Monster (Impossible #1)

by Julia Sykes

  Sean was still standing stiffly, tension in every line of his body.

  “Sean?” I said his name tentatively as I approached him slowly. He didn’t acknowledge me. He seemed lost in his own head; his eyes were stormy, full of fury and pain and grief. My hand reached out to him as though of its own accord, my fingers gently closing around his curled fist. He was trembling. His eyes didn’t shift to me, but after a moment his hand relaxed, and his fingers entwined with mine. I tugged at him gently, leading him back to the bedroom. He followed, walking mechanically at my side. I pulled him down on the bed beside me and sat with him in silence for long minutes, tracing my thumb in little circles over the back of his hand.

  After a while, he blinked. His gaze fell on our interlocked hands as though surprised to find me touching him. Then his eyes found mine. They were so lost.

  “Claudia?” He said my name beseechingly. My heart twisted at the sound of it.

  Chapter 9

  I reached out for him, helplessly drawn to this beautiful, damaged man. I traced the line of his strong, square jaw, the roughness of his stubble lightly scraping at my fingertips. His eyes darkened, and he flinched away from me.

  “Don’t,” he ordered softly.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered soothingly, wanting nothing more than to ease the pain that marred his handsome features. I extended my hand towards him again, but his fingers instantly closed around my wrist, keeping me at bay.

  “Don’t touch me, Claudia,” he said, almost angrily.

  “Why?” I asked quietly, frustrated and hurt.

  “Why?” He repeated, his expression tightening. His eyes speared me in place, and I was shocked to find something akin to anguish in their depths. “Because if you touch me, I won’t be able to stop myself.” His voice was low and rough, and his fingers gripped my wrist harder as his muscles went taut from some unseen strain.

  The feeling of being caught by him, held in his strong grip, re-awoke the lust that seemed to constantly simmer within me when I was near him. I drew in a shaky breath. “What if I don’t want you to stop yourself?” I breathed.

  My stomach did a little flip as the full power of Sean’s anger was unleashed upon me, the hot flames in his eyes burning me. The sensation of being caught up in it was terrifying. And darkly thrilling.

  “Don’t say that,” he ground out. “I refuse to force you to take part in my… sick perversions.” He repeated his father’s words, hurling them out like a curse.

  “Force me?” I hissed, my anger rising to meet his. “Do I seem like a woman who allows people to force her into things?”

  Maybe seduced into things, I admitted to myself. But never forced.

  Sean stared at me for a moment, incredulity bleeding into his furious glare. And there was a hint of wonder there too. “Fuck,” he muttered, and I watched as he gave in to the lust that he had been working so hard to hold at bay. His muscles went from tense with restraint to gracefully supple, moving with the swift, hypnotic fluidity of a predator.

  His hands were at the hem of my dress, ripping it out from under me and up over my head. He did it with such swiftness that my mind only processed what was happening when the cool air hit my naked skin. He swallowed my shocked gasp as he brought his lips down on mine. There was nothing slow or hesitant about his kiss this time. He sucked my lower lip into his mouth, tracing the line of it with his tongue before biting down hard. I moaned into him at the sharp pain of it, glorying in the way that it made my clit pulse in response. He pushed me back down onto the bed, never taking his hot mouth from mine.

  My hands were roving over his hard body, finally exploring him as I had longed to do since I had first laid eyes on him. His arms were corded with the effort of holding his weight off of me, and I traced the contours of them, shuddering pleasurably as I fully realized his strength. I felt so small beneath him, utterly at his mercy. I craved more of him, and my hands snaked under his t-shirt as his tongue plundered my mouth. My fingernails raked over the curves of his abs, pushing up his shirt for easier access.

  Knowing what I wanted, Sean pulled it up over his head, flinging it away from him. Now that he had pulled back from me, I could finally look my fill, drink in all of him rather than stealing furtive glances from across the bed. He was glorious in his perfection, and a part of me was distantly amazed that he could possibly want me.

  But that thought was driven from my head by the sight of the gauze wrapped around his chest. He leaned back into me, but I pressed my palm against his hard stomach, stopping him short.

  “Your stitches…” I warned breathlessly, not wanting him to tear them open again.

  But his eyes were dark, determined. “Fuck the stitches,” he growled. “I want you, Claudia.”

  I shuddered, thrilling at his words. I wanted him too. More fiercely than I had ever wanted anything. In that moment, I didn’t care about what this meant, about who I was becoming. All I cared about was having him inside of me, taking me to that place where nothing existed but his touch upon me, granting me the mental and physical release that I craved.

  I fumbled at his jeans, hastily unzipping them. I couldn’t wait for him to take them off. Instead, I reached inside his boxers, my hand touching his impressive erection for the first time. I grasped the hard length of it in my fist, stroking it from the base to the tip, exploring him as I pulled it free of his jeans. I marveled at the sight of it, momentarily entranced. My forefinger traced the line of his bulging vein, circled the purplish head of it before sliding across the bead of wetness at the tip.

  Sean hissed in a sharp breath. “I won’t allow you to tease me,” he said, his voice low and gruff. “I control this fuck.”

  His hands were on my thighs, gripping them with almost bruising force as he jerked them roughly apart, opening me for him. He tore at my panties, pulling them down my thighs so that I was bare for him. His fingers slid into my soft curls and found the wetness at my heated core. My wrists were suddenly caught up in his strong grip as he let out a low growl. He pressed them into the mattress on either side of my head, and his eyes burned down into mine.

  I let out a small whimper at the overwhelming intensity of his dominant gaze, but it turned into a shocked, delighted cry as he abruptly drove into me in one long, swift thrust. My arms jerked against his grip as I writhed beneath him, trying to adjust to the sudden large intrusion that stretched me so ruthlessly after years of emptiness. But he held me fast, his steely grip and his hard cock pinning me in place. He stayed utterly still for a moment, his face contorted with the effort of holding himself back. My pussy swelled, relaxing to accommodate him. I was ready for him now, desperate for the stimulation of him driving in and out of me. I tried to press my hips up into him, to move him inside of me.

  He stared down at me forbiddingly, the ferocity of his expression instantly stilling my efforts. “What did I just tell you?” He asked harshly. “Who controls this fuck, Claudia?”

  I quelled under him, my body trembling as I felt myself submit to him completely, ceding to his will. “You do,” I whispered.

  A twisted, triumphant smile spread across his face. He pulled his hips back, almost drawing out of me completely before driving into me to the hilt. The force of it made me gasp as he branded my body with the heat of him. “Your pussy is mine now, Claudia,” he said roughly, driving home his possessive words with another harsh thrust. “Isn’t it?” Another demanding thrust. “Tell me,” he growled.

  “Yes,” I said breathlessly, almost delirious from the pleasure he was giving me. “I’m yours, Sean.”

  With a satisfied grunt, he began to take me in earnest, sliding in and out of me rapidly, driving all the way home with every powerful stroke. I moaned beneath him as ecstasy rippled through my core with every possessive thrust. My legs wrapped around his waist, inviting him further in. His cock hit my g-spot, and his hips ground against my clit as he moved within me.

  “Sean!” I cried out his name as my orgasm hit me, my pussy contracting a
round him as I came. Bliss emanated out from my core, racing through my body from my belly to my fingertips, making my flesh tingle and burn as though flames were dancing across every inch of my skin.

  But he continued to pump into me, his teeth gritted as he held himself back.

  “Another,” he ordered, his voice floating down to me through my bliss-induced haze.

  I couldn’t deny him. The power of his command and the continued stimulation of my sex drove me over the edge once again. This time, he came with me, throwing back his head and letting out a howl of satisfaction as he reached his own completion. His hot seed pumped into me, searing my insides as it lashed at me. I moaned in satisfaction at the sensation. Nothing had ever felt more right.

  He collapsed atop me, breathing hard. But he didn’t pull out. He stared down into my eyes as he stroked my hair, as though he was just as entranced by me as I was by him. His lips brushed against mine, gentle and sweet this time.

  We stayed like that for long minutes, our mouths gently moving against one another as he softened inside of me. My head was still swimming as I basked in my post-orgasmic glow, momentarily holding all of my self-doubt at bay.

  But as Sean slid out of me, my mind began to whir back to unmerciful life. My first thought was concern at the fact that I had just had unprotected sex. Thank god I took birth control to regulate my periods. But did Sean have any STDs? I knew that he was a playboy. Who knew how many women he had done this with?

  That thought made me go cold. Was a just another woman in a long string of conquests? A convenient distraction while he was holed up in his apartment healing from his bullet wound?

  I glanced at his bandages as he rolled off of me, propping himself up on one elbow. There was a small red stain blooming against the white gauze.

  “You’re hurt,” I said softly.

  He shot me a lazy grin. “It was worth it.”

  I couldn’t help blushing, but I forced my voice to its usual controlled tone. “Let me patch you up.”

  He chuckled at me. “Already bossing me around again,” he said, amused. “You bounce back quickly.”

  If only, I thought. If I truly was my normal self, I wouldn’t feel so stripped bare in his presence, so confused about who I was now.

  But I said nothing. I climbed out of bed, pulling up my panties and tugging my dress over my head to rid myself of the vulnerability that I suddenly felt as I became acutely aware of my nakedness. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him frowning slightly, and he tucked himself back into his jeans.

  I could feel his gaze on me as I replaced the three stitches that had broken open, but I determinedly refused to look at him. When I finished, I sat down heavily on the bed beside him, staring blankly at the wall.

  His thumb and forefinger gripped my chin, forcing me to turn and face him.

  “What’s going on in that head of yours?” He asked softly, anxiety evident in the lines around his eyes and mouth.

  “I…” I began shakily, not wanting to share my fears, my self-doubt with him. He had already claimed so much of my identity, breaking down my walls to grasp at my soul. Could I bring myself to give him more?

  “Are you really going to keep me here forever?” I asked finally, dreading his answer.

  He smiled slightly, but his eyes looked pained. “Right now, forever with you doesn’t seem like such a bad fate.”

  Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. “Please,” I said, my voice ragged. “I can’t stay trapped here for the rest of my life. I can’t bear it.”

  I can’t bear being around you any longer. But I couldn’t bring myself to say the words aloud, to worsen the pain and hurt that I saw in his eyes.

  His hand dropped from my face and his expression closed, his face schooled to blankness. “I’m sorry, Claudia,” was all he said. He was no longer looking at me.

  I stood quickly, desperate to put distance between us. A part of me hated the thought of leaving Sean, but my sane self was screaming at me that staying near him was more dangerous than staring down the barrel of Bradley’s gun.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” I said softly, suddenly needing to wash away the evidence of our fierce, passionate coupling. Without waiting for an answer, I fled from him and into the refuge of the bathroom. It was only when the sound of the shower would mask the noise that I allowed myself to go to pieces. I slid down into the tub, hugging my knees to my chest as I cried.

  I had been drawn to Sean from the first moment I had seen him, attracted to his beauty, his undeniably charming cocky demeanor. But it was the pain that I had glimpsed within him that had made me unable to resist. When I had looked into his eyes after his confrontation with his father, so lost and alone… I knew that feeling, knew the unbearable weight of concealing such pain.

  And then when we touched, he ignited such a fire within me, one that made me forget my internal anguish, granting me release from the burden of the agony that had scarred my soul… I couldn’t resist the allure, couldn’t resist him.

  But in releasing me, he had broken me, and now my pain was exposed and raw. I was finally forced to face what I had held at bay for so many years. And it hurt.

  But he wasn’t going to let me get away; he was going to trap me in my agony forever, exposing it every time he touched me. The high that I experienced when he seduced me only sent me crashing lower than ever before when I came down from it. I was becoming drawn to the ecstasy like a drug, going down a path of self-destruction through succumbing to addiction.

  I had to escape, no matter what it took. I would never stop trying. I didn’t care if Bradley decided to kill me; even that would provide me the release I so desperately needed.

  Drawing several shaky breaths, I forced myself to stand. I could feel the water going cold, and I needed to clean myself up. I almost fell apart all over again at the reminder of my coupling with Sean as I washed myself, the soreness within me summoning up the all-too-sharp memories. But I swallowed back the urge.

  As I reluctantly left the privacy of the bathroom, I heard Bradley’s furious voice coming from Sean’s room.

  “I’m done playing nurse,” he said coldly. “If you’re well enough to fuck her, you’re well enough to get your own goddamn food.”

  I stopped in my tracks, my gut twisting with shame. He had heard us. Of course he had heard. He had borne witness to my wanton cries, my utter submission to my captor.

  “Why can’t you see that she’s manipulating you?” He continued angrily. “You’re going soft. She’s only fucking you so that you’ll keep her safe.”

  “Shut up, Bradley!” Sean’s enraged roar made me take an involuntary step back. The power in it was terrifying. “Just get out. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you anymore.”

  There was a moment of stunned silence. Then Bradley was striding out of the room, storming towards me. He spat on the floor as he glared at me contemptuously. “This is all your fault, whore,” he flung out the venomous accusation.

  I wanted to return his baleful look, but the words struck too close to home. I dropped my eyes, shrinking away.

  “I should have killed you when I had the chance,” he said, his voice lowered so that Sean couldn’t hear.

  I jumped as his fist connected hard with the wall beside my head, my shocked gaze drawn to his. “Let that be a warning to you. Sean can’t protect you forever. I’ll make him see sense.”

  I couldn’t suppress the tremor that ran through me, and I swallowed hard. We stared at one another, and for a moment, I thought he really was going to hit me. His face contorted with fury, he turned from me, flinging open the front door and then slamming it behind him.

  Breathing a sigh of relief, I slowly made my way to Sean’s room. He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. His fists were clenched, and his face was tight with anger. I stopped in the doorway, unsure of what to say.

  “It’s not true,” I finally said quietly. “I’m not using you.”

  He grimaced, still not
looking at me. “I know,” he said hollowly, but there was a thread of doubt in his tone. I couldn’t help being hurt at the sound of it. Even the slightest hint of his suspicion cut me to the core.

  “I’ve been thinking,” he continued quietly. “I know that you want to leave. But you know that I can’t let you go.” His gaze finally flicked to me. “It must be miserable for you to be cooped up in here. It hasn’t been so easy for me either.” He hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching my face. “I want to take you outside. Then at least you won’t feel so… trapped. I don’t want you to be unhappy, Claudia.” That touch of anguish, of shame, was back in his expression.

  I’ll be unhappy as long as I’m in your presence, I thought. But I didn’t say it aloud. Going outside meant people, maybe a chance to escape.

  “Okay,” I breathed. “Thank you.”

  He smiled at me gently, that sweet smile that tugged at my heart.

  Drawing on years of practice, I forced my walls all the way back up. I refused to let my feelings for him hold me back. I was getting away from him tomorrow. Resolved, I returned his smile.

  I lifted my face to the sun and breathed in deeply, relishing the scent of grass, damp earth, and the hint of asphalt. Sean had brought me to Central Park, and I couldn’t help feeling a touch grateful to him for bringing me somewhere with some greenery. And plenty of people.

  I knew that I could scream for help, start making a scene. We even passed a police officer, but something held me back. As much as I wanted to get away, I couldn’t bring myself to betray Sean, couldn’t bear to cause him more pain. The last thing I wanted was for him to end up in jail. The idea of him hating me for doing that to him was unbearable. I would just have to find another way.

  I found my eyes drawn to the children who were happily playing in the park, beaming as they enjoyed a day out with their parents. I felt a pang as I missed my work, missed making children smile every day. There was a steady stream of them headed towards the carousel, several of them practically skipping as they approached it.