Silent Scream

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  Taking a deep breath, Gabriel clenched his teeth. She’s working with Maddie, he thought. “Let me guess, she doesn’t want any of it, does she?”

  Tammy kept tracing the key. “No, she doesn’t.”

  He folded his arms across his chest. “I guess that would remind you of Sam,” he said, and mentally added, And me.

  “She says she’s fine, but she needs help.”

  Gabriel thought of his nightmares. “But you can’t make her see that, Tammy. She has to come to that herself.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been down that road once or twice before.” She started to walk away, then turned back. “Will you tell him I asked about him?” she asked. “I know he must have thought I was trying to use him as a case study, but there’s a fine line between doing something because you have the skills and doing something because you love someone. Maybe I was wrong.” She shrugged. “But then again, maybe so was he.”

  Gabriel brushed his hands through his hair. “I’ll tell him, Tammy. The next time I talk to him.”

  That was strange, Gabriel thought as he stepped onto the elevator and headed to the third floor. How long had it been since he’d seen Tammy? Ten years? That would be about right, considering that was about the time Jessie was killed and his brother had tried so damned hard to push everyone away, including Gabriel. Losing Jessie had taught Sam one thing–sometimes it was just too painful to love people because you always lose them in the end. Even though Gabriel hadn’t been daunted–he’d recognized the signs of grief because he’d felt it, too–Tammy hadn’t been prepared for Sam to take all his anger and hurt out on her, trying to drive her away.

  Although Sam had shut Tammy out, Gabriel had found solace in talking to a friend who’d known his sister. She’d kept him sane inside walls of grief that seemed too high to climb. She’d helped him accept what he could not change. But not Sam.

  In the end, Sam had gotten what he’d wanted–Tammy felt she had no choice but to leave–but Gabriel had always wondered if losing Tammy had really been what Sam had been after, for losing Tammy had been, in its own way, as distinct a pain as grieving alone.

  The question was, what would Sam say when Gabriel mentioned he’d seen Tammy?

  The elevator stopped, and the doors slowly parted, allowing Gabriel to step out into the third-floor foyer. A custodian vacuumed the floor, barely acknowledging Gabriel as the fireman made his way to Maddie’s room.

  The door was open, and he peered inside to see her staring out the window. He softly rapped his knuckles on the door, and her gaze snapped in his direction. At first, her eyebrows arched in surprise, but as she recognized him, they lowered.

  “Can I come in?” he asked, one hand thrust deep into his jean pocket.

  “Sure,” she replied, folding her arms across her chest. Instead of focusing on him, she peered out the window again.

  As he crossed the room, his boots tapping the linoleum, and he sat in the chair. “How are you feeling?”

  Her hand crept to her neck, and she massaged the taut muscles there. “I’m fine. Ready to go home.”

  “I take it your doctor doesn’t see things from your perspective.” Gabriel leaned back and stretched out his legs.

  “Why do you say that?” she asked, shifting uncomfortably.

  “Because if he did, you wouldn’t still be here. You’d be home.” He tapped his fingertips on the armrest. Which isn’t the place I’d say you needed to be at present, he thought.

  Maddie touched the cast. “There isn’t a whole lot left they can do for me here.

  Gabriel winced as he felt the wall Tammy must have run into. “No, I don’t suppose there is,” he finally agreed. A movement in the doorway caught his attention, and he turned to find David there, holding a file folder and pen.

  “We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” David said, pointing a chiding finger at Gabriel.

  Gabriel shrugged. “If you’d stop following me, we wouldn’t keep running into each other, would we?”

  “Did you need something, Officer Ferguson?” Maddie asked softly.

  “Yes, Ma’am.” David pulled off his hat. “I wanted to let you know we found your car.”

  Maddie clenched a wad of blanket in her fist. “Was it still on the road?”

  “No, Ma’am,” he said. “We found it overturned in a ravine. It had been set on fire.”

  Inhaling sharply, Maddie closed her eyes. “Dear God.” The color drained from her face, and Gabriel stifled the urge to lean toward her and ask if she was all right. He knew she wasn’t. A moment later, her eyelids fluttered open.

  “How can you be sure it was mine?”

  David flipped through the documents before facing her. “Although a lot of the car had been destroyed by the fire, we were able to read part of the license plate, and the vehicle identification number was still legible.”

  Maddie drew the covers higher upon her body as she began to shiver. “Where did you find it?”

  “Along the ravine, not far from where you said the wreck occurred.” He shoved the folder under his arm. “I am sorry, Miss. I wish the news were better.”

  “That’s all right,” she said, staring out the window as Ferguson left. Under the harsh fluorescent lights, her skin appeared damned pale, the bruises on her face a deep bluish-purple.

  “Why did you come?” she asked softly.

  Gabriel stood and drew the blinds open wider. “I knew they were going to tell you about your car.” He peered out at the snowy landscape spread out below. The snow dusted everything, and more flakes now spilled from the sky. “I thought you might feel better if you weren’t alone when you found out.”

  “But why would that concern you?” She rested her head back against the pillow, closing her eyes.

  He clenched his teeth, forcing himself not to say what he thought: because you remind me of someone I loved very much. “I was trying to be thoughtful,” he finally managed. “One of the nurses told me just what a great doctor you are,” he said. “They said you like to help other people.” He walked from the window back to the chair. “But I’m willing to bet no matter how hard you try to keep an objective perspective about those you treat, you can’t always do it.” He sat in the chair again.

  Maddie brushed her fingers through her hair. “I see you’ve met Yolanda.”

  “Yolanda?” Gabriel shook his head. “No, Becca. This was after she decided I was harmless.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered. Tears pooled in her eyes, and she kept blinking furiously, trying to send them away.

  “How are you feeling, Maddie?”

  Gabriel whirled to face the door and saw a doctor standing there, holding her chart, scanning the notations the nurses had made.

  “I’m ready to be discharged,” she replied, sitting up straighter. “There’s nothing that keeping me here is going to help. I’ve had enough of this place, Malcolm.” She glared at the IV in her arm. “And I really want this thing out. The site is starting to get sore.”

  He closed the chart. “I’m sure you do, and I don’t blame you. I see no reason you can’t be discharged today. You’re blood pressure is still a little elevated, but we can monitor that without you being here. I’ll send you home with a narcotic prescription for the pain.” He set her chart on the table next to her empty lunch tray. “Have you talked to Tammy?”

  Maddie glared at him. “I’ve said hello, and that’s all I need to say.”

  Malcolm looked from Maddie to Gabriel and back again. “All right.” He picked up her chart. “If that’s the way you want it, but for what it’s worth, I think she could help.”

  Maddie turned from him, and the sunlight spilled through her dark auburn hair, haloing her head. “I don’t.”

  Malcolm stopped. “I’ll send a nurse in with discharge papers.”

  “Thank you.” She watched him leave and sank deeper into the mattress.

  “Although you may not want to hear it, he’s right about Tammy,” Gabriel finally said.
<
br />   Maddie’s eyes widened. A flush lined her cheek.

  “I know who Tammy is, and I know what she does, Maddie. I also know that in a case like this it’s SOP for a counselor to talk to you.”

  Tugging at the tape on her arm around the IV site, she shook her head. “That’s just it, Gabriel. I don’t want to talk about any of it to anyone, let alone someone who wants to crawl around inside my head to see what makes me tick.” She jerked a piece of the tape free and started working on another one.

  “Tammy’s not like that.”

  The flush lining her cheeks deepened. “And how would you know?” Her fingers trembled so badly she couldn’t latch onto the tape, especially using her broken arm. “Your specialty is helping people out of burning buildings, not counseling.”

  Gabriel could feel a heat building in his cheeks as he realized just how sharp her defense mechanisms were. “You’re right. I don’t have training in that area. But I do have personal experience, since she was the one who helped me deal with my sister’s death,” he said in a quiet voice. He watched her fumble with the tape and grab a new piece she tore free. “Shouldn’t you let a nurse do that?”

  She glared. “As a doctor, I think I can handle it.” More of the tape came loose and trickles of blood spilled onto her arm and gown.

  Yeah, the whole “physician, heal thyself” thing, Gabriel thought. He pulled the keys from his pocket. “I guess I should go.”

  She stopped pulling at the IV and looked at him. “I didn’t mean to be hateful. I’m sorry about your sister.”

  Gabriel nodded. “That makes two of us.”

  “Thank you for coming by,” she said. “I know I don’t seem appreciative, but I am.” She waved her arm around the room. “I just really hate this place. It’s getting to me. If I don’t get out of here soon, I’ll be having conversations with the walls.”

  Gabriel stepped toward the door. “It’s all right. Really. No offense taken. Good luck in going home, and if you need something, let me know. Do you still have my card?” He reached deep into his left jean pocket, knowing he still had one or two cards in there he could give her if she had lost the previous one.

  Maddie looked at the dresser. “It’s in that top drawer.”

  Nodding, Gabriel walked out of the room and reflected on the anger in her voice. Anger to mask pain. He could understand that. He’d seen it often enough in his brother after Jessie had died. She really didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything that had happened. Was it an issue of trust that kept her from talking? Or was something else at work, something more ominous that had bought her silence?

  He shrugged and walked to the elevator, knowing it didn’t matter either way. She wasn’t going to open up any time soon.

  Chapter Six

  “You can stay as long as you’d like, Maddie.” Yolanda set the thick quilt on the bed and peered around the room. “It’s not like anybody else has been in here since Karen left for college.”

  Maddie, too, peered around the small bedroom. Although the room appeared a harsh white, a rose-patterned border broke the harsh brilliance. Besides the bed, there was a mirrored bureau and a small nightstand with a phone. An armoire stood against one of the walls, next to the doorway to a small bathroom.

  “How is Karen?” Maddie asked.

  “Enjoying Berkley. She always did want to live in California.” She folded her arms across her chest. “That girl never did care for this state.”

  “She got that from her mother. You hate it, too.” Maddie brushed a strand of hair from her face.

  “You’re right about that.”

  “I bet you miss her.”

  Yolanda nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

  “Thanks for letting me stay. I’ll keep out of your way. You won’t even know I’m here.”

  Yolanda patted Maddie’s shoulder. “How long have I worked with you?”

  Maddie swallowed hard. “Years. We both started at about the same time.”

  “There’s a reason we never run into each other in the ER. I know where you are no matter what, and you’re never in the way.” She smiled kindly. “It’s no trouble having you here.”

  “I appreciate your generosity and all, but….” Maddie felt tears prick her eyes.

  “But what?”

  Maddie sat on the edge of the bed and rested her good hand in her lap. “Since this happened, I feel adrift.”

  “What do you mean?” Yolanda sat next to her, and she pushed her bifocals higher up on her nose.

  Maddie took a deep breath. “There’s no place I really belong.” She looked at her broken nails. “I don’t even think of home as ‘home’ anymore, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back there.” Tears thickened her voice. “I’d have to drive past that...spot.” Although she tried to hold her back in a rigid line, her whole body trembled. “I used to think I was safe. Now I wonder if that’s even possible.”

  Yolanda took her hand. “It’s going to take a while, Maddie. Nobody goes through something like this without feeling raw.” Maddie leaned against her, resting her head against Yolanda’s arm. “No matter what, you are safe. And you can think of this as home. I mean, I know it’s not so fancy as that house you left behind, but I’ve always thought of you as a daughter. Doesn’t that make you like family, with this as a sort of home? You’ve been over here countless times for summer barbeques and such.”

  Maddie brushed her good hand up and down her arm, trying to ward away chills she couldn’t escape. Tears burned her eyes, blurring the picture of the ballerina that hung on the wall into smears of flesh and pink. With the back of her hand, she wiped her face. “I’m sorry I’m like this. I just need to get over it.”

  “Get over it?” Yolanda echoed, frowning as she shook her head. “You just got out of the hospital. You’re not even fully healed, and you think you don’t deserve the right to mourn what somebody stole from you? You try so hard to keep it locked away, as if speaking to anybody about what that animal did to you was a crime. What he did is the crime; not talking about it only keeps you locked in his prison that much longer.”

  Maddie closed her eyes, and her hand stilled. Her breathing shallowed. “I can’t talk about this.”

  “Why? Why keep it inside?”

  Maddie’s hand drifted to her face, and she touched her temple. “I just can’t.”

  “What are you afraid of?” Yolanda stood and watched Maddie.

  “He said he would kill me.” Maddie looked at the cast on her arm. “And I believe he would. I mean, it’s not like he was far from it in the first place.”

  “He’s not going to get the chance.” Yolanda stepped to the nightstand and picked up the phone. As she began punching buttons, Maddie’s hand caught her wrist.

  “Don’t. Please.”

  Yolanda’s shoulders sagged, and she stared at the floor. Her shoulder-length gray hair slipped around her face, concealing her features. “You can’t just let him get away with this, Maddie. The police can help. They’ll find out who this guy is and keep you safe.”

  “I...I’m afraid.” Her voice wavered uncontrollably. “You don’t understand. You can’t.” Fresh tears burned her eyes.

  “It was a threat to keep you quiet, Maddie. That’s it.” She replaced the receiver in its cradle. “Besides, if you don’t do something, he’s going to do this to other women. He won’t stop with you.”

  Maddie stood and walked to the window. “Maybe I brought it out in him. Maybe he wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t hit his truck. Maybe it’s my fault.”

  “Like hell!” Yolanda exploded. “He didn’t need an excuse, and if he attacked you, that means no woman is safe, including me or my daughter.”

  Exhaling sharply, Maddie felt a painful twinge in her arm. She closed her eyes and absently rubbed the cast. Despite her best intentions to keep her mind from forming images, Maddie saw Karen at the hands of her attacker, the blond man holding a knife at her throat, Karen’s long, red hair framing her face as her mouth blossomed
into a full ‘o.’ She could hear the young woman’s screams, agonized shrieks. She could see her white, button-down blouse stained with blood.

  Maddie’s knees threatened to buckle, and she quickly sank onto the bed. “You’re right,” she whispered, feeling her whole body trembling. She plucked at the rose-patterned comforter. “Nobody else should have to go through this—not you, not Karen.”

  Yolanda picked up the phone and thumbed the buttons. “You shouldn’t have have had to go through this.”

  * * *

  “Is there anything else you can tell us?” Steve asked as he sat on the sofa in Yolanda’s living room. Maddie shook her head.

  David stood in the doorway next to Yolanda, his hands thrust deep into the black pockets of his police uniform. “Any other details you remember?”

  “No,” Maddie replied softly, brushing her hand on her rough denim jeans. Maybe it didn’t seem like much to the police, but it felt like more than enough to her. She absently stroked the cast, her fingers memorizing the coarse white stiffness engulfing her arm. “What happens now?”

  “Since you gave a pretty detailed description of the perp, we have something to go on, and hopefully we’ll turn him up.”

  What if they never catch him? Maddie shuddered as a chill ran down her spine at the thought of always looking over her shoulder to see if the creep was following her.

  Maddie peered at him. “Do you think he’s done this before?”

  “It’s possible. A lot of rapists repeat the act several times before they’re caught. The thing is, we need to catch him before another woman goes through what you have.” He closed his notepad and stood. “Thank you for calling us, Maddie. We’ll be in touch to let you know our progress.”

  “I’ll show you out,” Yolanda said, heading into the foyer with the two officers following closely behind, while Maddie remained in her chair, leaning back and wishing she could forget the horrible turn things had taken. She heard Yolanda bid them farewell, and the front door squeak closed before Yolanda ambled back to the living room where Maddie sat.

  “Do you feel any better?” Yolanda asked, sitting next to Maddie.