Silent Scream

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  Gabriel stood in the doorway, surveying the damages, and turned back to find Maddie’s shell-shocked expression–wide eyes, pale cheeks, trembling hands. “It’s just stuff,” he repeated. “And stuff can be fixed or replaced.”

  Folding her arms across her chest, Maddie nodded woodenly. Her lips pursed tightly as though she were afraid of what might actually come out if she spoke. She kept blinking, trying to ward away the fresh tears, and her whole body trembled violently.

  “Look at it this way. Now you have a great reason to redecorate and make this place your dream house.” Although he had hoped to distract her, she kept staring at the wreckage that had once been her life. “Sorry about that. It was a bad joke.”

  She slipped past him and knelt to pick up the intimate garments which had been dumped from her drawers into a pile at the foot of the bed. A pale pink teddie had slashes going through it as well.

  “I’ll see what I can salvage in the living room.”

  As he turned to leave, she said, “You don’t have to do this. I’m sure the last thing you want to do is babysit—and this isn’t even your mess to clean up.”

  Gabriel frowned and peered at her glistening blue eyes. “You think this is about pity or responsibility or maybe something else I can’t even venture a guess at. But really it’s about not being able to walk away and leave you like this. That’s it.” He tapped his hand against the door molding. “So do me a favor and let me feel good about helping you instead of like shit because I didn’t.”

  Instead of responding, Maddie picked up one of the drawers and began filling it with her clothing. Gabriel watched her trembling hands folding and sorting, and he wondered if Maddie could pull through this. Could Jessie have, had she survived? Always before, Gabriel had assumed life was always better than the alternative, no matter how painful it seemed, but seeing Maddie and not just the shadows which the physical assault had left but also the fear and pain that now clouded her so completely made him wonder if living like this truly was better. How would Jessie have dealt with this? And how would he have fared knowing that her life had been so violently changed in a way he could never have minimized or erased?

  There’s no point in “what ifs” or “if onlys,” he thought, clenching his teeth and striding back to the front door to check the lock. A cursory inspection confirmed what he had suspected: both the knob and lock needed to be replaced. The chain, higher on the door, had been cut, ensuring Maddie could never be safe. The SOB had gone all out with every intimidation tactic he could possibly think of.

  Gabriel pulled out his cell and punched the numbers to his brother’s office. On the third ring, Sam responded.

  “I need a favor,” Gabriel said.

  “Already?” His brother groaned. “Hell, didn’t you just leave a few hours ago? All right. What is it? So long as it doesn’t involve that damned dog, it shouldn’t be that difficult.”

  “I’m at Maddie’s place, helping pick up the mess. Right now, she’s got a door that won’t lock and no deadbolt or chain.” He knelt and began picking up glass. “I don’t want to leave her by herself—”

  ”So would I get a doorknob and new chain set, right?” Sam finished for him.

  “It’s like you just read my mind,” Gabriel replied.

  “How is she handling the damage?”

  Gabriel set the fragments on the coffee table. “She’s stronger than I would have thought possible. Even when she’s shaken, she doesn’t give up.”

  “That doesn’t surprise me. I’ll stop by there in an hour or so. Okay?”

  “Sounds great.” Gabriel plucked a large fragment from the carpet and marveled at the way the jagged edge had pointed up, just waiting to sink into somebody’s foot. “I know Maddie will be grateful to have a door that locks.”

  A moment later, Gabriel said goodbye to his brother and shoved the phone back into his jean pocket. Eyeing the mounting pile of glass fragments, he stepped into the kitchen and found the trashcan–it had been overturned and its contents, mostly paper, had been scattered across the floor.

  He bent and righted it and then adjusted the bag before redepositing the trash and carrying it into the living room, where he collected the fragments and threw them away. Time passed quickly as he deposited enough trash not only to fill one bag but also two and then three. Carrying them to the curb, he watched as his brother’s cruiser pulled into the driveway. He dropped the bag at the edge of the yard and sauntered up the drive, watching white flakes silently spill from the slate sky.

  Sam climbed out of the car, carrying a new doorknob and chain set. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

  “I practice.”

  “I believe it.” The brothers ambled up the walk and onto the porch. Sam pulled open the screen and eyed the knob. “I’d say you’re right. Those two boys destroyed this lock and scratched up a bit of this door. You want me to install the new one while you help pick things up?”

  “Yeah, thanks.” Gabriel pushed the front door open and ambled back into the living room. He began resettling furniture, taking down ripped curtains, and straightening the lopsided frames still hanging on the walls.

  Once Sam had finished his installation, he strolled into the living room and handed the new keys to Gabriel. “Give these to Maddie.”

  Nodding, Gabriel replied, “Thanks.”

  Sam pointed to another full bag of trash waiting by the door. “You want me to take that out as I go?”

  “If you don’t mind.”

  Sam picked up the bag and hefted it to the curb before he sat behind the wheel and drove away.

  Once his brother had gone, Gabriel walked back to Maddie’s bedroom. Although she had picked all the clothes up from the floor, the room was still a disaster. Compact discs lay scattered around the room as if the floor were a canvas for surrealistic art. Her jewelry–mostly necklaces, bracelets, and anklets–lay mixed with all the other stuff on the carpet. Gabriel poked his head inside the room and found Maddie quietly sitting Indian-style on the bed, clutching a picture frame in her hand.

  Although Gabriel couldn’t see the photo, judging by the somber expression on Maddie’s face, it was of something important to her. Her head tilted toward the floor, and the color had vanished from her cheeks, making her fair complexion all the more pale. Long strands of dark silk spilled over her shoulders toward her face and cascaded to touch her breasts.

  “Maddie?” Gabriel stepped softly into the room, holding the keys in an outstretched palm. “Sam replaced the door knob and chain set on your front door. These are the keys to the new lock.”

  With a trembling hand, she reached out and took them. “Will you tell him I said thanks?”

  “Sure. There’s still a problem with securing the back door, though.”

  She set both the keys and the frame on the bed. “What do you mean?” Her hand pulled the strands of hair from her face. She shivered slightly.

  “The glass in the sliding doors has been shattered out. Several windows throughout the house have been destroyed as well. That explains part of why it’s so cold.” He peered around the room. “Looks like you’re making good progress in here.”

  Maddie’s gaze followed his. “Some, I guess. It’s going to take a year to clean up this mess, maybe longer.”

  “Nah.” Gabriel shook his head. “It’ll just feel like it.” He noticed Maddie still shivered and saw her coat setting on the dresser. He grabbed it and handed it to her. “You should put this on before your lips turn blue.”

  “Thanks.” She slid her arms in the sleeves and pulled it close to her.

  “You don’t have to do this alone, Maddie. I’ve taken a few days off. I’ll help you get all the trash out of here, fix the back door, and replace the windows so at least you’ll be secure. And if there’s anything else I can do, I will.” Noticing Maddie’s gaze had traveled back to the frame, he hedged backward toward the hall. “I’ll keep working on the living room.”

  She nodded absently and turned the p
icture right-side-up so she could see it. Her expression darkened, and she touched the frame gingerly, stroking the picture itself.

  “You all right?” Gabriel shoved his hands into his jeans pockets to keep them occupied as he leaned against the doorway.

  “That’s kind of relative right now.” She looked at the picture. “I don’t even know what it means anymore.”

  “It means you’re doing the best you can considering the hell you’re going through.” His gaze happened back to the picture. “Is there anything I can do for you before I head back to the living room?”

  Maddie shook her head and kept staring at the picture, wishing her mother were still alive to talk to about this. What would she have said? Her mother had always been scientific, as if everything could be reduced to simple facts, numbers, or proofs. Maddie herself had once believed in that simplicity as well. It had somehow gotten her through until now.

  Now nothing was safe. Nothing was simple.

  Gabriel, sensing Maddie didn’t wish to be disturbed, slowly backed away and headed down the hall toward the living room to give her the space she needed.

  * * *

  As the afternoon’s light waned, slowly merging into the twilight darkness of evening, Gabriel looked outside at the inch of snow coating the entire landscape. The temperature had dropped, and the wind had picked up a bit, chilling his face as it blew into the paneless window. In his left hand he held the tape poised upon one of the window frames where he measured both the length and the height for a replacement. Then he jammed the tape measure into his jacket pocket and slowly and painfully scribbled his findings on a scrap receipt he’d plucked from his wallet. The cold seemed to bite into his hand. It nibbled on his ears as he gazed at the list. Besides this measurement, about nine others stacked up above it, including the dimensions of the glass doors which needed to be replaced. He stuffed the list into his pocket, wishing he’d brought gloves.

  All things considered, he knew no matter how stubborn Maddie could be, even with a new lock and chain, this house lacked basic security. Besides that, with all the broken windows, there was no way to warm the place. He peered at his hands, at the red fingers. He shoved them into his pockets. She couldn’t stay here. Besides, the mattress and couch had been slashed. Where could she sleep even if freezing air weren’t blowing in? Tomorrow he could get somebody out here to replace both the windows and the door, just not tonight.

  He flipped out his cell and punched Yolanda’s phone number. “Hey, Yolanda, this is Gabriel.” He paused for a moment to acknowledge her greeting. “Yeah, she’s fine. We’re still out at her house, trying to get things put back together, but she can’t stay here.” He paused again, “Oh, no, it’s not because she’s upset, not per se. She is upset, of course, but most of the windows have been shattered as well as the back sliding doors. It’s freezing in here.” He paused again. “I’ll bring her by in a few minutes. Thanks.” He closed the phone and shoved it in his pocket.

  He walked back to the bedroom and found Maddie had cleared the floor pretty well. As most of the room had taken on some semblance of order and reason, the glaring word painted on the wall seemed even more violent and dangerous, even though the danger had passed. “You should probably bunk with Yolanda tonight, and until we can get those windows and that back door replaced, it’s going to be too cold to sleep here. Besides, you look like you could use some dinner since we skipped lunch.”

  “I’m really not hungry.” Maddie’s gaze peered first at him and then swept around the room before.

  “Okay, then I’m hungry enough for both of us, and you can eat just to be eating, then.” He stared at her expectantly.

  “All right.” She nodded woodenly, grabbing the picture that still lay face-down on the bed as she left the room. “I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

  Together they walked outside, and Maddie paused only long enough to lock the door. “Not that this will keep anybody out, considering half the windows and back door are gone.” Gabriel drove back to town, where he pulled into a McDonald’s drive-thru, where he placed his order and then peered at Maddie. “What’s your pleasure?”

  She shook her head, her long hair swaying with the movement. “I’ll just eat when I get to Yolanda’s. I’m still not really hungry.”

  Even in only the half-light provided by the glaring neon of the golden arches, Gabriel could see she was pale, and he knew that pallor had nothing to do with the temperature. He was tempted to order something for her, but he didn’t have a clue what she liked, and he knew she wouldn’t eat it even if she did like it. There was a fierce sense of independence about Maddie, and that independence seemed to be the only thing holding her together.

  He paid for his food and double-checked his order before resuming the drive to Yolanda’s. On the way, the picture frame fell over, and Gabriel scrutinized the image–a woman with dark hair cropped short, small delicate features, and a full mouth. Maddie’s mother or sister? The features seemed the same.

  Maddie noticed him staring at the picture and pulled it back to her stomach. “It’s my mother,” she explained, staring out the widow. “One of the few pictures I have of her.”

  “She’s beautiful.” He saw the blue print of delicate features in Maddie’s profile—the long, regal neck. He wanted to say, “So are you,” but knew better than to upset that apple cart. However Maddie felt about herself or her appearance, right now she probably didn’t want to hear him comment on it, no matter how positive that commentary might be.

  He pulled into Yolanda’s drive and placed the car in park. “I guess we’re here.”

  “I guess we are.” Tucking the picture under her broken arm, Maddie finagled the door handle with her good hand. “I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me these past few weeks. You can’t have had much time to do the things you needed to do because of me. Please know that I am grateful.” She opened the door.

  “Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?”

  “You don’t have to do this,” Maddie said.

  “Haven’t we been through this?” Gabriel tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

  “I appreciate all you’ve done, but I have to do this for myself.”

  “Accepting someone’s help doesn’t mean you’re weak, Maddie. On the contrary, it means you know your limitations.”

  “I’ll be fine.” She stepped away from the truck and ambled up the walk until she’d reached the front door.

  Frowning, Gabriel waited, tapping his fingers on the wheel, until she had disappeared behind the door before pressing the gas and driving away as the last ribbon of pinkish light edged toward the horizon, seaming the world into darkness. Still, the snow illuminated the darkness with an evanescent glow.

  I have to do this for myself. Maddie’s words filled his head. What in the hell was she thinking? Although his fingers had simply played upon the steering wheel, they now gripped it and twisted the rim, ignoring the protesting rubbing sound of his flesh against the leather cover. The next question he wondered was why. Why did she think she needed to prove herself to anybody, least of all him? Did she really need to know that every day she could stand alone without ever wanting or needing another human being again? Is that the lesson this whole nightmare had etched upon her mind and heart?

  Maybe, maybe not. He knew this reaction had to have something to do with feeling victimized. Maybe she didn’t feel half as strong as she pretended but simply hoped that if she acted accordingly the bravado would eventually come. He shook his head and watched the sky darken further, hinting at another, harsher storm that might release more snow tonight.

  What difference did it really make why she had chosen to push him away? He raked his fingers through his hair and shook his head in sheer frustration, wanting to say to her, “Don’t shoot the messenger.” But, had she been there, sitting next to him, half-perched on the seat and ready to run away, he knew she wouldn’t understand why he’d said that. All she could see right now was the damage. It
would be a long time before she ever noticed the other side–the things that were whole and good in her life.

  He decelerated and slowly pulled the car to the shoulder, wondering if he would have the opportunity to know that Maddie. Putting the car in park, he flipped on the overhead light, pulled out his cell, and the list. He flipped open the phone and thumbed numbers. “Hey, Chris—it’s Gabriel. Not much. Listen, I’ve got an order for you that I want charged to my account.” He paused and shook his head. “Yeah, have you got something to write on? Good.” He proceeded to list the items and give measurements before ending with Maddie’s address. “If you would be so kind as to have someone install those for her, I’d appreciate it.” Another pause. “Yeah, you, too.”

  Once he’d disconnected the call, he shoved the phone back into his pocket and resumed the drive home, still thinking about a pair of blue eyes darkened with too much pain.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Maddie stood in the dark night with the blond stranger in front of her, stepping toward her. He laughed and said, “Hey, baby, I’ll let you work off what you owe me.” She felt his hand creep between her legs and grab her, pinching. “I’ll just put a fucking dent in you and we’ll be even.”

  Jerking from his reach, she said, “Stop it!” and hurried to the driver’s door. Please, God, just let me get inside this car! Her fingers curled under the door handle, and she jerked open the door. Half-falling into the driver’s seat, she tried to pull the door closed, but he blocked it. She grabbed one of his hands, but the other wrapped around her throat. She dug her nails into his skin. He yelped. She managed to pull his hand away.

  “Bitch!” He grabbed her hair and yanked her against his body.

  “I don’t think so,” he seethed, savagely squeezing one breast. Maddie raked her fingernails across his hand, gouging his skin.

  He yanked her arm, twisting it until it protruded upward just a scant inch from snapping. “You fucked up my truck. Now it’s my turn to fuck you up!” He pushed her elbow higher, snapping the bone.