And then he remembers. Last fall, he was hunting with his dad, and they barely wounded a doe, not much, just enough to slow her down. They chased her into a steep gully, where they quickly had her cornered. The doe, tired and confused, seemed to know that it was over. She turned and stared directly at Eddie, trembling, round eyes wide with dumb terror.
“Look at her,” his dad laughed. “She’s scared shitless. Bring her down, Big Ed.”
Eddie shouldered his rifle and stared through the sight into those big eyes. At first, he didn’t know if he could go through with it. He felt as if the doe were pleading with him: Don’t do it, please, I want to live, I haven’t done anything to you, DON’T DO IT! But his dad was standing right there, and he really didn’t have any choice, so he aimed right between the sorrowful eyes and squeezed the trigger.
“Nice shot, Big Ed!” his dad said, slapping him on the back as the doe crashed to the earth. But Eddie didn’t get any satisfaction out of it, not one little bit.
And that’s what he saw in Sunshine’s eyes in those few short seconds: raw, naked terror, a silent plea to be left alone. She’s the prey and they’re the hunters, grim and lethal in the night.
A pair of headlights appears over the hill, and this makes Eddie even more nervous. He feels like a little boy who’s about to get caught doing something he’s not supposed to do. “Billy, there’s a car coming,” he points out. “What do you want me to do?” But Billy just sits there, he doesn’t move, he doesn’t even twitch. In fact, there’s no indication that he’s listening to Eddie at all.
Eddie sighs with relief when the car passes them. He was nearly paralyzed with fear as it approached, but now it’s gone, so it’s time to do something. Anything.
“Listen, let’s get out of here,” Eddie pleads. “Okay, Billy?”
No answer.
“I’m going to pull around her and get out of here. Okay, Billy?”
No answer.
“Billy, that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to get the fuck out of here, because you’re really starting to give me the willies, man. What the fuck’s wrong with you?”
No answer.
“Okay, Billy, I’m going to pull around her right now, right this minute! We’re leaving, Billy. Okay?”
Finally, realizing that he’s not going to get a response from his catatonic friend, Eddie shifts down, guns the engine, and pulls out to pass. Billy’s head actually moves, for the first time in several minutes, as he turns to his right to keep his eyes locked on Sunshine as they drive past…
֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍
For the first time since they spotted Sunshine, Eddie feels that things are finally shifting back to normal. They can drive back into town. Maybe Wendell will even let them back into the Ox...
But suddenly, without warning, Billy’s left arm shoots out. He grabs the top of the steering wheel and yanks it toward him, hard. The wheel spins out of Eddie’s hands, the truck lurches sharply to the right. Eddie’s shoulder slams into the window. For a sickening couple of seconds, he’s sure that the door is going to fly open as it usually does when he hits it really hard. But this time, the latch holds.
“Jesus Christ, Billy, what are you doing!” Eddie screams, and he slams on the brakes as hard as he can. His weight is leaning the other way from the centrifugal force, and he isn’t sure that he’s going to be able to get enough leverage to stop the truck before it runs off the road and into the field. But his panic increases his strength, and the truck screeches to a halt with its front wheels in the field and its back wheels still on the pavement. The force of the sudden stop throws Eddie into the steering wheel, but he manages to brace himself with his hands.
He’s just about to scream at Billy again when suddenly there’s a loud thump on the passenger-side door, accompanied by an exclamation, more surprise than pain. For a second, Eddie isn’t sure of exactly what hit them, but then he knows: They cut Sunshine off, and she ran into the side of the truck. Which, unless he had actually been trying to hit her, was exactly what Billy had intended.
Sunshine had been their quarry. They had stalked and cornered her, as surely as if she were a deer in a gully.
And then, with a quick flick of the steering wheel, Billy Barton had brought her down.
2.3.4: Sturdivant
It takes Eddie a few seconds to get his bearings, to recover his composure, and to make sure that he’s not injured. And by the time he looks over at Billy, Billy’s no longer there, and Eddie is surprised to find himself looking out the open passenger door into the night.
“Jesus Christ,” he mutters, coming slowly back to life. He steps carefully out of the truck and manages to walk around to the other side.
“I’m okay, I’m okay,” he hears Sunshine say weakly, as if she were trying to reassure them. She’s sprawled out on the ground, on her back. Billy is kneeling next to her, staring down at her. “I’m okay,” she repeats. “Really, I am.”
Jesus, she must be in pretty bad shape if she thinks Billy’s worried about her, Eddie thinks. Or maybe she just hasn’t recognized us yet.
“Where’s Stevie?” Billy demands harshly, a cold, rough edge in his voice. “What did you guys do with Stevie?”
“Stevie?” Sunshine sounds far away. “You mean Stevie Hutchinson?”
Billy grabs the neckline of Sunshine’s shirt and yanks her upward. She sits up abruptly with a quick yelp of surprise, her face mere inches from Billy’s. “Don’t get cute with me, you dumb bitch,” Billy snarls. “You know goddamn well who I’m talking about.”
Sunshine looks from Billy to Eddie, her eyes wide, then back again. “He’s… he’s out at the ashram,” she says softly. She shakes her head sharply as if to clear it. “But his name is Bhakti now.” Her voice starts to gain a little strength and clarity.
“Bullshit!” Billy screams. “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!” He throws Sunshine back down to the ground. She exhales explosively, but otherwise makes no sound. Billy rises to his feet, towering over Sunshine’s prone form, and shakes a threatening finger down at her. “I want Stevie back,” he growls. “And you fucking assholes sure as shit better let him go or I’m gonna get him out myself. And I’ll kick some ass if I have to.”
“Billy?” Eddie says. Billy swings around sharply, as if he’s surprised that someone is behind him. Eddie just stands there, mouth agape, without any real idea of what he’s going to say. “Billy?” he repeats, dumbly.
“Turn off the fucking lights, dipshit,” Billy says. “And pull the fucking truck off the road.”
“Billy…”
“NOW! DO IT!” Billy screams, his face contorted with anger. “MOVE!”
“Jesus, Billy,” says Eddie, offended and hurt. He jumps into the truck, which is still idling noisily. He turns off the headlights, but then he can’t see anything, so he flips them back on again. He leans over and pulls the passenger-side door shut, then he drives the truck off the road and a few feet into the field, turns off the lights, and kills the ignition. Jumping out of the truck, he runs back to where he left Billy and Sunshine.
But they’re gone.
Eddie stops, dead still in the night. Where are they? It’s dark, but he should be able to see them if they’re only a few feet away, and he left them right here. What’s going on? “Billy?” he whispers. No answer.
Then he hears low voices from somewhere off in the field, not far away. “Billy?” he calls, hopefully. The tall, dry grass crackles and swishes as he cuts a path through it. The voices grow louder. That’s definitely Billy: angry, belligerent. And that must be Sunshine, barely audible, just sneaking in a word or two here and there.
He almost stumbles over them. Sunshine is lying flat on her back, and Billy is kneeling not next to her but on her, straddling her, as Eddie approaches from behind.
“Billy?”
“Know what this dumb cunt tried to do?” Billy asks, without turning around. Eddie walks over and stands beside them, looking down at Sunshine’s face as she sta
res numbly up at Billy. “She tried to run away from me! Can you believe that shit?”
“I didn’t!” Sunshine protests meekly, her eyes darting to Eddie’s, as if for support. “Really. I wouldn’t do that. I was just…”
Billy raises his right hand, and Eddie can see what’s coming. But Sunshine either can’t or doesn’t want to, because she just keeps right on talking, staring earnestly into Eddie’s eyes, desperately trying to convince him of her sincerity, as if that were of any importance. “I was just trying to stand up,” she says. “Really. I wasn’t going…”
Billy’s hand flashes down and slaps her in the mouth, hard. There’s a sharp crack, and Sunshine’s head turns violently away from the force of the blow. “Oh!” she says, and nothing more, sounding more surprised than hurt.
Eddie feels like he’s holding his breath, or maybe like he can’t breathe at all, like no one is breathing, anywhere. He feels a strange mixture of emotions, powerful ones, all jumbled up. Even though he saw it coming, he still can’t quite believe that Billy struck Sunshine. He’s seen Billy hit (and get hit by) lots of people, but until now they’ve all been male.
You’re not supposed to hit girls, are you? It’s not so much that Billy has caused pain. Pain is part of life. It’s that he’s violated an unwritten rule, some kind of primeval taboo.
But yet, Eddie has to admit that he felt a kind of awe as Billy’s hand descended and made contact, a primitive, almost sexual, thrill. Billy wouldn’t have hit her unless she had it coming, would he have?
For one thing, she’s one of them, one of The Crazies. Everybody knows that they’re weird and perverted and they don’t belong around here.
And then, of course, there’s the matter of Stevie Hutchinson. Stevie went out to the Phillips place the day after the encounter in the alley, and he’s still there. The story Eddie heard was that Stevie’s mom had driven out there to get him, but that Stevie had refused to come home. He was dressed all in white, like the rest of The Crazies, and he talked funny, all quiet and calm, like he was drugged or hypnotized or possessed or something.
Stevie’s mom was going to get some kind of court order to make The Crazies let him go, Eddie had heard. But until that happened, Stevie is still out there, getting his brain scrubbed cleaner and cleaner every day. Eddie figures that by the time Stevie’s mom gets a judge to listen to her, there might not be much left of her son to bring back home.
There’s been a lot of talk around town about what to do. Wanda Hicks summed up the general mood pretty well in a remark that Eddie overheard from the next booth in the Federal just yesterday morning. “If any of you boys had half a pecker between you,” Wanda had said, “we wouldn’t have to wait for no damn judge to go out there and get Stevie back.”
Everybody knew exactly what Wanda meant. Even before the Stevie Hutchinson incident, Eddie had heard occasional talk about going out to the Phillips place late one night and teaching The Crazies a lesson. Maybe drive them back to whatever God-forsaken place they came from. And good riddance to bad rubbish.
While there were a lot of rumblings, and although remarks like Wanda’s always elicited loud agreement, Eddie hasn’t really been expecting anything to happen. For one thing, the kinds of activities these folks were talking about happened to be illegal. For another thing, deep down in his gut, Eddie doesn’t think anybody in Sturdivant really has the balls to do anything. It’s all just talk.
But what Billy’s doing – well, that’s not just talk. It’s real action. And about time, too. Eddie licks his lips, nervously. Boy, if Wanda Hicks could see us now, she’d know that somebody in Sturdivant has some balls.
“We want Stevie back.” Billy stares venomously down at Sunshine, his voice quavers with anger. “What did you fucks do to him?”
“We… we didn’t… please don’t hit me,” Sunshine begs, as Billy raises his arm again. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know. You don’t have to hit me.”
“You’re damn straight you’ll tell me anything I want to know,” Billy growls. “And you can start by telling me what the fuck you cocksuckers did to Stevie.”
“We didn’t do anything,” Sunshine pleads. “Please believe me,” she begs. “He’s at the ashram because he wants to be there, and he can leave anytime he wants to. If you don’t believe me, you can come out and see for yourself anytime you…”
This time he backhands her, his knuckles slamming squarely into her teeth. And this time she cries out in pain. A trickle of blood leaks from the corner of her mouth.
“Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you,” Billy sneers. “Get us out there one at a time, pick us off one by one until we’re all just a bunch of fucking zombies and you got control of the whole fucking town.” He laughs maniacally. “You must think we’re pretty fucking stupid.”
Sunshine shakes her head vehemently, and once again her eyes meet Eddie’s. They’re vacant and filled with tears. And, for the barest instant, Eddie actually feels just the tiniest bit sorry for her.
“What are you looking at Eddie for?” Billy asks roughly. “You ain’t gonna get no help from him. He knows what kind of scum you are, don’t you Eddie?”
Hearing his name, Eddie tries to speak before he knows what he’s going to say, but his throat is parched and his lips are dry, and he just croaks. And then it registers: Billy is actually asking him how he feels about something. Right here in front of this chick, Billy is asking Eddie to agree with him. Eddie feels a swell of pride. Boy, Sunshine must think he’s hot shit now. His opinion is important to Billy Barton!
“Sure, Billy,” Eddie finally says with a swagger, although he’s not exactly sure of what he’s agreeing to. “Bet your ass.”
“So you can just go back to your funny farm and tell that asshole Nathan that he can’t get away with this shit,” Billy says. “Not here in Sturdivant. We’re on to you slimeballs. And if you don’t let Stevie go,” he continues, ominously, “we’ll just have to go out there and get him back ourselves, won’t we Eddie?”
“Yeah, sure we will, Billy,” Eddie agrees with a giggle, his ego soaring to new heights. “So you better do what Billy says,” he adds, with a bravado that he does not quite feel. Sunshine’s numb eyes stare back at him, showing little sign of comprehension.
Billy slowly rises to his feet. “Get up!” he barks. At the same time, he reaches down and yanks at the neckline of Sunshine’s T-shirt. Sunshine tries to scramble to her feet, but she seems to be too dazed to move quickly, and the front of her shirt rips. Finally, she’s able to get her feet under her, and she stands up, unsteady on her feet…
֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍ ֍
She’s not aware that her shirt is ripped until she realizes that they’re staring at her.
Following their gaze, she’s horrified to see that the front of her shirt has been torn almost completely in half. A ragged tear extends from her neckline to just a few inches above the bottom hem. Her white sports bra is clearly exposed. Instinctively, she grabs the jagged edges of the fabric and pulls them back over her chest.
Her eyes dart back and forth between their faces. She’s filled with a sudden loathing, a terrifying revulsion. It’s so intense, she actually feels queasy. She begins to chant her mantra – not out loud, just running it around inside her head, trying to establish the sympathetic vibrations that will bring this nightmare to an end.
She closes her eyes.
And so she doesn’t see Billy reach into his pocket and pull out the Leatherman with the sure-grip nylon handle and the locking three-inch steel blade, the compact hunting knife that he’s carried around in his pocket for three years in the hope that he might be able to use it on a special occasion.
Just like this.
2.3.5: Sturdivant
She hears the unmistakable metallic click as the blade locks into place.
Her mantra stops, all by itself. She feels as though her breath has stopped, too, as though time itself has ground to a halt. Her heart, on the other hand, begins to race loud
ly, furiously pumping waves of adrenalin through her body.
They’re going to kill me, she thinks. They’re going to stab me and leave me here to die in this field.
Well, I’m not afraid to die. Am I? I’m not supposed to be. Death is just another side of life…
But what if they cut me up, maim me, disfigure me, but leave me alive – could I learn to live with that?
But when she opens her eyes and sees the naked lust on Billy’s face, she understands that murder is not his intention.
“Maybe you better lie down again,” Billy says, softly, huskily, his words as cold as the steel blade he waves ominously in the air. “Maybe it’s not time for you to leave, not just yet.”
I should run, she thinks. If I turn and run right now, this instant, I might be able to get away. Neither one of them looks like they’re in real good shape, I could be out of here before they know it. Nathan teaches us that there is nothing dishonorable about walking away from trouble. Surely running away is in the same category. Maybe even better.
But what if they do catch me? What if they’re faster than they look? Or what if I trip or run into a tree or something? Maybe then they’ll use the knife for something more than just intimidation. Maybe it’s better to do what they want.
“Try it,” Billy says, reading her mind. “Go ahead, go for it. We’ll hunt you down like a fucking rabbit.”
“You can make love to me if you want to,” Sunshine says, softly, trying to stop her voice from shaking. “You don’t have to threaten me.” It’s all a matter of how you look at it. As Nathan teaches, you experience the world through your own web of perceptions. She will banish the word “rape” from her mind, and then she cannot be raped. She will, instead, allow them to make love to her.
Making love can never be bad, she thinks. Isn’t that what Nathan would say? And I’ve made love with people that I haven’t especially liked. Although, of course, never in a situation quite like this. It’s just another stop on the road, another experience on the path to enlightenment. They are providing me with an opportunity to grow. I should be grateful.
Transition Page 21