He rested his head on his hand and sighed. If only he’d never left Lookout. Then maybe he and Shannon could have had a chance.
Garrett walked in from the back room, still carrying his coffee cup. Generally, for the first hour or two each morning, his brother and the mug were attached to one another. He strolled over to the pot sitting on the stove and filled his cup, then turned and stared at Mark.
“You’re looking rather glum these days, little brother.” Garrett continued staring while he took a sip.
Mark shrugged, unable to deny the accusation. He was glum. And frustrated. And lonely.
“Care to talk about it?” Garrett pulled out his desk chair and sat down.
He’d wrestled with that very thought on a number of occasions, but telling his brother he couldn’t marry Shannon would mean he’d have to tell him the whole story. And he wasn’t prepared to do that.
His brother was all the family he had left, except for Luke, and he couldn’t stand seeing the disappointment in Garrett’s eyes if he ever learned the truth. He’d worked so hard to be an upstanding citizen ever since that calamity in Abilene, and he didn’t want his reputation tarnished. If he ever was to become a lawyer, having an unblemished reputation was crucial. Who’d trust their future to a lawyer who’d killed a man?
Garrett swigged down the last of his coffee and stood. “Well, if you decide you want to get that burden you’re lugging off your chest, I’ll be tending the horses.”
Mark sat with his head in his hands. Why couldn’t he give this burden to God? He’d begged forgiveness—over and over again. He was sure God had forgiven him for killing that man, but how did he forgive himself?
That night in Abilene intruded into his mind again. He could hear the off-key piano, smell the smoke that filled the room until a hazy cloud hung in the air. Men gambled at different tables, while others drank away their hard-earned weekly pay. Saloon girls sashayed between tables, but Mark only had eyes for one of them.
Annabelle.
The first night he’d gone into the saloon, she’d offered to get him a drink. Their attraction was instant, and although he rarely frequented saloons, visiting the Lucky Star where she worked became a nightly obsession. Even remembering the Bible verses about avoiding wanton women that his mother had quoted to him and Garrett when they were becoming young men didn’t stop him.
Annabelle had been his first love. She’d managed to squeeze out short moments to sit with him or stand and talk between serving drinks to the other patrons. He’d never drank before, but he kept buying liquor to keep her coming around. And that drinking made his head fuzzy. Made him do things he’d not normally do.
He hung his head in shame as he remembered the first night he’d waited until Annabelle was off work and had walked her to the small room she rented. One kiss led to two. Two led to three. His whiskey-befuddled mind assented to her request to come inside, and the rest was history. He’d not had the power to refuse her pleas to stay the night.
Mark clutched his hair in his fists. It had all happened so fast, and his need had been so strong that he couldn’t resist her charms. Afterward, he’d felt so dirty and ashamed that he’d taken advantage of her that he hadn’t returned to the saloon for a full week. But the siren’s call had been too strong to resist.
And he’d forever pay the price.
If only he could go back and do things differently.
“Forgive me, Lord.”
The bell on the door jingled, pulling him out of his reverie. He blinked, sure what he was seeing was an apparition.
Annabelle stood in the doorway, giving him that saucy smile that had made him weak years before. He stood, still unable to believe she was standing in his office. In his town.
“Hello there, handsome.”
“What are you doing in Lookout?”
She strutted toward him, looking deceptively sweet in that dark blue calico dress, but he knew inside lay a vixen who could make the strongest of men sway from his beliefs. Warnings clanged in his mind. He was a stronger man than he’d been back then. He was a man who’d tasted her spoils and by God’s grace would never fall in that quagmire again.
She pressed her hands on his desk and leaned forward, her gaze never leaving his. Mark’s heart pounded like a creature caught in a trap. He stepped back until he met the wall to distance himself from her.
He cleared his throat. “I asked what you are doing here. I thought I made it clear in Denison that anything between us was over. Way over.”
She smiled and waved her hand in the air. “I knew you’d change your mind if you could see how different I am. I’m going to find a respectable job and start my life over. There’s always room for a good man in it.”
Mark crossed his arms. “I’m not that man.”
Annabelle shrugged and stared out the front window. “Things got bad recently in Abilene. I couldn’t stay there anymore, and besides, I was sick of men pawing at me. I want to know what it’s like to be a lady whom men respect.”
Something in Mark’s heart cracked, but he quickly shored up the breach. Annabelle might fuss about working in the saloon, but he felt certain she liked the attention she’d received. And while he couldn’t blame her in the least for not wanting to be an upstairs gal, she hadn’t had any qualms about taking him to her bed. A shiver charged down his back at the memory.
He’d been stupid.
Thought she had eyes for only him. But he was older and wiser now.
“There are plenty of towns you could live in. Why come here?”
She spun around, her head cocked. “Because you’re here. We can finally have the life together that we talked about.”
Mark ran his hand through his hair. “That was a long time ago. I don’t mean to be unkind, but let me put it clearly—I’m no longer interested in a relationship with you.”
Her lips pushed out into a pout. “It’s that Irish gal, isn’t it?”
A vision of Shannon entered his mind. If she learned about his past rapport with Annabelle, it would crush any hopes that he might have of restoring his relationship with her. Yeah, he’d told her he would never marry, but deep inside, he still held out hope that something could work out between them. A horrible thought rushed into his mind. “Where are you staying?”
A sly grin tilted her mouth. “At the boardinghouse, of course. Where else would a decent woman stay in this dumpy, little town?”
Mark’s fingers tightened on the back of the chair, and he ground his back teeth together.
“I’m so looking forward to getting to know Shannon better. I think she and I could be good friends.”
“What do you want, Annabelle? Why are you really here?”
Her mouth twisted, and she shrugged. “I didn’t know where to go. You’re the only man who ever defended me, and I truly wanted to see if there was any chance for us to be together again.”
He strode around the desk and leaned into her face. She swallowed hard, showing the first sign of vulnerability he’d seen since she’d entered his office. “Let me tell you again. I made the biggest mistake of my life in Abilene. There is no chance this side of heaven of us being together. I’m sorry you’ve had a rough life, but part of it was your own choosing. You could have left the Lucky Star years ago, but you didn’t. I sincerely hope you can turn your life around, but I won’t be a part of it. The best thing you can do for me is to leave town.”
She flounced her head and scowled. “That was rather harsh, don’tcha think?”
“No, it’s simply the truth.”
“I was hopin’ you’d give me a job.”
Mark shook his head. “Shannon already works here.”
“Then why isn’t she here? It’s already midmornin’.”
“We…ah…don’t have enough work for her to be here all the time. She mostly works when we’re gone now.”
“I can see that you need time to get used to my being here. I’ll give you a few days, and then we’ll talk again.” She swung around,
hurried for the door, and yanked it open.
“Annabelle. I meant what I said.”
She slammed the door without looking back. Mark slumped against his desk. “Dear Lord, help me.”
Shannon sat in the parlor, staring out the front window. She needed to finish the lace she was making for Leah’s wedding dress, but her heart wasn’t in it. She might have lost Mark, but she never expected to have another woman come to town vying for him.
Perhaps she was making a mountain out of a molehill, but that Annabelle Smith had gone on and on at breakfast about knowing Mark in Abilene. Why, she’d all but insinuated there was something between them. Had that woman hurt Mark so deeply that he never wanted to marry?
’Twould explain a lot.
But Mark didn’t seem jaded toward women. He’d always been friendly to her, except when Garrett first hired her to work for them. She sighed heavily. This was her first day to not go in to work, and she sorely missed being there. Missed seeing Mark.
But she’d made her decision, and ’twas for the best. Her heart couldn’t heal if she had to work with Mark, and listen to his baritone voice, smell his fresh scent, or watch him work. She longed to see those brilliant blue eyes gazing at her as she’d caught them on more than one occasion.
“You silly lass.” She shook her head to rid it of thoughts of Mark and focused back on her stitching.
Leah walked in and sat down on the settee beside her. “Oh, that is so lovely. You do such fine work. I bet you could easily sell your lace.”
“Thank you. Perhaps I will talk to Mrs. Morgan about that very thing. If I could sell some that would help offset the money I’ll lose by not working at the freight office so much.”
Leah puffed up. “I wish you didn’t have to work there at all.”
“Aye, ’twould be for the best, but I’ll not have the Corbetts supporting me again, so I must work there until I find something else.”
“That Miss Smith is looking for employment also.”
“Would that I could give her my job at the freight office, then she and her beloved Mark would be together.”
Leah’s brows lifted. “Is that cynicism I hear?”
Shannon shrugged. “I just got so ill listening to her go on about Mark at breakfast. If they were such good friends, why have we never heard of her before seeing her in Denison?”
“Maybe she’s not someone Mark wants to remember. She seems awfully…shall we say, rough around the edges?”
“Aye, I sensed that, too. What do you suppose it means?”
“I have my suspicions, but it’s best I not voice them, in case I’m wrong.”
Shannon laid down her stitching again. If she sewed while angry, she had a tendency to pull the thread so tight that it bunched up. “She can have him, for all I care.”
Leah laid her hand on Shannon’s arm. “I’m so sorry things didn’t work out between you two. It’s hard to be happy with Dan knowing all you’re going through.”
Shannon turned toward her friend. “The last thing I want to do is steal your joy. The good Lord is helping me. I still care for Mark, but I need to look elsewhere for a husband. If I can marry, I will no longer have to work at the freight office.”
Leah closed her eyes for a moment. “Just don’t rush into something. I know you’ve had at least a dozen marriage proposals in the past weeks, but take your time and pick a man who will be good to you. A man you might one day be able to love.”
She considered the wisdom of her friend’s advice and nodded. Quick, heavy footsteps on the front porch drew their attention. Someone pounded on the door, and then it opened.
“Leah?” Dan’s frantic deep voice boomed through the house.
Leah jumped up and hurried from the room. “I’m right here. What’s wrong?”
“Come outside, I’ve got to talk to you.”
The front door shut, then opened again, and Annabelle walked into the parlor. “Looks like the lovebirds might be having a spat.”
Gathering up her lace, Shannon stood and crossed to the window. Dan looked very upset. What could have happened? “I was just over talking to Mark.”
The woman said his name as if it were sweet candy. “So…there’s no law against talkin’ to the man.”
Annabelle smirked. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and him, but Mark and I have a past. I just need a little time to win him back.”
“Good luck with that, I say.”
Annabelle blinked and looked taken off-guard. If the woman expected her to fight for Mark, she’d be disappointed. Shannon headed out of the room. She might have to be cordial to Annabelle, but she didn’t have to socialize with her.
“I must have been wrong. I thought for sure you and Mark had something going on.”
Had was the key word. “I don’t believe Mark is interested in any woman. He told me himself that he’d never marry. If you ask me, you’re wastin’ your time with that one.”
Annabelle’s eyes widened, and her mouth opened, but nothing came out. Shannon hurried up the stairs, closed her door, and locked it. At least in the privacy of her own room she could be free of that woman. She laid the lace on top of the dresser and sat in the chair, worried about Leah.
What was going on?
CHAPTER 25
Why can’t we get married right away?” Dan stared at her with hurt in his eyes. “Then you can travel to Dallas with me to see to my brother’s estate.”
“I’m so sorry to hear about your brother’s death, but I’m not ready to marry. My dress isn’t finished yet, and there are a hundred other details to take care of.”
Dan paced to the end of the porch and stared off in the distance. Leah’s heart ached for him. He hadn’t gotten over his mother’s death yet, and now a telegram informed him of his brother and sister-in-law’s deaths. “Couldn’t I just go with you, and we could get married when we return? We’re both adults and able to handle the situation respectfully.”
He shook his head. “I won’t take a chance on ruining your reputation. There are some folks in this town who’d look down on two unmarried people traveling together.”
She closed the distance between them and laid her hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry about your family. Can you tell me what happened?”
He turned and wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t know much. The telegram was from my sister, Louise, and just said that Aaron and Irene had died and for me to come to Dallas as soon as possible.”
“Did they have any children?”
He nodded and swallowed so hard that Leah saw his Adam’s apple move. “Five, and they’re all fairly young.”
Tears stung Leah’s eyes. “Oh, those poor children. What will happen to them?”
“I’m sure my sister will take them in. She’s known them all since birth and is very close to them since they only lived a half-mile away.”
Leah hugged Dan hard, not caring if anyone saw. He rested his chin on top of her head. She wanted to go along with him, but he was right. People would think it inappropriate. “When are you leaving?”
“I thought to wait until morning to take the stage, but if you aren’t coming, I’ll leave as soon as I can get packed and ride to Dallas.”
She leaned back and stared up into his damp eyes. His thick lashes clung together in spikes, and she knew he’d be embarrassed if he became aware that she knew he’d been crying. He was a big, tough man, but he cared deeply for his only brother. “Will it be dangerous for you to ride alone?”
“No. I’ll be riding fast, only stopping to rest my horse. In fact, I may take two and trade off riding them. I should be there in a few days if I do that.”
She lifted her hand and touched his face. “Please be careful, and come back to me. I couldn’t bear losing you.”
He smiled through his sadness. “I love you, sweetheart.”
Right there in broad daylight on the boardinghouse front porch, he pulled her back into his arms and kissed her thoroughly. When he stopped, she swaye
d, nearly dizzy with love for this man. She almost wavered and decided to go with him.
“I’d better get going.”
“Once you’re packed, stop back by here. I’m sure Rachel won’t mind if I make you a lunch to take with you.”
He nodded and strode away. Leah’s heart thumped hard. What if something happened to him, and he didn’t return? How would she find the strength to go on?
She muttered a prayer as she walked through the house to the kitchen. Just like when her pa had sold her to that horrible Mr. Abernathy and she’d found the strength to run away and become a mail-order bride, God would help her to go on without Dan. But she prayed hard that such a day never would come.
Annabelle sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the wall of her room in the boardinghouse. It was the nicest place she’d ever stayed, except maybe for the hotel in Denison. She picked at some lint on her serviceable dress, so plain compared to her saloon garb and yet it made her feel respectable. How odd that a simple dress could change a person’s perspective of her. If the folks in the boardinghouse knew the truth about her, they’d boot her out the front door and send her packing.
She blew out a heavy breath. Her plans had not turned out as she’d hoped. Instead of being happy to see her, Mark acted like he couldn’t stand to be around her. At least he would keep silent about her past, since he had more to lose than her if he spilled the beans. Maybe that’s why he was so nervous around her. Maybe he was afraid his friends would find out that he had socialized with a saloon girl.
He sure had changed from the fun-loving man she’d known several years ago. She lay down on the bed and pulled the spare pillow against her stomach, remembering how she’d once shared her bed with him. He’d liked her back then. Maybe even loved her.
He certainly had come to her defense in the saloon when that randy cowboy had mauled her and forced her to kiss him. She shivered at the thought of her mouth pressed to the man’s, his hands freely roving her body. Who knew what might have happened if Mark hadn’t called a halt? When the cowboy pulled his gun, she’d screamed, sure that Mark would be killed. But the cowboy died that night when Mark shot him.
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