Indulging in Irene

by D. L. Raver

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. I do. I’d convinced myself you didn’t exist. That my pain-filled brain had conjured you to get me through the most horrible day of my life. You’ve been with me for six years, too. I’ve held on to the memory of your face and the way you looked at me that day.”

  “Oh, Zolt. This is crazy, right?”

  “Yeah, it is.” I gripped the chair’s arm at the thought of Irelyn being with anyone else. “You hate having sex with him, don’t you?”

  She started laughing. “Zolt, you’re the only man who’s ever made me come.”

  I had to smile at that. My instincts about her had been spot on. “I am?”

  “Yeah. Marcus doesn’t love me. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me. I’m his possession. We don’t kiss, and there’s absolutely no passion. It takes him less than five minutes every time, and it’s always in the dark. I’m not even sure it’s me he’s having sex with. He uses a condom each time, though I’m on birth control. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s fucking someone else. And really, I don’t care.”

  I snorted. “Well, that verged on TMI.”

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s fine.” Though, seriously, I really didn’t need to hear about their sex life.

  “The problem is I think Daddy wants me to marry him. I’m a trophy that Marcus wants. I know if Chris were alive, he wouldn’t want this. I’ve never understood why he and Marcus were friends to begin with. They were opposites. Sometimes, I think Marcus hated him. I don’t know. All I know is I want out. I want to tell Marcus to go away. Especially now, since you. But I’m afraid of what he’ll do. It won’t be pretty, and he won’t just let me walk. This last nine months has been hard with Chris’s death and the investigation. If I’d been in my right head, this would’ve never happened.”

  “What about the investigation?” I asked, my sixth sense tingling again.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I just feel as if Chris’s death wasn’t the robbery gone bad the police have deemed it. I mean, it doesn’t make sense. Chris was at our grandpa’s ranch miles from town. Why would someone go out there to rob it? Most people don’t know it exists. I feel certain there’s more to this, but I can’t prove it. The attack was brutal, personal. Sorry, I know this has nothing to do with us.”

  “Irelyn, I don’t mind. But I need you to understand something.” This time I paused and inhaled, then exhaled.

  “Maybe over the phone isn’t the best way to have this conversation, but here it goes. Since the injury, I’ve led a solitary life because I’m fucked up. I’m in pain most of the day due to permanent nerve damage in my leg. I smoke pot every day, and sometimes, I’m not fit to be around. You saw how I wake. I haven’t had a relationship with a woman for all those reasons. I despise being pitied, and usually, women seem to gravitate to that response. When I need to get laid, I pick a woman up at a bar, I fuck her in an apartment I keep for that purpose, and then I shove her out the door. That’s how I roll. I never fuck the same one twice.”

  “Oh,” Irelyn said, and I could hear the disappointment in her voice.

  “Here’s the thing, Irelyn, you’re different. You’re the only woman besides my housekeeper, Hannah, and my decorator that has ever been in my house. I want more than just a quick fuck with you. I’m willing to let you in my life because I feel as if you understand. When I look in your eyes, I don’t see pity. And I don’t have to explain to you what happened. You were there. On that fucked up day, we forged a connection. I want to see where that will take us.”

  “So-so do I.” I heard her voice crack, and I knew she was crying again.

  “I need to be very clear about one thing. I will not share you. Not with Marcus. Not with anyone. I want to know that when I let you into my bed, and into my life, that you’re going to be one-hundred percent mine.” I let out a long exhale as I waited for her to respond.

  “I want that, too,” she answered after an excruciatingly long pause. “I’m afraid.”

  “Oh, Irelyn, I hate that you’re scared. I wish you were here so I could hold you.”

  “I’m glad I’m not. Not big on crying in front of people,” she sniffed.

  “I won’t relent on this,” I said, making sure to keep my voice strong. “I understand that it’s beyond complicated because of your father. I’m willing to hide our relationship for a while if we have to because of that aspect. But I will not be the man you sneak around with on the side. If you want this, tell Marcus. I’m here for you. I have friends, Irelyn. I’m not afraid of Marcus, and I’m not afraid of losing my job either. I have enough money to last me for the rest of my life and yours if need be.”

  “Zolt—”

  “Just think about it. I’ll wait. You and I both know there’s something amazing happening between us. I’m willing to risk it all for you. I also realize how insane this sounds since we’ve just met. Again. None of this comes easy for me, and I don’t do this lightly.”

  “Zolt, I don’t know what to say. More than anything, I want to see where this will go.” She laughed. “To see if we can even stand being around each other. You understand, Marcus notwithstanding, Daddy can destroy your law career. I’m not sure what will happen when I break it off with Marcus.”

  The fact that she said when and not if made me hope Irelyn might actually follow through. But I wasn’t stupid. I knew there was a good chance Marcus may have a tighter hold on her than she’d be capable of breaking.

  “Think on it, Irelyn. Decide what you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I want you, Zolt. I do.”

  “I’m here, Irelyn. You don’t have to do this alone, but you do have to do it. We can’t be together until you do.”

  “All right,” she said quietly.

  “I’m going to go. I need to finish writing the memo for your father.”

  “Okay. Bye, Zolt.”

  “Bye, Irelyn.”

  I disconnected the phone and threw it on the desk. That conversation was the last thing I’d expected.

  Boyfriend! Fuck. Just fuck.

  A boyfriend who scared her. Marcus Xavier was bad news. I could feel it in my bones. I picked up my phone and scrolled through the contacts until I came to T-bone Stanley’s number.

  “This is Rick,” a deep, extremely intimidating voice answered.

  “T-bone, it’s Zolt.”

  “Zolt Hamil. What the fuck, dude? How the hell are you? How’s that bum leg of yours?”

  I smiled. T-bone was one of the few people who knew the ins and outs of football and what the game could do. He’d been on my offensive line with the Cardinals. The day of my injury, he went Berserker on the linebacker, Joe Franklin, who had taken out my leg. He was the only one that I still stayed in contact with. Well, sometimes.

  “The leg is crap. Such is life. It’s all good. I’m back in Phoenix, Scottsdale to be exact.”

  “I’ve heard that rumor. Let’s dispense with the small talk and get down to it. What’s going on?” he asked in that gruff voice that used to scare the shit out of me.

  “I need your services.”

  “PI? Security? What can I do you for?”

  “Both. PI for sure. Possible security.” I shook my head. “No, definitely security.”

  “Okay. How about we meet in an hour. How does that sound?”

  “Great. Thanks T. See you in an hour. I’ll text you the address.”

  “Right on. Laters.”

  I disconnected again and closed my eyes, letting out a sigh of relief. T-bone was perfect for the job. His security and investigative business serviced politicians and celebrities alike, and he knew how to be discreet. More importantly, I trusted him. If anyone could find out about Marcus’s business practices and Chris’s death, T-bone could. And if need be, I could trust him to watch over Irelyn. I needed to make sure she’d be safe.

  Marcus Xavier was the big bad I’d sensed around her. There was no way I’d let him keep me from Irelyn.

  No fucking way.

&
nbsp; I could admit it; I cried my eyes out after my conversation with Zolt. I was scared almost to the point of inaction. Marcus wouldn’t simply let me walk away, and I didn’t want to forfeit my chance with Zolt.

  He said he’d be there, but would he really? It wasn’t fair to expect him to take this on. This problem belonged to me and me alone. Just because we had this crazy connection, didn’t mean I should lean on him.

  Time to put on my big girl panties and deal with my own life. Before Zolt, I’d wanted out. Sure, I was more motivated now, but I needed to do this no matter what happened—needed this for me.

  For the rest of the day, I moped around the house, laid out by the pool, and went to bed early. I thought about calling Rachael, but I didn’t want to disturb her time with Cory.

  My dreams that night were an intermingling of Zolt and Marcus. In them, Zolt stood as my protector, keeping a dark and dangerous Marcus away from me. I clung to that image the following day, allowing it to embolden me for later when I picked Marcus up at the airport.

  At the office, I tried to stay away from Zolt. I couldn’t see him the day Marcus came home.

  I’d gathered my things and was about to leave when Zolt came into my office and shut my door, locking it. He walked to my window facing the hallway and closed the blinds.

  As I watched his movements, my heart sped up with anticipation.

  With purposeful strides, he moved in my direction. His sensuous lips curved up as he took me in.

  I licked my lips in response. His dark charcoal pants and white shirt fit him perfectly. The blue tie brought out his crystalline-blue eyes that bore into mine as he moved toward me. Even with his limp, I found him masculine and strong, and so very sexy.

  I dropped my bag and inhaled, waiting for Zolt to reach me. When he did, his hand cupped my chin as his mouth met mine.

  “I know he comes home today, and I know I have no right to ask this of you. But please, don’t sleep with him.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “I can’t stand the thought of you fucking him. After all these years, you and I deserve a chance together. Tell him it’s over, then come to me.”

  His words flowed around me, and I closed my eyes, wishing that doing what he asked was as simple as the asking. It wasn’t, and Marcus would not let me go without a fight.

  “I want that, Zolt. I do.” I pulled him to me and kissed him deeply, knowing that I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, make a promise I may not be able to keep. Marcus had to be handled in a specific way; a way I hadn’t figured out yet.

  Zolt moved away from me and looked me square in the eyes. “You’re not going to tell him, are you?”

  “I want to, I just don’t know how to.”

  With those words, Zolt withdrew emotionally from me. Then, he stepped back, withdrawing physically. He raked his hands through his sexy hair.

  “I told you, Irelyn, I won’t share. Make up your mind, Marcus or me. You can’t have both.”

  “I don’t want both. I just want you,” I said and took his hand, bringing his palm to my lips and kissing it. “Only you.”

  “Then your actions should be clear. It really is that easy.”

  “What if it’s not that easy? What if he does something awful? To me, to you?”

  Zolt’s large hand closed over mine. “I won’t let him hurt you, Irelyn. I told you that. And, he can’t hurt me.”

  “Are you sure?” God, I wanted to believe him. Wanted to take his words inside and hold them close. But he didn’t know Marcus like I did, and even I didn’t know what he was capable of. Deep within, I suspected him capable of horrors beyond what I wanted to imagine.

  My fear must have shown in my eyes because his gaze darkened.

  “Damn it.” He ran his hands through hair, expressing the frustration I felt.

  “I can’t stand that you have to be around a man that scares you to the point your paralyzed. All I can say is trust me. I know it’s crazy to ask this of you. We hardly know each other. But I’m asking anyway. I won’t walk away from you. How can I? You weren’t real, and now you are.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. I didn’t know what to say to him, so I said nothing.

  When I opened my eyes, Zolt was at the door. With his hand on the knob, he turned back to me. “Irelyn, I want you. Come to me when you’re free. Until then, don’t bother.”

  Zolt opened the door and walked out.

  I collapsed into my chair and palmed my face. In the past months, my feelings of being trapped had multiplied. Today, Zolt had escalated them by giving me a reason to break from Marcus without the tools to do it. Or did he? Was he the tool I needed? And if he was, did I dare use him?

  Shaking off the need to puke and/or cry, I left the office and headed for the airport to pick up Marcus. To perpetuate the idea of being sick, I had Sloan drive me in the town car. I knew I probably looked like crap, pale and sickly. Pretending wouldn’t be hard when I felt terrified I’d lose Zolt if I couldn’t break Marcus’s hold.

  With Marcus, you never knew what you’d get. He was so domineering and not in a Fifty Shades of Grey kind of way. At least Christian cared about Ana. I was pretty sure Marcus cared more about his goldfish than me, and he didn’t even have a fish.

  Marcus texted me as soon as he landed. I told him I was waiting outside with Sloan. I knew he expected me to meet him in the concourse, but this was my first step in breaking our usual patterns. As I waited, I reached into my handbag, and put on the gold choker with the fancy, diamond encrusted X hanging from it. I gritted my teeth as I fastened it around my neck. I hated this damn necklace. It made me feel like a dog—his dog.

  Seriously, what the hell kind of man gave his girlfriend a necklace with his initial and not hers? And what kind of boyfriend gave his girlfriend a necklace that seemed more like a dog collar?

  I didn’t want to consider the answer to that question. It was just too depressing.

  The moment he walked out the sliding doors, I almost threw up a little in my mouth. Marcus wasn’t exactly handsome, but he wasn’t bad-looking, either. Tallish and skinny, about six-foot, he had black, slicked back hair. His gray eyes were small, almost beady, and his thin lips had a way of becoming almost nonexistent when they flattened out in his ‘I’m disappointed in you’ grimace. He didn’t exactly have a weak chin, but he didn’t have a strong one, either. Marcus was just average. The only attractive thing about him was his well-tailored clothes, though his customary shades of black and gray left much to be desired. Marcus didn’t do color.

  Ugh. I wanted to tell Sloan to drive away and leave Marcus standing at the curb. I didn’t.

  Instead, I fisted the seat and waited for him to slide in next to me. For a quick second, I closed my eyes and thought about Zolt. Thought about how much I wanted to be with him, even if it went nowhere, I had to try.

  “Irelyn,” Marcus said with a frown in his voice. “I’m disappointed you didn’t greet me inside. It’s the least a man should expect when he’s been gone for weeks.”

  “Hello, Marcus.” I swallowed and kissed his cheek. “I hope you had a good flight home.”

  “I did. Long. So, you’re unwell?” he asked as he looked down his nose at me.

  “Yeah. Been sick to my stomach all day.” It wasn’t a lie. Knowing he’d come home, and my Marcus-free days were over, made me want to hurl. “Sorry for the inconvenience.”

  “You’re forgiven since you’re here. I’ll let you make it up to me later.” He ran his finger over the choker on my neck. Then, he shifted in his seat and rested his hand on his crotch.

  I gripped the seat tighter, knowing he expected me to come home with him.

  I told you, Irelyn, I won’t share. Please don’t sleep with him.

  Zolt’s words echoed in my mind, and my body flooded with need for him. I’d never had a man say anything like that to me, to have such passion for me. Those words, his words, gave me the strength I need to do this.

  Marcus lifted my chin with his thumb and forefinger, and loo
ked into my eyes.

  “You don’t look well. You’re pale. We will reschedule my welcome home for later this week, I suppose. You really should take better care of yourself, Irelyn.” His lips thinned into a straight line, and I almost laughed. It was so Marcus.

  God, he’s such an asshole. And, he could go fuck himself as far as I was concerned. Or he could fuck anyone, as long as it wasn’t me.

  “I understand your father is gone until tomorrow. Shame. I have things to discuss with him.”

  Ha! I thought. I bet you do. Like Xot International?

  I wanted to think that Daddy would be freaked when he found out the connection between Xot and Black Swan. I wanted to believe he didn’t know about Marcus’s involvement. Part of me wondered, hoped really, Daddy had done this on purpose so that possible conflict of interest could be exposed. And maybe unicorns would fly out of my ass the next time I farted.

  Mercifully, Marcus’s phone rang, and he answered it, taking away the pressure to talk. I didn’t have anything to say to him. Well, that wasn’t true, at least nothing I wanted to say in the car. Though, perhaps the car was the best place. He couldn’t do anything to me with Sloan in the front.

  “Fuck,” Marcus said, tucking his phone in his inside jacket pocket. “It’s fine that you're sick because I have some issues to deal with. Make sure you feel better soon. You and I have business to take care of.”

  I was both excited and relieved by his pronouncement. I could go home and relax knowing I’d escaped sex with Marcus. But I knew it was a short reprieve. Sooner or later, I’d have to come up with a better game plan. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of breaking it off with him in public. Marcus wouldn’t throw a fit if people were watching. If I planned it at his favorite restaurant, where many of his friends and colleagues frequented, I’d be assured a clean get away. I’d make sure Sloan waited for me outside. I could do this.

  Sloan stopped in front of Marcus’s house, and I let out a long-held breath. This reunion had been far easier than I’d dreaded. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into his house. My body sagged with relief, and I scrubbed at my cheek where his lips touched.