “Syrup mixed with port, Cointreau, cranberry juice, and rosé. I fiddled with the recipe a bit.”

  “It’s good,” I said. And it was.

  “Good,” he echoed, the word seeping with relief. It was good to know that I wasn’t the only one who was a little nervous.

  “I saw you come up to the lighthouse the other day,” I said, the words offhand even though the air was charged with an electric energy.

  His fork jerked. “Oh yeah?” He stabbed at a black bean.

  “Yup.” I fiddled with the lobster roll on my plate before taking a bite. The bread hugged the chopped lobster, the whiteness of the inside stained yellow and softened from absorbing the curry mayo. “Why did you”—I chewed—“leave without saying hello?” When he was silent, I added, “That guy, he was just a friend.”

  Levi nodded slowly. “I guess I just didn’t want to interrupt anything. It looked pretty serious.”

  “It wasn’t,” I said quickly. “It was just my friend. Best friend, actually. He wanted to say hi. That’s it.” I pointed Chad and Penny out. “And he’s dating Penny.”

  “Your best friends are dating each other?” He paused. “That sounds … messy.”

  “We’ve been best friends since we were kids.” I didn’t know why I felt the need to justify that our friendship worked—especially since right now, it didn’t
. Maybe it never would again.

  “So is that part of the weirdness I sensed between you and her that night at her party?”

  Yikes. I wasn’t expecting him to bring that up again. There was no way to tell the story from the middle—but how could I even begin to explain a lifetime of friendship? If I told him about the kiss and the fight, all he would hear was the worst part of it all. But he’d already picked up on the weirdness, so not telling him would just make it weirder.

  I’d taken too long to answer. Levi clasped his hands together. “Hey, you don’t have to answer that.”

  “No, I can. I … I want to.” I swallowed hard. “So, um, this was before I met you. Penny broke up with him. She had this idea that she … wanted a fresh start? Didn’t want a high school sweetheart anymore.”

  He blinked at me. “That’s sort of shitty.”

  I hoped it was dark enough that he couldn’t see my face. “She asked me to keep him away from her one night, because she told me she didn’t want to have a face-to-face. I didn’t want to do it, and Chad didn’t take it that great. We—the three of us—aren’t used to change. It wrecked everything.” I took a deep, bracing breath. “He kissed me.”

  I cleared my throat, glad to have that particular hurdle over with. “It didn’t mean anything. Chad was just confused. He’s in love with Penny. But Penny … she found out about it the night of the party. That’s why I wanted to leave early. She’s been keeping her distance since then, and Chad’s going along with it. That’s what he came by my house to say that he’s going to be playing by her rules.”

  I waited for him to ask me something, but I was met with silence. His head was bowed, eyes shielded from view. I watched his golden eyelashes flutter against his cheek as he fiddled with the picnic basket.

  “Thanks for sharing that with me,” he said at last. “I wish I hadn’t turned around that day.”

  I wished he hadn’t, too.

  “So you and Chad…” His eyes met mine in question, lips stilling on their journey to a smile.