Love All Out - Part 3 (A Stepbrother Romance)

by Ward, Alice

  We’d need a licensed therapist and sedatives on hand before we could tackle the honest answer to that question.

  I felt my face flush and looked down at the carpet. James wiggled uncomfortably next to me and I imagined his face was as red as mine. I lifted my tea mug to my lips and took a long sip to avoid answering the question.

  “It’s okay, kids. You can talk to Frank and Kathryn,” Renee assured us, in her warm voice. “You can’t tell them anything they haven’t heard dozens of times before.”

  I choked on my tea and felt a tiny bit escape my nostrils. I threw my right hand up to my face and James offered me a box of tissue from the coffee table.

  “Thanks,” I told him hoarsely. I wiped my face and turned to Frank and Kathryn. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “Don’t worry about it one bit,” Kathryn told me, her voice full of compassion. “It’s perfectly normal for you to feel a little nervous. When Renee called, she mentioned that the engagement had stirred up a lot of emotions. I take it you’ve both been thinking about your lost parents a little more than usual?”

  We have to handle this the same way we’re handling Bradley. We’ll play along, tell them what they want to hear, and then it will all be over with.

  I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and launched into a long explanation of why I’d taken Renee and Daddy’s engagement so hard. I said that getting to know Renee as a mother figure had made me wonder what my own mother had been like since she died before I was old enough to remember her. I told basic truths, but piled on lots of embellishment to help justify my actions. When I finished, Kathryn assured me that my feelings were perfectly natural and then turned to James.

  “What about you, James? What emotions has the engagement stirred up in you?”

  James pressed the tips of his fingers together and stared down at his hands. “Yes,” he barked. He cleared his throat and continued. “Basically the same stuff Willow just said. Only I remember my dad, so I know exactly what I’m missing.”

  Kathryn nodded. “And which do you think is easier, knowing exactly what you’re missing or having to wonder exactly what you’ve lost?”

  James shrugged. “I guess I’ve never thought about it. I mean, I miss my dad. But at least I have memories of him. Maybe it is harder for Willow.”

  God, this is going deeper than I expected.

  “Willow, which do you think is worse?” Frank asked softly.

  I knew I’d start crying if I looked anyone in the eye, so I stared down at the coffee table. “I honestly don’t know,” I confessed. I twisted a tissue in my hands and continued. “I wish more than anything that I could remember my mother. But I’m sure if I could, the pain of losing her would be even worse.”

  Kathryn nodded again. “Willow, James, do you except that Renee and Cole aren’t trying to take Rose and Gus’s places, but trying to provide you both with a loving, stable family unit?”

  James and I nodded in unison.

  “Fantastic,” she smiled. “I think everything that’s happened so far has been perfectly normal.”

  Thank God I’m not drinking anything, or my nose fountain would be spurting again.

  “I have a few suggestions I feel would be a great help to you,” Kathryn continued.

  “Of course,” Renee quickly replied. “We’re open to any ideas you have.”

  “Wonderful, the first suggestion is for you and Cole. We’ve found that when one or both parents in a blended family have lost their spouse, a healthier dynamic develops in the new family when that loss is openly acknowledged. I’m not suggesting that you put up shrines to Rose and Gus, but don’t rid the house of them entirely. That acknowledgement will help Willow and James feel more comfortable and accepted in your new blended household.”

  Renee turned to me with a look of panic. “Oh my goodness, Willow, I’m so sorry. I completely redecorated the house without asking your opinion. I never even considered that some of the furniture might have sentimental value to you. Did that make this more difficult for you to deal with?”

  I shook my head. “No Renee,” I assured her. “The furniture is fine. I think you and Dad have both already done exactly what Kathryn just suggested.”

  Relief spread across Renee’s face. “Oh, thank God. Please let me know if you ever feel like I crossed the line.”

  Daddy cleared his throat. “James, do you feel the same as Willow?”

  James gave him a genuine smile. “Considering you’ve invited my dad’s parents to live on the ranch, I’d say I’m good.”

  “It sounds like you’re already making great progress,” Kathryn observed. “My second suggestion is for you kids. Your parents have agreed to acknowledge what you’ve lost. I’d like for you to acknowledge and appreciate what you have now. I think a good place to start is with each other. You grew up as only children. Soon, you’ll be siblings. I can’t help but notice how uncomfortable you are sitting together. The whole time you’ve been here, you’ve each been glued to the opposite ends of the love seat. Spend some quality time getting to know each other. You’re parents have given you the greatest gift you could ever receive. If you embrace it, you’ll be able to count on each other for the rest of your lives.”

  “That’s a fantastic idea!” Renee said. She turned to me and James with a broad grin. “Who better to talk over your feelings with than the person sharing your experience? And I know the perfect time for you to start. James, you’ll fly to Maryland with Willow and Matt on Thursday instead of waiting until Saturday.”

  “But,” James tried to protest, but his effort went unnoticed.

  “That’s a wonderful idea, sweetheart,” Daddy agreed. He turned to James. “What do you say? I know I’d feel much better about Willow’s safety if you went along. You can watch out for her, defend her if you need to, like you did in Kentucky.”

  James let out a quiet sigh of defeat. “Fine, I’ll start packing when we get back to the ranch.”

  “Frank, Kathryn, I can’t thank you enough. I feel so much better after talking with you,” Renee told them.

  “Anytime, Renee, it was our pleasure,” the Reverend assured her. “Before you leave, I’d like to give the kids one last piece of advice.”

  “Of course, Reverend,” Daddy agreed.

  “Willow, James, your parents are giving you another gift that’s almost as important as the gift of family. They’re showing you exactly what to do when you’re blessed with true love. When you find the ones your hearts are meant for, hold on to them just as Cole and Renee have held on to each other. And don’t let anyone else’s agendas or opinions tear you apart.”

  I felt myself blush again and prayed that no one noticed. I couldn’t look at James, but I felt his eyes on me.

  Fantastic, now he’ll be quoting the Reverend when he pleads his case.

  I knew that Frank had made a good point. But I also knew that mine and James’s relationship was more complicated than Daddy and Renee’s would ever be.

  “I don’t think that the kids are looking for their soul mates just yet, but I hope they’ll remember your words when the time comes,” Daddy said. He rose to his feet and the rest of us followed.

  “Good luck in Maryland this weekend, Willow,” Frank said as he walked us to the door. “I can’t pray for a win, but I’ll pray for safe travels.”

  “Thank you, Reverend,” I replied as I stepped outside.

  I have a feeling I’ll need all the prayers I can get.

  CHAPTER 4

  “Stand still… that’s a good boy.” I scrubbed Thunder with a soapy sponge while Matt tied Liberty to the hitching post.

  “Mason said he’d do this for us,” Matt told me. “He knows we need to get packed for tomorrow.”

  I dipped the sponge back into the bucket, shaking my head. “You can go ahead and take off if you want. With all the training and paperwork I’ve done this week, it feels good to actually have my hands on the animals. Besides, I finished packing last night.”<
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  “Actually, I’m already packed too,” Matt confessed. He sprayed Liberty down with the water hose and lathered her in shampoo. “I’m so excited about this weekend. Lucas and I went shopping in Grand Junction yesterday and bought the most amazing clothes for the trip.” He rubbed Liberty down with a sponge while I hosed suds off of Thunder.

  “I’m so glad Lucas changed his mind about coming with us.” I tossed the water hose his way and covered Thunder with my own concoction of coconut oil and vanilla extract to keep the horseflies and gnats away.

  “Once James bailed on the rodeo, there was no real reason for him to stay home,” Matt explained.

  “I didn’t realize James was supposed to ride with him this weekend,” I said, trying my best to keep my voice casual. I hadn’t told Matt that I’d yet again slept with James after swearing I was done with him forever. I knew Matt loved me, but I also suspected that his patience was wearing thin with my constant back and forth love life.

  There’s no point in talking about it right now, anyway. James promised he’d give me until after Belmont to decide what I want. There are so many things to take care of between now and then, the expansion, the wedding… Bradley. Surely once all that has settled down, I’ll feel less emotional, more capable of making a decision.

  Matt sprayed Liberty off with the hose and lowered his voice. “Look, Willow. I don’t want to upset you. But James told Lucas that he’s planning to leave Colorado soon. They were supposed to go to a rodeo in Boulder this Saturday. They were going to team rope, and James was going to bull ride... it’s a PBR qualifier. Lucas says James is only a few points shy of joining the tour.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked, doing my best to act shocked. “I can’t believe he’d leave the ranch. Surely he plans to stay until after the wedding, at least?”

  “He’ll have to stay for a few more months at least, now,” Matt assured me. “Lucas says that the next qualifier isn’t until August. I’m really surprised that he decided to go to Maryland with us. Not that I’m complaining. I’m thrilled that Lucas gets to go.”

  “James didn’t decide to come with us. Daddy and Renee told him he has to. Reverend Hawthorne said we should spend quality time getting to know each other,” I said, my voice thick with irony. “God, I’m burning up. Spray me down, would ya?”

  It was ninety degrees outside with no breeze. My jeans and t-shirt clung to my skin, drenched with sweat. I turned around and Matt sprayed cool water across my back. I turned back to face him, twisting the cold water out of my shirt.

  “Well, I’m glad James is going, whatever the reason,” Matt told me. “Now, you’ll have more time to change your mind before he leaves for good.”

  I untied Thunder’s lead rope and led him towards the barn. “Please don’t make me get in to this again,” I pleaded. “Think about it from a business perspective. We’re partners now. You have just as much to lose as I do, and none of the reward.” Thunder and I stepped into the barn with Matt and Liberty following close behind.

  “My reward is seeing you happy,” he corrected me as we stalled the horses. “And we don’t have to get in to this again, but I thought you needed to know about the Professional Bull Riding Tour. Lucas says...” He hesitated, biting his lower lip.

  I shut the door to Thunder’s stall and stared Matt in the eye. “Lucas says what?” I pressed.

  Matt swallowed and looked down to the ground.

  What could he possibly be so afraid to tell me?

  “Lucas said that once James leaves on the tour, he’s not planning on coming back,” he answered softly.

  He didn’t tell me that. He mentioned the tour, but he never said he’d leave forever. He wouldn’t.

  “Well of course he’ll come back,” I insisted. “This is his home. He wouldn’t just leave Renee. If nothing else, he’ll come back for holidays.”

  Matt shook his head. “That’s not what he told Lucas. James said that being here, having to act like you’re all a happy family is just too hard for him. He feels like he’s living a lie. I’m sure he’d come home eventually. But if you let him leave, I wouldn’t expect to see him again for at least a few years.”

  James said he wanted to join the tour, that he needed some space. But he never said anything about not coming home… Lucas must have misunderstood.

  “Thank you for letting me know, Matt,” I said with a long sigh. “But if James wants to leave, there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s a grown man. He makes his own decisions.”

  Matt threw up his hands in defeat. “Okay, I promised I wouldn’t push it, so I won’t. What are you doing tonight? Lucas is staying at his place to get everything lined out before we leave. You should come over. We’ll have a few drinks and you can help me narrow down my wardrobe for the weekend,” he suggested as we walked out of the barn. “My suitcase could use some lightening up.” He leaned against his truck and I stood in front of him, shading my face with one hand.

  I thought about the evening in front of me and frowned. “I can’t. I have to go to a stupid fucking dinner with Bradley.”

  SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! I can’t believe I said that out loud!

  I wasn’t used to keeping secrets from Matt and I’d completely forgotten that he didn’t know about Bradley’s blackmail.

  Matt’s forehead wrinkled with confusion. “You’re going to dinner with Bradley? How did that happen?”

  I thought fast. “It’s a business dinner and he wants to make a good impression. I promised I’d go as a favor to Dale. He’s trying to retire, but he won’t be able to if his contacts don’t take Bradley seriously.”

  He raised a suspicious eyebrow. “That was awfully nice of you.”

  I shrugged and put my hands on my hips. “It’s just dinner, it’s no big deal. But if I’m going to be on time, I need to get up to the house and shower. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

  “Okay…” Matt hesitated. “Willow, if Bradley does anything that makes you uncomfortable tonight, I want you to call me. I’ll come pick you up, no matter what time. After what he did in Kentucky, I don’t like the idea of you being alone with him.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I assured him. “And if I’m not, you’ll be the first to know.”

  ***

  At five to seven that evening, I pulled into the parking lot of the Gas N Sip. I was surprised to see Dale’s Mercedes waiting at the gas pump instead of Bradley’s Ranch King. I parked on the side of the building and walked to the front of the store.

  He’s not even going to get out of the car.

  I opened the passenger door of the sedan and slid onto the leather seat.

  “You look good,” Bradley told me as I buckled my seatbelt. “I’m relieved to see you in a dress. I was half worried you’d show up in some god awful denim skirt, just to spite me.”

  I’d taken a lot of time choosing my outfit for the night. I didn’t want to look sexy, but I didn’t want to look frumpy either. I finally decided on a simple, sleeveless black dress with a high neckline and knee length skirt. The last time I’d worn it was to a funeral, so it seemed an appropriate choice for my fake date with Bradley.

  “I don’t want to spite you, Bradley. I don’t want to argue or fight… I just want to get the night over with,” I told him, careful to keep my voice even. I’d psyched myself up during my drive to the Gas N Sip and I was determined not to let Bradley get the best of me.

  “Let me tell you how this is going to go.” He continued as if I hadn’t said anything at all. “We’re meeting the guys at Lawson’s Steakhouse.”

  I nodded. “Good choice, they serve our beef.” Lawson’s was one of a few local restaurants that bought full sides of beef from our ranch.

  “Feel free to throw that out there over dinner,” he said. “Fit it in somewhere casually… or better yet, wait until they complement their steaks.”

  “Okay,” I sighed and stared out the window.

  “You need to get your attitude in check before we get there,” he snarled. �
�I’m doing a favor by keeping my mouth shut. Don’t make me regret it.”

  “I promise as soon as we get to the restaurant, I’ll plaster a smile across my face and leave it there for the rest of the night. I agreed to do that. I didn’t agree to play nice while we’re alone and I don’t know how you could expect me too,” I hissed back at him. Bradley kept his eyes on the road and his body relaxed.

  “Fine,” he said with an amused laugh. “Act like a bitch if that’s what you want. But when we get to Lawson’s, I don’t want to hear a trace of that condescension in your voice. I expect you to act completely enamored by me, like you’re hanging on to every word I say. They’ll ask you about the horses. Give brief, modest answers and turn the conversation back to me.”

  “I thought you wanted me to impress them,” I argued. “How the hell am I supposed to do that if I’m acting like some dumb puppet? Wouldn’t they take you more seriously if they thought a smart woman was actually choosing to spend time with you?”

  Bradley frowned. “These are old fashioned men we’re meeting with, Willow. They were raised in homes like mine, where men are men and women understand they should be seen and not heard. The Derby win makes you a bit of a novelty, so they might pretend to be interested in your opinion. But they’re not, so save them the trouble and do what I told you.”

  “Fine, I’ll smile, drool over you, and keep my mouth shut. But you’re over exaggerating, no one thinks like that anymore.”

  “Plenty of family’s still have good, traditional values,” he insisted. “You wouldn’t know that since you grew up without a mom and your fool ass father let you run around like a little boy. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cole. But he didn’t do you any favors.”

  He’s hitting below the belt on purpose. He wants me to snap so he has an excuse to post the pictures. I have to keep my cool. I’ve got to get on his good side or this entire evening is going to be a nightmare.

  “What happened to you, Bradley?” I asked softly. “You were always such a nice guy… too nice. I know it wasn’t all a front. Why have you been so angry these last few months?”