Return To Ely

by Darrell Maloney

  “We went over this same bridge several months ago, while we were searching for a new horse to replace one which was going lame.

  “I stopped here, at this very place, to do some fishing and to bathe in the river.

  “I took Nellie’s hand and led her to the bank so I could help bathe her too.

  “And I was amazed at her transformation. I guess the cold rushing water took her back to her childhood.

  “I knew when she grew up during the depression she had to bathe in a river back in Kentucky. She told me many times when we were younger that those times were hard, but she and her sisters helped each other get through it.

  “She told me they played during their river baths. Dunked each other, spat water at one another.

  “She told me that in an era where they had no toys to play with, nothing to entertain them and few joys, the river baths were a respite from the sadness the depression brought into their lives.

  “No matter how hungry they were, no matter how destitute they were, they saw their nightly river baths as a means of reminding them they were alive and had each other.

  “And that things would eventually get better.

  “When we came through the first time I took her into the water and she called me Hilda.”

  “Hilda? Sal, you don’t look much like a Hilda.”

  “Hilda was her little sister. She was having one of her flashbacks.

  “She thought I was Hilda and started splashing me with water.

  “She laughed in great joy. Splashed me with water. Dunked my head beneath the surface and spat water at me.

  “She was having the very best time. She was once again a little girl, once again living that special time she had with her sisters.

  “It didn’t last long, but it was such a joyful time for me as well.

  “She lived for several more weeks, and even smiled occasionally once your little Beth came into our lives.

  “But she never laughed again after that day.”

  Chapter 36

  “I’m sorry, Sal. I was going to suggest we spend the day here and catch some fresh fish to fill our bellies before we crash.

  “If I’d known the place brought back such memories I’d have passed it right on by.”

  “Oh, no,” Sal said. “The memory is a pleasant one. It brings me pain not because the memory hurts me but because I know I won’t hear my Nellie laugh again until I reach the heavenly gates.

  “And it’s important I see things that bring back her memory occasionally, so I can keep her spirit alive.”

  Sal was in a particular mood. A mood which made him wax philosophical.

  “Did you know every person dies twice, Dave?”

  “Um… what?”

  “The first time is when he draws his last breath and his soul leaves his human vessel… his body.

  “The soul continues to live in the minds and memories of the people who knew him.

  “He can continue to live for many more years, and have a very vivid second life to the people he loves.

  “It’s not until his name is uttered the very last time.

  “That’s when his second life is over.

  “It’s at that point he ceases to exist.

  “A lot of people don’t know that, but it’s true.

  “It’s important that we keep alive the memories of our departed loved ones.

  “It not only gives us comfort and solace to do so. It also extends their time on earth.”

  Beth started to stir on the bench seat of the old Ranger pickup truck behind them.

  “What are you two jabbering about?”

  Sal looked at Dave and said, “My, that’s an insolent child you have there.”

  “She gets it from her mother.”

  Beth crawled through the hole on the front of the cab which once held a windshield.

  She crawled into the wagoneer’s seat and wedged herself between the two.

  The seat wasn’t very wide.

  It was hardly big enough for the three of them, but Beth didn’t care.

  She wiggled and they scooted and by the time she was comfortable each of the men was hanging half off the seat.

  Dave said, “Are you comfortable now, Peanut?”

  She hugged him and said, “Yes, thanks.

  “Now what were you talking about?”

  “Sal was just saying how important it is to talk about the people we’ve lost. To help keep their memories alive.”

  Beth turned to Sal and asked, “Are you missing Grandma Nellie again?”

  “All the time, child… all the time.”

  She turned halfway around and hugged Sal.

  “I miss her too.

  “I mean, I know we didn’t start out very well, with you guys taking me against my will and all.

  “For awhile I thought you were both very mean. I hated you.

  “But then I figured out you loved me and were just trying to get me to a better place, to make my life better. And finally I understood why you took me.

  “Then I finally gave you a chance.

  “And that’s when I started to fall in love with you both.

  “I only wish I knew Grandma Nellie before she got sick.”

  “I wish you had too, sweetheart. She was an amazing woman before she got sick.”

  “Grandpa, she was an amazing woman even after she got sick. I could still see the sparkle in her eyes, even when she had trouble expressing herself.

  “She loved you too, Beth. Were you aware of that?”

  “Oh, I know.

  “I mean, she never actually said the words. But I didn’t expect her to because I know she had trouble speaking.

  “She showed me every time I went to sleep and she came and tucked me in.

  “She showed me every time she hugged me or squeezed my hand, and I could see her eyes smile.

  “I knew she loved me, even when she couldn’t say it.”

  Sal put his meaty arm around the tiny girl.

  “Beth, you are a very wise child. You’ll soon make a very wise woman.”

  “Oh I know,” she proudly announced. “I get that from my mother too.”

  Chapter 37

  Sarah wasn’t feeling so wise at that moment.

  She felt like the worst person in the world; somewhat less than human.

  She felt like a despicable monster.

  She felt so stupid, so guilty in so many ways.

  Karen had asked her why in the world she’d feel an attraction to someone the likes of John Parker.

  And why she’d act on such an attraction and forget her vows to her husband; a man both agreed was one of the best men either had ever known.

  The questions threw Sarah for a loop.

  For she’d been struggling with the same questions herself, and had no answers.

  “I honestly don’t know,” she told her sister. “I’ve thought about it a lot.

  “I was at probably the lowest point in my life, but can’t use that as an excuse.

  “I’ve half given up on ever seeing my Beth again. I’ve accepted the odds of Dave finding her are just too great. The world is just too big and there are so many places they could have gone and they had such a long head start.

  “But I can’t use that as an excuse either. You lost Tommy outright and you didn’t resort to such bad behavior.

  “Kara lost Jacob, her husband and the father of her baby. She didn’t run into the arms of a murderer for comfort.

  “The short answer, Karen, is I just don’t know. What I did was despicable. I know that and accept it. What I don’t know is why I did it.”

  “Were you lonely?”

  “Well, hell yes I’m lonely. I miss my husband every minute of every day. I thought of him while I was with John, I compared the two. And even as John and I were… doing it, my thoughts were of Dave and how much better a man he was.

  “Yet I cheated on him anyway. What kind of woman does that make me, Karen?”

  “It makes you flaw
ed. Sarah. Just like every other human who ever lived.”

  “Not every other human cheats on their spouses, Karen.”

  “Some of them do. And while most of them don’t, that doesn’t make them perfect. Everyone has sinned in some form or fashion.

  “Everyone, with no exceptions.

  “You made a dreadful mistake. You owned up to it. And I truly believe you when you say it won’t happen again. Maybe it’s time to move on.”

  “I… I can’t move on, Karen. The damage is done. But it’s not finished.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning my trust with you is shattered, probably forever. It’ll be a frigid day in hell before you’ll ever trust me again.

  “I’ve ruined my relationship with my daughter. Time will make it easier, but she’ll never stop hurting from what I did.

  “And the worst of it is Dave. If he returns he’ll probably leave me. He’ll probably tell me to go to hell, and I wouldn’t blame him if he did.

  “Knowing the kind of man he is, though, I think it’s more than likely he’ll forgive me. He’ll tell me to put it in the past and move on.

  “But I know better. For the rest of our lives every time I leave the house he’ll wonder if I’m meeting someone else. Every time I get a hang-up phone call he’ll wonder if it was really a wrong number.

  “He’ll wonder if it was my boyfriend sending a message he wanted to see me.

  “And I couldn’t blame him for being suspicious. I’d have only myself to blame.”

  Karen chose her words carefully.

  “Sarah, listen to me. You’ve ended the relationship with John Parker. We all agree it was a dreadful mistake. We all agree you had no business getting involved with him.

  “But it’s over now.

  “Life is giving you a do-over.

  “You can’t take back what you did, but you can make sure it never happens again.

  “And in light of that, maybe there isn’t really a need for Dave to find out about it.”

  Sarah went silent for a moment.

  “Karen, this is something I cannot keep a secret.”

  “Says who? Who says you can’t keep it a secret? Or, to put it another way, why isn’t it better to keep it a secret?

  “You’re already going to pay a heavy price for your transgression. For the rest of your life you’ll be haunted by guilt.

  “And you’re right that your relationship with Lindsey has suffered greatly and might never be the same again.

  “But you can’t do anything about that.

  “What you can do is consider what news of this sort will do to Dave.

  “Right now it doesn’t hurt him because he doesn’t know. It will only hurt him if he finds out.

  “It seems to me that keeping it a secret is win-win. It won’t damage your relationship and it won’t hurt your husband.

  “If you think about it, it’s really a no-brainer.

  “I… I don’t know. I already feel so dirty, Karen. I’m an adulterer, and no matter how faithful a wife I am for the rest of my life I’ll never be able to change that.

  “What does it say about me if I’m a liar as well?

  “It means you know you made a mistake. But that you love your husband enough not to destroy him by sharing the details.”

  Sarah was truly at a loss for words.

  “Look,” Karen said. “At least think about what I said, okay? You don’t have to make a decision right away. But think about my idea. Okay?”

  Sarah swallowed hard.

  “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

  Chapter 38

  Dave Spear was like most fathers in that he loved surprising his children with things he knew would make them happy.

  Big things, little things. Important things and “who really cares?” types of things… it didn’t matter.

  What mattered was the look on their faces when they realized they’d been had by a sneaky father who knew how to make them smile.

  Many things had changed since the sun sent EMPs to bombard the earth and to bring it to its knees.

  Dave’s love for his daughters wasn’t one of them.

  Dave had been intentionally misleading his youngest for several days now.

  Well, misleading might be too strong a word.

  Actually, he was just very vague as to how much longer their journey would take.

  “Dad, how much farther do we have to go?”

  “Not far, Peanut. Farther than you can spit a watermelon seed, but not as far as the moon.”

  “Daddy, will I finally get to see Mommy again tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know, honey. Maybe. It depends mostly on how much snow we get and how much it slows us down.”

  “Snow? Dad, it’s summertime!”

  “Hey, it could happen.”

  “Dad, how many miles before we get to Ely?”

  “Somewhere between four and four zillion, honey. I’m not exactly sure.”

  Dave’s hesitance to answer her basic questions drove her a little bit nuts, but also has its desired effect.

  She finally gave up and stopped asking.

  And that made it easy for Dave to put the final phase of his scheme into play.

  As they sat together on the banks of the Little Missouri River waiting to catch a third fish for their breakfast, Beth mused aloud.

  “How come they call this the Little Missouri River? Is there also a Humongous Missouri River or a Gigantic Missouri River?”

  Dave chuckled.

  “Actually I was wondering the very same thing.”

  “I think,” Sal said, “that this is a river which feeds directly into the Missouri River at some point south of us.

  “I think because it is a primary tributary it’s given a similar name in honor of its contribution, as opposed to just any other old river.”

  Dave gave his friend the “side eye.”

  “Did you just make that up?”

  “Yes. But it kind of makes sense if you think about it.”

  Beth offered her two cents, “He’s probably right, Dad. He’s a very smart man.”

  Dave said, “Okay, then. In the absence of any further evidence to the contrary, your honor, I move that Mr. Ambrosio’s theory be determined to be true and correct.”

  “Dad, you’re nuts.”

  “I know. It’s fun.”

  At that moment a beautiful rainbow trout took Sal’s line.

  So beautiful he almost threw the magnificent fish back into the water to live another day.

  Almost.

  Because as impressed as he was with the fish he was also very hungry.

  Sal was somewhat of a wizard when it came to cooking road food and making it taste like it came from the finest of fancy restaurants.

  In the trailer they rummaged through the previous day he found some butter-flavored shortening and some garlic powder.

  They also found a bag of pecans, which he ground into dust and used to batter the fish fillets.

  A little bit of salt, a dash of pepper, a tiny bit of oregano, and he had a culinary masterpiece.

  The au gratin potatoes which accompanied the fish came from a box and were only so-so.

  But together they made a pretty incredible meal.

  As incredible as it was, though, the best was yet to come.

  Beth loved the taste of the fish so much she licked the plastic plate it was served on.

  Dave smiled.

  “You know when you get back to your mom she won’t allow you to do that, right?”

  “Well, duh… that’s why I’m doing it now, Dad.”

  Dave replied, “Good point.”

  Then he licked his own plate in a similar fashion.

  Beth rolled around in the grass and held her sides, as though they hurt from laughing so hard.

  Then she got serious.

  “Dad, the sun is high in the sky. It’s noon. Don’t you think we need to pitch the tents and get some sleep?”

  “Nope. There’s no hur
ry.”

  “What do you mean there’s no hurry? You always tell me we need to be asleep by noon so we can get up in time to break down the camp and hitch up the horses before the sun goes down.”

  “Do I say that?”

  “Yes, Dad. You certainly do.”

  “Well, never mind about that.”

  Beth got exasperated. She stood and placed her hands on her hips.

  She suspected her father was up to no good.

  Or at least that he knew something she didn’t know.

  “Dad, what’s up?”

  “The moon and the sun. And that reminds me, did you know the moon is always up in the sky?

  “Most people think the moon goes away during the daytime. But in reality it’s always up there. We just can’t see it because the sky gets light and it blends in with the blue sky.”

  She didn’t know whether to believe him or not.

  He might be serious, or he might be pulling her leg.

  In any event it didn’t matter.

  She wouldn’t fall for his red herring.

  “Dad, what’s going on?”

  “Nothing. We’re just changing from night travel to day travel, that’s all.

  “To do so we’re going to stay up all day and sleep all night. Then we’ll set out in the morning.”

  “Really? But why?”

  “Because we’re only a few hours from your mom. And we wouldn’t want to drop in and see them in the middle of the night, now would we?”

  Chapter 39

  As they finished up their midday meal Sal asked Beth, “Are you gonna be able to stay up all day long, little one? You’ll have a hard time sleeping tonight if you nap during the day today.”

  “I don’t know, Grandpa Sal. Tonight is a long time away, and I’m kinda tired already.”

  “I’ve got something that might help,” Dave said as he got up and walked toward the back of the rig.

  Sal thought Beth’s smile couldn’t get any bigger but it did.

  “Oh, goody,” she said.

  Beth loved surprises.

  Of course, this new one couldn’t top the news she’d be seeing her mother and sister again the next day.

  Rather it would be the icing on the cake. The gravy on the mashed potatoes. The cherry atop the sundae.