Consequential Heart

by Freda, Paula

  Dear James Nelson,

  I apologize for my impromptu resignation. Please don't concern yourself with references; I certainly don't expect any. It appears that this good little loyal, efficient secretary, did a stupid thing a year ago. She fell in love with her boss. And now, it is her turn to escape. Good luck, and God Bless.

  JoAnn

  CHAPTER FOUR

  "Women!" Jim muttered as he headed back to the office. "Lord, what were you thinking?" he wailed, opening the main door to his office.

  Mrs. Danvers, his father's secretary, sat temporarily at JoAnn's desk. It felt wrong. Although she was efficient, had been with the firm for years, and quite capable of assisting both his father and himself, she did not have JoAnn's smile or quick wit. Like her namesake that he always associated with the Mrs. Danvers of Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca, she was strait-laced and dark-haired.

  She glanced up from the computer at her desk side. "Good afternoon, Mr. Nelson, she said, stiffly.

  Jim forced himself to reply. He took off his coat and hung it up on the antique tree stand. Hopefully, although he realized it was futile, he asked, "Have you heard from JoAnn?"

  Mrs. Danvers looked surprised. "No, sir. I thought it was all decided between you and JoAnn, regarding her taking a hiatus. In fact, the staff and I were wondering if she is ill. Perhaps we should send her a get well card?"

  "Yes, of course, a hiatus." Jim grimaced. She had not used the word hiatus in her note, but perhaps she had spoken to his father.

  "I don't intend to hire anyone else for the time being. Do you think you can handle dual secretaryship for about a month?

  Mrs. Danvers kept a straight face, but he could tell from the slight widening of her eyes, that she had expected him to hire a temp at least. She was skilled and efficient, but still only a human being with a working husband and two teenaged sons at home. He felt sorry for his abrupt question. "I apologize for my abruptness. It's obvious that JoAnn's sudden absence has floored me, especially now on my return when I needed her most. I have an enormous amount of catching up to do. And her familiarity with the work would have been a tremendous help." Jim sighed deeply. "Of course, I'll instruct the other secretaries to help you out as much as possible. And if it should get too much, please let me know. I'm sure my father and the other partners can hire temps to help with their workloads."

  Mrs. Danvers smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Nelson. I have to admit that I was a bit worried. I'm efficient, but not as young as I used to be. Your father is a kind and generous employer, and I can see why he always extols your work and is proud of you."

  Jim nodded appreciatively. She was not at all like the Mrs. Danvers in the novel, and he recognized why his father praised her highly.

  "Well, then, let's get started," he said in earnest.

  He led the way into his office, wondering how much in fact his father, and by now his mother, knew about this whole affair. It might behoove him to speak openly with his parents. They were good people; had reared him with kindness and high moral ideals, instilled in him a love and respect of the Almighty. His mother held a special devotion to The Blessed Virgin. Perhaps they could advise him, tell him exactly what they knew of his situation. JoAnn had occasionally interacted with his mother; on occasion they'd gone shopping together, even worked together on social commitments. It would not surprise him at all if his parents already knew of the torch JoAnn carried for him all these months. The more he pondered the revelation, the more he realized how blind to everyone else's feelings he'd become when Lexie entered his life.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Later in the day, he called his mother. "Would you mind if I stop by this evening. I need to talk you and dad about a personal matter." His father was in the office on his left, but his father was from the old school, and unless it was a matter of life and death, never discussed personal issues in the office or during business hours. Besides which, his mother had always been the heart of his family, and he wanted her present when he asked them if they had suspected how JoAnn felt about him.

  His mother replied, "I have a better suggestion. But first I need you to answer a question for me."

  "About what, mother?"

  "Do you think you can feel about JoAnn, the way you felt about Lexie? Are you still pining for Lexie?" his mother asked. "Truthfully?" she added before he could brush off the question."

  "Truthfully," he replied, "I've accepted that I'm not the man for her. If she were to walk in this moment, a free woman, and tell me she wanted me back, I would hesitate resuming our relationship. This city and our habitat was not her world. Lexie pined for her old world and Chris was and will always be a part of it." Jim clenched his lips with determination, then he admitted, "Yes, mother, I've accepted Lexie was never the woman for me. My feelings for her, accordingly, are not what they were while we dated."

  "So then, how do you feel about JoAnn?"

  Jim hesitated. "It's hard to put into words. It's easier to stand in front of a jury and deliver my closing argument than it is to elucidate how I feel about JoAnn. I admire her, respect her. I depend on her resourcefulness. She's lovely and honest and kind and loyal. I honestly can't see myself with any other secretary."

  "Son, any good, skilled secretary worth her salt can replace her," his mother argued.

  "No," Jim retorted. "They wouldn't be her. They wouldn't smile quite like her. Or look like her, or have that earnest sensitivity and readiness to offer solace and comfort." Jim squared his shoulders as he revealed, "The morning after Lexie broke up with me, I felt so miserable. I didn't sleep a wink that night. I went to her apartment before she left for the office. Talk about the adage, beware a woman scorned — all JoAnn did was worry about me. She made me breakfast; let me practically cry on her shoulder. Actually wished she could mend the breach between me and Lexie. Instead of gloating and jumping for joy that Lexie and I were no longer together, all she did was care for my feelings. And all that time that Lexie and I dated, can you imagine how she felt. But she never let on. Never tried to come between us. Where am I going to find a secretary like her?"

  "You're right, son. Where are you going to find a woman like her?" his mother emphasized. She chuckled softly. Jim waited non-plussed, until she added, "Son, do you hear yourself?"

  It took a moment for him to digest his mother's latter remark. He grinned. "Bless you, mother. Now I see clearly why dad loves you so."

  "Well, then," his mother said, "forget about coming over here tonight. Find out where JoAnn has gone. You and your father are lawyers; you have the know-how and the means. Find her and win her back. It's the only way you'll discover if she is merely a remedy for consequential damages from your breach with Lexie, or the answer to your heart's true happiness."

  CHAPTER SIX

  It felt as though he had just left the cabin in Montreal, where he'd spent the past month convalescing emotionally from his breakup with Lexie. But here he was again, two weeks later, lifting the cast iron handle that displayed a woman's face, and bringing it down to meet the man's face carved into the corresponding plate mounted on the log door. The two pair of lips kissed each time he knocked. Interesting, he thought, and appropriate, considering the reasons that had brought him back.

  A shuffle of feet descending the open thread staircase inside the cabin's living area, alerted Jim that someone had heard his knock and was hurrying down to answer the door. Heavy footsteps, he thought, listening intently. Not JoAnn's soft patter of slippers, or click-clicks of her heels.

  One curtain flap on the window to the left of the door was pushed aside. An instant later Louis opened the door. "I suspected you'd be back," he greeted.

  "Is your sister here?" Jim asked. "Have you spoken to her?" He hoped he did not have to endure the embarrassment of rehashing the events of the past two weeks.

  "Yes, and yes. I told JoAnn you'd probably come looking for her. Though I doubt she'll want to see you."

  "Then she is here," Jim inquired.

  "Yes, she's upstairs. Hidin
g, I'd say."

  Jim said, "She left so suddenly. If she had just come to me and explained!"

  "Explained what?" Louis asked.

  Jim sighed. "You're right. What could she say. But honestly, I didn't know. You know the state I was in when I came up here last month. I'd just about gathered back my wits, and she's gone. She knows how much I need her."

  "Need her for what?" Louis asked in the cool manner that was beginning to grate on Jim's nerves.

  "She knows how much I depend on her. I've been with my father's firm for two years and JoAnn has been with me from the beginning. A good secretary is her boss's right hand. And she's among the best."

  "Why?" Louis asked.

  "Well, until a couple of weeks ago, she was dependable, reliable, always at my back, a skilled assistant and ... my ... best friend."

  "Is that so?" Louis asked smugly.

  "You're purposely goading me." Jim said, wondering if Louis meant to allow him inside the cabin.

  "No, I'm not. I'm simply asking some questions she might ask you."

  "But she already knows the answers," Jim asserted.

  "Precisely. And it's those answers that will never permit her to come back."

  Jim lowered his gaze to his leather loafers. "So what am I supposed to do?" he asked, humbly. "I don't know how to get along without her." He looked Louis squarely in the eye. "Call it selfish, but I don't want to get along without her."

  The determined lines around Louis' mouth softened. "Well, then, I guess you'd better come in." He stepped aside for Jim to enter.

  A short while later, Jim sat in the family room, on the rustic brown leather couch. Opposite him, Louis occupied the first of the two tweed recliners. The log in the fireplace crackled and sizzled and on the walnut coffee table were two mugs of coffee, and small decorative plates with what remained of the pine nut cookies that the two men had consumed.

  "You did date the first year?" Louis reproached.

  "They weren't actual dates. We worked closely together. Often ate together, lunch, dinners, attended social events together. That first year I was never more comfortable than when she was at my side." Jim paused, reflecting. "JoAnn knew how important she was to me, but I never led her on. Our relationship was completely platonic."

  Louis said, "And you never stopped to consider what the reactions of a young, beautiful, unattached woman might be, to the continued presence of a young, handsome, unattached bachelor, one that she respected and admired?"

  Jim clasped his hands nervously. "It does make me sound selfish, doesn't it?"

  "Yes, I agree," said Louis. "Especially when Lexie came into your life, and JoAnn ceased to exist outside of the office, until the moment Lexie exited your life for someone she loved more, and you went running back to JoAnn."

  "I turned to her as a friend who always seemed to know what I needed to hear, what path I should follow. I swore at times she could read my mind."

  Jim felt a chill. He stood up and moved across the patch-pattern area rug to the fireplace. "I want her back. I know it makes me sound selfish, but I can't help it. I want her back in my life, and this time I won't be stupid enough to not recognize her feelings toward me."

  "Are you in love with her?" Louis asked outright.

  Jim stared into the fire. "I won't lie to you, or JoAnn. I don't know. I'm still rebounding from my breakup. But I do know that I want the chance to find out."

  "What if Lexie were to change her mind again?"

  "There's very little chance of that. She is happily married. But even if she did, I'd think twice. I was brought up with good morals, and don't date and drop a woman on a whim." He turned earnestly to Louis. "And now that I realize what it means to me to be without JoAnn in my life, for me there is no comparison between her and Lexie. On a scale of 1 to 10, JoAnn is a 10."

  Louis eyed him skeptically. The man was definitely not in love with his sister, at least not yet, as he honestly admitted. Yet, knowing his sister's character, it was easy to believe that Jim sincerely desired the chance to discover if he loved her and did not know it. There was a real chance that his sister might be hurt again, but there was also a real chance that her feelings for Jim might be requited. Love at first sight was not always the case. Sometimes love needed time to grow. Case in point, his great grandparents on his mother's side. Their marriage had been arranged. But they were both good people and their ensuing love story became a legend in his family.

  Louis sighed resignedly. "All right, I believe you should get your chance. I'm leaving tomorrow for New York. My publisher wants to review certain revisions for my latest manuscript. JoAnn and I are switching apartments for a couple of weeks. That's how much time you have to convince her to come back with you. Don't give her false hopes, and don't break her heart again."

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Ensconced in the bedroom that her brother reserved for her ever since purchasing the cabin, JoAnn sat by the window wondering if she would ever work up the courage to face Jim, after leaving him the note she had long since regretted.

  ...It appears that this good little loyal, efficient secretary, did a stupid thing a year ago. She fell in love with her boss. And now it is her turn to escape....

  What must he think of her! Much saner and less complicated if she had only written that the workload had overwhelmed her and she needed some time off. He might not be sitting downstairs with her brother, waiting for her to make an appearance.

  He had accepted Louis' hospitality, brought in his luggage from his rental car parked at the side of the driveway, and reoccupied the guest room he'd used on his former visit. The two of them, cozy warm in pullovers and jeans, had been sitting downstairs for the past hour talking, no doubt, about her.

  JoAnn shook her head disconsolately. Nothing to be done about it. She'd have to see him. He'd made this long trip back to the cabin to speak to her. He must care some for her to take such an action. No matter how she looked at it, theirs had never truly been your standard boss/secretary association. Both of them single, attractive, intelligent, and needy, it had been easy to offer him companionship and support. She had made him more than her employer. She had made him her dearest and best friend. And in like response, he had done the same. Friendship, as close as theirs had become, was not love. The moment Lexie entered Jim's life, was a rude awakening that hurt terribly.

  When Lexie broke Jim's heart, JoAnn should have felt vindicated, and ready to exert every effort to capture his heart. But she did not feel that joy or the strong desire to capture his heart on the rebound. Her rose-colored glasses had cracked, and the truth bleached them to clear. Jim had no interest in her romantically. If there had been the least bit of spark, he would not have fallen in love with Lexie the moment he set eyes on her. No, she pondered miserably. The man simply wanted his friend and skilled secretary back. And in truth, she felt that she owed him that much, for his expending such efforts to find her and retrieve her, at least until he regained his footing in the office and she found him a skilled secretary he considered her equal to take her place.

  Very well, JoAnn thought, standing up, straightening her V-neck sweater and the lighter blue collar of the long-sleeved blouse underneath. She pulled the sweater's hem down so it neatly covered the waistband of her tan jeans. "Let's face the music and dance," she whispered one of her favorite movie lines, as she left the room.

  Her white sneakers thumping gently on the stair's open treads, gave her presence away, and both men turned their heads toward her. Her brother Louis eyed her with mild curiosity. Jim stood up nervously, debating what greeting to speak that wouldn't send her scurrying back upstairs. The moment their gazes met, he noted how quickly she glanced away, color rising in her cheeks. She's embarrassed, he thought. What could he say to show her he empathized with her feelings and did not consider her foolish? Rather he was honored, pleased, and wished with all his heart that he felt the same about her. But for the present, his ego and his capacity to love fully, were numb.

  Once aga
in, she spared him. Reaching the landing, she lifted her head. Her lips pursed with determination, and she walked up to him. "This is difficult for me," she admitted, searching for the right words. "I wish you would burn the note I left you. Leaving suddenly, was stupid, foolish, and completely unethical. My unrequited feelings are my own private affair and I should have kept them to myself. One month's notice, at least three weeks — that would have been reasonable time for you to find someone to replace me. I'm not a simple file clerk and the position you entrusted me with these past two years was critical to your own, especially after your month's convalescence. To walk out when you needed my assistance the most with correlating your cases and keeping your office running smoothly was impolite and unethical. I am willing to return up to a month to train a secretary of your choice and leave your employ in good standing."

  The hint of a smile touched the corner of Jim's mouth. Was Jim laughing at her, she wondered, glancing at her brother? His non-plussed expression seemed to be saying to her, Wow, that was a mouthful!

  "Thank you," Jim said, smiling in earnest. I didn't think my hopes that you'd come back, stood a chance. But if I've learned anything about you in these past two years, it's that you are generous and kind and loyal. I've enlisted the help of my father and the other partners. They are covering for me for the next two weeks. Except for one case that is exclusive to my handling. I brought its file along, to work on in the interim."

  "All right," JoAnn said. "It's the least I can do after my childish behavior. I'll help you set up a temporary office in your room."