Secrets Room

by Kim Faulks

  Resignation lifted a shadow from her heart and Morgan sighed with the surrender. In this fucking room she felt more alive than she’d felt in a long time, as though this man had given her something she’d lost—a purpose. The tendons in his neck tightened. She lifted her eyes to meet his gaze and knew in her heart that she’d fight for him. She’d fight for the chance to be together.

  A wheeze broke their moment, cutting through the air like nails on a chalkboard. Morgan searched the others on the other side of the room, before glancing to where Jade’s body lay. The sound came again, a low rasping as though someone was fighting for air. She took a step toward Jade’s body, and for the first time, Morgan looked at her face. Jade’s eyes were open, her lips parted, mouth slack.

  Morgan knelt beside her, drawn by a flicker of movement… maybe it was just a trick of the light. The angle of Jade's neck was sickening. Bone or cartilage jutted out halfway along her throat. The skin pulled taught over the sharp angles. Morgan wanted to look away, but the sound came back, low and raspy. She knelt closer, lowering her head.

  “Help… me,” wheezed Jade.

  Morgan jumped backwards, into Slade. “Jesus, Jesus, Slade... she’s still alive.”

  “It's okay, Morgan. Come on, let me see her.”

  She didn’t want him to touch her, but she couldn’t care for the woman on her own. Morgan gripped his arm as he moved past her to kneel beside Jade. “Just, be careful, okay?”

  He moved closer and placed a hand to Jade’s neck. “I can't find a damn thing. Jesus, her neck is a goddamn mess.”

  Jade gasped again and Slade jumped. The wheeze was tapered by the slow movement of her lips. Morgan watched Slade lower his head to listen, moving closer, closer to her mouth, as though he tried to catch her words. Coughing drew Morgan's attention behind her to the spot along the opposite wall where Colton struggled to sit up. Rachel and Dee fussed over him, sneaking glances in her direction. Hate and disappointment seethed inside Morgan. It looked like the fucking cunt would live.

  Slade straightened and climbed to his feet, turning toward the back of the room. Morgan followed, standing next to him, keeping Slade in her sight. She dared not speak; the look on his face sent chills down her spine. Slade’s eyes no longer sparkled, they were hard and cold. Morgan’s skin prickled and her heart sped. To wrong the person—this man she’d fallen in love with—was dangerous.

  Slade spoke, answering her unspoken question. “Jade said Colton tried to kill her. She said he was the one who raped her, all because she found out his secret. She said he won’t stop until we’re all dead.”

  Morgan stood and turned towards Colton. Every muscle in her body felt like steel, twisted and tightened, ready to break free. Colton stared up at her. His face was pale, his eyes a soulless black, waiting.

  She waited, knowing that Slade would go to war with one nod of her head. Instead, she remained still. A strange calm swept over her. Like an arctic wind, the thought chilled her to the core. Inside, Morgan knew one thing for certain. Before this was over, Colton would come for her, and they would be ready.

  Colton stumbled and stood, staring at Slade and then Morgan. A smile curled Colton’s top lip, exposing his teeth. Danger writhed in his eyes. “What?”

  Morgan motioned to Jade. “She's stronger than she looks, isn't she?”

  Colton’s smile faded. His gaze drifted to where Jade lay.

  Morgan stood, her fists clenched by her side. “You didn't kill her. She's still alive and she's talking.”

  Colton's color paled to ash. Morgan felt satisfaction bloom inside of her, until he turned his attention to Slade, and then her bloom died away. Hate flowed from his eyes. Morgan's gut screamed in warning. She turned to where Slade stood, mirroring Colton's cold stare back at him. She realized for the first time that Slade was the only one who could protect them. He was the only one who could protect her. Without him, she was dead, one way or another.

  The thought of Slade alone and hurt shot sparks of fire through her body. She shook her head and growled. “You'll have to go through me first.”

  The threat was simple. There was no grey area in this room, only black and white. Slade had been right all along. There was a war and the sides had been drawn. She looked to Rachel Banks, the senator's daughter. She stared at Morgan with a version of her own malevolence. Yes the line had most definitely been drawn.

  “The deal’s already been done. There's nothing any of you can do to stop it.”

  Colton's words brought her attention back to him. “What?”

  He stepped forward and she felt Slade move, meeting Colton head-on. He never looked at the biker. Instead he stared at her and answered. “I said, you're too fucking late. It's done. The president’s already dead.”

  Jesus fucking Christ. The room stood still as his words sunk in. The president’s dead? This was more than she realized. This man was… more than a just murderer. She took a step back, keeping her eyes fixed on him. “You killed the president. You killed my president?”

  Colton’s gaze drifted to Slade and then back to her. “She didn’t tell you that part, did she?”

  Morgan said nothing. Inside, she was reeling.

  “She saw the file... the order... I thought she told you.” Colton took a step towards her. Slade’s arm slid across her chest, pushing her back as he stepped in between her and this sick fuck. Both men glared. Morgan knew now that each one fought for something different, one for silence and one for survival.

  Jade coughed and wheezed behind them, breaking the tension in the room. Colton turned, giving Slade his back as he moved away like a rattlesnake who feigns disinterest only to turn and strike when the time was right.

  “Come on.” Morgan slipped her hand inside Slade’s. He squeezed her fingers and the tension in his body eased. She whispered. “Leave it, there’s nothing we can do about that now.”

  Slade let her pull him away and they walked through the empty center of the room. The divide was so clear now. Those who were left lined the far wall while Morgan returned with Slade to the other. Morgan crept around to one side of Jade’s body and knelt. There was life in this woman's eyes. There was sadness and hurt, too, but life was what Morgan focused on now. “I'm sorry this was done to you. If there was a way to change this, I would.”

  There was no answer, only a void.

  She carefully lifted Jade's hand and stared at her broken nails. “She didn't deserve any of this.”

  The silence lingered before Slade answered. “No, she didn't. But we have to concentrate on understanding why this happened if we're ever going to get out of here alive.”

  She gripped Jade's hand and leaned low while she spoke. “I know why this happened.”

  Jade's whispered words barely made it to her ears. Morgan lowered her head catching the murmur. “Get the file. President... in... danger. Not really here... no one is really here.”

  Morgan brushed her hair back, searching her panicked eyes. “What do you mean, Jade? What do you mean no one is really here?”

  Jade's eyes rolled back in her head and her body contorted. There was nothing else she could do for this woman she barely knew, except wish the end would come quick and end her misery. One minute, Morgan was staring at Jade twitched and jerked and the next, she saw Alex, her former, miserable excuse of a boyfriend.

  Morgan screamed and wrenched herself away. She heard Slade call her name. His voice was as real as the feel of his hand on her arm as he grabbed her. But in a breath, he was gone and she was no longer in the misery of the white room, but found herself in a different one, though just as miserable.

  “Babe, what's up?”

  Morgan opened her eyes and stared into her pale blue world. Her world that was hidden under the guise of flesh and bones. Her heart raced without warning. Alex smiled and pulled her back onto the bed beside him.

  She shoved him playfully, jabbing him in the ribs until he let her go. “My parents are going to be home soon.”

  He lifted the jo
int to his lips and dragged deeply. “Shit this stuff is good. Come on, try it.”

  Morgan shook her head. Her short bob whipped her face softly. “You know I don't do drugs, Alex. Now come on, if my parents bust us, I'll be grounded forever.”

  He laughed and his pale blue eyes shimmered like glass. “Just one drag and I'll go. Come on, you don’t want your dad to come home and find me in your bed, do you? One drag, baby… come on.”

  She stared at the joint that Alex held out. “Just one and you're gone, right?”

  He smiled and nodded. “Right.”

  She took the joint from his fingers and lifted the end to her lips. She didn't want to do this, not really. She was a little curious, but until now she’d never given in. One drag isn't going to kill me.

  “One drag isn't gonna kill you Morgan. Just hurry up, you're wasting it.”

  Morgan drew back deeply. At first there was nothing but the cruel punch in her lungs as she choked and spluttered, then the room started to spin and the vision propelled her forward into the future.

  Music filled the air. The beat was wild, palpable, and she moved with the rhythm. Through the haze in her mind, she registered Alex, who danced beside her, but he may have been worlds away. She caught his unfocused gaze. His pale eyes were not as bright as they once were. Their beauty was now replaced by a dullness, a need that had tainted them, somehow. The beat was lost to her and she stilled.

  Do my eyes look the same? Alex stopped dancing and she stared at the stranger he’d become. He held out his hand and pushed a round, blue pill into her palm. She turned it over to read the word SKY printed on one side.

  Alex slipped another tablet into his mouth. A moment of cold clarity swept Morgan.

  How, exactly, did I become like this? Drugs had become a way of life. It felt like only yesterday, she’d inhaled a joint, and now she was here doing E as though this was the most natural thing in the world. Was this to be her future? Run by addiction and blocked by bad choices?

  This was not the kind of life Morgan thought she'd have. She wanted to go to art school and work in that little gallery on West Street. There, she'd sell over-priced paintings to rich businessmen and she’d love every minute of it.

  Where had that dream gone, exactly? She stared at the pill in her hand. Wherever it was. It wasn't this.

  “I can't, Alex.” Morgan held out her hand, urging him to take the drug from her.

  But Alex was no longer listening. He stared at her through inflated pupils, as though she was a stranger, not someone that he loved. She pressed the pill into his fist as he snarled. “Why do you do this to me? Why can’t you just do what I fucking want you to do?”

  Morgan was stunned. Overwhelmed by the flashing colors and blaring music, she didn’t see Alex move until it was too late. He lashed out, striking her in the side of the face. The blow sent her stumbling sideways. No one at the rave noticed. No one cared. Her tears blurred the pulsing lights. Her ringing ear muffled the music. Morgan grabbed the side of her face and stumbled towards the exit.

  “Oh Jesus, baby I'm so sorry. Baby….”

  She heard Alex calling for her as she ran, but Morgan didn’t stop. She shoved her way through the crowd as her tears flowed. The salt stung both her face and her heart. Alex had never hit her before. He'd never so much as raised his voice. Through the roar, she could hear him calling for her. “Please, Morgan. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.”

  Alex grabbed her arm and she tried to shake him off, but he was unrelenting. How could he do this to her? “Please Morgan, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  She didn’t want to hear the remorse in his panicked voice. She didn’t want to yield to his touch. But then, he started to cry. Morgan stopped fighting the crowd. She stopped fighting Alex. Instead, she allowed her heart to lead the way.

  He wound his arms around her, holding her still while he cried in her ear. “Baby. I didn't mean it. I just reacted. I mean, all I wanted was for us to be together. All I wanted was for us to try this together.”

  Morgan felt numb and weak. Part of her hated how much she loved his touch, his words. “Please, babe. Come back inside. Let me make it up to you.”

  Her pathetic feeble heart allowed him to take her back inside, to where the music and Alex’s voice carried her away. “You've changed, Morgan. We've changed, and I don't know how to get us back.”

  She stared at him, stared into those pale blue worlds while her heart broke. She had changed, stranded by the drugs and by rejection from her family. She held on to the only one who’d stood with her. To the only one who loved her.

  “Don't you want to get us back, Morgan? Don’t you love me anymore?”

  All she could do was cry and nod. He loved her and wanted them to be together. Was that so goddamn bad? Wasn't that what she had dreamed of? The thought of them one day getting married kept her whole and kept her here. She’d look back on this time as a passing phase. The drugs would eventually disappear, but their love would remain and be stronger because of this.

  Alex held out his hand, but it wasn't to take hold of hers. His palm held something else, her little blue pill. Morgan stared into his blue eyes and reached for his hand. In Alex, she’d place not only her trust, but her heart. She placed the tablet inside her mouth and swallowed.

  He moved against her, his words a tranquilizer for her mind. “I love you, baby. I love you so much. We're going to be together. You and I, we're going to be....”

  Like a shifting kaleidoscope, one twist of the wrist and her world changed. One minute she was in the throes of the rave, riding the wave of euphoria, and the next she stood in the middle of her bedroom with anger coursing through her veins.

  Her eye twitched and the crook of her elbow ached and itched. The needle tracks were raised and angry. Dirt and sweat turned to crust and filled the crease of her arm. She yanked her sleeve down, covering the wounds.

  “But Morgan, I don’t understand. Why you have to go?” Morgan stopped ramming her clothes into her backpack and turned to her younger sister in the doorway. “You promised you’d never leave me. You pinky-swore it’d be us forever.”

  Abby’s pale face was red and blotchy from crying. The sight triggered an ache in her heart so deep that it felt like a wound.

  This isn’t my fault. I didn’t choose this. Morgan walked over to her little sister and pulled her into her arms. At ten years old, Abby didn’t understand. She was hurting and there wasn’t a damn thing Morgan could do about it.

  “Please Morgan. Dad didn’t mean it. He'll change his mind. Please don't leave.”

  Abby's muffled cries were warm against her chest. Morgan closed her eyes. She closed heart as well. This was not her doing, this was not her choice. She opened her eyes to stare into the mirror hanging on her bedroom wall and a stranger stared back. This stranger was dirty, sweaty, and drawn. The worst were the eyes—hollow, black eyes, like bottomless pits of despair.

  She kneeled in front of her little sister. “Mom and Dad don't want me here anymore. They've made that perfectly clear. I love you and nothing is ever going to change that. It's just, I won't live here, that's all. I'll come and visit you all the time. You won’t even notice that I’m gone.

  “You promise?”

  Morgan smiled and pulled her sister into her arms. “I promise. But now I have to go and I need you to be a big girl and take care of T-bear, okay?”

  Morgan grabbed her childhood teddy from the bookshelf and handed it to her little sister. Abby squeezed the old bear tight, as though the toy was all she had left in the world. Morgan swallowed the hurt down until she felt numb.

  She left her sister in the doorway and grabbed her backpack. None of this mattered anyway—she didn’t need them. She had Alex. He loved her. He’d take care of her. Morgan stopped at the doorway and looked over her shoulder at the room she shared with her sister. The white lace curtains fluttered in the breeze. They seemed to reach out to her, begging her not to go. She turned and made
her way down the stairs.

  Her parents waited in the kitchen. Her father glanced up as she entered. His stony expression was new to her. “This will be the last time I give you money, Morgan.”

  She looked at the note in his hand. All she saw was the next hit, the next high. She sniffed and wiped her nose, desperate for the release, and growled. “I don't need your hand-outs. You can kick me out, I don’t fucking care.”

  He flinched and her mother wept louder. “We're not kicking you out Morgan. We're giving you an opportunity to realize that... that you’re an addict. You need help.”

  She clenched her jaw and growled. “No, Dad. You're giving me an opportunity to watch you turn your back on me.”

  “I’m not… we're not giving up on you Morgan. You’re our daughter. But I have to be strong, for you and your mother. I have to set the rules in this family and I refuse to keep giving you money, knowing you're using it to buy drugs. Please, for God's sake, wake up honey, before it's too late.” He tried to move toward her, but she jerked away in response. “We’ll pay for you to go to rehabilitation, whatever it takes to help you. Please, Morgan. I love you. Make the right choice here.”

  She almost broke down and fell into her father to let him hold her like a child. But breaking down would do no good. They wouldn’t change… and she couldn’t change. There’d be no going back. There was nothing to go back to. This man was no longer her father. He didn’t want her in his life. She stepped forward carefully, inching her way toward them until she could snatch the note from his hand.

  “I'm not addicted and I don't need your help.”

  The vein in her arm twitched and the money in her hand burned. Morgan was already planning the deal when she walked out, leaving her parents standing in the kitchen. Her mother’s sobs followed her until the front door slammed. The vision wavered, tearing Morgan from the front landing of her home to a haze-filled room.

  She lay on the bed and lifted her head as noise invaded her high. She blinked, trying to focus on the sound. The thick grime diluted the blazing sun on the windows, casting a soft orange glow into the room. Alex moaned. She moved her head in slow motion until she found him, lying on the bed next to her.