Holding On

by Pamela Clare

  It took a few minutes, but slowly the familiar chant began to relax his mind, worry and grief lifting like a fog, his body floating. Emptiness. Peace.

  All too soon, it was over.

  “Thanks so much for coming, Conrad.” Esri got to her feet, stretched. “It’s really special for me to share some part of your experience at Tengboche.”

  Conrad opened his eyes. “Thanks for inviting me. Can we do this again?”

  “I meditate at noon every day. You’re always welcome.”

  Feeling lighter than he had when he’d arrived, he stood and picked up the cushions, setting them on top a stack of cushions in the corner.

  “Thanks.” She put out the incense. “Got any exciting plans for the afternoon?”

  “I’m meeting Kenzie at her place and making dinner. After yesterday, it’s the least I can do.”

  “You mean because of the reporter and the photos?”

  He shook his head. “When she came over, I was drunk. I don’t usually drink hard liquor, but I found a bottle Bruce and I had bought to drink together and … Kenzie stayed with me.”

  “I’m sure she was worried and wanted to help. Did it make a difference to have her there with you?”

  “Yeah.” More than Conrad could say.

  But again, he’d let his mouth start a conversation he didn’t want to finish. “Thanks. I might see you tomorrow.”

  “I hope so."

  He left Esri’s office, the cold wind seeming to suck his breath away.

  Kenzie signed for a shipment of dog food. She pointed to the stock room. “Can you put them over there?”

  “Sure thing.” The delivery woman rolled her dolly to the back of the store.

  “Thanks.” Kenzie spent the next ten minutes opening and unpacking the boxes, while Dree helped Frank, who owned the town’s only gas station and car repair place, pick dog food for his aging black Lab with a sensitive tummy. She was about to make a suggestion of her own when her Team pager went off.

  SHERIFF TONING OUT ALL HRD K9 UNITS.

  A search for human remains.

  She left the stock room and waved to Dree, who recognized the sound of Kenzie’s pager and knew what it meant. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  “No worries. I hope you find them—whoever they are.”

  So did Kenzie. “Thanks.”

  Kenzie hurried to the kennel, leashed Gizmo, and told Quinn she’d check in via text message. “Miss Piggy’s family will be here soon to pick her up.”

  “They just called to say they’re on the way.” Quinn was on top of it, of course.

  “See you later.” Kenzie stepped outside, a cold wind hitting her in the face.

  To the west, gray clouds promised snow.

  She hurried home, changed into warm clothing, and led Gizmo out to the truck. “Time to go to work, buddy.”

  At The Cave, she found a squad car waiting for her.

  Deputy Julia Marcs came out to meet her. “Good to see you’re bundled up. It’s cold out here, and this might take a while.”

  Inside, Julia brought her up to date. A woman and mother of three had gone missing from her home in Boulder a few weeks back, and police believed her husband had killed her and dumped her body somewhere in the mountains west of Scarlet.

  “The husband told police his wife went out shopping but never came home. Then he changed his story and said that he’d been the one out shopping for a laptop when his wife had vanished and that police had twisted his words. He told police he hadn’t left Boulder that day, but his phone pinged off our cell tower that afternoon.”

  So, the bastard was lying.

  “West of Scarlet could be anywhere. Do you have any idea where to start?”

  Julia nodded. “Detectives discovered a hiking guide to Russey Ranch in his trash. There were aspen leaves in his vehicle and stuck in the mud on his tires as well.”

  Russey Ranch was a vast expanse of wilderness and one of the county’s more remote parks with only a handful of accessible roads and trails.

  “It will be like looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack.”

  Julia nodded, weariness on her face. “That’s why we need Gizmo’s nose.”

  “How many K9 units are searching?”

  “You’re the first one here. I’m not sure who else will make it.”

  Kenzie lived closer than any of the other HRD dog handlers. “I guess Gizmo and I are it for now.”

  “Megs has toned out the Team for technical support.”

  If they found a body, someone would have to bring it in.

  Kenzie sent Harrison a quick text, telling him she’d been toned out, then climbed in her truck and followed Julia and Rescue 1, with Creed and Nicole inside, up to the Russey parking area. Malachi, Mitch, and Austin arrived just after they did, Austin still on duty in his ranger uniform.

  Kenzie climbed out, clipped the mic from her pack set onto her parka, and slipped her backpack over her shoulders. She did a quick radio check, harnessed Gizmo, and joined the others.

  Julia handed Kenzie a plastic bag that held a glove. “I’m not sure if you use a scent article for human remains, but here you go. I’ve got something of hers and his.”

  “The scent trail is three weeks old, but we can try.” Kenzie opened the plastic bag, took out the scent articles, let Gizmo sniff his fill, and then tucked them away in the plastic bag. “Gizmo, search!”

  Gizmo seemed confused at first. Kenzie walked him along the edges of the parking lot, hoping to pick up some kind of trail. Then abruptly he headed off to the north, leading her down a narrow side trail that ran along a little creek, Julia and the others following at a distance so as not to distract him. Every so often, he stopped, wandered off the trail, then moved on again.

  After about an hour of chilly, uphill hiking, they came to a little wooden bridge and crossed the creek, coming to a glade of bare aspens, their leaves like a carpet of gold coins on the forest floor. Beyond the aspens grew a thick stand of conifers.

  Gizmo made straight for it, tugging at his leash now.

  Kenzie hurried after him, dread curling in her stomach. What kind of bastard could kill his wife, the mother of his children?

  Gizmo sat—and she saw.

  A woman’s head, her eyes lifeless, her mouth open as if in a silent scream.

  Kenzie fought to hold herself together, reaching down to pet Gizmo. “Good boy, Gizmo. Good boy.”

  Conrad hadn’t yet gotten back into the habit of keeping his Team pager charged and in his pocket. He was at Food Mart when Kenzie texted to say she’d been toned out for an HRD call and didn’t know when she’d be home.

  He took the groceries back to his place and then drove with Gabby to The Cave to find out what was going on.

  “Code black. They just found the victim’s head,” Megs said when he walked in with Gabby on her leash. “It looks like her husband did it. She had three kids with him—the sick son of a bitch.”

  “Holy shit.” What kind of man could do something like that? “I’m going to head up there and see if I can help. Can you watch Gabby?”

  Megs raised an eyebrow, but reached for Gabby’s leash. “If she pees on my floor, you’re cleaning it up.”

  “Fine. Thanks.”

  “And, hey, try turning on your pager.”

  “Right.” He would have to find it first.

  He grabbed a radio and drove up to Russey Ranch, parked, and hiked up the trail. He reached the scene just as the other Team members were strapping a half-empty body bag to a litter, Kenzie watching with Gizmo off to one side. The area was cordoned off with police barricade tape, detectives in forensic gear still hard at work.

  Conrad walked over to Kenzie. “Hey. How are you holding up?”

  She tried to act like nothing was wrong, but there was a shattered look in her eyes. “I’m okay. I’m fine.”

  “Liar.” He knelt down, petted Gizmo. “Good job, buddy. You’re a rock star.”

  “That poor woman has be
en out here for three weeks. It looks like a bear or cat got to her, but I think we found everything that was left of her body.”

  Conrad took Kenzie’s free hand, gave it a squeeze.

  Herrera spotted him, grinned. “Nice of you to show up, Conrad.”

  “I thought I’d time it for when most of the work was already done.” Conrad walked over to the others and crawled beneath the litter to clip on the ATV tire that would enable them to roll it down the trail.

  “We could use your help getting the litter down.” Taylor took one of the litter’s handles. “The trail has some steep spots.”

  “You got it.”

  He, Ahearn, Taylor, O’Brien, Nicole, and Herrera rolled the litter back toward the parking lot in silence, Kenzie following with Gizmo, the awfulness of the situation weighing on all of them. Tonight, a family that had feared the worst for three long weeks was about to have those fears realized.

  Conrad hoped the bastard who’d done this rotted in hell.

  They’d been hiking for about ten minutes when Kenzie dashed off the trail and threw up in the bushes.

  The Team came to a halt, waiting for her.

  “You guys got this?” Conrad asked.

  Taylor nodded.

  Conrad left them and walked over to Kenzie, who was still bent double, her hand resting against a ponderosa pine. He rubbed her back.

  “I don’t want you to see this.”

  “Hey, I owe you, remember?”

  She handed him Gizmo’s leash. “Give me just a second.”

  He gave her space, leading Gizmo back to the litter, where the others still waited.

  “Is she going to be okay?” Nicole asked.

  Conrad took hold of the litter again. “She’s a bit shaken.”

  Creed watched her, a worried frown on his face. “I don’t blame her. That was some rough shit.”

  Kenzie rejoined them, took Gizmo’s leash from Conrad. “Thanks.”

  They started down the trail again.

  Hawke was waiting with an ambulance at the parking lot to make the DBT—dead body transfer. Without a word, he and Brandon Silver, his B-shift captain, lifted the body bag onto a gurney, slid it into the ambulance, and started the long drive to the medical examiner’s lab.

  Ahearn turned to the group. “I don’t think we need to debrief this one. Great work, everyone. Well done, Kenzie and Gizmo.”

  Kenzie glanced around. “Where’s Gabby? You didn’t leave her in your vehicle.”

  “Hell, no! Megs is babysitting.”

  Kenzie gaped at him. “Megs? Babysitting?”

  That made everyone laugh, breaking some of the tension.

  While the others made plans to meet at Knockers, Conrad walked with Kenzie to her truck. “Because of you two, she’ll get justice now.”

  “I’m not sure there is any justice.” Kenzie opened the topper and lowered the tailgate for Gizmo, who jumped up and plopped down in his crate. “Those kids will never see their mother again. For the rest of their lives, they’ll have to live knowing their father killed her and left her body to be eaten by animals.”

  She poured water out of a bottle into a plastic bowl, set it inside with Gizmo, and closed the crate.

  Conrad shut the tailgate and drew Kenzie into his arms, the tension in her body easing as he held her. “You’re right. There is no justice in this.”

  Not for the victim or her children or her parents or anyone who loved her. There was only loss and grief and heartbreak.

  “I need to get back. I’ve got a class that starts in a half hour.”

  “Can’t you cancel it?”

  She shook her head. “I try very hard not to do that.”

  He had to admire her dedication. “I promised you dinner afterward.”

  “I’m not sure I’ll ever eat again.”

  Conrad could understand that. He wasn’t sure how much of an appetite he’d have after seeing what she’d just seen. “How do you feel about ice cream?”

  She tilted her head back to look up at him. “What flavor?”

  “Any damned flavor you want.”

  A little smile tugged at her lips. “Yes, please.”

  Kenzie drove home, arriving at the kennel for the dog obedience class just in time. She did her best to be cheerful and professional and to focus on her clients. Still, she couldn’t get the brutality of the crime scene out of her mind.

  After class, she walked home and took a long, hot shower, letting the tears come at last, her heart breaking for the victim, her kids, her family. By the time Harrison got there, she felt more in control of her emotions. She met him at the door wearing her most comfortable, but decidedly unsexy, leggings and sweatshirt.

  “Hey.” He gave her a kiss and set the shopping bag down on the kitchen counter. “You’ve been crying.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You don’t have to play tough around me, Kenzie. You can always be honest about your feelings.”

  “I should say the same thing to you.”

  His brows drew together in a frown. “I’m fine.”

  “Right.” She bent down to pet Gabby, who bounded over to her, tail wagging. “Hi, there, sweetie. Oh, I’ve missed you, too.”

  Then she noticed that Harrison had dropped a duffel bag just inside the doorway.

  “Are you going somewhere?”

  “I’m staying here for the next few nights—if that’s okay. I don’t like the idea that the assholes from that webzine might know where you live.”

  Her heart gave a little squish to think he was concerned about her and trying to protect her. “Of course, it’s okay—and thanks.”

  He made a fire in the wood stove while she fed the dogs and dished out ice cream—cookie dough for her and rocky road for him. They ended up on the sofa, eating their dinner in front of the TV and watching back-to-back episodes of The Simpsons.

  After the third episode, Kenzie reluctantly turned off the TV. “Bedtime. I have to be up at six.”

  She stood, carried their bowls to the kitchen sink and was about to take the dogs outside when Harrison beat her to it.

  “It’s cold out there. I’ll handle it.”

  “Are you immune to cold or something?”

  He grinned. “Spend a few days in sixty below. Nothing feels cold after that.”

  She tried to imagine that, decided she didn’t want to. “I suppose not.”

  She went upstairs, washed her face, and brushed her teeth.

  Harrison met her at the top of the stairs. “I put the dogs in their crates.”

  “Thanks.” She walked into the bedroom. “I’m afraid that when I close my eyes I’m going to see her again.”

  Harrison dropped his duffel near the foot of her bed. “Come here.”

  She slipped into his arms, grateful for the shelter of his embrace.

  He kissed the top of her head, spoke in a husky voice. “I could try to give you something else to think about.”

  “You can’t possibly be turned on by me in this outfit.” She drew back and glanced down at her shapeless sweatshirt.

  “It has nothing to do with what you’re wearing.” He lifted the sweatshirt over her head and dropped it on the floor. “It’s about what’s beneath. I’ve seen you. Tasted you. Been inside you.”

  Good freaking grief! Was he trying to make her spontaneously combust?

  He undressed her and then himself and followed her into bed. Then he made long, slow love to her, taking his time with her, pleasing her with lips, tongue, and fingers before burying himself inside her and leaving her satiated and exhausted.

  She snuggled against him. “Best sleeping pill ever.”

  He chuckled, kissed her forehead. “Good.”

  As she drifted off, the only thing on Kenzie’s mind was how amazing it felt to be held in his strong arms.

  Chapter 14

  “What the …?” Conrad jolted awake to find Kenzie going down on him, her hand and mouth gliding in tandem up and down the length of his cock, her
tongue swirling over the aching head, the first hint of orgasm making his balls draw tight. “God.”

  He’d thought it was a dream.

  She looked up at the sound of his voice, her gaze meeting his, the desire in those sultry blue eyes bringing him close to the edge.

  He slid his fingers into the silk of her hair, watching her, her breasts bobbing, her nipples tight. He willed himself to hold his hips still, letting her have her way with him because—God, yes—she seemed to know what she was doing. Relentless, she devoured him, until he was going out of his mind, desperate to come and just as desperate not to.

  Tighter. Faster.

  And her tongue—what the hell was she doing?

  He was breathing hard now, every exhale a moan, heat gathering in his groin, his body tense, on the brink. No woman had ever done this to him, stripping him so completely of control, getting him so worked up.

  Orgasm hit him with the force of an avalanche, driving the breath from his lungs, engulfing him in pleasure. She pulled her mouth off him, finishing him with her fist, cum shooting thick and white against her breasts.

  He lay there for a moment, eyes closed, too dazed to move, too stunned to speak, too content to think.

  Hot lips kissed a path up his body. “Good morning.”

  “Yeah,” he said, stupidly.

  He opened his eyes, watched her reach for a tissue and wipe herself clean.

  “You had a hard-on. I couldn’t let it go to waste.”

  Conrad’s brain began to reboot. “I like the way you think.”

  He was imagining all the things he would do to her when she kissed him on the mouth and climbed out of bed. He caught her hand. “Hey, get back here. I’m not finished with you.”

  She gave him an apologetic smile. “As much as I’d like to see what you have in mind, I need to take care of the dogs and get ready to work. Besides, I came three times last night. I was just helping you catch up.”

  He chuckled. “That’s sweet of you.”

  “Not really. I love watching you come.” She walked off toward the bathroom, tossing him a sexy look over her shoulder, dark hair hanging down her back, her ass delectable.