There were some things that were worth fighting for.
Chapter Fourteen
They arrived back home as the sun was setting, Kait having stayed awake the whole ride home, which had her hoping maybe the days of always wanting to sleep were behind her. They hadn’t talked a whole lot, but that wasn’t surprising given the bombshell she’d dropped.
“I can stop at the house before I head to the barn, if you want,” he said.
“No. That’s okay.” She didn’t want to be a burden. She already felt like one of those.
“I just need to unload the horses. Shouldn’t take me more than a few minutes.”
She nodded, admiring the way the sun lit the tops of the oak trees in the same way it did the edges of a cloud. The angle of the sun painted the valley where his family’s ranch sat a vibrant gold. Sometimes the rolling hills reminded her of the Smoky Mountains. It should have soothed her homesick soul, but it didn’t. Not even the pretty sight of the ranch with the red tile roofs lit up this time of day could capture her attention.
“You know what? I think I’m just going to walk back to the house.”
The little house they shared with its white picket fence and fragrant flowers that she’d grown fond of after only a week. After the babies were born, she’d have to leave it. She wondered how long she’d have to wait. Would it look bad if she left right away?
“Actually, hang on and I’ll walk back with you.”
“No. That’s okay.” She didn’t want to be near him for some reason. “You don’t need to do that.”
“But I want to,” he said. “Just hang tight. I’ll be right back.”
She wanted to tell him no again, but she’d already hurt his feelings once tonight. It couldn’t have been easy to hear her say she wanted primary custody of their children. She’d hated to suggest it, but it really would be better for the kids.
Easier for you.
Because she didn’t want him to know how hard it’d been to turn down his offer of a “real” marriage. As much as she’d been tempted she just couldn’t do it to them both. The man had no idea what he was up against. She’d seen the damage a racing career could do to other couples. And then their kids...it would end up hurting them in the end, too. No. She truly felt she’d made the right choice. She just needed to get him to see things her way.
So she stood in the cool evening air, a rooster crowing in the distance, a horse neighing in welcome inside the barn. It didn’t take him long to unload first one horse and then the other, but he paused by the end of the truck with that second horse.
“I don’t think you’ve ever met Hotrod.”
She frowned because she didn’t want to, either.
“Hi, Hotrod,” she said with a forced smile.
“Come on over and pet him.”
“No.”
Beneath his cowboy hat his eyes grew puzzled. “You wouldn’t greet him at the rodeo, either.”
“I just prefer to keep my distance.”
“Why? He won’t bite.”
“Just the same, I’ll pass.”
The narrowed eyes suddenly went wide. “Are you afraid of horses?”
“No,” she instantly lied. “I just have a healthy respect for them.”
“No way.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“You are, too.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Kaitlin Cooper. The darling of the racing world. A woman who drives a car two hundred miles per hour and she’s afraid of my wittle pony?”
“He’s hardly a pony.”
“Actually, he is pretty short for a horse.”
Her cheeks had begun to warm in embarrassment. “Size doesn’t matter.”
“Come here.”
She hated being bossed around, she really did. She thought about turning and simply walking away, but he’d only see that as proof of his point, and for some strange reason she didn’t want him to know just how terrified she was of the animals.
She took a deep breath because Shane was right. She handled hundreds of horsepower. This was just one little animal.
With big feet. And really big teeth.
“Give me your hand,” Shane said when she reluctantly moved forward. The horse ignored her. He was busy staring at the barn as if silently contemplating making a break for it. She took Shane’s hand and when she did, all her fear faded away and she really hated how that happened. One touch and it was just her and him. She very nearly forgot about the big animal nearby. Well, almost.
“Come on. Touch his muzzle.” He drew her hand up to the horse’s mouth, and she felt her heart begin to race. “It’s the softest part of a horse.”
“I really don’t want—”
The horse snorted.
She jumped, turned. Shane caught her and then he laughed and stared down at her, and there it was again, the burn in the pit of her belly.
“You really don’t like them, do you?”
“No,” she admitted.
Something began to change in his eyes, and her whole body warmed. His smile turned tender and it did the same thing to her that it always did. It turned her insides into mush. Most men stared at her like they hadn’t had a meal in weeks. Either that or like she might bite them. Some men didn’t know how to act around her. They were either too overbearing or too aloof. Shane had never had that problem. Around her he was just...himself.
“You are the strangest woman I’ve ever met.”
“Thanks.”
“And I’m going to kiss you.”
“Shane, I don’t think—”
“Shhh.” He pressed a finger against her mouth.
“But—”
“You think too much.”
And then he kissed her and she melted into him because that was what always happened whenever their lips touched and it just wasn’t fair. Damn it. Why did he have to be Shane Gillian, famous bull rider with a career as demanding as hers? And why did she have to be Kaitlin Cooper, daughter of the famous Lance Cooper, born with racing in her blood. And then she admitted he was right. She thought too much.
He only had one free hand and he somehow managed to slip it beneath her blouse. This, what he did to her at that moment, that was what she’d been missing at night as she’d lain awake, waiting...hoping.
He pulled his lips away, but only so he could nip the side of her neck, and she moaned because it felt so good.
“I want to take you to my bed.”
Her body reacted to his words in a way she’d never felt before. Every nerve ending fired. Her body warmed. She could feel the effect of his touch all the way to her toes.
“I’ve been dreaming about it all week.”
He had? Why hadn’t he done something about it then?
You should be grateful he kept his distance.
She’d never been more conflicted in her life. She wanted him. She even tipped her head to the side so he could keep nibbling and licking her. And when his hand found her breast, she arched into him. She wanted him, but she should stop him. This wouldn’t make things any easier.
“Kait,” he gently whispered in her ear before his mouth caught her lobe, tugging on it, teasing it.
She was going to combust right there. Out in the wide-open field. With his big horse standing nearby.
His palm found her breast again, and she arched into him. He knew exactly how to touch her, this man. Knew what to say to her, too, because he whispered in her ear all the naughty things he’d like to do to her, and she kept slipping farther and farther downstream, sliding through the eddies, letting her body go.
“Let’s go back home.”
Home. The word jolted her back to reality. This wasn’t her home. It would never be her home. And he wasn’t her husband. Well, not really. In name only.
She stepped back.
“I can’t.”
He stared down at her, puzzled, his horse tossing its head as if agreeing with his question.
“Please don’t kiss me again.” She saw his face fill with disbelief, so she quickly added, “Not until we have this all figured out. We’re only making things more difficult.”
“Kait—”
“No.” She turned, waving a hand at him. “We can talk in the morning.”
“Why not now?”
Because she was too conflicted. Because when he touched her, she didn’t know which way was up, much less down...or what to think about a future with him. Because for the first time in her life, she felt herself falling for someone.
And it scared her to death.
* * *
IF HE’D BEEN the physical type he would have punched a hole in the stable wall. His horse seemed to sense his mood, all but trotting away from him when he turned him loose in his stall.
“Son of a—”
“I heard you won tonight.”
He straightened. Just what he needed, damn it. Dad.
He turned, closed the stall door, took a deep breath before facing his father. “Won both events. I had to head for Carson, too.”
His father just stared. No word of praise. No clap on the back. No “attaboy.” He should be used to it by now, but it always stung.
“Saw you out there with your wife.”
Was there an emphasis on the word wife? It sure sounded like it.
“She must be good luck,” Shane said, turning back to the stall to make sure the latch was secure. Hotrod moved around inside, sniffing the ground, the disturbance of his passing sending the scent of pine shavings through the air. He was going to roll.
“Son, what are you doing?”
He’d been expecting this conversation. All week long he’d waited. They’d bumped into each other more than once, but his dad had ignored him.
“I’m trying to do the right thing, Dad. That’s what.”
He crossed his arms in front of himself, his stance wide, and faced off with his dad in a way he didn’t normally do. Carson was the one who was always mouthing off. His little brother didn’t give a damn what their father thought about his actions. Shane did. From the time he’d been five years old, he’d wanted to be just like him. Famous in the rodeo world. He’d started off team roping, but it quickly became apparent he didn’t have his father’s roping chops. But bull riding? That was what he was good at, and his father had never disapproved of anything he’d done. Until now.
“Do you love her?”
The question took him aback. “I care for her.” He tipped his chin. “She’s the mother of my unborn babies.”
“Yeah, twins.”
He hadn’t told his dad. He assumed Crystal had spilled the beans. She’d been overjoyed by the news, as had his siblings and cousins.
“I’m thinking about moving to North Carolina.”
“When?”
“Not right away.”
“You know I need your help with that big cutting show we have coming up.”
“I know that.”
His dad’s gray brows lifted. “So once your kids are born then?”
He could see his dad getting more and more irate as the reality of what he’d said sunk in.
“Maybe before then. I don’t know.”
He recognized the signs of his dad’s burgeoning temper well. The ticking jaw muscle. The blood rushing to his neck. The eyes narrowing.
“So you’re going to give it all up, then.”
“No, Dad.” Shane unfolded his arms. “I’m not going to give it all up. I’d just be relocating.”
“Away from your family.”
That would be hard. He wouldn’t deny it.
“Away from the people who’ve supported you for your entire career.”
“Dad, it’s not like I’m traveling to the moon.”
“Where will you live?”
“With Kait.”
His dad shook his head. “And she’s just going to let you move in. You think you’re going to compete like you always do, going to rodeos while she stays home and does what, Shane? Bake cookies and take care of those babies? Because you know that’s not going to happen.”
Shane turned away for a moment. His dad had a way of making his own anger flare.
“No,” he said when he’d calmed himself. “It won’t be like that. She’d still race. I’ll still ride. We’d both take care of the babies.”
His dad’s snort of derision startled a horse in a nearby stall. “You’re in complete denial.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Why do you think I was so angry that day you came home with her?”
“What are you talking about?”
His dad took his hat off, swiped the little bit of gray hair he had left back off his head. “She’s a big celebrity, Shane. Yes, even I recognized her that first day. What the hell are you thinking getting involved with her?”
“Dad, it’s not like I planned this.”
“You’ll never have your own life if you get together with her. Sure, do your duty by your kids, that can’t be avoided, but don’t go running off to North Carolina like you’re some kind of groupie.”
“Dad,” he said again, trying to hold on to his own temper. “It’s not like that.”
“No?” The brows swooped down. “Maybe not at first, but it’ll happen sooner or later. And what of your own career? You’re at the point where you’re finally starting to attract attention. You’ve got new sponsors. That big magazine spread coming out in a few weeks. The TV deal. You’re focused and ready to go. At least, you were. You could have won the whole shebang this year. Hell, if you keep pairing up with your brother, you might even be in line for an all-around.”
“Did I miss something?” Shane had to work to keep his voice level. “Because I’m pretty sure I won a huge chunk of change today.”
“Won’t matter.”
Shane just about lost it then. His old man held up a hand. “Hear me out, son. Now you’ve got this woman, and she’s not even some buckle bunny that you can tuck away back home. No. She’s a big famous race-car driver with a career that’ll take her here, there and everywhere...and you with her. Before you know it, she’ll expect you to be at her races. She’ll be making demands. You’ll be torn between a rock and a hard spot and not concentrating on your own career. The sponsors will go away. The money will go away, and you can bet your ass you can kiss your shot at winning the average at the finals goodbye. You’re not getting any younger. Hell, most bull riders your age have already retired.”
So what, Shane wanted to say. So frickin’ what. He’d just turned thirty, but he was in the best shape of his life. Why didn’t his dad believe in him?
“Bull riding will always be there for me,” he said even as a part of him knew his father was right. His days were numbered, but he wasn’t over the hill just yet. “So what if my plans shift and I don’t win any big titles right away It’d be a sacrifice for sure, but it’d be worth it. I already stepped away once before...for mom.”
He didn’t mean to get under his dad’s skin. He could tell the words were a direct hit, though.
“Someone had to keep making money.”
That had always been his dad’s excuse for letting Shane bear the brunt of his mom’s illness. At first it’d been no big deal. They’d thought his mom had the flu. To this day he had no idea why it’d taken the doctors so long to diagnose her illness, but through it all his dad had been away from home.
“I know that,” Shane said, taking another deep breath. Experience had taught him that you never got far with his dad by losing your temper. “The point is that I don’t mind stepping away from things if that’s what needs to be done.”
“For how long?”
Shane shrugged.
His dad said it like winning a round at the finals meant nothing, but it did mean something. A lot of guys would kill to be in his boots. And this year, he’d been so close to winning it all—that coveted gold buckle his dad wanted so much for him—but did that mean anything to his dad? No.
Okay, calm down.
“I appreciate your concern, but I know what I’m doing.”
His dad just shook his head. “I sure hope you do.”
But as his dad walked away, he wondered if he did.
Chapter Fifteen
Shane didn’t come back right away. That surprised Kait, but she appreciated the space he gave her.
He wasn’t home by the time she slipped into bed, either. She woke up at midnight to a completely quiet house, and even though she told herself not to, she slipped out of bed, peeked through a crack in her door. The place was small enough that she had a direct view of the couch.
Empty.
She turned away and leaned back on the door, telling herself she should be grateful. He was honoring her wishes and keeping his distance until they sorted everything out. Still, as she crawled back between the sheets, she wondered where he was. Ironic that for someone who couldn’t seem to stay away, she suddenly found herself unable to sleep. She must have drifted off at some point because when she next opened her eyes, the sun shone through her window. Another beautiful California day. She was beginning to think it never rained.
He hadn’t come home.
She knew it the moment she opened the bedroom door—fully dressed, just in case—the pillow on the couch in the exact same place it’d been when she’d peeked through the door last night.
You should text him. Maybe something happened.
But she knew that wasn’t true. She would bet he’d slept in the old bunkhouse with his brothers. Had probably told them some story about the two of them having a fight. Was probably there right now, eating breakfast with his family while she wanted to...
Cry.
Damn this pregnancy and my swinging emotions, she thought, wiping at the sudden tears in her eyes. It shouldn’t matter where he was or who he was with. This wasn’t a real marriage.
Rodeo Legends--Shane Page 11